Jump to content


Platinum Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Days Won


Everything posted by figureitout23

  1. I must be a really crappy friend because I don’t know half of the intimate details you know about your friends relationships. My advice? Honestly? Butt out. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve lived, your friends and family will vent to you and you of course will be on their side but at the end of the day she’s choosing to go back so recognize it’s just that her venting and until she wants to make a change... well... it’s her life to live. Whether or not he’s abusive, again her life to live, even if he crosses that line... SHE has to decide to leave. Worry about your emotional and mental health and just be prepared to be there for her when she’s ready, until then don’t ruin your friendship by butting in because she will choose him. Tell her to stop venting if it affects you this much also, it’s not fair to you. Get some space, it’s seriously not healthy to be this involved with someone else’s love life. You can be a good friend from a distance.
  2. I agree with this. Unfortunately the moment you decided to have a relationship with a coworker you opened the gossip door. Not saying it’s right or even fair it’s just office politics, those who choose to combine their outside life with their work life run a high chance of being the office topic. At least that’s how it usually goes in every place I’ve worked.
  3. I am in no way trying to dismiss your current feelings, but can we just be real for a sec, are these ‘issues of the week’ getting old to you or do they serve a purpose? Don’t answer, just food for thought.
  4. You waking up to him attempting to have sex with you, to me, kinda gray, I mean... you’ve been married for 15 years... what are you embarrassed about? That statement is making me curious what type of lens you are viewing the world through. Sex with a spouse of 15 years shouldn’t make you feel embarrassed, chicken or egg, does he make you feel embarrassed or do you have conservative views towards sex? The filming without your consent, no no no no, not ok.
  5. I think you’re reaching the acceptance stage, it’s going to sting, just work through those feelings naturally, they will pass. When the judge hit her gavel and stated you are now legally divorce, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was ok, that final nail in the coffin, that realization, it’s truly over, there’s no turning back, it’s like a quick splash of cold water, but again it passes.
  6. You can scream to the heavens you’re healed and over him but your quoted post ‘need to get this off my chest’ and this post scream the opposite. The fact that you not only allow your abuser to call you twice a year but answer the phone... Let’s not pretend. I was in an abusive relationship as well so I completely get what a mindf*ck it is and how emotionally damaging it is, I share a child with this man so I forgave him, recognized my own dysfunction and have moved forward. Want to know how I know I’ve moved forward? If he told me he was dying of cancer, beyond feeling grief for my child and figuring out that journey, I’d have no reason to be involved. That’s not me being callous or cold, it’s just reality, imagine going for coffee with every ex anytime anything bad happened to them. Of course you wouldn’t. I realize death changes the playing field a bit but it still doesn’t justify allowing him not only to call you but to contemplate meeting up with him. I think it’s time for you to move forward, admit you aren’t healed yet and begin that journey.
  7. This doesn’t really sound like friendship, I’m reading it as you like him and you’re both enjoying the attention the other gives and you’d be open to there being more but you aren’t really getting that vibe from him and you’re hoping his ‘jealousy’ means he wants to be with you. Am I close?
  8. It’s a double edged sword. You learn through experiences true, but those experiences also chip away at you. I’m sure you are aware of the concept of baggage. What you’re explaining is baggage. It’s not intuition it’s not a gut feeling, due to your baggage you started off not trusting him. There’s no way to sugar coat that. And again, I don’t know if he’s guilty or innocent and if Instagram hearts are a make or break thing for you, you have every right to feel that way. BUT You don’t get to act like you played no part in this. As another poster asked, is this how you plan to operate in every relationship? Cause if it is, expect to meet someone who will not put up with snooping.
  9. Girl!!!! The irrational fear was already there or you wouldn’t have snooped to begin with! Quit blaming him for YOUR trust issues.
  10. I wonder the same. If it’s a turn off, it’s a turn off, your prerogative But the fact you made a conscious choice to state, ‘ I’ve dealt with this in the past’ as if that somehow has ANYTHING to do with him shows he’s paying for others past sins. If this is how you choose to date, it is your right, but own it, you are not without fault here.
  11. Sherrysher - understood. And agree we all have standards but what about her snooping? Is that not something to be judged? Why does he only get his actions criticized?
  12. At some point you have to weigh the good and the bad and once the bad outweighs the good you call it.
  13. I agree. This guy is getting all the heat while your own trust issues, that have nothing to do with him are being ignored. He’s essentially being punished for others past sins. Did he get to say anything about your snooping? Let’s be honest Instagram likes dont just pop up in your feed like ‘hey your boyfriend liked this, this week’ you looked for the information, you looked for it, you ‘found it’ self fulfilling prophesy. Is he guilty is he innocent, who am I to say, but basing your relationship on Instagram likes past the age of 16? I wouldn’t want to be with you, clearly this will simply follow you from relationship to relationship.
  14. I’m sorry you didn’t get a reply, this isn’t a very active subsection. What did you end up doing?
  15. Is this loneliness because of a lack of boyfriend or change in therapist? Have you been trying to make friends? Remember the whole crawl before you walk thing. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy and accept anything, you can work towards your goals in healthy and realistic ways.
  16. Bingo. Don’t let your past demons dictate this relationship. And for the love of God, turn on some music or something 😂
  17. Agree. A blind man can see this isn’t just sex for you, cause of it was he’d have to have superhuman skills and body parts. The equivalent would be me going to a car wash where they wet my car with dirty water and didn’t bother vacuuming the inside, yeah technically I’m getting my car washed but I’m not benefitting from it. The only benefit is feeding your own brokenness, which it appears you’re doing.
  18. I agree with this. You’re focusing on the mouse while the elephant is suffocating you. You’re laser focused on him and his actions when, to me, the most obvious and helpful question you should be asking yourself is, “ why am I sleeping with a man who won’t stop bringing up his ex?”
  19. Your response was fine to me. I also think staying around her parents is doing more harm than good.
  20. We humans, were a vain species. Even the most selfless of humans, we are very vain beings. The concept of karma is an idea that brings comfort, but it defies logic. Think about it, if you believe in karma you believe someone else should suffer for wrongdoing, that means you will also suffer for any and all wrongdoing, and what about personal accountability, should we not ever have any and just do right out of fear? Also think about it, to believe an entity was in the universe ensuring individuals were punished for wrongdoing yet there is no entity to ensure say children didn’t starve... what kind of world do we live in? I’d HOPE that wasn’t the case cause man... that’s pretty messed up...
  21. I agree with this. Believe it or not things won’t get any better after this door has been opened. By your friend declaring you want him back, he now knows you’ll stay even if he does cheat. He flirted with other women, you told him it made you uncomfortable and he kept doing it. Then it comes out you snooped and surprise, surprise, you take all the blame. Not saying you don’t deserve blame here, snooping is wrong, but I can’t help but wonder why you chose to snoop if you didn’t actually plan to leave to begin with? And don’t say you would have because it’s quite clear how easily you seem to be willing to overlook his actions so long as he takes you back. You handed him your power, your voice, if you get back together trust me, all this will bubble up again and either you’ll snoop again or don’t, he will continue to do as he pleases and you’ll be miserible.
  22. I forgot to add, the huge hole in your story that you probably didn’t even realize because you are viewing things through a distorted lens. You state all of your family hate him, yet your mothers brother was best friends with him... Dear, it’s time for you to see someone.
  23. Ive tried to come to a different conclusion, I even looked at your other posts but I have to agree with Billie The fact that you dont see an issue with depending on your mom for rides in your 30's is very telling. I dont think your extreme anxiety issues are a coincidence either. Have you been seeing a dr?
  • Create New...