Honeycomb8

Every so often, I think back to you. I mean yes, it could be that you were the only guy I'd loved in the last 5 years, or could be that certain things i see or hear would bring me back to the past. OR it could be that for over 3 years I had loved you and for those 3 years they are years Ill never be able to get back. I sometimes wish that I didn't fall so hard for you. You taught me so much, but I really wish I could rewind to the days when you didn't exist. I could have given my love to someone that actually deserved it. We go through phases where we talk and then don't. I block u then unblock and we are friends then not. Rinse repeat, chaos personified. Even though I no longer have the same feelings and don't care for you as I did before, I still remember the intensity of how I felt at one stage. I really genuinely thought you were it. Even though I don't care now, the discrepancy of the now to what was still feels very weird and surreal. So this brings me to what I want to say. A week and a half ago, we were talking about something and your response to something I d said to you made me stop and think. I don't think I'll be able to talk to you ever again. Our weak attempts at friendship isn't going to work. I'd prefer to stay strangers. It's better this way.

Also the fact that you think I'd willing to be friends with someone as childish as you is quite frankly delusional. I know I had offered friendship when I ended things, but that was before you rammed your chaotic thoughts down my throat. I have too much self respect for that. You're passed early 30's for God sakes. Start acting your age, it's just sad and pathetic. Cya. Blocking ♡

Apologising really doesn't erase the things you said and alluded to. Please go away thanks.

B, I think I still have a soft spot for u.

I wonder if you ever feel guilty for what you did to me.

I thought about u just now and felt curious about you were. Not sure if unblocking u after nearly 4 months is the best idea. Buttttttt sometimes we do things we don't understand.

Merry Christmas B.

I miss you.

Yesterday, I had the best first date I've ever had.

The other day, I thought back to the last time we held each other and how you looked at me... I couldn't help but tear up. =/ "Too Good For Goodbyes" was playing that time we sat in my car talking for the last time. Now it plays constantly and every time I hear it on the radio I can't help but think of you. We talk so often these days, it really does make me miss you. I'm trying my best not to take anything from that.

Missudearlystilltryingtoletyougo.

I don't know about you, but just hearing your voice tonight made my heart happy. Talking for nearly two hrs made me realise I still have feelings for you. I woke up today thinking about you and I just miss you. Talk soon.

You have been on my mind a lot the last few days. I genuinely miss you. URGHHHHHH

I don't know why we talk more often now than we did in the last few weeks. Miss ya.

I will really miss you you know that? Now you're so far away.

I miss you already.

It was nice to see you today. Was pretty awkward but how can it not be. I don't know why you would want to catch up next week? It's still weird with us, cos we're both obviously holding back. You probably can tell I still get flustered around you.

I still have photos of the first dinner you cooked for me. That was the day something sparked in my heart. You know everytime I kissed you, it was so much more than just a sexual feeling; I felt my heart light up. We could have been something really special. Scratch that, you really started to mean something to me.

I still feel sensitive about everything. I really hate that I care.

I hope my feelings for you will shift soon. At the back of my mind, my feelings linger. Maybe the truth is, I did feel alittle bit of love for you. Maybe that's why it's been hard to let you go? I don't know. Either way it changes nothing. I miss you.

I don't know if I was attached to the future possibility of us or my feelings for you, but all I know is I do miss you, and I wish those circumstantial reasons didn't get in the way. It really makes me sad that you're going. I guess I will have to get over it somehow right. =(

Even though things ultimately went down the way it has, I really will miss you. I'm glad we got to spend some time together this week and I'm happy you're happy. Have a good time over there. Set the UK business world on fire, you deserve it.

B, it's slightly liberating to know that when I see msgs from you I feel nothing. When I see the selfies you send me, I feel nothing. When I see you in person I feel nothing. Stop clinging on to me, please let me go?

I really want us to work out. You know I really do have strong feelings for you. =/

I miss you.