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About amanduhhpanda

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  1. Thank you all for your kind replies. It makes me feel better and feel like at least someone out there cares. I have spoken to a counselor and reached to "rape crisis hotlines" a few times but felt like they didn't really care so thank you for that. This painful experience showed me the harsh reality of sexual assault. It is under reported and now I understand why.even if you do decide to report it, it does not always make you feel better. I learned to be stronger though. I am more cautious, I am less trustworthy, and felt like I have been given a wake up call. I stopped abusing xanax. It
  2. That's what hurts me the most. I just felt like no one really cared. I feel like the police didn't believe me. To this day, all my questions are still unanswered. But it's ok. I forgave him and I forgave myself.
  3. My last post was about me questioning what happened to be the night prior. It was about 6 months ago. I was confused, hurt, and in shock. I asked a question here trying to make sense what had happened to me and I asked for advice on what to do next. Long story short, I drank too much and mixed prescriptions drugs so I blacked out. I woke up next to an acquaintance naked and confused. I was sore down there and later discovered a huge bruise on my left cheek. I attempted to ask what happened but he refused to even look at me and told me to get out of his apartment. I told my sister and I w
  4. Also, I do understand that mixing xanax with alcohol is a bad idea. Don't judge but I've been abusing xanax while drinking for a while and I only take a quarter (.50mg) I can usually recall everything when I do this. But that night, I blacked out completely and I didn't think that I drank that much either. I never blacked out like that before which is worrisome. I understand and take full responsibility for taking xanax and drinking at the same time .That's why I was hesitant to report it because I pretty much did this to myself.
  5. Thank you for all your support. I didn't wanna report it at all but my sister convinced me to go to the ER and do a rape kit. I also filed a report to the police. After a long day at the ER, I finally got home, took my makeup off and noticed my left cheek was tender and there was a light bruise. Do you think it's from him?
  6. I went to the club with my friends last night. We were pre gaming so I was already a bit tipsy by the time I got there. Saw this guy from campus who I always thought was cute and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said yes. Please don t judge but I took a quarter of xanax while drunk. Bad idea so I blacked out. My friends didn t stop me from going home with him but I guess I did. I literally don t remember anything. I remember I was in his bed (no idea how I got there) and he was trying to wake me up but I started throwing up on him. By that point I remember saying "I m sorry. Should I leave ? I
  7. I am willing to come back just for the company and sex. I can control my emotions now. I've done some thinking and I know for a fact that I would not want a relationship with him anyway. So just enjoy things, enjoy the moment, enjoy the company while it lasts... When should I hit him up to "come back"? Should I just wait? By the way, he hit me up last night...well not really hit me up but he commented on one of my snapchats and said "LOL"...idk if I should read in to it?
  8. FWB= Friends with benefits (just in case ) So I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months. I just got out of a relationship so I told him I wasnt looking for anything serious. We started hooking up but he said he didnt want a relationship either. After months passed by, I kind of started catching feelings and getting attached. He took me on a weekend out of town trip together, we cuddle after sex, I spend the night, we go to the gym together, talk everyday, study together, and etc. I decided to talk about "us" because I know that the first thing you do when you catch feelings/devel
  9. I met this guy at university last quarter and we're currently on winter break. Good news is we actually live close to each other (only 30 mins away) but every I ask him to tag along and hang out with me and my friends, he declined. I only asked twice. First time, he was actually out of town and the second time, he said none of his friends want to go with him and it was a super short notice. We text every day so I think that's a good sign but tonight, I saw on Snapchat that he is actually in my city but he is hanging out with his high school friends... Should I be worried? I mean we're still
  10. Also, he probably feels no need to commit to you because he views you as easy. You haven't demanded anything, don't seem to set up expectations, and gave him sex early on. You are low maintenance to him so he feels no pressure or pull to lock you down. What should I do? Start demanding? Thanks for your honesty
  11. I met this guy this quarter at uni. We are both in the same dorms. I feel like we hit it off right away because there was an instant connection and we got along quickly. I slept with him pretty soon (3 dates) and we continued hooking up. For awhile, I just assumed that we were just friends with benefits because he doesn't text me all day or told me straight up that he likes me but yet he hasn't made it clear if this is just a hook up or if its going somewhere else. But the lines were kind of blurred when he started doing "boyfriend things" such as offering to take care of me when I was sic
  12. I've been talking to him for the whole quarter. We met at University We see each other regularly (3-4x/week) We live in the same dorms (He is just one building over) I actually don't know what our status is to be honest. All I know is we enjoy each other's company and we have been hooking up but he never made it clear to me if this is a fwb thing or if its potentially leading to something... Today, we were just hanging out in his living room and having fun, laughing, talking I got out for a bit and talked to his housemates(they are my friends too) and one of them asked about my ex. My
  13. This relationship sounds unhealthy. She has some issues that she needs to work on because this relationship is toxic. She also sounds very controlling I am this girl and decided to be single for a while because I realized that I have a really bad temper and know that I need to work on myself first before I could be with someone again. but yet, she wants to change herself you know? It is up to you if you want to stay or go but I know that things won't be better Let me know if you have any questions
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