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gerry101

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  1. Hi all, I have been in a serious relationship with my partner for 4+ years. We both live in the same city, however do not live together. Overall we a good relationship with many happy times, around the world, but I have finally come to the realisation that I do not get along with her family, friends, and overall we are very different people. Do I want to continue and know I could be happier, this is my main thought. I know she is head over heels for me and wants to get married and have kids in the next few years. Since she’s been away I’ve been spending time with friends (male and female) and I have realised everything that currently lacks in my relationship. She is an introvert, I’m an extrovert. She takes everything seriously, I don’t. She is currently away travelling for two months (partly with friends, partly with family). I am due to meet her in two weeks at her best friends wedding overseas, before we travel together for a week after. My question is. Am I just feeling this because we are apart (we have been apart before for substantial lengths of time, without me having these feelings), or are these real. Also, do I breakup now over the phone, or do I continue with the trip (this seems foolish). Any thoughts comments or criticisms are welcome!
  2. Thanks for your positive outlook!
  3. Hi all, a slight update (if anybody still reads this). Over the past week, we've spent the night together a few times, cooked for each other, and spent full days together. Her emotions are still very up and down. For example all day yesterday she was ok, and told me she enjoyed spending the day with me. However when I saw her last night, she demanded she look at my phone (which of course I'm ok with), and kept saying that she wants to see the conversation I had with this girl, but it's been deleted. In her mind, she is thinking there were a whole bunch of girls I was texting, but there was only one. She still hasn't made up her mind, I know she discusses this a lot with her friends on a daily basis, some of her friends want us to get back together, others don't. I'm seeing her this week, and she asked me to help her take her car for a service, and we will have dinner together. Any comments or suggestions would be great. It seems right now I just hold on and ride the waves of emotion, and answer all questions she has of me honestly. Thanks guys.
  4. Thanks. I'm not convincing myself we are in limbo. she said she wants two weeks to think whether we should get back together or not, and she wants to make that decision with a clear mind. I understand currently we are over right now.
  5. Thanks Postman Pat for your advice. It's uncanny how similar your situation is to mine! Today is day 4 of no contact, it's really difficult. I had to delete her number, I kept checking when she was last online in WhatsApp, almost like an obsession. Unsure why I was doing it, but somehow it calmed me. I went out for dinner with friends last night, and that kept my mind off things. I really just want an answer one way or another if we're together. However I understand this isn't possible right now
  6. Yes it's quite complicated isn't it. She said she needs NC to make a decision whether to stay with me or not, as she hasn't decided. It's quite confusing, we are broken up, she wants to do no contact for 2 weeks, however she's admitted there is a small chance we will get back together. I think NC is easier when you know it's over, and it's done for healing purposes and to move on. However this is just a waiting game for me for her to make a decision, I'm unable to move on, unable to be with her right now so I'm in a middle ground. I'll check our your thread, thanks
  7. Today is day two of no contact, it's not easy!
  8. Ok so here I am again. Last night we went to the movies together, to be honest I was just happy to see her. During the movie I tried to hold her hand casually, but she didn't appreciate that and pulled away. I guess I was just falling back into old habits with her. After the movie we went to her house, and I asked if we could talk, and she agreed. We ended up joking a little bit and sharing a couple of smiles and laughs. After this I ended up staying the night, which has now made everything more difficult. She told me she's very confused, goes through waves of anger, and one point misses me and the next hating me. We've decided to not contact each other for about 2 weeks, and spend time without hearing from or seeing each other. She's said she wants to make s decision whether we stay together or not when her mind is clear, which I agree with. Thank you for everybody's help here
  9. Thanks. I've been at odds with myself what to do now. I'm planning on giving her some space, say a week or so before making contact. Do I need to tell her I'm giving her space in some way? Or do I just disappear? Will she think I've moved on? Thanks.
  10. Thank you for the insight, I appreciate people's responses whether they are hopeful or not. I saw her this afternoon, we spend about 30 mins walking around a park after I picked her up from her house. I walked around the park, reiterating everything I've told her, and explained myself again. She didn't have much to say, it was mainly me very emotional explaining everything to her, how much I love her, how she is everything to me, swearing on my life I'd never do that to her again. I reiterated that it isn't going to be easy if we were to move forward one day with the relationship, and I'd be there for her no matter what issues arose in the future, because of my actions. Plus lots of other things about what had taken place. After the park we went to a cafe for an hour or so, a little less emotional, but we continued the conversation there over a couple of coffees. I struggled to keep my tears back. I tried for a little casual conversation about her holiday, but was mainly one word answers so I refrained from asking any more. We then discussed what our family's and close friends thought of my actions. We then sat in the car for 30 mins, I was emotional trying to explain why I did it and it meant nothing, I'm sure she could see how much it is currently affecting me. She said maybe we shouldn't meet, as it will be hard to get over each other, and she asked me what I wanted from meeting her. I explained that I'm taking one day at a time, and I want to gain her trust incrementally, no matter what it takes, and I'm ashamed of my actions. One interesting thing she said is that she wants 'clarity', which is not what I expected, I thought she would say closure. I drove her home, and before saying goodbye, I asked her if she wanted to catch up at the end of the week, I said she can let me know later in the week, and I don't need an answer now. She asked why I wanted to, and she said that she doesn't want to give me false hope that we're going to be back together. I just have a feeling there's a small chance there. I told her I don't think we have a 0% chance of getting back together, I said it would be pretty close to 0% but not 0. She didn't say anything to this. I feel that if she really wanted me out she would tell me straight, and tell me not to contact her. She would want closure and probably request us not to meet or be in contact. I understand I do not want to get my hopes up, and am trying to be realistic. Any comments or suggestions would be great! Thanks. T
  11. She's agreed to meet with me today, she's said we're over and we aren't getting back together. This is ok, I will take one day at a time. I just wonder why she is ok to meet with me? Why doesn't she just tell me to get lost. At what point do I give up fighting? At the moment I'm staying in the shadows, sending her the odd supportive text.
  12. Firstly, I'd like to thank everybody for their replies and the effort they put into providing advice for a stranger. I read the replies many times over the course of a couple of days. We both met last night at her house. There were many tears from both of us over the course of a few hours. I explained myself fully to her, the reason I did it and how sorry I am, embarassed/ashamed that I could betray her. I offered a very lengthy apology and explanation, I answered all questions honestly and respectfully. I begged and offered comfort to her and for a second chance, and at minimum some minor form of forgiveness initially so we could continue and she could see how good I can be in the future. She responded (in summary) by saying she doesn't think we can be together as she has no trust in me now, which i completely understand. We went on to discuss how it would be if we were to continue, how I would behave in future, and I was prepared for a lot of work. After this she calmly said it was a good idea for me to leave, which was very emotional for me, and as I began to collect my items she would start sobbing and we would continue talking for another 30mins or so. This happened a couple of times. It was as though she wanted me to leave, but was 50/50? I suggested if she was interested in catching up again in a couple of days with a walk in a park, or to grab a drink or casual food. She didn't say no, she said she'd think about it. It ended with me comforting her on the bed, in quite calm conversation, there was no anger the whole meeting, which I was expecting from her. She was falling asleep, so I gathered my small bag of things kissed her on the forehead goodnight and said I loved her, and left. One hour later, I sent a couple of short messages to her about how I want to fix it, and she's the world to me, if she could only give me a chance, kind of a summary. Also that I'd find a nice ice cream place for Sunday/Monday, only if it suited her, and let her know. I'm quite confused, everytime she asked me to leave I began to, but then she would keep talking, almost as if she didn't want me to, I could see how hurt she is and this breaks me inside. I was expecting her to be very firm with her wanting me out of her life, but it really didn't seem that way. If she was yelling at me to leave, and was adamant, I would have of course respected that and left when she asked. It seemed she was bouncing between two ideas the whole time. At this stage there's a chance we will meet in a couple of days in a casual setting. It's been a week since it all started, perhaps I need to wait another week or so, and give her space whilst still offering the odd supportive text message. I really don't know. Any advice regarding this situation would be most appreciated.
  13. Hi all, I thank everybody in advance for their help, looking forward to your replies. I'm a guy in my late 20's that has made quite a large mistake. My girlfriend and I have been together for 18 months, everything has been great, we have travelled a lot together, we have a lot of mutual friends, and we have a lot of great memories, totally in love (or was). About 6 weeks ago my girlfriend went overseas for a 5 week backpacking trip. To begin, I've never been unfaithful in a relationship before, and to top it off she and I have huge amounts of trust and respect for each other, like any good relationship should. A couple of weeks after she left, I felt a slight void, unsure if it was nobody to talk to, no messages on my phone, or I was just bored. I downloaded an app (a friends app, not dating or hookup app) and started chatting to a girl on the app, and we continued to chat on the app and it was obvious she liked me and wanted to meet). I had no intention of meeting her, but I did enjoy having somebody there to talk to. The messages were generally friendly chit chat nothingness, but at times progressed to quite flirty, plain creepy and suggestive messages, but hardcore sexual. After two weeks of chatting to her I felt extremely bad with my behaviour and decided to say goodbye to her and delete the app. I never met her. Fast forward another two weeks (2 days before my gf is due home), it seems this girl has somehow found out who my girlfriend is through Instagram and sent screenshots of a lot of our messages to her. Naturally my girlfriend is furious, and ended the relationship instantly. This was one week ago. I have not seen her face to face or spoken to her since this happened, but we have exchanged quite a few messages. The first few days she called me many horrible names etc etc and I don't blame her for that. She continues to say we are over, and the next time she sees me face to face will be for closure and for me to collect my belongings. It seems she will read and reply to my messages for 10 mins, and then she will get angry and not talk. Because of this, I've tried to give her some space the last few days. I've tried calling a couple of times, with no answer, and have sent her huge messages how I feel, how I'm disgusted with myself (which I genuinely am), full of remorse. I also wrote a very long letter and dropped it in her letterbox a few days ago, which she has read. Today she agreed for me to go to her house tomorrow just to talk, as I insisted we need to see each other. She still seems extremely angry at me, however she now says "I'm pretty sure we're finished", so I see this as a positive in comparison to "we are finished". So tomorrow I am going to her house to talk (it's been one week since she found out). I've done so much apologising already, so I plan to reiterate everything I've said, and practically promise her that nothing will ever happen again. She is still angry, but seems slightly calmer than one week ago. I understand this is 100% my fault, I've broken all of the trust she had for me, and my behaviour is completely horrendous. It's not physical cheating, but I understand it's emotional cheating. My queries are: - How do I approach her, and what do I say? I'm assuming the chat will go for a long time, as long as it takes, and will likely be tears from both of us. - How can I provide some form of comfort to her, that I'll never do something like this again? - How can I let her know its genuine, rather than just empty apologies and words? - Should I take a gift? (flowers, coffee, something bigger)? - What are my chances? I'm totally ashamed of myself, this girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thanks so much everybody. G
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