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rrovertherain

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About rrovertherain

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  1. One more misinterpretation. I said I never had a roommate in this culture, I did not say I am new to it in any setting. Second, you acted rude and arrogant to me, you misrepresented MULTIPLE times what I said, and then, yes, I responded in kind. Isn't that what you suggested I do in the first place?
  2. I asked for this topic to be closed, but you insist on doing this, and you have already misrepresented and responded on this misrepresentation in another forum (at least this username). You even interpreted in that other forum my initial post that I slept with a superior to get my way, and you did not apologize when corrected. You seem to enjoy to make it sound like I am throwing this whole thing out of proportion [as if I am on trial] at times, while others, you enjoy pretending I do not understand how bad I have it [like playing 'maid' or 'wife' without knowing it]. So, let me tell you.
  3. thank you for helping me see this. I think you are right, nothing will happen as long as I do my job well.
  4. Thank you. I guess I did not have prior experience with things like that, so you sharing your experience helps. I had never had a roommate before, and I come from a non-Western culture, so he presented it as this being some sort of social norm. As I started researching, I found out that it is not.
  5. Well, this actually helps in a weird way, as you talked about commitment: I do have my own professional network and my own connections, and it is much more extended and meaningful than this pettiness. Hence, his insistance to live together. It is just that I do not hang out with my network. We share work and ideas, and eventually that's not too bad, no matter how nice it sounds to drink beers with your colleagues on Friday nights. My impression is that his network will blame me, if I move out, even if I do present my side of the story. But eventually, I won't lose too much. Thank you. I would
  6. He has not asked for money. But I realized the last couple of days, as we are settling this month's bills that he added to the common grocery bill a lot of things that he bought for himself and that I do not use, because of special dietary needs -alcohol, candies, snacks etc... I buy my own drinks, snacks etc and paid them for myself -made sure to let him know that I did that too. He also expects to split grocery bills in half, while his boyfriend spends most of his time here and consumes most of the things we buy. That said, it is not an insane amount, but it would account for a good vacation
  7. Thank you for understanding... I get a bad vibe too. I do not think he would ever make any romantic advances: he is an openly gay man in a relationship [although he does seem to have these communication problems with his boyfriend too] and I am a heterosexual female [my partner studies in another city]. But it is still weird. Gives me the impression of him looking for an outlet for steaming out abusive behavior, both verbally and financially. I will try to keep a record of everything. And yes, if it comes down to it, I will move out. Thank you MissCanuck.
  8. He is some sort of union leader and our area of studies glorifies this type of activism. I also know how union leaders shun whoever threatens to bring down their activist image, by pointing out the discrepancies between political message and actual personality/life. It does sound naive, but he himself presented it as a good 'networking opportunity' for both of us -I won't go into the details of how he demonstrated the message without raising red flags, but he did, I realize now, masterfully. The problem is that now, like I said, he sneaks out to meet his friends -our colleagues. I do not m
  9. There is a lease, yes. I can't just leave. As far as talking to other people. I am an introvert, I do not mind the meetings, I minded the effort to hide where he was going, while he always asks where I am going. But he also knows everybody, including my advisor, longer than me. This is a personality of his that is not visible to many people. I had known him for a bit, before this and would never have imagined he was capable of such condescending behavior. So, before I talk to someone, I need concrete proof. In the meantime, I need some strength and peace of mind, to keep doing my work, which
  10. No. There was never nor will be any romantic involvement. As a matter of fact, his boyfriend stays with us for most of the time. He is a very nice guy, we get along well. He has even called my roommate on his abrupt ways at times. But, it is partly the reason why I mentioned the financial aspect. They practically both live here, but expenses (like groceries and home supplies), and effort (like cooking and cleaning) are split in half, not three. I am hospitable, but if this is to be normal, the expenses would add up. It was not part of our deal.
  11. Hi all. I just moved in as roommates with a fellow graduate student a month ago. I am just editing this to simply say that I think I am taken advantage of financially. At the same time, we go to the same school, work with the same people and have the same professional cycle. As a matter of fact, I had felt kind of manipulated into accepting this arrangement. My original plan was to move in a different apartment in the same building, and live alone. I could afford it and still can (his situation is more complicated), but he asked in a way that implied that my continued admission in this profess
  12. Thank you every much. This is great advice, and I do plan to heed it. What my brother has done does hurt me a little and I cannot control that, but I can control how I deal with it. For the record, regarding other guy, though: it was a mistake that I could not say no. It's something I have yet to learn. However, I think that no matter what the perspective of a relationship is, the fact that I did not set clear financial expectations was not my fault. There is convention here and convention says that you split expenses by half or the man pays -but I always go by the first. I could not say t
  13. I am very close to my siblings. A few months ago, I met this guy while visiting my brother in another country. He was not acquainted with my brother before that but they go to the same church. Still, he had not seen my brother at all since my departure until a couple of weeks ago. Anyhow, I came back home and said guy and I started to talk to each other -through e-mail mostly. I was about to break up with him (i felt there was an intellectual and spiritual mismatch there) when he offered to come see me during a visit closeby. I could not say no. So, he came. He paid for his tickets to an airpo
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