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joe89

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Everything posted by joe89

  1. joe89

    Deceit

    Some of these messages are bringing tears to my eyes. I am in bits but know the muddy waters will clear. I just felt she was the one at the age I am at. We had views places to live to rent recently. That's how close we were to living together. She was pushing for it more than me as much as she could. She really wanted it. She had thought I was the one. Would it be wise to block her? We have ended on good terms. A possibility at rekindling and restarting again. But a reality that we havent worked. The love is there from both of us. The realisation that we have different things to work on ourselves. She is in medication now for the depression and recommenced counselling. I plan to work on myself. I dont plan to wait for her or to be fed breadcrumbs as I have seen this happen before.
  2. joe89

    Deceit

    Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate anyone taking the time to write something. I agree with the points. Sometimes I can put other people down if there is an issue i have with them. Our similarities are rare. We share different hobbies. Different outlooks... she spends spends I would save to buy a house. I see this in her family, it's all flash new cars etc...an image. I am not into material things. We had similar dreams. And it hurts to think these dreams wont come true. I am having a terrible mix of emotions now.
  3. joe89

    Deceit

    Yes perhaps. Maybe I put up with these things because she was stunning and she was kind a lot of the time. I wanted to build my future around her... She told me months ago when she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety that she will always have it. And that I may not be able to handle it. I'm heartbroken that's it's all fallen apart.
  4. joe89

    Deceit

    I would be reluctant to wait and keep contact for 2 or 3 months for her to say to me why did you wait.. I plan on no contact. And trying to sleep to some extent my head is frazzled.
  5. joe89

    Deceit

    Reluctantly apologised. I had to ask her. The always left her phone around me. Something I never do. I knew her pin as she gave it to me always handed me her phone if I wanted to look up something or pick a song in the car. Same with her laptop. Never hid those. 2 weeks ago she gave me her Instagram account details out of nowhere as she wanted me to correspond with a person she was buying tickets off for a concert. Again I personally wouldnt do that for any reason really. She constantly treated me to things. Well that was mutual. She was so kind to me. She also told me yestersy when all these lies were coming out she never lost physical attraction for me and still hasn't. That this relationship is toxic. And she needs to fix herself. That I cannot fix her. And suggested I seek help for aggressive issues I have. She said she would get a number for me. And to support each other
  6. joe89

    Deceit

    I suppose I wouldnt allow myself to be pushed around. I would never lay a finger on anyone. I would get angry ie smoking or other things, sometimes the she is treated by a family member of hers I would get very annoyed and almost force my opinion. One evening a few months she did hit me. Which really upset me. On a night out a few weeks back. My malw friend and I were talking and my gf lambasted me after. Ignored me then for half an hour said I was talking about girls. Which we weren't. Later she spoke to a random guy who came up to her. I said nothing. I wasnt jealous. I tried to explain this to her...one rule for me one rule for her.. I loved her so much I'd never think to look at another person. She apologised after saying she would not like it if I did it.
  7. joe89

    Deceit

    Yes. I can make a lot of decisions. Before I have been controlling but in this relationship not so much. When I discovered she was smoking I was dismayed . I told her she should stop. After a week I realised I cant stop her. And I joked about her smoking. I have matured a lot from past relationships . Yes I can be aggressive in arguments.
  8. joe89

    Deceit

    I am 31. She is 26 going on 27 soon. I have some good close friends and family that I have contacted already and talking is helping. One has said run for the hills! I dont see the girl that I thought I knew anymore. It's a different person.
  9. joe89

    Deceit

    Thanks so much for the advice. Her looks, kindness and love. She craves love. I have never seen anything like it. She has had abandonment issues as a child. She was neglected to an extent in a family, the middle child. This has come up in her counselling sessions. They have majority been about childhood traumas. I have not asked many questions as she doesnt want to re hash her sessions. Our last point of contact she told me she is scared and lonely. She has never been alone in 9 Years. Either has had boyfriends or people onto her. She says we may not be compatible. She holds out a bit of hope for a future together. If we both change our ways for ourselves. She wants me to be happy. Whether it's with her or not. I've asked her about the future and she says I may move on myself. She doesnt know what will happen but reiterates we would have to change our ways to work. As I said she doesnt want to cut contact. She calls me her best friend. And mentioned us getting through this together bu keeping contact but separately. I'm afraid if I keep contact she will more or less use me. She says she is very upset now but it has to be done.
  10. joe89

    Deceit

    She admits to being wrong now and lying. She tells me I dont deserve it but she finds it hard when I argue with her. I see it as standing up for myself, not being a doormat. She sees it as controlling. I will not be contacting her in the near future. She has turned my world upside down. She has said she doesn't know what will happen that she still loves me and is a mess right now. She needs to love herself. She feels alone and scared. I blame myself a bit for not understanding her depression more. I have been told she is delicate and fragile. Yet what I have seen of her the past few months is aggressive and strong to me. She has been bullied as a teenager and I have been told by her brother she has had aggression issues. Again all these things were spoofed to me as I for to know her. I'm devastated. I am focusing so much on her cheating in prior relationships more than anything. Should I be? She always claimed cheating would be the most horrible thing ever. And said she felt so ashamed after it. Love is most definitely blind.
  11. Hi guys, I am a 31 M that is recently broken up with a 27 F after a 2 year relationship. It started off amazingly as all things do and we did so much together. We were different in our interests but similar in our desires to settle down and build a life for each other after a few months. We saved money to build our future and constantly talk about kids etc After a year and a bit things took a dip. We argued a bit. Her saying I was controlling and her showing an aggressive streak. Two trips away were almost ruined and I could not recognise the person before me. 6 months ago she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She had increased her studies and a lot of stress built up. She had a lot of low days where I stood by here and held her as she cried. She began counselling and was put on anti depressants. She queried people I became friends with at work from the opposite sex in my new job and became jealous. She had been horrible to me at stages but I loved her so much I blamed the depression. Her aggressiveness increased with name calling over the last few months. Then she would shower me with affection. I thought to leave months ago but I wanted to stand by her. I even mentioned to her mother should I leave and give her time. Anyway we went out. We planned to move in together and were actively looking for an apartment. We rented separately and it was awkward seeing each other at times. We needed out own space and planned to purchase a house in the next year or so. Aftee a wonderful trip 1 month ago where we created such amazing memories and got on so well the issues recommenced. I discovered she smokes. Something she said was a new habit and hid from me. I detest smoking and she would say she would stop. And then smoke when I wasnt around but I could smell it off her clothes. This really upset me that she lied. We broke up 2 days ago. Her citing she needed to love herself before she could live anyone and our relationship was toxic. She told me things I never knew before. She had smoked for the 2 years we were together. Something she had denied multiple times. She had taken out a credit card 1 year ago after we discussed the cons of it and we agrees it was a poor idea and that we should cut back on savings. She always said she never had a credit card and then admitted she had one for 3 months after lying to me continually. When we met she said she was single 2 months. However she has just told me that she broke up with her bf the day after the night I first met her. (We exchanged numbers only) and dated the following week. And finally she has admitted to be unfaithful in her last 2 relationships. Which has me shocked. I cant eat or sleep thinking about this. She says she is still attracted to me and never cheated on.me. she has never lost attraction for me physically. She says she I more mature now. She is a very attractive girl and would get attention easily. I am shocked after 2 years I feel like I dont know this person. I am sick because I built my future around her. I have not slept in 2 days and barely ate. She wants to continue as friends as she seeks help to love herself and asks me to get some help for my attitude stringent ways which she says can be controlling. I feel I cant continue as friends. I feel so betrayed. How could I trust someone like this.... I feel I've wasted 2 years. All my friends are settling down engaged married buying houses and I felt this was the one. I dont even know what to tell people. I am almost embarrassed. Any advice is welcome please. Had anyone been in a similar situation?
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