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lesliemadds

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About lesliemadds

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  1. I understand completely. I added a little more info below
  2. And then there's guilt because I remember doing these things, it's not like I was drunk and blacked out. I have memories of doing crazy things and saying crazy things. But for some reason my judgement wasn't on like it should've. I could make choices but my mind couldn't stop and think about the cause and effect in the future
  3. When life opens a door for me and I become happy and excited and I mean NORMAL happy and excited. It's like a green man tails me as I walk through the door and I have no awareness of this and I don't notice until it's too late.
  4. I've also been feeling really bad lately because I made A LOT of life altering decisions. I lead a lot of people on. I said a lot of things that probably should've kept to myself or at least thought about. The only one I can describe it is this: life opens a door for me and "I" actually am happy so I walk through it and then a tiny troll follows behind me through the door without my consent or me even knowing about it until I'm picking up the pieces. Growing up the episodes weren't bad, normally it would be me being too prideful to apologize to a friend or getting into a fight with a f
  5. About the bipolar disorder. I used to be able to tell with medication when something is right or not but without I'm always unsure. I've always doubted if I actually liked something or not. If I'm overly excited about something like most people are, something is always asking me "am I really excited or is this the beginning of a manic episode" I've tried other medications and we've never found one that felt "right" if you know what I mean. Before I was diagnosed I was diagnosed with depression and anti depressants made me feel really bland and I had a hard time relating my emotions wit
  6. In the last few months things have been pretty great (despite of a few incidents) I've been in a better place than I've ever been before. Things seem to be falling directly in place as far as my future goes. For the first time in my life I feel like its "there" and I love the feeling. The issue is, I can't enjoy it. I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder and I'm waiting for it all to crumble. I'm making excuses to not execute with my original plans because I don't want to lose everything. I'm in a position right now that I want my dreams to stay dreams because if I go out for it and I fai
  7. We broke up a week ago because it was getting too intense for two people that are leaving next month.
  8. Hi, I posted on here a week ago about an anxiety issue but I have a issue in my personal life and I'm desperate for advice. I just graduated high school and I've always been sort of focused on my work and not my dating life so I didn't date anyone in high school. There's this guy that I've known since I was in first grade and all my life he's just sort of been there in the background. I used to play with him when I was younger and although we weren't best friends we've always had mutual friends. He's just always been there and I didn't even notice. My friends used to joke that he had a
  9. I'm starting college in September and I'm having really bad social anxiety all of a sudden. I've never had any type of social anxiety before so this is extremely new. I'm attending a very liberal college that is known for trans students and their LGBT scene. I got assigned a roommate and this person flat out said they weren't comfortable with straight people and then changed rooms. I was really planning on whoever is assigned my roommate to be my friend for the first few months since its all very new and now I don't have a roommate and it's giving me anxiety. There's a online forum for
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