FLWriter

Hi guys.. another very BAD day here. Spent all the day at home, just scrolling this website and do nothing else except from staying at my pc and thinking about her. I have the feeling I'm gonna break... I thought to upload a 1 hour video on Youtube where I explain to her all the reasons behind my past actions and then give her the link after 30 days... or I thought to follow one of those "getyourback" programme that you find online to re-starting text. Today I resisted, but I'm feeling like I am gettine weaker in these days. I still talk about her with all the people I'm talking during these days.. is not good at all. And I fail with all my purposes of yesterday. Not good. - write an article for a online newspaper I used to collaborate FAILED - have 4km running in the morning FAILED - start to study a new language (any suggestion?) FAILED - send at least 15 cv applications SUCCESS - read at least a chapter of a book (and try to enjoy it) FAILED - write to at least 5 people and focus on them, even if they don't care about me FAILED - spend 30 minutes playing the guitar I'm learning to FAILED - read the guide of the trip destination I will have on saturday FAILED - eat healthy FAILED - come back here and write about my day SUCCESS BUT FAILED I failed. Will I break?

I'm still thinking about what I have lost a lot of hours per day. My thoughts are still obsessive sometimes, but something is change. I'm losing her imagine, I am not struggling anymore about her qualities, but I have started to feel regret. Regret about what I miss, regret about what I did and how I throw away a beautiful relationship that we took 2 years to build before get together. I still have thoughts about my faults, which are objective and huge. However, I am starting to see even some bad points about her behavior which had not be so honest after all. Unfortunately, I still check her whatsapp profile yesterday and she changed her pic with the most beautiful pic ever, made me think that I will never be with a such beautiful woman in my life. I am struggling about think regarding anything else because, during the first period after my BU, I lost my job. Today I spent 4 hours looking for other jobs online and, doing this, I had success to break the obsessive mind. But the way, I am still far to get my interest back. I am starting to be aware of how I change badly in this period. I was a guy with a lot of interests: theatre, movies, literature, sports, couisine, musics, writing, journalism, arts. Where is that guy? Do I really want to spend my life like this? Just laying on the bed, checking websites of heartbreaks and nothing more? I admit is not easy because, after the BU, I realize that all my friendships were superficial. I used to contact a lot of people by myself when I was with her, not giving her attentions. And, now that she left me, and I did not write to people, no one wrote to me, and I'm often spending also my nights at home. Btw, I know that I have to work on myself, without needing anyone else. So I must write down a program schedule for tomorrow. Yes, I will use this thread to motivate myself. Tomorrow I will do 10 things. Here is the list: - write an article for a online newspaper I used to collaborate - have 4km running in the morning - start to study a new language (any suggestion?) - send at least 15 cv applications - read at least a chapter of a book (and try to enjoy it) - write to at least 5 people and focus on them, even if they don't care about me - spend 30 minutes playing the guitar I'm learning to - read the guide of the trip destination I will have on saturday - eat healthy - come back here and write about my day I hope I can do this.

You are the most beautiful woman I ever known... I don't even do how I did to make you fall in love with me... and I piss off everything because I did not left immediately my old gf with I did not even have sex. I am so stupid, I am so so so stupid, I will never forgive myself