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About Jovahutc

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  1. And I don’t know how to do anything else I’m just doing the best I can so if that isn’t enough then maybe I’m doomed
  2. It’s deeper than just depression. Now I’ve had an event of loving and losing it. I can’t seem to rationalize that. I’ve lost so much.
  3. Well I’m getting a lawyer just was waiting until I could afford it. And I probably do need therapy though I’m not convinced it will help. I’m going for a motion of contempt
  4. There is no restraining order. There is a custody order in place that she is violating. I did not touch her she is doing this out of spite
  5. A lot to process, so I spend my weekends just sitting here alone trying to process my life being in ruins. I’m sitting here in the fire. So if you take it personally that I pushed you away well I don’t care. I don’t have the capacity, I don’t have the strength to deal with anything more. So you can think I’m heartless and cold, but truth is that I had a heart. Having a heart gets you hurt, and hurt can lead to death. I’m just trying to survive for my kids. But I have to fight for my kids and it takes a toll. I have to fight the person I loved for my kid. I have been trying to process that for
  6. You need to leave him alone. Sounds like he doesn’t care about you or maybe even trying to use you for something that’s what people do
  7. No matter how many girls you have sex with you are afflicted. A cursed soul of someone who really loved and lost. And that hurt was so bad, so tremendous that you can never love again. You may not even survive it. You just want things to go the way you picture them in your head, but that’s not reality. You want it so bad you long for it; you want her to be this person in your head so badly but she just isn’t. Yet why does this feel so wrong. Why do I feel so lost , and as if I have this gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be? It’s been years and I’m still not over this. It’s been a
  8. That smile melts my heart and gives me strength. I’m trying to hang on for you baby you give me strength. I’m sorry this happened and me and your mom couldn’t make it work but sometimes that’s destiny. I promised you a good Christmas and now I can’t give that to you. My greatest fear is to disappoint you. And I feel like I have and I’m sorry. But I’m here baby waiting for you to come back to me. Daddy loves you eternally. There’s not a place in the universe I would not travel for you. Let me bear any sadness you might feel or any worries, let me bear it baby. You just continue to be my happy l
  9. so I’ve posted here about the hell I’ve been through in my previous seven year relationship. It took a hell of a long time and I experienced so much grief and hurt but the sting has finally lessened. Some days I still do miss her and some days I still do cry, but I am able to quickly put myself in check. Anyway I’ve dated two women since then and it didn’t work out both times. The first girl was younger and I ended it with her just because I wasn’t into her and honestly found her kind of dull. The second girl was my age ... 30... and I did really like her. She was pretty and smart and had go
  10. And why would you guess that? Why can’t she be the one that was abusive and possessive?
  11. Ive lost the only girl I’ve ever loved. And now I don’t think I can love again. And so I go on passing my days with someone new. There’s always someone new. Searching for her again. But I can never seem to find her. She’s lost to me forever, and what we once had is now only a moment lost in eternity. I’ve accepted that it’s over, but why can’t I seem to fill this gargantuan hole in my chest? Perhaps it’s the fact that she’s my child’s mother. Perhaps it’s that we were together for seven years. Perhaps... All of the turmoil, all the the fighting and the yelling, and the pain.... this has t
  12. I suppose it may be true what they say; that time heals all wounds. For years I've experienced tremendous heartache and suffering, for my heart has been broken. Lately I've felt more numb and a sense of acceptance. What has always stopped my heart and has been my worst fear is my ex leaving with my daughter to go to another man. How it just stops my heart. I still don't know how that will affect me; but what I do now is that at this moment I am enduring. Every time she wanted to make me bleed, I endured; I fell down and I kept getting back up. And now... I am attempting to meet other women. So
  13. Warning, I hope I don't ruin anyone's day here, but be forewarned that this is depressing because I am in a deep depression. The world, the universe doesn't feel the same without her. It's cold, and I'm dying. Snap out of it! But whenever I look into her eyes, I get lost. How did she know that? She said that this would kill me. She said that the end of me and her would kill me. And I've always known I could not survive it, but I've tried, and I'm trying. Will finding another woman save me? Six years ago I met a woman, and she swallowed me whole. I fell in love and it nearly killed me, and i
  14. I'm having a down moment. Maybe in knowing that we were unhappy, maybe that makes it easier.
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