jenneke

What you are feeling is totally normal. You can be fine one day, and then the smallest thing will bring it all back. After my last bf broke up with me, I was absolutely miserable for a week, I didn't think I'd ever be OK. I cried a disgusting amount, I don't think I've ever gone throuh so much kleenex. But, like you said, you begin to shed the negativity, and start to be OK. There were a couple photos around, and postcards, and a sweater, a few random songs on the mp3 player that would bring everything back, but it happened less and less. Be strong, Ryan, it seems like you've been dealing with your break up very well so far. The best thing to do is just let yourself move on, and avoid talking with her or seeing her. It took me a while to be able to put all the pictures and stuff away, but once I did, it was no longer around to remind me. It also took a while before I could listen to a particular song without skipping it, but eventually it was ok. As for the huge void left behind, you'll grow into that space again. Go out with friends, or better yet, try something new! I started karate after we broke up, and it got me out of the house and active, and introduced me to my now-boyfriend! And even though it might seem like she's moved on quickly, she may just be hiding things from you. So don't feel weird about having residual feelings. They'll eventually fade, just don't dwell in the past.

Hey, well, sounds like you have to figure out what to say to him, and in what circumstances you can contrive to approach him. That can really seem like the hardest thing, and that's where the knowledge that he likes you comes in: you don't have to be scared of him, because you know that he'll be just as scared as you. Just be honest and real with him, and don't make it out to be a scary thing, cause it really doesn't have to be. Just do it without even thinking about it: that's the confidence killer, the straying, niggling voice in the head that belittles you and makes you doubt. Just do it!

I also used to be the same way as you, GeneralLee. I was bullied almost constantly in elementary, and became very nice, had a very slow temper, rarely got angry, never really protected myself, and just generally became very introverted and withdrawn from people. What changed for me, (this was mentioned by someone else as well) was that I moved to a different city. Obviously, this may not be possible. But perhaps removing yourself from that entire circle of friends, or changing schools to have an entirely new crowd. I also struggled with low self-esteem, and it takes a long, long time to get over that. But.. just getting away from all that crap and from all those ingrained perceptions that those people have of you is the first step, i think. cause in a new space with new people, you can build yourself differently for them. I mean, it doesn't happen right away, it is a very gradual change, but it is totally worth it to be able to be with people who know you and who care about you, for who you really are.

The thing I love most of all about your post, is that it confirms the fact that I am not actually crazy. I am in the same boat as you. I think about my week-ago-ex all the time. I can usually pretend to be okay about it, but the minute I start to think about it, my throat closes, and everything just starts to shut down. It's so painful sometimes and I just want to give in and CALL him.. I keep hoping that he'll call, or that he'll show up at my door, or something....which is foolish, because I know that that isn't what is good for me. It won't change who he is, and it won't change what the relationship was. So be strong. Expect it to suck. Revel in the suckiness (but not too much), and start living for yourself. Start doing things that you always wanted to try, just get out there and add to your life. I don't want to commit the act of murder by letting go, by removing him from my heart, because it's going to hurt. But you deserve a better relationship, a better person. good luck

My personal experience with unrequited love is still ongoing. The guy I liked and I became very close friends, and eventually, he came to love in me in return, and we started dating. I had been hiding that unrequited love from him from the beginning, and like you said, it was if I was still chasing that horizon even though it was right there in front of me. I was too scared by the real thing to reach out and touch it. The unrequitedness had become a part of who I was when I was with him. The relationship began a slow and steady decline 'til it reached the point where neither one of us had the energy or the will to continue along the same path. That's where we are now. I suppose, that unless it changes, or I can get over that feeling of unrequitedness, of him being unreachable, it won't ever work out. Is it possible to 'get over' unrequited love with a person? Or will that particular stigma always be a part of that relationship?

Well, with my boyfriend being a good foot taller than I am, it was something that I thought about. What actually happened though, when we had our first kiss, was that I was sitting ON him! Then we were at exactly the same level.

Another thing that I find really helped me and my bf get through separation, was a webcam conversation. They've got that on most IM programs now. It helps to be able to see their face when they're talking to you, and hearing their voice at the same time.

What about the difference between loving each other and being in love with each other?

Most of my friends were guys. The ones who were really close were girls though. When a guy and a girl get really close, it is easy to become attracted to them in a sexual kind of way, but it never really was that way between me and him. Same sex friends are usually easier relationships because you have similar thought processes, and you can understand each other a lot better than someone of the opposite sex. But friendships between opposite sexes are often deeper and have a better connection. You are always finding out something new about them, because you can never really understand the way they think. sometimes romantic feelings come out, but often they don't! Just as a side note, my best friend (whom I've known for about 8-9 years, been dating for only 5 months or so) and I just recently got engaged.

Hi, This is more of a question of compatibility than anything. A very good friend of mine that I have known for a few years is the guy that I have had feelings for since the first time I met him. I never told him how I felt, just because I am a naturally shy person, and while it sometimes seemed like he was interested as well, I was just too scared that I might loose him if I said anything. Personality wise, he is a very different person than me. Where he is practical, I am emotional and a dreamer. He is confident, I am shy. He likes order and logical things, I like randomness and creativity. He is not a people pleaser, he will do and say anything he wants to, whereas I am always conscious of the other people and am "nice" and just generally polite despite what I may think. But when we're together, we just kind of fit. I know him almost better than I know myself, and vice versa with him. I know that all the experts say that although opposites attract, in the end it is somebody who is like you that you want as your mate. But we communicate almost instinctively (unless it's an "us" issue). And even though he always unintentionally hurts me and I always unintentionally frustrate him, each of us keep coming back for more. Whenever I am with him, I am content. Even when I am mad at him, just him being there makes the anger go away, or depression/sadness or whatever it is. I know what the so-called experts say, but what do other people say? Can opposites really make it together in the end, or are we too different?

It really sounds like Sherry feels the same way about you too. You are definitely right, she will need some time, but you have to let her know how you feel. She may have gotten embarrassed about having feelings for you when you mentioned that you had a date. She probably thinks that you don't feel that way about her anymore, and that would be why she a) either doesn't talk to you or b) it is awkward when you do. Women get very uncomfortable when they have feelings for a guy and when they do not know if the feelings are returned by the man. Just talk to her about it, and let her know that you don't want to rush into it, and be as honest as possible. Good luck. She sounds like an amazing girl!

I met this guy about 2 years ago, and since then we've become very close friends. There was "something" there at the beginning that seemed to go away. He's a very straightforward, confident person with everything, except for relationship/feeling type things. I have a very low level of self-confidence, and kind of lose my mind when I am with him. We're two very different people, which makes our relationship a very odd one. We can talk very openly about anything, the exception being talking about each other with each other. Before the summer of this year, he wrote me an email saying that he liked me "as more than a friend," although he hadn't really meant to send it. So, something kind of got started, but it was never clearly defined. We didn't see each other all summer, we were working in different locations, and only talked about 3 times. After the summer, we met up again, and things were suddenly different. I didn't get anything from him at all, and I wasn't sure what to think, or how to react. I don't know how to bring it up with him, or ask him about it, just because I hate feeling vulnerable. I don't know if he is still interested or not.