Honeycomb8

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I'm not trying to be facetious here, but what disorder do you think someone would have who chooses to be in a relationship with a woman like you described here?

...Just being a simp? Lol 

OP she clearly in every way possible is screaming that she doesn't give a sht about you and never have. Don't know why you're still staying. That unfortunately says way too much about who you are yourself. 

Guess what they say about men loving crazy women that treat them like crap is really true in this instance lol. 

On 11/13/2021 at 11:21 AM, Capricorn3 said:

^ Now you know what it feels like. 

You haven't worked for over a year.  Make that your starting point.  Find a good job which pays well so that you can show a future partner that you can hold your own and show that you too, are ambitious.  Until you get your own life sorted out and earning good money, let this guy go. I don't think he'll be wanting to sign up for taking care of you at this point.

If she's unemployed she really shouldn't be demanding anything. Most people wouldn't want to date someone jobless, esp someone that only has cashier experience. She should def focus on building herself up. Everyone needs SOME source of income. 

The rich guys that don't care are looking for someone to fully control and there is no respect. 

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I guess it depends if the OP would be agreeable to a prenup and what state they'd live in.  Also children/ child support can affect, I guess, who lives in what home.

She needs to find her own way and depend on herself. Relying on someone to save her financially isn't the way to go. 

Unless she's stunning, then she can maybe hope for someone who will be reeled in by her looks.

6 hours ago, waffle said:

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming that the same things are important to men and women when looking for a partner.

Generally, men are looking for someone physically attractive and youthful.  Women care about status and resources.  Therefore, it's not at all unusual for a woman to think she has to have a better job/make more money to attract a successful man, and men assume they need to be better looking or have a better physique to attract a hot woman, because they think what is important to them is important to the opposite sex also.  Statistics simply do not bear this out.  Take a look at who gets the best-looking women--it's often the older, not necessarily attractive, but rich, men.  You don't see those moneyed men chasing after the older, rich widows, do you? (although the young, broke, unemployed men often will).  You also won't see exceptionally attractive young women focusing exclusively on attractive but broke men--maybe to look at, but not to partner with. 

If a man has enough money, his looks won't matter.  If a woman is hot enough, her job/finances won't matter.  Facts.

Not true. A lot of successful and accomplished men want someone they can respect; an equal in many ways. 

A pretty vase can only distract you for so long. I've dated some very well rounded men (accomplished, very attractive with lots of charisma and talent). They have pretty much all said intelligence is what gets them. They need they can admire, not just a sexual object to keep them entertained. 

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Lol people who live in apartments and rent certainly regard that apartment as their home. I grew up in an apartment. Lived in several later.  Live in one now with my husband and son. Never lived in a house and suburban life - other than lovely visits to friends and family - likely would involve me needing therapy to cope lol.never wanted more space either   For several reasons  - and yes we can afford tons more space  

I’ve never ever referred to our living situation as “apartment tenants” just like you don’t refer to your situation as “house dwellers”.  We have a home.  I grew up in a home.  Where I grew up was a co op my parents owned. my mother still does - bought in the 1960s.  She loves it. 
 

You’ve referenced this type of living situation in this seemingly inferior way and dismissively as if people who reside in apartments are merely tenants and don’t consider themselves to reside in a home and or to be raising a family in a home just like you or anyone who chooses to reside in a home they own rather than rent.

I guess people who still have a mortgage should call themselves “bank owned house dwellers?” 

You do you. You love your lifestyle and it works for you. People who choose to reside in an apartment in the city or in a suburb might wish to own a home or might be thrilled to live how and where they live.  There’s no reason to differentiate someone who does so as a mere “apartment tenant “ - it’s very often their home. What they call home.
 

Some tenants are just temporarily crashing while their home is built and some home owners are living in a house that is not at all their forever home or one that suits them.  

Please I respect that you think suburban life is heaven and perfect for you and your family.  I’m not labeling how you choose to live with dismissive or less than connotations. It sounds lovely and comfortable for you and for me would be nearly nightmarish for a number of reasons but I wouldn’t label your choice as negative at all  - it works for you and that’s all that matters  

And the OP wants to buy a home with someone who can afford it seems to basically buy it with his own money. I respect her dreams and goals too. Many people want to be taken care of financially and believe it’s their entitlement.  I’m entitled to choose to rent an apartment and call it home and my family’s home. I’m entitled not to feel entitled to be provided for financially unless I’m working by raising a child which is a financial contribution in kind.
 The legal definition of apartment tenant is no more relevant to this particular discussion than “house dwellers” would be to how you choose to live. We both live in homes with our families. 
I listed compatible values incompletely just as an example. Religious values being in tandem was essential to me too. I agree. 

A lot of people that buy a property would make sure they have only their names on the title and also have a relationship agreement/prenup in place so really...She won't be gaining anything. 

Time to move on. 

Heaps of people have ADD, it's really no big deal. 

Money is important but isn't everything. You should just focus on your own career and finances. 

My salary is quite above the national average and on the side, I own 3 businesses. I also have my own property, a really decent stock portfolio and hold bitcurrency.

I'm a 90's baby.

I've pretty much always dated good quality professional men but I started to realise career ambition and intelligence isn't the only thing that's important- someone that has a kind heart is just as crucial. It's really hard to find that. 

If you're just focused on money, don't bother meeting. 

Break up. Don't hang in limbo when he's already left emotionally. 

14 hours ago, tati said:

Yeah it's not that she's an ex. I like your point that I don't control who he's friends with, and I don't make him confront her. The thing is, she's not part of my life anymore except for the fact that I know they text often, even though it's about totally random and meaningless daily things. We never have to see her and he doesn't talk about her. I'm bothered by the idea of them being friends basically. I wonder if I would feel differently if he did confront her. Like, is that a good compromise? "I would like this to be something you address with her if you're going to be friends with her." Or if I should just tell him how I feel again and say I wish they weren't friends. I think he just has a problem with cutting people out. We're just different in that way. 

He is basically emotionally cheating on you with her. Why do you put up with it? He's not a victim, he chooses to put her first and disrespect you!! I would have been gone yesterday. 

I know it's hard because you love him, but you need to love yourself. Do it for your future and for your mental health. He is not it. This situation makes me mad and very sad for you. 

What are you doing? You're giving your bf way too much leeway. He is clearly emotionally attached to her, that's why he keeps in touch. Also, he knows what he's doing and keeping you as a secret suggests a lot. 

Break up with him -_-. 

My bf has ADHD and he doesn't say mean things like that. 

He's just being an arse.

He's either not interested or not ready, either way it's a no go. 

He cheated on someone for twenty years. What makes you think someone like that will do any better. That's his character and he will always be like this. I don't know what you were hoping for, but you have to work on your self esteem if this is something you actually feel attracted towards. He's literally bottom of the barrel scum. 

Also, it never ever pays to date someone who is recently out of a long term relationship. Even 4 months out of a 2 year relationship is risky. 

What he's doing is wrong and clearly you know that too. He's gaslighting you and disrespecting both you and your daughter. It's time to divorce him. 

39 minutes ago, Bloom565 said:

My family introduced me to my husband, they thought he was a really good guy and they were right. But there was no spark. I didn't feel that strongly for him. If he wasn't as wonderful as he is, I would've already left him but he truly loves me and I feel so bad that I can't love him the same way. I am trying so hard to do the right thing that at times I feel like abandoning everything and running off.

Then get a divorce-you can then do what you want. 

Contacting an ex with less than innocent intentions when you're married is wrong. 

You are clearly emotionally attached to someone else, I don't think staying in the marriage is a good idea.

He sounds like he has way too many issues, is evasive, doesn't communicate effectively or well and seems very immature. I thought he was 22! Not 33, ***. 

You can do so much better. 

Also I want to add a real man does not act like this. You deserve a real man, who won't leave you confused. He's a loser and won't change, be glad he's set you free. 

Your behaviour was TOO much and creepy. 

How long did you date for? A month max?

He shouldn't have mentioned marriage or kids (red flag) and you should stay single for a good year and work on yourself. The way you freaked out and your thought process just isn't healthy. It is scary and would scare anyone - if a guy did that to me I'd run far away. 

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Here's what your life is going to be like if you choose to stay with him:

You will grab his phone and go through it every chance you get.  You will scour his social media looking for "signs" he's cheating. You'll look at the profiles of every female he's friended to see if he comments or posts.  You'll make fake social media profiles and attempt to get him to add the fake profile so you can watch him. You'll check his car if he has one to see if anyone has been riding in it.  You may follow him when he leaves to go to "work" or wherever.  You'll ask people (his family and friends) questions about him.  You'll maybe even check his clothing (underwear) and his pockets to see if he's carrying condoms.  If you aren't still living together you'll do late night or early morning drive bys to see if someone's over.

How do I know all this?  Because I lived it.  Trust me, this is no way to live.  

I wanted to add to this. 

I've been cheated on by two guys I've loved before. 

The first cheated on me through the whole relationship and I didn't find out until the end (we were together for 18 months). I wanted to end things but he manipulated the situation and threatened suicide (-_-), me being young and naive bought it and gave him another chance. That whole month I was a wreck- I was paranoid as hell and considered getting a key logger software. I ended things when I realised I was becoming a version of myself that was so unlike me, I didn't want to be that anymore. 

The second guy was someone I had dated for around 3 years. Not sure if he ever physically cheated but he emotionally cheated on me with at least two females. He would also flirt a lot. I became paranoid, hurt and angry. I felt very inadequate, like it was me that did something to cause it. I kept on feeling the urge to check his phone and he would change his password. I looked in his FB messages and found things that didn't make me feel good. I hated how I was filled with resentment and I suppressed a lot of anger. Eventually we ended things based on other reasons. 

You know what both of these exes shared in common? Both were insecure and did things for validation. Both gaslit me to no end. No, cheaters that cheat don't change. It's a selfishness issue and a lack of empathy thing. They won't change, believe me. 

Your bf is still cheating and has never stopped. 

Fortunately the last few years, I have been with ppl that have been very loyal. Staying with a lying cheater eats at you relentlessly. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. 

I was emotionally unavailable before and when someone is in that state they can't love someone else. 

It's been over a year, that is more than enough time to tell someone you love them. Hell, some ppl get married after a year. 

Don't be a placeholder, you're just wasting your time. 

This guy doesn't respect or care about you. You don't trust him and rightly so. Without those three things, what's the point of developing a relationship further? 

Ooh congrats 😍.

Block block block block block. 

Move out. 

You can't help a parent if they refuse to remove themselves from the situation itself. 

Unless he cheated who cares? It's his past. Lots of guys and women have casual sex during periods of their life. No biggy.