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Everything posted by SherrySher

  1. Absolutely! I fully agree, I remember feeling a type of mourning and loss. I remember feeling, like I was now cut out of all the "good times" that everyone else seemed to be involved with. Christmas parties, summer bbq's, girls weekends, etc, etc. Yes, I remember quite well. You'll feel left out, you will feel like everything is boring or sad without the drink and others drinking. You will feel like just throwing in the towel and joining, even though you know it's a toxic place to go to. This is another part of the whole addiction that you need to get past. It's part of the recovery. You need to be okay with letting it go, letting those situations go. And you need to realize that there are still many good times out there, filled with happiness, laughter, joy, excitement, achievement...that have absolutely nothing to do with alcohol and drinking. You just need to find those places and people, find what you're interested in and what you want to become involved with. Will it seem lame at first? Maybe...your brain is wired for partying, drinking...so yes, it will think everything else is boring. But it's not the truth. You just have to redirect your brain and start seeing all the good things out there that won't lead you back to drinking. Finding a new hobby, taking classes (furthering your education), a new challenge, focusing on getting your body stronger. Speed walking, cycling, yoga,...whatever you think you can manage and want to create goals towards. Reading books, or learning something online. Deciding on travelling somewhere, reading up on where you want to go, the culture, the views, saving money towards it. Redecorating your house, photography, writing, cooking, making jewelry. There are so many things out there that is new to discover, and so many people yet to meet that will be in the same mindset as you, in wanting to have a happy life with no substances. Redirect your mind to other things, keep yourself busy, focus on a better you, a different perspective and better horizons/goals. In the moments that you feel sadness for the loss of your old lifestyle...allow it, recognize it, but let it pass and remind yourself that you don't need to be tied to that any longer. Force yourself to remember the fights, the drunken slurs, the silly behavior, the out of control behavior. It's all false happiness through a substance. It's now time to find real happiness through life and down other paths.
  2. It's difficult to say. It's a really new relationship and you're still getting to know who he is. I think like everyone else has mentioned, all you can do at this point is give him the benefit of the doubt, but keep a watchful eye. He may just be the type who is a very private person and doesn't want anyone else to hear his private conversations. (which is a good things between you and he). If you say he behaves like a gentleman and has introduced you to all of his family, then those are good signs. Maybe just wait it out, spend time with him in person and see how things go when he gets back. I was under the impression that you hadn't met his family or friends yet, but if they know who you are, then it could just be that he's a private person.
  3. Try not to let it overwhelm you. I have been in your shoes. You can get out of this, I promise. Focus on only today, and each day... only focus on this moment. You do have control over your own choices and your own thoughts. You can move into a different direction with your life, and things will become better. Change takes time, it is something you can achieve, but just go day by day, hour by hour..even minute by minute if you have to. Slow deep breaths. You are stronger than this addiction and these cravings. keep pushing back.
  4. Keep on. Take each day one at a time, don't look down the road and wonder how you can manage days, weeks, or years. Just focus on today. Stay away from any kind of outing or occasion where people are drinking, it will only trigger you and most likely cause a major backslide. You have to be okay with saying goodbye to all of the "parties", as well as using alcohol to cope and thinking it's going to help you. Change your mindsets. You don't need alcohol to have a good time. You don't need alcohol in order to deal with stress, or upset. Keep telling yourself those two things, over and over. Find new ways of dealing with stress. Meditation, exercising, becoming involved with groups that are focused on becoming healthier and better versions of themselves. (exercise groups, groups focused on relaxation techniques for stress, etc). Check out meetup.com There are also several groups online for meditation and support for stress, as well as support groups for trying to overcome alcohol addiction. When you start to feel triggered, or cravings, get yourself out of the situation that might have triggered it, do some deep breathing, tell yourself that you're okay...you can get past this and not fall back. It takes time to work your way into these new mind sets and new ways of dealing with things..but keep on practicing and don't give up on yourself!!
  5. Mentioning marriage in two months, is odd. You don't know if someone is your match for something as serious as marriage until at least the 6 month mark, but in some cases, closer to a year. No point in rushing it as divorces are costly and can be long drawn out. The two things I would wonder, does he speak to you on the phone (in bed), as soon as he is waking up, or falling asleep? Or different times of the day when you can hear other people around him? If not, then I would be suspicious (but that's just me).
  6. Unfortunately, if you feel he already has a girlfriend and is messing around, you're most likely correct. Yes, it does sound very shady how he is acting, and it wouldn't be shocking being as you're not in person. Have you not met any of his family, or friends yet?
  7. Completely agree....why continue to give her all that info or visa versa? You're not friends, OP....it's an odd arrangement, besides the fact that she's looking at your life and resenting anything good that happens to you. She's not your friend.
  8. Apart from the fact that she's jealous for all the wrong reasons. She wanted him to suffer it out and be worse off. She didn't want him back. Yes, she's lonely and wanting a partner, but not him.
  9. She expected you to curl up and have life end without her...you proved her wrong, you moved on and you bettered yourself and your life, without her. She is a bitter person, who would have rather enjoyed watching your downfall and demise. Keep your distance.
  10. Can I just say....the fact that YOU had to go find this out yourself, and he did not ever tell you, or ever mention the possibility of this child, speaks volumes. He doesn't trust you or feel comfortable enough with you to admit that he may have a child. That's something he should have told you the first month into the relationship!! He skipped past all that information, and it's pretty crucial information! Him justifying it and saying it's because he's not sure if it's his child, is just a way to weasel out of the fact that he made a choice to not share important information with you and had this secret going on with this woman, for a very long time behind your back. He also straight out lied to you, and if I were you, I would wonder what else he has lied about, or is keeping from you that you haven't found out about yet. There are too many reasons why you should break up with this guy. But if you accept all of that mess and look past it, don't be surprised if down the road you find more secrets and heartache, because it's almost a guarantee.
  11. The last line tells you exactly who he is.....you dodged a bullet.
  12. Honestly, it's okay. No one is judging you for it. Life can get stressful and messy. This dude shouldn't have judged you for it either. But he did, and he made you feel bad. He's not a great guy. Forgive yourself, please stop feeling so bad. You're human and your mistakes are no where near as badly as he is punishing you for. Brush yourself off, you don't need him, head held high...move forward without this jerk.
  13. I'll give you advice that hopefully you can use in the future. First six months, everyone is on their best behavior, and because of that, it's difficult to tell if this person actually suits you, or not. They aren't showing you all their sides, you aren't showing all of yours. You're only showing each other all the happy, good things..hearts, flowers, etc. That means whatever feelings you're feeling, may not actually be real, but rather a type of fantasy/lust. Both of which is fleeting. It's good to feel wanted, good to feel like someone finds you really attractive, it's exciting. But try to be a bit logical about it. Until you see all the sides of one another, you can't know for sure if you two fit. You need to see each others sides that aren't all hearts and flowers. Being sick, tired, frustrated, annoyed, angry, upset, nervous, scared, worried, etc. Only then can you truly know if this person is going to match with you. This guy seen a few different sides of you that weren't the most attractive, and what does he do? He bolts. That should tell you something. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you ruined everything....it simply means he is not the right one. He's not your person. You hit close to the 6 month mark with this guy, and that's around how long it takes before you know it's real, or just a passing fancy. It wasn't a good connection, so try not to take it so hard. Even though you can't or don't want to see it right now....he's not the one.
  14. As for him being "one of the good ones"? Nope. He love bombed you, red flag right there. (I'm sorry, but he sounded creepy in the beginning). He wasn't genuine, immature and a total drama queen. I'd give him a hard pass, as I think most women would.
  15. Stop missing a man who obviously doesn't value you, was never your friend and treats you badly. Don't get me wrong, you should have told him straight away that you quit your job. Hiding things is never a good thing. However, how he acted was total drama queen. I don't know what went on with your drinking, but for him to go overboard like that...it's taking it too far. Your relationship with him was totally toxic. It didn't work and it wasn't going to work, Stop placing all the blame on yourself. Even with the mistakes you made, he made huge ones too acting out like he did. You two were a mismatch. Brush yourself off, and move forward.
  16. Is he asking you directly to date again, or being flirty with you, or just talking? Huge difference between the two.
  17. 50?!? Omg...he darn well knows better! If he is pulling this crap at 50, it's a lost cause. I mean that, sincerely. This is who he is. He will behave badly with other women no matter how long you date, or even marry. It's not going to stop. He will just get more clever in hiding it from you. He will open accounts you can't find, or get a second phone. Cheaters are very inventive on being able to still cheat and lie about it. Is it cheating? Cheating does not have to be physical. The moment your partner opens up to someone else and engages in romantic or sexual talk, it's considered cheating. I mean, it's obvious, right? If you have a partner, you shouldn't be going elsewhere for any kind of romance or sex chats/comments. You have huge reason to worry. We have seen this kind of behavior on this forum many times from different posters. It doesn't get better. He will only hide it better from you. The best you can do is ask him and his daughter to find somewhere else to reside.
  18. It's not so much the worry if he is going to cheat or not, it's the blatant disregard and disrespect he has for you currently. Anyone that loves their partner and respects them, would not be sending flirty messages or comments to other women. Please stop with the "boys will be boys". It's outdated and was an excuse for men to just behave badly. Men know better! It's not harmless fun. He is not being loyal and is is basically tell the world that he's open to sexual chat despite having a partner. It's very bad treatment and you really are lowering yourself accepting it. I think anyone with any self respect would end a relationship like that. He's behaving like a horny farm animal.
  19. Still repeating my opinion, seeing as everyone else is. It's not big deal, OP. We all do silly things, and I can assure you that most have made silly mistakes at some point in their lives. You apologized repeatedly. That should have been the end of it. Do not allow someone to shame the hell out of you over this, nor force to pay for a cleaning service over a little puke. That's ridiculous. You have already apologized. If she refuses to accept the apology, then so be it. She's not a friend, and that's her problem, not yours.
  20. Ugh, going back to my Uni days, I think of the stuff I did or that my friends did...puke, poop, blood (okay maybe not poop) 😆 But we definitely had some crazy times. Yeah, never ended friendships either, we just have a laugh over it now.
  21. Lucky you're not all nurses, 😆. Puke, poop, blood is their daily life.
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