Sugar

I'm 23, and have been married for almost three years, and been together 6years since I was 17.5yrs. At the time I was going through a rough patch living at home, and we just hit it off and he gave me an escape and he loved me, which I didn't feel from anyone else in my life. We had a child together after 2years, and we were so close and in love. We then married a year later, it just seemed the right thing to do, we had a child, and we owned a house, marriage was kinda the only thing left that we'd not done. A year later we were expecting another baby, and things seemed fine between us. A year on, things are rocky, and to be honest I think the main thing that keeps me here is cause I'm scared of being on my own with two children and never finding anyone else. I've been unfaithful whilst in the relationship, I've never had sex with anyone else, just kissing, and it all stopped when we got married, I felt really happy. Two years after we married I ended up kissing someone else, a close male friend, and things were rocky at home and it just happened as theres always been some sexual chemistry. I regretted it, as I don't want my marriage to end due to infidelity. Our life has become so monotonous. We do have a sexual relationship, and I do love him very much, but I do not think I am in love with him the way I should be. At 23 I am regretting a lot of things, and it is not that I just want a free ticket to play around, more like some space. I used to miss my husband intently when he was at work, and I now enjoy my own company. We are best friends, and I could tell him anything, and I do feel like he is my 'soul mate' but not necessarily the man I am supposed to be in love with for the rest of my life. I'm staying put for now because of the children, but because I am unhappy I don't want to make my kids unhappy, and try to carry on as normal, but I do cry, and when they see me cry it is hard for them to understand why mummy is upset. People tell us we were made for eachother, but I feel like I am just going through the motions of a relationship. I know because we have children it makes things more complicated, and a lot of people would say stay together for the children, but it is hard. He was my first proper relationship, and my first sexual one, and I think I may have rushed in to early and now am trapped in a relationship that may not be going anywhere. He loves me, he really does, but I do feel guilty for even typing this because it's admitting that I probably am not in love with him as much as he is with me. I am also his first relationship, sexual too.

I really understand where you are coming from. I started to worry about getting older at about 20.I'm 23 now, I am really scared of getting older, and of dying, and I know there is nothing you can do about it, as it is going to happen no matter what, and Ido try to enjoy the here and now, but I still worry about it all, and do wish I was still 18!

yeah, i think abou it, and talk about it with dh, kissed a girl a few years ago, but nothing since,,,wouldn't mind though, so yes, i think i'm bi

been on date with; three kissed: too many to remember boyfriends: properly just the 1

I've been kinda thinking the same, the onlydifference is I'm married, with two young children. We're both 23, and this week I am starting university, only on some part time courses, but hope to start a degree within the next couple of years. My husband has never been academic, he's not stupid or anything, academic stuff is ust not his cup of tea so to speak, and he's happy doing his job. He is also quit ehappy to just have a normal everyday life, go to work, come home, go to work, come home, everyday, maybe sometimes doing something a bit different. However, I want change. I've been a stay at home mum for the past 4 years, and I'm going to university to try and get a little bit of my old self back, but I'm scared about doing this. Before I met my husband I was quite an outgoing person, with good friends, and a good social life. We went through the whirlwind romance thing, and I became pregnant with our first child a year after we met. Since then I've become a bit shy, and don't go out much, I find it hard to talk to people about stuff, cause I don't usually have much to talk about. I know this will probably change as I meet new people at university, however, in a way I am worried of the change in myself, as I become more confident and go on to get a career, in that perhaps my husband and I will no longer be as close, or have as much in common. I really want to travel after I've gone through university, and I know that it would be a fantastic opertunity for my children to see some of the world, something I've never had the chance to do, however my husband says that he likes being somewhere he knows, and isn't that bothered whether he lives he for the rest of his life. I want to get the most out of life, and want to grow as a person in my own right, aswell as a mum and wife. My husband does fully support me in my decision to go to university, and is happy for me, thought I should point that out.

Thanks guys for all the advice. I think I'm going to see about enrolling on some part time courses, and try and get a bit of my old self back. I have tried explaining to my husband that I am bored with the way our life is at the moment, and sick of it being so routine, but I don't think he understands. He works full time, and loves his jobs, and gets on real well with all the other blokes there, so he has a laugh all day, so I don't think he's feels tied down as much as me because he is free to be himself all day, and not worry about the house and the kids. I think once I'm at uni, even just the odd evening or weekday class that I will feel better about myself, and us. As for my friend, well I said I would see him later in the week, and I think I will still meet him, and explain to him how I am feeling, and that I do not want to risk what I have got for something that does not mean anything in the long run. I hope that we do remain friends, but yeah, my husband and family are more important,and I'm not going to risk anything happening, so it's either just mates, or nothing at all. I know that I am strong enough not to let anything happen, I saw him the other day and nothing happened, we just chatted and laughed, so I know we can be just mates, but we'll have to wait and see. Thanks again peeps, I was scared of posting incase people judged me for trying to be honest and opening up, but you guys have been great, thanks sugar xxx

he is a wonderful man, and i do love him dearly. i do think you're right that my life is dominated by him and the kids, and I don't have a life outside home anymore (i used to be really outgoing and have tons of friends, but since being together they've all drifted away, and I've gone in to myself, to the point where i don't go anywhere)....perhaps I am just bored, and need to get out and about again.

on my husband. i am 23, married, with 2 young children. I love them all very much. Th eproblem is that although I love my husband with all my heart, love has become routine, and I am questioning whether I actually am in love with him anymore. I have kissed some other guys in the past, before we married, which he knows about, but never anything more than that. Since being married I had been faithful, until just a month ago when i shared a kiss with a close male friend of mine. We have been friends for the same amount of time as I've known my husband. We became quite close in the beginning, and there was a lot of attraction there, but after some heated kissing one night I backed away from him, and started dating my husband. A few years later we are still close, and the attraction is still there. It's not a physcial attraction, I'm attracted to his personality, as he makes me laugh, and we can talk about anything and everything. We talk on the internet, and through txting, and things get quite sexual, and he wants to take things further in person, and I am tempted, although he has said that if I do not want to, it wont affect our friendship, and we can go back to simply being friends. I have told him before that I do not want anything more than friendship, but I keep finding myself drawn back to him, and I just can't help it. I think that it is something to do with missing my late teens. My husband was the first proper relationship I had, and also the first sexual one. It all happened very fast, faster then it probably should have done, and we moved in with eachother after just a few weeks. I think I am regretting not exploring my feelings and getting to know myself before committing to someone for the rest o fmy life. As a child I had quite a rough childhood, and i always felt like I had not been loved, and that the person who looked after me when i mother left me as I got older when we would argue she would say that she wished my mum had had an abortion, or that she was sick of me etc, and I think my husband was the first man that truly loved me, for who I was, and despite my flaws, and I think this is why I got attatched so quickly. My husband is a wonderful man, he is loving and kind, and yes, i think he's the man I want to grow old with, however, i'm not ready to grow old yet. We do argue, about several things, and I have threatened to leave him, as I honestly think some time alone would do me good, so that I can actually work out what I want. the only thing is that each time I try to explain this to him he gets upset, and I always say it doesn't matter, we'll just carry on as normal. He's a good dad, and I know nothing would change that, but I don't know if thats enough to make me stay with him. We have always been very loved up, and talling eachother that we love eachother several times a day, but now it is more routine, and each time i say it I start wondering whether I am IN love with him, or whether I just love him because he has been so good to me, and is a good dad to the kids. I am so confused, do you think time alone would do me good?? I'll stress that it is not the children that I feel have tied me down in any way, and I would not be leaving the children behind, as they mean everything to me. When I had some problems before ppl always put it down to the fact that I am a full time mum, but that is what I truly love doing. I do want to go back to university, and get a career, however, I am worried that if I get a 'life of my own' so to speak, that I would perhaps meet someone else, so I have put the idea off....as I don't want to hurt my husband, but I am hurting at the moment. sorry for this long post guys.