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miasari

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  1. This is a long one. Thank you in advance for reading. I have a daughter who is four years old. Her father and I’s relationship has been rocky for the last couple of years. The main issue was that he engaged in a textual relationship with an ex that had sexual undertones (images sent), and lied to me when confronted. (I had to message her to get the full story). I agreed to try to make it work after he expressed regret. About a year later, I saw texts he’d sent to friends that spoke about other women-mostly strangers, but also some friends-in very disrespectful, misogynistic ways. They were mos
  2. My apologies. My intention was not to bash the entire concept of marriage, which I know is sacred and deeply meaningful to many people. As I said, for a long time we talked about having a small, private ceremony, as we were both deeply committed to each other at the time we decided to have a child together. He did not engage in this behavior at that time, nor did he give any indication that he ever would. I know people begin to show their true colors as relationships mature, and I really should've taken that into consideration. But it was never like he told me "I don't want to marry you becaus
  3. Hey HollyJ-Yeah my therapist asked me this the other day. What I would say if a friend presented this problem to me, but I began thinking about it in terms of our daughter too. And, as someone else mentioned, providing advice is easier said then done, I would definitely be like RED FLAG GTFO. And yet... Here I am. I'm just acknowledging a pattern of settling and denial of my own thoughts and feelings for the first time in my life. I've been holding it together for the hopes of stability, and especially because I wanted to create something I didn't have growing up. But as she gets older, she'll
  4. Damn you're right. This is not dedication to our daughter at all because now this is going to disrupt her life completely.
  5. Yes, I already have one foot out the door. We have been discussing how we will split the profit from the sale of the house, where we will go, how we will make it work financially, etc. I've just been having doubts about my decision because I've been letting the positive aspects of his character overshadow the negative, but those things don't excuse his overall disrespect towards me. It's true, that he clearly demonstrates he does not love me anymore, and this isn't the only realm where I've seen this. Though he shows dedication to our daughter, his dedication to me is eroded, and in turn, my o
  6. I honestly do feel like I've been in some kind of daze for the last few years, making excuses and justifying ty behavior. PS How are you guys getting those text boxes in your replies where you're able to comment on specific parts?
  7. And if he is surrounded by guys that basically never outgrew the "lets rate women for fun" mentality, he's got no motivation or outlet to change. If there were better men around, maybe he'd have a chance... but there is truth to the saying- look at the 4 closest people to him.... that's who he is.. . Honestly this has been one of the most infuriating aspects. He is obviously only saying this stuff to friends he knows will go along with it, and one of them is someone we both hang out with, our kids hang out. Where is the integrity and balls to be like, dude what the hell are you saying? I
  8. I definitely see what you are saying, but I don't even think marriage is commitment, otherwise there wouldn't be a 50% divorce rate and so many married people cheating. Commitment is a mindset as well as a promise both people keep and make every single day. I think that for many, marriage is symbolic of that, but for many others, it's just what you do, and an excuse to throw a party and be the center of attention, without any real thought to the day in and day out commitment and work it takes. Regardless, I think you're onto something about 'like attracting like' and that my nonchalance about
  9. So we had been together for two years when we decided to have a child. Neither of us were ever really jazzed about the idea of marriage, as we both come from families whose parents don't get along/split up. We had talked about it, but were never very motivated to do the planning required. I do agree with you, though, that we were still in the honeymoon phase. He didn't ever act this way in the beginning, but I think as the charm wore off of the early stages, his true colors started to show through. I think he started getting bored and has been looking for excitement in these other ways.
  10. Thank you all for your responses. The biggest problem is that he makes little to no effort to address these things in a productive way. At this point, when we try to talk about it, I'm just 'dredging up the past' and he 'doesn't know what else to say about it'. He swears up and down that he does have boundaries in terms of physicality, but doesn't seem to see the issue in the things he's said. I am currently in therapy, and my therapist more or less has told me, leave. I am skeptical that a person like this would even truly change, especially given his tendency to hide/lie. I think people like
  11. He definitely knows I find it unacceptable. His response to my frustration, though, is that I'm getting worked up over idle chatter, and that he would never act on those words. We do go out as a couple. We also take time to ourselves, and it is at those times where he has been at the bar. Never late or for long, just after work for an hour or so. I did get tested for STDs, and started seeing a therapist. I also work. I don't make great money, as I took time off to take care of our daughter and eventually picked up some remote jobs. Living on my own would certainly be challenging financially, b
  12. It is so disrespectful-to me and women in general. For a while I was telling myself that he is more or less expressing a mentality that is common in all men, and justifying it as an outlet, etc. But the fact is that it is seriously affecting my mental state. I was really trying to be strong and more or less gloss over it for the sake of our daughter, but the other day, my therapist asked what I would say if my daughter asked me this same question, and my response was more or less GTFO of there, so why am I not modeling that?
  13. Hey all, I'm going to try to make this as concise as possible while still painting a full picture. I have been with my partner for 5 years. We have a 3 year old, and the pregnancy was planned. We are not married, and have recently purchased a home together. I've had ongoing trust issues due to a variety of factors. I'll try to capture them below. While I was pregnant, I noticed his spam folder in his email was overflowing with emails about sex chatting, hooking up, etc. He said he has no idea why he started getting those, and thought maybe it was from being on dating sites or visiting po
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