figureitout23

They just started relaxing restrictions and now we are on a curfew. No protests so far about how the curfew violates civil rights. I thought after all the protests about how requiring masks was infringing on constitutional rights we'd for sure get some about being told to go home at 4 pm. But so far, nothing. I find that interesting.

 

My workplace is having to have abbreviated shifts and duties due to the curfew. Again, no restrictions on work for the pandemic but restrictions for the curfew.

 

Maybe it's because people can see the looters and rioters on their TVs but they can't "see" the virus. I read somewhere that visuals are everything.

I noticed that as well, interesting for sure, I wonder the psychological reasons, but am honestly too emotionally tired to devote any energy to it

So, there are no cases in my city at the moment.

 

And the mail person had a parcel for me. She placed the pick up notice in the mailbox but I had seen her and went to let her know that I was home if she wanted to drop it off.

 

Honestly, you'd think I was poisonous. She literally ran away, yelling "that they were told not to get close to people" and "she's sorry but she can't give me my parcel".

 

Grrrr, now I have to go down to the depot and try to get it.

What? If she’s handling the mail she’s already exposing herself, she can drop the parcel down in your hands without even touching you.

Sorry that stinks

I just paid 23 bucks for a 24 pack of Kleenex cotonelle toilet paper. I use common folk tissue not the frou frou crap but it was all I could find. Its still on sale online at office depot of all places, 20% off purchase too if you qualify.

(holy sh*t, I went to go grab the link and its ALREADY sold out, it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes...people are quick...)

So I solved my problem, I had bleach on hand, I bought car wipes and poured the bleach in the canister shook it up viola!

Dude I luckily found a pack I thanked my lucky stars!

I love this!

I have some compulsive things I do, and I’m a bit of a germophobe so I use Lysol wipes, the spray and all that, they were the first to go, I kept calm thinking things would get better and now they can’t be found anywhere, stressful because it’s making me incredibly anxious to not have my routine.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545538

I think a quick read through this posters other post will kinda shed even more light on things.

She mentions she can by hypersensitive to the point of tears.

I’m not stating this to be a jerk or pot stirrer, just follow me for a sec. She mentions the flaws of giving advice without knowing what an individual is going through, which I actually agree with. Anytime I see a number bigger than 1 next to posts, I typically take a look, to me it’s kinda like reading the summary in the back of the book, the information most times sheds more light on the current predicament.

So following the OPers ideas, knowing more before advising well you’re self professed hypersensitive to things being said to you, my advise knowing that is, when presenting an issue you are having on an anonymous forum you should be mindful that you are opening yourself up to constructive criticism. If you know it is a personal trigger of yours, maybe remind yourself before posting, you can potentially be triggered by what’s said. You didn’t do that Lilly, you instead insist on burdening others with the task of bending ourselves to your specific needs. Had you simply said, hey guys I personally have a bit of an issue with hypersensitivity, so please be constructive with your responses, it would have shed light, but you didn’t do that, and again I know I sound like a broke record it goes back to that manipulation word. Instead of taking ownership and stating what you’re personally going through and what will personally help you, you flipped the script and made it about concern for reviews...

Oh my....well that didn't take much. OP, questions are complete sentences. Questions aren't judgments. You don't get to dictate to anyone how to write or how to respond or whether or not to participate on a public forum. Anyway, as other posters have already pointed out, in a very passive aggressive way you answered my question, "I want to dictate to others how to be and I want to argue about it because that makes me feel like I'm in control."

Yep.

Could you form these sentence in a way that is kind to me and not confrontational? Thank you. I have nothing against you, DancingFool, I appreciated your advice in the past. After these days, I'm tired of having to explain myself to questions involving negative judgement. It's very tiring. If you don't like this thread, don't see the point of it, please just say so in a sentence ending with a dot. It's extremely tiring answering to questions if you're not sure if someone genuinely wants you to explain something. If you want to express a negative opinion, do so, if you want to ask something, ask kindly.

Couldn’t the same thing be said to you as well though? I mean honesty speaking and quite ironically I think the fact that this post caused a hearty and productive debate and not just a mud slinging brawl is evidence this board isn’t the negative label you’re attempting to give it. None of your statements about this site were from a kind and understanding place, they were negative and accusatory, it was finger wagging ‘shame on you’ and yet you still received an audience ready to listen and offer their perspective.

Let that sink in...

Ok, Figureitout :) In this thread I'd appreciate if you told me exactly what you wrote by the end - that your long personal experience as an OP is the opposite of my fears/impressions and that summing up all that you know, this place is a safe haven for many people and is definitely something good. I'd really appreciate that, just as I've been hearing to every piece of reassurance and positive personal opinions and taking it into account. This is why I've started this thread, to hear some opinions on the topics and make my clear vision of this place before I leave. If this is what you want to contribute to this post, you'd be more effective without focusing on my person and my dramatics and negativity and what not, because I said to you the same day "your comment suck" under other thread.

I honestly have no idea what you just said or what you asked me. Not being sarcastic or anything ( see no smiley faces ) I legit do not know what you are saying...

Now you're talking Camber!Touchy lot those hornets. Will sting even if no provocation.

I don’t think it’s being touchy.

It’s essentially calling out negativity by being negative, based on limited information, under the guise of concern when really, the poster has an agenda...

There have been a couple of times on this forum where I have came to defense of posters I feel we’re getting a lot of negativity thrown towards them. I don’t care for it, look at the OPera posts, she did not experience any of that. NO ONE came at her sideways.

So am I a poked bear now? Yeah, because it irks me that every time a random fly by poster comes to bash the members here you have a few come out the wood works to join in on the negativity, not cool.

Is this place perfect, far from it.

But as I said in another ‘this place sucks’ post, regular posters were here for me during an extremely rough time, I had therapy and a strong support system as well but this site played a role and I’m thankful for that and look at my original post, it was not sunshine and rainbows, I was combative as hell, but the truth was still there, I just wasn’t ready to see it.

I think the OPer has a flair for dramatics, sorry not sorry, that’s what I see, I also see posters indulging her, your prerogative. But that doesn’t mean this site is anything less than a safe haven for many people.

I find it quite amazing the level of passive aggression it takes to create a thread to indirectly say ‘a poster said something to me that hit a nerve’

To take it a bit further, why not explore WHY the comment got to you so deeply? Could it be because maybe there’s some truth to it you aren’t quite ready to own?

Look I’m not afraid to call a spade a spade, I’m almost positive this is all in reaction to me stating I think your oversharing is an attempt at manipulation.

I truly do believe that, I think this subsequent post is as well, it’s how you get your way, how you soothe your ego, that’s my opinion.

Is my opinion a fact? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I or anyone else aren’t allowed to give it.

To me, your looking up reviews of this site is essentially an extension of you showing your boyfriend this site. It’s kinda like looking for reinforcements, like see! I’m right other people said it too!

It would be different if people were calling you names or making fun of your situation. Which I have actually seen on other forums, but no ones doing that to you, your simply being given opinions that you asked for and look at your reaction...

Food for thought.

Friend asks to borrow money for "rent". I know that old adage of "only lend what you can afford to lose", which is where I came up with the amount. I lent her $200.

 

A few days later she's posting on Facebook asking if anyone knows any good deals on flights to the Caribbean. Also hasn't contacted me about paying me back even though she promised to by yesterday.

 

She has money to fly to the Caribbean but doesn't have the money to pay me back. She borrowed from two other people too, wonder if she did them the same way.

 

Former friend now!

 

PS: Yes, I can afford to lose the money. But this person has proved to me AGAIN that people who borrow money from friends don't feel obligated to pay it back.

I dont care if I can afford to lose it or not, if I let you borrow money and you dont pay it back were going to small claims court, dont play with me, lol.

People that complain without moving towards a solution no matter how much airtime you give them. 🤦🏻♀️[emoji849]

Just came here to post the exact same thing.

Drama for dramas sake...

Makes my eye twitch...

When I'm dining out and I see people wasting large amounts of food. There are people less fortunate who could really use it.

Ohhhhhhh same... you know the news said we now waste more food than we consume...

Pot stirrers...

Posters with 6 posts from 12 years ago posting their happy updates on the heartbreak board...

Not only are there more appropriate boards like personal growth but no ones invested in your story homeboy! Know your audience! self centered narcissistic butheads...

The influx of toxic masculinity...

I. E.

I’m hurt and the only way to solve that is violence.

I’m hurt so I’m going to hurt her and then ask leading questions to get you guys to tel me I’m hurting her and she wants me back!

Nevermind.

Posters taking their emotional pain out on responders.

How do you think I'm being vindictive?

 

Well there are many examples I just grabbed the first one I saw....

Another update:

 

Wife texted me again this AM, asking if we could still go to the financial mediator tonight. (She refused to go last week, but is now changing her tune.) I ignored her. She kept texting me and calling me about it. I ignore her and call the mediator and reiterate that we aren't coming tonight because I've already hired an attorney. (Wife does not know about the attorney. Divorce papers were filed today.) She responds with some BS saying "It's very immature to not attend tonight. You made the appointment and agreed to go. Now, you want to cancel it. You ignoring me is not going to help. You won't agree to a way forward." Funny, because she ignored my e-mails about bills. Anyway. It's funny how she wants to get me to mediation yet criticized my actions while doing it.

 

She's back and forth, not wanting to talk to me when she feels like I'm hanging on. She also doesn't want to talk about the joint expenses, either. Now, she wants to 'mediate' after refusing to do so last week. This seems so typical; she wants to push me away, expecting me to run towards her. Also, didn't she need to talk to her attorney that was returning from vacation today?

 

Ultimately, she doesn't want to stop her financial security (me) even though she's moved on emotionally and expects me to beg for her to return.

 

Once she's served, I think she'll be surprised, solely because she hasn't been listening to me. She doesn't believe my words. Once she's served, she's either going to be super nasty or want to reconcile. (I think she'll be super nasty, so buckle up)

 

UPDATE: One of her friends, who I know pretty well, just texted me. "Don't know what's going on with you guys, but I know you both and I'm concerned about the road ahead. I've seen unnecessary fights that end in massive expenses for both parties and the difficulty in moving forward when it's looked to as war instead of a change in life path. I'm here for you both. Try the mediator for both your benefits and a quicker, easier process that is beneficially emotionally and financially"

I bolded what stuck out but honestly the whole post is what I’d define as ego driven actions.

Not really seeing self preservation. I’m seeing a wounded dog who snaps when someone reaches out to him. I’m seeing an act, one that led to this point ironically. I’m seeing thinly veiled insecurity and a refusal to be humble because you believe it’s a weakness. I see a bunch of regurgitated ‘online guru’ verbiage, that teaches how to abuse and exploit vulnerability in someone all for the sake of winning. Most of all I see a situation that will be regretted once the smoke clears because he seems like a very decent man who is willing to do anything to stop the hurt, including pushing everyone away and burning down his own home.

Hey Ninja, thanks for responding. I agree with you. Talking to mutual friends/her family is not a good idea. That's why I'm not doing it. It's not fair and that's her support system, just like my family/friends are my support system.

 

I don't want to hurt her in anyway possible. That's why I was 100% transparent from the start. I put my sword down and showed her our bills, tax returns, etc. I told her that I don't have anything to hide---and I mean that with all my heart. From a legal perspective, filing for divorce now can protect any potential assets that I may receive in the future. My severance payment would be fairly substantial, plus I want to make a lifestyle change. Therefore, I had to file to protect it and protect myself.

 

I will always lover her, no matter what. We've had an amazing life together. I don't want to force her to do anything. I know she's hurt and upset just like I am. I filed because I had to be proactive for the both of us so we can both move on. I'm no trying to 'teach her a lesson' or anything. I'm being a man, stepping up to the plate, and doing what is best.

Kid, you can be proactive without being vindictive.

You say you can’t depend on her ever changing stances which I agree! But kidd you haven’t exactly been level headed yourself you also went from mediation to not, from communication to not to allowing your ego to drive the car, you’re being petty right now. I get it you’re mad she didn’t respond to your email, she’s probably hurt about your recent interactions as well so the hurt feelings are being fed while the adult feelings are being starved to death.

Your refusal to see a mediator at this point is petty, there’s no other way to put it, I’ve read your other posts, you’re being petty man. It’s your turn to tell her no, that’s what this is, you think you’re ‘winning’ right now but you aren’t.

Again protecting yourself is not the same as being vindictive.

It saves your finances and calms the waters to go to mediation.

But you’re mad.

This is your life and your choices. Own the reasons though. This went past protecting your assets long ago.

9. A woman's love is fickle and conditional no matter how long you've been together. Give her space and use head games as a way to put things on ice.

 

10. You need to drive her nuts with aloofness before you can give in even the slightest. If done correctly, she will be yours for the taking if you even want her back.

 

 

12. When she contacts with some dumb BS, she just wants validation or else she'll start unraveling. DO NOT THINK WITH YOUR HEART or you'll get screwed. In your world, she doesn't exist for the next several months as you work on you.

 

13. When things are going bad, you need to push her away and start acting cold/distance to draw her back. Be the man and be unphased by her BS. The more you do, the more her attraction will fall. (You need to do whatever is counterinutive)

 

14. Women want to be led by a man, not by a boy. You must always show that you're higher value than she is. That way, she knows you're the prize. Don't reward bad behavior. Ignore her.

 

15. Patience is key. Do not contact or chase. They always come back. Patience is a big part of the game. Reel her in like a big fish (slow, no sudden movements) and then let her go. Build anticipation then go NC for days. She'll reward you for playing it cool.

These are so blatantly abusive I have to wonder if youre serious.

UPDATE: One of her friends, who I know pretty well, just texted me. "Don't know what's going on with you guys, but I know you both and I'm concerned about the road ahead. I've seen unnecessary fights that end in massive expenses for both parties and the difficulty in moving forward when it's looked to as war instead of a change in life path. I'm here for you both. Try the mediator for both your benefits and a quicker, easier process that is beneficially emotionally and financially"

Dude, I dont even know you and I said the same.

Stop this.

You are digging so deep you wont be able to get out.

Death by ego...its not worth it.

It was someone new! ^_^

Aw man so things hit a snag? Want to talk about it?

I agree with Bat, your money is going to be better invested in a therapist. People don’t realize this but many jobs cover mental health and visits are covered for a normal copay.

Everyone is different, to me, self help books are mostly going to work on people who are honest with themselves. The reason I say that is it’s all on your terms. Self help books aren’t going to hold your feet to the fire. Self help books aren’t going to force you face your issues, very rarely are they going to make you look within in a meaningful way, you get to do it on your terms and the second you start to feel any discomfort you get to walk away.

To me, self help books can act as validation in many ways so it’s actually setting you back.

If your mind and heart is open they’ll potentially work, if it’s not you’re better off having someone look you in the eye, otherwise it’s likely to be a temporary fix leaving you addicted to it, while never actually getting any better.

They’re better than doing nothing but if you are able to see someone, I’d vote for that.