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Posts posted by figureitout23

  1. I've started to talk to someone. They're encouraging me to embrace her but I KNOW her. She does not care. I will end up HURT if I fall into unstable arms while I'm already broken


    Serious, question, with you knowing this, why did you tell her? What would have been a suitable reaction to her hearing this, had she been cold, would that have been more comfortable to you? Again Im not asking these questions in a judgemental way, I get the flip flopping, you want her to care but when she does it scares you, what would the ideal solution to all this be in your mind.

  2. They just started relaxing restrictions and now we are on a curfew. No protests so far about how the curfew violates civil rights. I thought after all the protests about how requiring masks was infringing on constitutional rights we'd for sure get some about being told to go home at 4 pm. But so far, nothing. I find that interesting.


    My workplace is having to have abbreviated shifts and duties due to the curfew. Again, no restrictions on work for the pandemic but restrictions for the curfew.


    Maybe it's because people can see the looters and rioters on their TVs but they can't "see" the virus. I read somewhere that visuals are everything.


    I noticed that as well, interesting for sure, I wonder the psychological reasons, but am honestly too emotionally tired to devote any energy to it

  3. In regards to your medication if we’re talking the time span of months, you typically need to be on them for a bit longer to know your body’s real reaction, if they were too strong and numbed you, you should have been asked about that by your Dr. in your follow up appt. and at that point your Dr. would have made a decision and I most certainly do not believe their decision would be to stop cold turkey.


    There’s a lot to unpack with your story in its entirety, I know you feel hopeless and are looking for some reprieve unfortunately it’s a marathon not a sprint. Have you considered starting therapy? You have been through quite a bit recently. I also hope as you’ve been advised multiple times you try to rebuild your relationship with your daughter. At the end of the day when the dust settles and the pain subsides you do t want your relationship ship with her to be collateral damage.

  4. You leave.


    You are not powerless and unless he is a super villain no court is going to snatch children away from their mother for no reason, nor will they take a fathers rights away for no reason.


    They will punish right fighting though.


    Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel and work towards a solution. Coparenting sounds like the only option going forward so start the divorce proceedings, get with a mediator ( custody cases aren’t like on TV if the parents are in disagreement they will try their best to do anything they can to avoid an actual court battle) get a custody plan and start to recover and be happy.


    Unless you’re just venting.


    Which vent away, but at the end of the day you are not forced to stay you are choosing to.

  5. Lots of us have had to learn an “on again/off again” lesson. Sorry you’re waist deep in it, no fun. Everything will look different when the sun is out. Hope you find some healthy distractions and have a peaceful night




    It’s probably best you two just cut ties this go round, 2 break ups in 4 months isn’t very promising.


    Good luck

  6. Dont put this all on her.


    Theres enough written at this point to see how very much of a player in all this you are.


    Look at your other response:


    guys thank you for your replies, it really means a lot that there are people out there helping each other.


    i am not going back now... maybe i would have wobbled but the fact she went with someone else - despite lying to me when i asked her before i started NC... theres just no going back from that


    its obvious to me he used her to get his leg over - she dropped me for him and i guess once he got what he wanted, he bolted... now she wants to worm her way back in to my life... what kind of person does that?!!!


    she gambled and it didnt pay off. thats tough luck (feel slightly smug)


    The highs the lows, the back and forth of who has the power, this is your jam, for the last 5 years, this has been your choice all along. You werent shocked when she came back and you wont be shocked when she comes back again, feeling as if you would is all part of it, again the highs and lows, all very predictable and if you were healthy you wouldnt have stayed on the merry go round for 5 years so its time to start recognizing your role and maybe its time to see someone.

  7. FaceTime phone calls texts to say you’re thinking of eachother. We live in the perfect time for something like this to happen because we have so very many ways to stay in touch when we can’t be in person. I think everything will be fine, don’t stress.

  8. You are entitled to your feelings, no one is disputing that but why would you want to continue to swim in that pain? That to me is what needs to be addressed which is giving you guidance on how to get past your olympic swim in despair.




    To feed your nearly suicidal thoughts over a guy that you did break up with is very dangerous.


    You broke up with him.


    You spoke of another guy you were going to meet the same day you found out about your exes death so you either had an incredibly open relationship or you were broken up.


    You stated you suffer from bipolar disorder and you also stated you have never had a good relationship, I think all that combined with what’s going on globally is really doing a number on your mental psyche right now.


    Please see someone. I’m not saying this with malice or judgement, I have my demons too, what I am saying is you were not with this man. Period. That is why you found out how you did. Please see someone to help you unpack everything you’re going through.


    I wish you luck.

    • Like 1
  9. Ok breathe.


    I am so sorry, please try to keep things in perspective to keep yourself sane and even keeled and please please please if you are feeling suicidal see someone ASAP.


    What I mean by perspective is you mentioned this was the guy who was the workaholic. As much as you liked him you two broke up because you were deeply incompatible, you can care deeply for someone but recognize they aren’t for you, and it appears that’s what happened here, to now refer to him as your boyfriend and love of your life, may be this event is triggering something deeper in you.


    To avoid a dangerous spiral I think it would be wise to speak to someone. Grief is a complex thing and doesn’t always make sense and it can manifest itself in many ways, you are grieving something but is it what was?


    I’m so sorry again and I wish you luck through your journey, maybe consider journaling here, it has helped many people.

  10. This type of thing is typically ironed out in your divorce decree or if you weren’t married your child support order, in a way you are I correct by saying you ‘can’t believe’ she did that as being the primary caregiver (in assuming) she is the one expected to file them as her dependents, in fact even if you regularly pay child support if there is a deal where you say switch off on who gets to claim who each year she’d still have to sign off on a a legal tax form each time you did, there’s a reason why the question specifically asks who the child resided with for the year and who was financially responsible.


    It really doesn’t sound like you two ironed out all these details, it may be time. If you are contributing 50% to their upbringing you’re entitled to the deduction.

  11. So, there are no cases in my city at the moment.


    And the mail person had a parcel for me. She placed the pick up notice in the mailbox but I had seen her and went to let her know that I was home if she wanted to drop it off.


    Honestly, you'd think I was poisonous. She literally ran away, yelling "that they were told not to get close to people" and "she's sorry but she can't give me my parcel".


    Grrrr, now I have to go down to the depot and try to get it.


    What? If she’s handling the mail she’s already exposing herself, she can drop the parcel down in your hands without even touching you.


    Sorry that stinks

  12. I just paid 23 bucks for a 24 pack of Kleenex cotonelle toilet paper. I use common folk tissue not the frou frou crap but it was all I could find. Its still on sale online at office depot of all places, 20% off purchase too if you qualify.


    (holy sh*t, I went to go grab the link and its ALREADY sold out, it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes...people are quick...)

  13. I love this!


    I have some compulsive things I do, and I’m a bit of a germophobe so I use Lysol wipes, the spray and all that, they were the first to go, I kept calm thinking things would get better and now they can’t be found anywhere, stressful because it’s making me incredibly anxious to not have my routine.

  14. This is more of me venting.

    But my mother told me yesterday if she knew how I’d turn out, she wouldn’t have had me.

    Can’t get it out of my mind.

    All I want is to be successful to retire them. My parents are the only reason I don’t end it all.

    I don’t really know what to do


    I commented I had a feeling a lot of this started with your parents (my post didn’t post for some reason) so this doesn’t surprise me.


    Sometimes even though you love them keeping them close does more harm than good.


    It might be best to get a little distance, just to work on yourself and heal.

  15. First breathe.


    If you continue with these thoughts please continue to reach out and know you’re not alone in the world.


    There’s no way to sugar coat your limitations though, it’s your reality, but that doesn’t mean your life’s over. First things first you have to forgive yourself, accept what you did, take ownership, and accept the repercussions it’s going to have on your life because there’s no way around that reality it simply is what it is and again no reason to sugar coat it. Just look at it objectively. You have a record, there are millions of others who do as well, some felonies, I know dozens of people who have a past and a record but now have well paying jobs and families and lives and again they have felonies, so again it’s all about perspective.


    I think it might be your parents disapproval that’s at the root of your feelings, maybe you all can come together and finally put this behind you all.


    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, you don’t have to give up, will it be harder for you be someone without a record? Yes! Again no reason to sugar coat you made some bad choices but those choices do not dictate who you are


    *not sure why this didn’t post earlier*

  16. Are you together/together?


    Look 10 years really isn’t that big of an age gap. A 35 year old and a 45 year old, no one really blinks an eye because it’s not that huge a difference, but 17 and 28... well that’s similar to 20 and 25 nbd 15 and 20 big deal...


    I don’t know ow the age of consent where you live, in America its 18 and you have every right to date who you please, but due to the vast differences in where each of you is in life it won’t be without multiple challenges.

  17. What calamity does she think will befall her if she's "alone"? Does she fear burglars or rapists or someone else bad attacking her? If so, why not invest in a home security system instead of moving a domestic abuser into her home?


    It is indeed a golden comment, bolt has a lot of wisdom.


    It’s very true. It’s the people who ‘can’t’ be single who are truly in a self made prison because they date out of need instead of adding happiness to their lives, it’s just all around bad, it just stinks because again unril she chooses for herself to change, this is her life, she’s choosing it, try to remember that, you can’t save her, you can be a safe harbor, that she can turn to when she chooses herself but until then like others said your behavior is just borderline enabling.

  18. So I looked at your last post before I responded, just to be sure, you know the ones you write, get pages of advise on and abandon until the next issue arrises and I didn’t see any of this coldness you’re accusing people of. The general consensus was


    - it’s time to try to figure out your insecurities

    - choosing to date at work tends to make one the subject of gossip.


    I honestly do not get what you’re trying to accuse posters of except not coddling you. And honestly shame on you for that, not us, shame on you for thinking we’re your security blanket, that we have to follow your expectation and jump when you say jump and stroke your ego when needed when you do fly by posts every month or so. Shame on you, not us. If I see a growing lump on my friends face I’m not going to just tell her she looks pretty.


    You may not be ready to face your demons and that’s fine, it’s your life but to gaslight strangers on the internet for not helping you in a way that you deem worthy is just too much.


    Sorry not sorry.

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