minndawg

I personally think that you should fight for it. Support him in the decisions he makes. If I put myself in your man's place, I'd take that ultimatum offensively and jump at the chance to say that I'm not owned, I'm my own person as well. Like idontakre6203 said, follow your heart and your brain at the same time. Talk to him. Maybe he didn't mean to get the point accross that he was definitely choosing his career over you. Maybe he was, in an odd way, trying to get HIS point accross as well. Because that's what I probably would have jumped to, even though it's wrong to try to get a point accross like that. And yeah, about the marriage, were you harsh about it? Because if you were or gave no reason, I could understand how the guy's feelings might have turned cold. Then an ultimatum on top of that, I would have acted exactly the same as he did. Even though I agree with you about modeling. Anyways... I hope you fight for it and have a heart to heart. Good luck with everything though!

Is it my fault for what I did, I feel that it is my fault, but I don't think it is? Whether it's your fault or not... it all depends on perception. To you, she was sick but was acting alright and thought she was consenting. To her, she was totally drunk and helpless. In MY eyes, I do think it was wrong to even try doing stuff when a person's drunk. Should I still wait around to see if I have a chance with have chance with her? I don't think so. It seems to ME that you're more of a convenience, more of a friend, to her than anything. I think you should continue your life as you would normally and not put too much importance on the relationship, until she makes her mind. But don't wait around in pain and sorrow waiting for it... What can I do to make her forgive me? I think that your girl has some thinking to do. If you were a dick at times, show her that you've changed. Just because she goes out to get drunk at a party, you don't need to get mad unless she does something totally stupid. You're getting mad at the person she is for drinking. Will there be any chance for us? I think there's a strong chance, you two just need to have a heart to heart or something. Or your girl needs to come around and realize what she's POSSIBLY losing or giving up. Maybe she doesn't realize how great of a guy you are and is taking you for granted. Hell, I don't know, I don't live your relationship. But there's definitely miscommunication somewhere. Does she have someone else in mind? Is she picking between us 2, 3, 4, 0r 5? I have no idea what you mean here... you asking if she's trying to pick between different guys, including yourself and others? Who knows... you should have some kind of gut instinct, trust it. It sounds to me like she's toying with you, either that, or she honestly has no idea where she wants to go with this. Give her more time and live life for yourself in the meantime. What do you feel you should do? If there's plenty of other girls there for you to be with, do you REALLY want to be with her, or do you want to continue on to someone else? *These are my opinions, I could always be wrong....*

I also agree. I doubt there's anything wrong with you. I don't think it was the pants either. That's happened to me quite a few times and there's no erectile disfunctions here, lol! Maybe you're nervous or afraid, or maybe you're just living a stressful life. There are a lot of factors when it comes down to "it" you know... Don't worry about it. Once you and your girl get more comfortable, it'll be good, for hours=)

I don't know, it's just my opinion. It looks like you've been trampled on and she has no idea what she's doing to you. Either that, or she does know what she's doing to you and has no other way out. I read what you wrote and I was like, "shat..." If I was in your position, I'd start making some big moves to be on MY OWN. If she's going to do this to you, then she doesn't deserve you. Yeah, everyone messes up, especially when they're drunk. But if they feel no remorse, don't feel like they have to make it up to you, then something's wrong. She has a lot to make up to you and apparently she doesn't feel like it. I'd say let her go on her way and you do work on yourself in weening yourself off of her. That's just flat out disrespectful, what she did, and what she's doing to you. If she's talking with your friend more than she talks to you, something's up. Maybe they're talking about you or the relationship, who knows. I was kind of in the same situation, but I was on the wrong end. I feel totally sorry for what I put the girl through and I'd do anything to make it up to her, as a FRIEND, now that we're apart. It sounds like this girl feels no remorse what-so-ever. I think you need to move on. Be friends, it'd be a shame to lose a 2 year long friendship and more... I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, and still are, but put a stop to it one way or another...

I found myself in your EXACT situation... living together, not really feeling it at first, kinda falling out in the end... the girl was perfect in every way but I was the one that finally broke it off about a year ago. And to this day I wonder every single day if we were living together, would I be happy? Because soon after the break up I was ready to go crawling back but I didn't. If you have some kind of fear that you'll be missing out on this "perfect" girl even after you break the news to her... I don't know what to tell you... On one hand, keep her but you'll always have doubts and it'll always be on your mind. Break up and you might be missing out on a whole lot. I made my decision the hard way. Even though the conversation might be one of the most fearful things in your life, as it was mine, it's something that NEEDS to be done. Explain everything to her, it's the only way. Maybe she'll agree to give you some time and room to date other people. If she happens to date others, then that's that and if you come back together, then you come back together. My suggestion would be to have that "talk" with her and lay your cards out. Then where you go from there depends on how she takes the talk. When I had the "talk" with my ex, I kinda started it out wrong and she slapped me a few times, lol! So think your words carefully. But honesty seriously is the key...... instead of stressing over it, tell all, and everything will come to you. I feel for ya man, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation though. Let me know what happens, I'm curious...

Oh, wow, quite a situation you got there... If I would put myself in your shoes, and if I felt like I had a gut feeling that she did like me, I'd go for the gold, hehe, if you know what I mean. If her father is a pastor, maybe you should get his approval first. I don't know, it all depends on whether you want to be traditional or respectful or not. But if it was me, I'd break it all down in one night full of romance. Do you two ever kick it together? If so, maybe surprise her one night with a horse & carriage ride downtown to the fancy restaurant. And during that carriage ride, confess to her=) lol, that might be overdoing it... but you get the point. If you're thinking that she might be the one, then go for it. Even if you get let down, at least you know that you gave it a try. Then you won't have any "what if's" and stuff like that. Never let an opportunity pass even if there's a chance of rejection or a loss... you'll just end up regretting it later on in life. Decide how you would like to "woo" her and I say go for it! Sweep her off her feet=) hell, if you two have the same careers in mind then maybe while in the relationship you two can work out plans to go to the same place=)

Thanks again, swingfox=) I know that she has confidence in me, she's told me. She told me that out of all of the friends she has, even though I'm just an "online friend" so far, I'm the type of guy she can trust. But those are just words... You know, you're right about the back-burner thing. She had no idea that I felt this way so I can't blame her. By holding that in my mind I kind of withdrew myself from her. Now I know I was wrong. So, what you're saying is that I should just continue to be a good friend as one really should be, and just give her time. Wait until the time's right, then tell her about my feelings?

Very good advice and words of wisdom everyone. Thank you=) And no, no kids here, just turned 21. So I guess I'm at that age when girl are just starting to see things clearly, possibly.

We've never met, we've never talked in person or on the phone, and I'm honestly not sure if she has any clue that I like her or not. Should I confess, in some way, to her?

Why do girls say they want a "nice" guy yet go for the jerks? I know they go for the jerks for either the challenge, the drama, for the hardships, or for pure animal instinct (the most MALE of the males), or possibly more. Yet they say that they want a "nice" guy. Nice guys are all around and all the ones I've known, talked to, or gotten to know, we've all been dissed or dismissed (corny). Can anyone shed light on the subject?

Here's the story, probably a long one. For about 2 years now, this girl and I have been talking online. In the very beginning we totally sparked. Unfortunately, at the time, I was with someone and I'm a VERY loyal boyfriend. This girl, Candy, she had a thing for me, really bad. She really liked me, but I was taken so we just stayed friend. We actually lived about 30 minutes away from each other. Then after my ex and I broke up, Candy and I were thinking about meeting up. Unfortunately, I was offered a raise and a promotion for my job, but in a different state. For the sake of my future, I chose the job and moved away. Again, for that stretch of time, Candy and I stayed in touch and because close friends, ALL online, though. Then, about 3 months ago when we were talking, I let the news slip that I'm back in Oregon. We started talking about where each other lives for some reason and we found out that we literally live like 5 minutes away from each other! I've always liked this girl from the start but I know better... we have fun together, we talk all the time, our personalities totally compliment each other, we have a lot, A LOT, in common... and we totally hit it off online. I've shown her that I'm a good and "sweet and chivalrous" guy, as she says, and she's shown me just how good of a girl she is. True friendship, I guess... But recently we've been talking more and more and more and more, talking to the point where we both stay up until 3AM in the morning, just to chat with each other because we make each other laugh so much. I go home from a hard day at work looking forward to chatting with her=) I figured that since we live so close and I know where she works, I'll be chivalrous, like always. Before just walking in and meeting her at work, I figured I'd get her phone number. Of course I'd want to gain her trust on a more personal basis, since we only know each other online. She was expecting me to go meet up with her at work. But guess what... that night I was supposed to go meet her at work, her OTHER infatuation popped in the picture. She totally melted. They went out on one date and I felt really crushed. I felt like I was put on the back burner, but continued on working on my business and jobs. But that thing with the other guy, he ended up wanting a one night stand with her, and she's a good girl, she's not like that, now she wants nothing to do with him. So, basically, we've had this ongoing friendship and each of us has felt something more for the other person. But I have no idea how to proceed. I can't just go in to her work and spit game or anything... how should I proceed? I'm really romantic and chivalrous, I like to earn a girl and treat her like a princess, not just win her over. Any suggestions? Then again, I was put on the back burner, who knows if she would do this again in the future. Should I just continue on and keep my eye open for another girl? ahhh, sorry, I can talk on and on and on about her forever. Tell me what you think please! I'm lost and I'm extremely shy!

In my personal belief... if you're going to dedicate time and effort and strife into a relationship, you better be investing in something that will at least last for a while... i.e. friendhship. Who better to be a friend than one of the people you loved or that loved you. I understand how you would feel, not wanting to talk for a while, she needs to give you room, afterall, she dropped the bomb, not you. Maybe she's afraid of being alone. Maybe she's not used to being without you. Maybe she's not used to the thought of actually being single and all the opportunities/consequences, who knows... Just don't turn sour or irritated with her. That would be a total waste of what... 11 months you said? Right, DNS, let her call you and remain friends. Continue with life and live for yourself and she'll see all that she missed out on. She took a gamble and remember, it's her loss. The game's in your court, now, whether you would ever want her back or not. Just show her how life goes on=) I was actually on the dishing side, I dropped the bomb in exactly the same situation. Then after about a week or two without the girl that i just dumped, all I wanted to do was go crawling back on my knees to her, begging and crying. But I didn't... So maybe your ex is feeling the same way that I did. Hell, that girl that I dumped, she just got her BA and is on her way to get her PhD, lol! And I'm just a computer tech support guy... so I'm seeing what I'm missing out by not being with her...

I agree with the above reply. But sometimes a long talk just won't cut it, especially with the insecure guys. I used to be the same way years ago and what it took ME to come around and actually TRUST my girlfriend that she wasn't cheating on me was time and commitment. Her brining me along on these outtings, introducing to the friends that she was kicking it with, that helped out a lot. I just think that your boy's got some security issues. Give him comfort and keep telling him that he's the only one for you, and that you would never cheat. It'll take a million times of saying this, but that's what works. Unless of course you do NOT want to say those things... Just build up your man's confidence in you. It's not that he doesn't trust you, he doesn't believe in himself enough to think that you'll stay with him. I could be wrong, that's just speaking from personal experience.