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figureitout23

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Everything posted by figureitout23

  1. Sounds manipulative. If he hadnt done that I'd say this was all on you because when you told him how you felt he was honest. But dropping that crumb, ummm ew. Don’t fall for it.
  2. Ahhhh, rumination. Don’t let these thoughts pull you down. Whatever has happened between the two of you is over and done, mistakes were made on both sides and that’s ok, that’s what happens in relationships. Learn what you can from it to develop your own standards. It doesn’t matter what my rules are. Look within and create your own.
  3. This. You’re presenting a broad question to something that is very personal and I’m assuming something you’re personally dealing with. You’re giving us half the story in an attempt to sooth your anxiety but all that’s doing is putting a bandaids on a gaping wound. Every person is different, every situation is different. Me personally, I’ve been married, I’ve gone through childbirth, I’ve loved, been loved and am loved. So I have no ticking clock. So my answer may be very different from as blue put it your truth.
  4. So I realize I’m not Cherylyn but I’m curious what your counselor says about these work issues? I must say, for you to express your wanting to change, this post kinda feeds into the whole need for validation, soothing, and comforting. Which, hey, we all need it from time to time, myself included so I get the desire, I just don’t get the drive to seek it out while also stating you want it to change? Wouldn’t the first step be to not seek those things out? Especially if it’s on top of the counseling you’re receiving? Again I’m not knocking you seeking advise, I’m against the self diagnosis thing as well as labeling others, but again seeking reassurance and advise, totally relatable, BUT if your goal is to change it because you sense it’s becoming an issue... I’m confused. I hope you clarify. FWIW, to me it seems you’re internalizing others actions and taking them personally.
  5. To me, what you’re describing isn’t narcissism but rather low self esteem and emotional damage, but I’m no therapist so take what I say with a grain of salt, don’t label yourself or anyone with a serious mental illness without having a proper diagnosis.
  6. Very well said Bat and some questions that may help the OPer very much in delving into her feelings about all this. Too bad she probably won’t be back for another month... I hope she at least gave it a read, since it was very helpful.
  7. It’s about once a month that these feeling seem to consume you enough that you feel you need support. Ok. Let’s own that. You aren’t actively doing anything to change the trajectory of your relationship dynamic or your feelings. Ok. Let’s own that. Look I’m not going to sit here and lie, I’m still feeling some type of way about you snapping at some of us for pointing this core issue out a few months back with the whole coworker fiasco, but it is what it is, at this point to pretend the elephant in the room isn’t suffocating you would just be silly. Reassurance is a temporary fix as you I’m sure are starting to realize. If you want to continue on this road of monthly reassurances, it is your life. But own it. And recognize the limitations. The power of these hits of reassurance become less and less potent with time. This dynamic isn’t sustainable if you aren’t happy, and perpetual insecurity isn’t happiness and who knows maybe it was always there and this relationship brought it to the surface, until you face the core issue here, you are chipping away at yourself
  8. I don’t know if you’re responding to me, I deleted my posts cause I thought it was the same guy but I was mistaken and it was others. FWIW, I’ve been there too. Latched onto the first broken man who would have me. Abused, whole 9. You are NOT alone. But this is about you not him. Not that you’re ‘stupid’ or ‘naive’ but possibly have some things to work through before you are ready to date. As for your question. Just tell them it was a big mistake and this is for the best. You aren’t the first and you most certainly won’t be the last person to have a short marriage Sure there will be the busy bodies who judge but the people who love you will simply be happy you got out of a bad situation.
  9. First of all I’m so so sorry this has happened to you. Second, you need to see a Dr. if there is anyway possible. If you do indeed have genital herpes untreated things can get worse. Are you still together now? Is there anywhere safe you can go?
  10. What an awesome update! Very happy for you, keep it up.
  11. Danget! I missed the show while I was making my popcorn! 🤬
  12. Good for you for blocking. Hopefully it will stay that way. It won’t be easy, but if you’re serious about all this, you are fully capable of breaking free. I wish you luck and I hope you really are giving counseling serious consideration.
  13. You went on Holiday with him... after asking for advise on how not to go because you couldn't because of your schooling and were abused and broken up and you received a lot of excellent advice on how to handle it. Im sure Im going to sound like an absolute a*hole since youre pulling the abused card and portraying yourself more delicate than fine china, but I cant just sit here and pretend you didn't go against your own best interest, I mean you clearly are still quite wrapped up in him and all this... Dancing Fool is right you seem quite addicted and only you have the power to stop treating yourself like you'll break and the slightest jostle. You have to get away from this guy and begin to build yourself back up, please, lean on your family and seek counseling, and one things for sure dont keep blowing smoke up everyones butts acting like you see the light when you simply keep exposing yourself to him.
  14. I want you to read your original post. You were told by some of the responders you were in the denial stage but you convinced yourself you’d ‘feel better’ if you reached out. By reaching out you simply continued to pick and poke at your scab instead of allowing it to heal. Your moments of openness weren’t genuine I’m sorry to say. They were very much Hail Marys, you believed if you just kept at it eventually he’d see things your way, even the text was a manipulation, I’m not saying that as a negative, I doubt think you were being nefarious, you were simply not being sincere with yourself, you never allowed yourself to give up hope because you’ve been stuck in the denial stage. Hopefully you can now begin to truly heal. He isn’t being cold. He’s not the guy you fell in love with because that’s no longer his role. You are slowly starting to see him in a different light, keep going!
  15. To be fair Butterfly, you havent been exactly kind to everyone taking the time to respond yourself. Im going to level with you, 'unique' names is the fad now, so to be quite frank youre no different than millions of other pregnant women right now, sorry, but its true, as others pointed out you dont see children named John or Paul, instead its Makynzie and lulumaroo, please do yourself a favor and google this subject, there are satire sites dedicated to making fun of people who think they're being so 'different' giving their kids off the wall names. Im not saying that in an attempt to discourage your wants and dreams for you child, rather I'm pointing out the fact that things change, fads come and go, I remember years ago my sister wanted to name her child a boys name, and I begged and begged for her not to do it, now look, its hip to give girls boys names, its whats trendy at the time. No one today would dream of naming their kid 'Heather' for example, but man there were 3 in every class i had growing up your childs name should come from the heart, something you and your husband want and desire, if thats Merlin, then thats his/her name and thats ok, but if youre doing it to be 'unique' well again that in itself is the current fad.
  16. I find it fascinating how easily this seems to be solved. I’m going to take a more realistic approach because well let’s be honest, if you could just you know stop being insecure and self critical I’m sure you would... I’m sure literally everyone would, I doubt there would ever be an insecure person in existence if it were that easy to you know just not be...lol... sheesh... Sarcasm aside. See someone, start with a Dr. they may suggest counseling or medication. You may need to dig into past relationships, friendships, your childhood who knows, I certainly don’t based on the few posts you’ve written, all I know is you have a crush on your boss. This isn’t going to be an easy fix, but you can make steps to begin your journey, I think it will be worth it. Good luck!
  17. Well said Car. And while I’m not a therapist I have been to them and he’s right they don’t laser focus on facts that lead no where. In the grand scheme of things, again that’s not even a main factor. She’s verbally abusing him. So it’s going both ways btw... neither is ok, one is being ignored. The biggest thing being ignored right now to me is the children. Screw their dysfunction, they’re adults they can decided for themselves, the kids can’t.
  18. I’m still under the impression she is as willing a participant on all this as he is. He’s abusive but she’s still interacting with him? Throwing insults, drama galore... I’m not going to sit here and say him pushing her was no big deal, I’m also not going to say that’s a major plot point of their dysfunction.... He’s not an abuser. He was abusive but he’s not an abuser, hes clearly not in control of his emotions, that doesn’t excuse it, it’s just what I see. If he was an abuser he wouldn’t have shared that part of the story, trust me. Of all the manipulative people who post here, and there are a lot, who twist a story to gain sympathy who often get it cause no one bothers to actually see past the words, they don’t put their faults on full display, especially not abuse, they hide it, everyone else is at fault, not them. He’s a damaged individual to me and to me they’ve both lived this way for so long he doesn’t see it for what it is, and neither does she or she would have cut contact completely long ago. Again I say any responsible parent wouldn’t be doing this. Period. I don’t care if she feeds the homeless on the weekends, she’s a participant in the crazy, this dysfunction is a 2 way street and I’m willing to bet a super shiny new quarter they aren’t done. If she was she wouldn’t keep poking. And yes she IS poking!!!! Like the OPee said she contacted him during no contact to ask about a book and then a play date... come on... none of us were born yesterday...
  19. They’re both toxic. They’re both using their children as pawns and a way to stay in contact with the other. I’m sorry any sane adult knows full well these children don’t HAVE to have play dates. They are both using their kids to get to eachother. Neither one of your hands are clean. This is a mess.
  20. You broke up with him.... What did you expect? Him to join a convent until you were ready to let him fly? And he’s the jerk?!?! Am I missing something here? Maybe I need to read the other post cause I don’t get how he’s in the wrong for dating when he’s single while the ex who broke up with him wanted to keep him around to hover as an ego boost. ETA - so I read your other post. I’m guessing based on your actions post break up and the title of this post you broke up as a bargaining chip, as a Hail Mary, as manipulation and not to actually break up because you were done. Never, never, never, break up to get a reaction from someone, you break up because you are done and no longer want to be with that person and as pretty much everyone else is saying when it’s over, it’s over, just because you have classes together doesn’t mean you HAVE to stay in contact, do you stay in contact with the random kid who sits behind you? Of course not, that’s silly. You’re in game playing territory at this point which is only going to break your heart and stunt your healing. Like the others advised, block, delete, avoid at school, heal. You made the choice to break up, respect him and yourself by sticking by it, stop trying to keep your feet in the shallow end of the pool, you chose to stop swimming so you have to get out of the pool. It hurts but it’s all part of the process
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