snapperoo

Explain to the new girl that you are not ready to go into a relationship just yet, as you do still have feelings for your ex, and right now you are better off alone. Don't let go of the friendship though. Still remain friends, just don't off load so much onto the new girl if you think in the future there is a possibility of you getting together. The reason I say this is that because you have already been thru the break up with the new girl, you need to be sure that she isn't just liking you because she feels you are so 'needy'. At the moment, it sounds like you are better off being independent. Give it a few months and try to remove your ex from your life. See how you go. You might just find you do have feelings for the new girl Good luck

peggnose, I am not sure how old you are, but I honestly believe that at some stage in life, everyone suffers a fit of depression. I have- to the point I was hospitalised for a suicide attempt and had to be given antidepressants from a doctor. I went to counselling and a psychatrist, also a psychologist, of which I learnt how to be more negative than I already was. It's a shame when you have so many issues that you can see all of these 'professionals' and not gain anything from them- the most I gained was that not one of them understood where I was coming from, and where I was going to. I suffered depression in the strongest form when I was about 16 right thru to 23, and I still have periods where it flares its ugly head, and I feel not in control, and unable to proceed with life. Mind you, I have many more positives now and have lost the urge to try to take my life. As you're not supposed to do, I took myself off the anti-depressants, and now I just go with the flow. I have so many mental insecurities I am surprised that I can even have a bf sometimes. And to be told (even though sometimes I don't believe him) that I am loved, is a shock to my system. The biggest thing I guess I am trying to say is you do somewhere in you have the strength to move forward with this. Even if you end up at the doc on anti-depressants, you will find that eventually life will deal you positivity and strength. Please don't get into self-harming; in the long term you suffer. Believe me. Hugs2u, Snapperoo

I am working, previously it was a full time position, however now I am working part-time, and in a way it was his suggestion to do so, as there wasn't much of a chance to actually tidy the house on weekends AND spend time with him. When I worked full time, he was always complaining that the house work was never completed and things were out of order, so he actually said to me one day that I didn't HAVE to work at all. But, I would have it no other way. If we were to have children, then I would be off work for approx 6 months or so, until I could get the child into day care, and then the child would be put into day care for a couple of hours a day. I tend to get the opinion that he doesn't want children because of the restrictions they would impose on HIS life. Sometimes I think he is self-centred about it, then other times he has mentioned that in the future he wouldn't mind having a little one. I think he is so confused and doesn't feel he could be free with a child.

How right you are asdf1234 re the females that are our age and married and unhappy and older females that wish they never married so young. Just to correct you on one point though, the bf is 27, not 25. At 25 I could understand him not wanting to marry me or have kids. At 27 I think he should be mature enough to actually care. As you say, these things may not be big issues for him, but for me they are. However, I don't want to be in the position of giving ultimatiums for my own self happiness. I also don't want to be in a position where I feel my self happiness can be left on the sidelines because of his own insecurities in that he doesn't feel ready to get married or have kids. The getting married is what is important to me in the immediate future, but the kids thing will come soon after as well, as I really don't want to be older than 30 when I start having kids. I want to have my family completed by then. Anyway I must go now. Please continue to offer advice, I will be back here later to check replies And thanks to all that have replied, your thoughts and opinions do mean so much to me

Ok I understand where you are all coming from, I think I should mention that he is 27 and I am 24. As I mentioned, we have bought a house together, but things, while still all lovey dovey just haven't really progressed from there. I am beginning to think that he doesn't even love me at all and just says that because he thinks it will make me happy. I know I have a lot of insecurities, but I am really not sure anymore if he really does love me, or if he has purchased this house with me becuase it was convienient at the time, and he needed somewhere to live. As I said, I do trust him wholeheartedly, and love him to pieces, but sometimes I get the impression that the feelings aren't returned. Mind you, I don't think he would cheat on me either.

Hi, I am new here, and I just really needed some advice. I have been with my partner for approximately 4 years, prehaps heading for 5, and I am becoming at my wits end. In the past I have asked him to marry me, and he always replies with 'one day'. I would like to get married before having kids, and he doens't seem like he is ever going to ask me. On that note, I have now left the ball in his court to ask me if I would like to marry him...but he just doesn't seem willing. He says he loves me, but he doesn't seem to want to commit. I would also like to start having a family with him soon, but he says children are too expensive, and he just doesn't seem interested. All of our friends have kids, and since we have bought a house together and I really would like to have a child in the next couple of years. He is making this increasingly impossible though, as whenever we make love, he pulls out long before the task is complete. I don't want to be manipulative to get myself pregnant, but I really feel like I am never going to have kids with him. The thing is I do love him so much, and when we first got together he was always going on about when we have kids, but now I am ready, he is backing away as quick as you can say pregnant. Please give me some advice, at the moment I just feel lost. Thanks Snapperoo.