Jump to content


Platinum Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Days Won


Everything posted by figureitout23

  1. You’re going to domestic violence classes but you can’t figure out what to do? I.....I can’t....
  2. Him being on Facebook dating doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘moved on’, no one knows what’s in his head but him. He could be hurting and attempting to rebound. He could have checked out long ago and finally but the bullet. You said in your other post he said he didn’t see a future with you. I hate to say this but that could be an indication that he’s not as broken up about things as you are. In the grand scheme of things a year isn’t that drastically long. With that being said, he could be attempting to work through his confusion, and figure out his true feelings. There’s a huge variety of emotions he could be feeling right now. It’s best to try to heal. Go NC, no more light conversations. He can’t miss you and realize what he’s missing if you’re always there it just makes moving on easier if he’s got a soft spot to land, plus it hurt you. Cut the cord. Mourn the relationship. I’m sorry this is happening breakups suck.
  3. I’m staring to think there isn’t one. He wrote a year ago he met his ex wife for coffee and found closure. I can’t quote the other post causes it got closed. In this post he states he hasn’t spoke to her in 2 years. In another post he mentions he makes twice her salary as a Dr., lives in Hollywood, and hob-knobs with celebrities. In another post he states he has PTSD because she pulled a knife on him. And it seems in nearly every post since 2004 he’s been trying to reconcile with one ex after another. There’s a whole lot going on here.
  4. This! And What Gary said, how does she know? You must relay this information. Why? I love how you’ve been in an unrealistic LDR for 4 years and she’s the one who’s unhinged. The fact that you’d even have to ask, ‘should my girlfriend be making such a request?’ Come on man, 4 years? You’re making her a prisoner just as much as she’s making you one. Let her go.
  5. Strange to remember you argued but not what about...not even a general idea? You seem to vividly remember many other details. Anyway. It’s admirable you want to show compassion but you’re essentially forcing yourself into someone’s life who is making it clear she doesn’t want you around. You’re describing her as a terrible miserable woman. But the thing is you’re her ex of many many many years now at this point so you don’t really know her, you just know how she treats you. I’m not overly friendly to people I don’t care for. I’m cordial to my ex husband simply because we have a child. If we didn’t I can’t say I’d stop if I saw him stranded on the road. Your ‘selfless’ explanations of your actions are nothing but excuses. Surely you know many of us are full aware of your previous posts. Come on man. When are you going to seek help?
  6. I see. That’s good! Why do you think you still desire friendship after all this time? What was said during your last convo?
  7. How does your new wife who was also an ex feel about all of this? I’d assume offput Or does she even know?
  8. Yep. If I tell you I suffocate men in their sleep would you be like ‘oh my gawd, youre so honest! Let’s go take a nap!’ Of course not right? It’s not much different here, her confession, at its core, hell even on the surface, while honest isn’t ‘good’ simply because it’s the truth. She’s revealing a negative, a non starter, a do not pass go do not collect $200. She’s handing you a blade and you grabbed it fully and willingly, shredding yourself. You let go, now go put a bandage on don’t go grab the blade again...
  9. To kinda build on what TWT is saying. This is their dynamic. OPer describes her boyfriend as a white knight type, her words, she feels she need to prove herself to him, putting them in a parent child dynamic No judgement whatsoever. If it works for them, it works for them. For whatever reason, in my humble opinion, every now and then she seems to choose to try to fit this relationship into normal parameters which it’s not. I’ve already said, logic tells me the situation did not go down as she described. Sorry, this is a poster who stated all women are catty and competitive, if you’re on the defense everything appears as an attack. But it is quite possible she was being flirty, absolutely. So in comes the argument: well he should have defended my honor. That’s the problem with having a relationship where their issues kinda yin yang one another. He’s the caretaker, he needs to feel needed, the ego boost Is it just me or does anyone else imagine a guy who is in a relationship where his partner pretty much worships him, would like attention from women? So realistically this type of man, is being who he is and has always been, right? He’s going to be her white knight, but white knights typically need to feel needed and desired, they crave that ego boost so of course he would see no issue with the flirting, this is a man who sees no issue having a girlfriend who is his own personal congregation of worshippers. On the flip side, she wrote a whole a** post about his coworkers and in a nutshell explained why she felt threatened by them/ insecure around them. Again is it that far fetched to think a woman with admitted low self esteem, would feel threatened by well any woman in close proximity to her boyfriend? So Knowing their dynamic again based on her words, OF COURSE, this happened.. I’m not a betting woman but I’d bet a shiny nickel a variation of this argument will live on on various forms because that’s what happens when broken seeks broken. You get a broken relationship. You can’t willingly get into a broken relationship with your eyes wide open and then cry foul when it doesn’t have a story book ending. Being in a relationship is a choice. Mental health can be diagnosed and delved into. If you choose the relationship as a coping mechanism well... accept your limitations for Pete’s sake...
  10. Kinda the point I was trying to make to blue After being so adamant they start fresh and him following these rules she goes and breaks them, not by accident but purposefully. Dragging their past back into the light, ripping the freshly healed scab off.
  11. While I’m not all that well versed on her previous post, outside of the word abuse being use a whole lot, I think you might be considering the thought process of a grown adult and placing it on this 20 something where her relationship maturity threshold simply isn’t quite there yet. I actually think what she’s saying is what she’s truly thinking and truly upset about because as other have stated this is what toxic 20 something relationships are about, think back to your relationships then. We’re you not hypocritical? A but illogical, ran by your emotions? It’s the same here. She’s got a whole 20 page post calling the guy abusive, is his post about thinking of cheating really that out of the spectrum?
  12. Yes, you do have to give her that, she was honest with you. At the end you made the absolute best decision, bravo but as blue stated, next time try to see the red flags before ‘seeing where things go’ even happens. It’s just more emotionally safe. Her telling you honestly she wasn’t over her ex was nothing short of your cue to exit. Knowing where to draw your boundary lines can sometimes be a bit hard, I know it is for me, but in the end you made the right choice.
  13. Billie this isn’t a court of law and she isn’t being accused of running a red light. Defend herself against what? Her own words? That’s what she and I mean no disrespect you to an extent I suppose seem to be missing, everything being said to her, ARE HER OWN WORDS. There’s no need to ‘defend’ your words. Explain and expand sure, but defend? Is that not fully admitting you’re wrong but want to be coddled anyway? An equivalent to what you’re saying would be: “ well yeah I ran the red light 6 times but what does that have to do with the ticket you’re giving me” Posters create multiple accounts for this exact reason, they don’t want responders to have the full picture. Had we not known anything about her prior posts of course everyone’s advice would be different. Context always matters. She’s a grown adult who refuses to face her demons, she’s going to keep going in circles until she decides she’s done, this situation? Not unlike her other situations, that’s not coming from judgement it’s coming from acknowledging her own words. If I’m an alcoholic and I don’t tell you and I ask you to convince me to drink you would no question right? What if you knew I was? Would you then? Again context matters
  14. Of all the things that scream depressed 1 hour naps every day aren’t setting any alarm bells. I agree, let your mom live her life
  15. It’s understandable to feel stuck. 3 years is a very long time, many couples move in or are considering marriage in the same time frame you two were simply meeting, let that sink in. It’s hard to say if he’s overreacting on one end I agree with everyone that he has no right to rush you to do anything you aren’t comfortable, on the other end playing to fly down after 3 years just to be pushed away probably wouldn’t feel too good so again hard to say. I suppose you’re going to have to dig deep and be honest with yourself, we’re you pushing him away? If so we’ll his feelings are justified. Give it some time, let things cool off, then apologize, it’s up to him whether or not he wants to accept, you can’t force it only hope for the best. Good luck
  16. I realize you don’t think I have the best intentions with what I’m typing but I wish you no harm, I promise I dont. I just have a hard time ignoring what’s in my face. I’m stating don’t give into your demons, how is that ill intended? That’s actually an honest question. Im coming from a place of logic whereas you seem to be coming from a place of emotion so that may be why I’m coming off cold. Yes I realize you don’t want your past posts brought up but again it’s hard not to, this is a codependent relationship, you are the broken girl, he is the white night. Whatever happened with that girl for whatever reason your rose tinted glasses got knocked off. That could be a good thing, I don’t think it was healthy to have put him on such a high pedestal. Look your relationship with him is far from healthy and you keep attempting to put it into normal parameters when it suits you, that’s not how all this works, you have to accept your limitations, his limitations, or don’t be in the relationship. I said the same thing last post, accept the relationship for what it is. It’s not a fairy tale it’s a situation that suits both your dysfunctions. He’s not going to see that night how you did, you can either accept that or choose to walk away. But again, you can’t keep pretending this isn’t what it is, and you can’t keep pretending your issues aren’t hindering you or your ability to have a healthy relationship.
  17. But how can one advise you without looking at the whole picture? That’s like asking us to solve a puzzle without the box to know what we’re putting together. Even so. Again you straight up said you leave men who disrespect you. You said you feel disrespected, others agreed. Is that not your answer?
  18. False. I was empathetic of you and gave you advice on multiple other threads of yours, multiple. Eventually we just gotta call a spade a spade. The tone of my post is because I find it harmful for you to indulge your demons. You’ve been told that, you’ve been advised it’s not the best idea to move in with him, to seek counseling, you push it all away, is that not rude? To combat all advice that isn’t what you want to hear yet continuously come back for us to soothe you? I don’t know I find that plenty rude. You aren’t going to convince me your take is 100% how it all went down, I’m sorry like I said, logic would tell me otherwise based on what you told us here, but I will humor you: Everything you said is true, your boyfriend disrespected you. No ifs buts or coconuts, on top of it he’s lying straight to your face. Again you state you’ve left when this happened before so you’re leaving now too right? Or do you need validation? Do you need to be told he’s a horrible no good very bad man so you can take him off the pedestal you chose to put him on? You’re clear he disrespected you, look at your response to me, you know it as fact, you also stated you walk away.... so walk away....what else is there? Again I’m not stating any of this as disrespect. You keep doing the same thing expecting different results Social anxiety so bad you’re afraid to socialize is not something to pretend isn’t bad...
  19. The crazy thing is I’d say what I typed to your face, you can’t do that due to your social anxiety. I’m not saying that to be insulting but rather a fact you admit to, issues you admit to, so nothing I stated is made up. You do not feel good enough for your boyfriend. It doesn’t take an Einstein to realize you’d be threatened by any woman around him. In fact if you said you weren’t I’d say you were lying. So I’m sorry, taking all the facts you’ve given, I think it’s only logical to take your view of the night with a grain of salt. I’m not disrespecting you, you’re disrespecting yourself and quite frankly the posters who took their time to give you advice before this, which you used only to soothe your anxiety knowing full well you had no intentions of changing anything. You leave men who disrespect you? Then leave. Again I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, don’t come for me when you gave the facts to begin with.
  20. Can everyone remember who the OPer is? Just take a look at past posts refresh your memories.. Ok y’all back? Great! The OPer knows full well what type of relationship she’s in, she knows how deep her insecurities go and how codependent she is with her boyfriend. She isn’t presenting this under the lens of normalcy. Their relationship is far from normal but it works for them, advising her she’s right to allow her anxiety to run the show is a hinderance to her because until she makes the adult decision to handle her sh*t, this is her life and it’s best to not feed into any of it. She chooses to live this way, this whole song and dance asking for advice on this site, all part of the merry go round. /rant.
  21. You couldn’t have seriously thought making him promise you he wouldn’t drink anymore would work. If all this was truly in his power, I doubt he’d willingly lose his job. You’re codependent and a bit of a martyr, not a ‘caring person’ believe it or not the reason you don’t want to leave isn’t mercy, it’s because you ‘need’ him just as much as he ‘needs’ you. You’re textbook. I agree with the above poster, go to alanon read up on codependency and stop telling yourself you’re doing this for any other reason but your own demons. Good luck.
  • Create New...