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Everything posted by SherrySher

  1. It does sound like you only know half the story and there might be more going on with this other man then she's letting on. She told you she isn't going to have anything more to do with him, that doesn't mean she's being honest. She sounds like she's being very reckless right now and making very poor decisions in her life at the moment. But unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do about it. The best you can do is to take care of yourself, find a way to mourn the relationship without letting it overwhelm you and do your best to heal and move forward.
  2. Being selfish, self centered, and bullheaded, is never going to get you anywhere in life. We're not on this earth to only consider ourselves, our own wants/needs and our own feelings. The fact that you lack any kind of empathy for your friend and refuse to even try to consider how damaging and hurtful your decision was, speaks volumes. Even more so when you have had a group of people gently try to tell you why, or what the issues are, and you still refuse to consider anyone else. I'm sorry, but you're the problem here. You treat people badly and you treated this friend, very badly.
  3. 100% of the people on here do not agree with you, and would not have gone the route you have in regards to how you treated your friend.
  4. Honestly, that kind of toxicity doesn't go away. You made a bad decision, you two have been fighting more than a couple should be. I think you can sweep this under the rug, but it's done a great deal of damage. I'm not sure you can recover from this, or should recover from this as you're not very compatible for this short of relationship.
  5. There are 7.6 billion people in the world, you couldn't find a man that your friend didn't date? It was a bad choice, and it's no wonder it hurt your friend. It would seem like a betrayal. I don't feel it was childish, I think you made a poor choice. That's my take on it.
  6. I think it has more to do with the fact that he's unwilling to get help and putting this lady through hell. It's not right, it's not fair and it's not okay.
  7. Why? Ultimatums are not punishments. They are self respect and showing a person what you will, or will no longer accept. He needs to get help. Your marriage is continuing to be toxic. The only solution is for him to get counselling. Letting him know that this is the only solution, or the marriage is over, is reasonable. You are giving him a choice, and you are also voicing how unhappy you are, (to the point of breaking). The reason why this man does not take you seriously and refuses to actually get help to fix things, is because you keep bending and don't actually follow through on what you are saying. He needs to understand that you have reached a point now where this is the only choice that will save your marriage...thus, ultimatum.
  8. Marriage only works if both parties are willing to fix the problems, in every means possible, when they come up. That doesn't mean you allow yourself to be treated badly over and over and live with years of abuse. It means, your husband continues going to marriage counselling, as well as personal counselling for the issues he clearly has. The sign that you need to give up and start looking for a lawyer, is when your spouse refuses to get help, and refuses to continue trying to work on the marriage and his issues through counselling. You have literally hit a dead end. There is no way to repair things from here on end. Your only reasonable choice is to now look for a divorce lawyer.
  9. Ego boost. He wants to see if he can still get you to come running. No doubt he is in a relationship and is bored, so decides to play games on the side. This guy is a waste of time. Delete/block. If he continues, report it as stalking.
  10. You responded to him last, it is now up to him to reply to you. If he doesn't, accept that and let it go. Sometimes it doesn't always work out as we hoped, but no worries, there are millions of people in this world, you can try again with someone new.
  11. Okay, caught back up, I hadn't read your previous posts about your girlfriend. I still would like to say though, that if medicated, people with bipolar can lead fairly normal lives and can work in ever kind of job and do well. Unmedicated, however, is a different thing altogether. It's unfortunate that your girlfriend is not taking care of herself. But I still hold true to my opinion on your ex husband, why would you remain in any kind of contact with someone who was abusive towards you? It makes sense to cut ties with him completely. As for your current partner, if she refuses to take care of herself, then yes, you should be considering leaving her too. Being alone is not easy, but to stay around these people who are toxic because you don't want to be alone, is really unhealthy and will start impacting your mental health in very bad ways. I would cut ties with both of them.
  12. I will make two points here and it's up to you in if you take my words seriously, or not. First of all, this man has been mentally and emotionally abusive to you. Please don't justify it by saying it was only for a short time, or only the once, etc. I think women do that far too often to try to downplay an abuser. All it takes is one time. And I agree with your girlfriend, why remain in contact with an abuser, and even more so, why on earth go into business with him? Not only is it complicated, but he is not the person you should be dealing with, on any kind of level. Secondly, I am going to speak up for all of those who are dealing with mental health issues. There is absolutely nothing wrong what so ever with someone telling their partner the issues they face and the struggles they deal with concerning mental health. In fact, that's what you're there for!! To help her, support her, love her, ACCEPT her. If you have any kind of issue with her bipolar at all, then why the heck are you with her? She did not ask for bipolar, she isn't doing this on purpose, it's not her fault! I have zero tolerance for those that are trying to shame someone who is dealing with a mental health issue, or those that have no sympathy, or patience with it. If you're going to continue to date this lady, then it makes sense that not only do you accept her bipolar, but that you educate and learn more about it, so you know how to actually support and help her. Bipolar is incredibly difficult, and although I do not suffer with it myself, I do have a close friend who does and it's not a nice thing at all. *Edit below, did not know that gf was not medicating or getting proper help.*
  13. Thank you!! 🥰 I am trying to view all my challenges? As something to learn from and to grow strength from. I am hoping that this week does bring more peace and calm, for sure. But doing my best to look at the positive side of it all.
  14. I totally agree, however there are times where it can't always be avoided. Sometimes it's out of our control. In those times, it's good to rely on the healing. I think many people run from situations without actually getting help for it. It does work, sometimes for a long time, but it is always a better choice to try to find help to heal whatever caused the trauma in the first place. ❤️
  15. I once again, had another light bulb moment go off for me this week. I had a very stressful week, and I find that in those moments of great stress, when things calm down again, you can sometimes find great clarity about different things in life. (not always, but sometimes). I realized that there is a huge difference between avoiding a situation and actually being healed from a situation. Anytime any of us goes through an upsetting situation, the obvious choice in the future, is to avoid that kind of situation. I had not allowed myself into a certain situation for years...many, many years. I had thoughts on it, and I could see how badly it affected me back then, and I saw how toxic it truly was. But I felt that I had healed from it, and that I was okay now. Well, low and behold, if I didn't find myself in a similar situation after all this time. The deep emotions that had been hidden for years, suddenly sprung back up again...full force. I mean, hyperventilating, crying, hands shaking, stressed out to the max, etc. I was somewhat surprised. I thought I had healed from this!! But avoiding a situation, is not the same as being healed from it. You can run away from a situation, you can push all those feelings back down inside of you and lock them away. You can even convince yourself that it doesn't bother you anymore. But it does not mean you're okay, or that you're healed. I am not healed. I now want to find ways to be healed. Where if I suddenly find myself in this kind of situation once again, it's not going to trigger me this badly anymore. I want to actually be healed from my past, and not continue the avoidance game. I hope this helps someone out there. Much love to you all.
  16. Absolutely. It's good to be able to distinguish between those that are not making efforts due to stress, or struggle and those that have just lost interest....for sure!
  17. I think lots of people confuse actual friendships and you being a friend to someone, but they aren't to you. Key difference: efforts. If it's not going both ways, and you're the one constantly phoning, or messaging, or putting in the efforts, that's not your friend. Honestly, it's taken me many years to finally see this. I think I used to justify other people not contacting me, and was okay that I put in all the efforts, but it does start to feel bad after a while. The way you summed it up, Batya, is perfect! Definitely quality over quantity. When the chips are down, you want to know who is going to be there and who is actually your friend.
  18. Words of wisdom worth sharing: 1.) You can be a friend to someone (phone them, message them, plan outings, etc, but if they're not a friend to you (reciprocating all of those things), then that's not your friend. That's you being a friend to them, but it's not being reciprocated. One way relationship, but not an actual friendship. Those that don't make efforts back, or don't treat you as well as you do them, just let them go. Find actual friends, not one way relationships. 2.) Tolerance in a group, or with an individual, does not mean friendship. They may be polite to you (even friendly), they may tolerate you, but that doesn't make you friends. There is a world of difference between those that just tolerate you and those that are genuinely happy to see you and happy for you to be apart of their lives and want you to be apart of their lives.
  19. Seems harsh, has an obvious disability and started telling you about his problems without actually knowing anything about you. I don't want to give anyone the impression at all that someone with a disability is undateable. Quite the opposite, actually. There are some wonderful disabled people who would make great partners. However, some people don't cope well with being disabled, and it can make them very bitter. I am wondering if that's the case with this man. He has given off red flags already, most definitely. I would advise you to not get involved, but that's just my two cents.
  20. He likes her and is still invested in her. He wants her in his life and he's not willing to let her go. Exe's aren't friends. They've been sexual and romantic, they've crossed the boundaries of friendship. This is someone he used to be very attracted to, maybe even in love with. That being said, the fact that he is still looking her way and wanting her in his life, (in whatever small way), says a whole lot about him. He is still invested, yes. Should it be something for you to consider? Most definitely! She's not going anywhere, anytime soon, and he is still emotionally connected to her. Everyone has exe's, but not everyone actively hangs out with their exe's, or even keeps in touch. Me personally, I'd prefer someone who has left the past in the past. It makes things far less complicated.
  21. Back up, back up.....okay, so if a man is not barely replying, or taking ages to reply, he's not really interested. Why on earth did you not end things right there? I know, we as women want to find reasons/excuses, try to justify this terrible treatment, so that the man isn't such a bad guy after all. I get it. But that has to stop. If a man is treating you poorly, please for the love of everything good, stop excusing it. He was not interested weeks ago. He made it very obvious. Everything that happened since, was you chasing and justifying, chasing and justifying. And in the end, you got a boot to the behind. But girl, you needed to let him go weeks ago and accept that when he doesn't text you back for ages, and does it over and over, he's not into you. Don't try to come up with excuses, just accept it graciously, and tell him it's not working out and let it go.
  22. I'm not trying to be rude at all, but you need to stay out of it. It's not your place. This is her daughter, she is going to have to decide if she and her boyfriend can be there, or not..and how to tell them. You can be a listening ear, and give her advice(if asked)..but DO NOT pressure her, and DO NOT interfere. It is not your child and it is not up to you.
  23. Have you tried the dating sites? These are only two women, there is a huge amount of women in the this world, and someone who will suit you. The trick is to find her. And to find the right one, is a difficult task for anyone. But you won't find her feeling sorry for yourself, or giving up. You have to have a thicker skin than this, and to expect that you may go on dates, and it may not turn out. No need to have a break down over it. Just move on, and try again. I think anyone who is trying to find a partner will tell you, that it's not easy. Get yourself out there. I say dating sites, because the women on there are specifically looking for a date. Where as any other women you may run into, might not be looking, or may already have a partner or someone in mind. Don't expect to find "the one"...straight away. Date, but give it time and don't jump head first into it or consider it serious, until at least 6 months into dating the same person. But don't give up. You can find the right one, it just takes time.
  24. Carefully read everything you wrote, and realize that all the answers as to why he ended it..are in what you wrote. You had compatibilities, and not small ones...quite big ones that were starting to get in the way of your happiness, and his happiness. The things you mentioned, were definite deal breakers and would not work for long term. Logically speaking, he did the right thing in ending it. Speaking from the heart and from the ego...it's very painful to lose someone and to feel like it was easy for them to let you go. I don't think it was easy for him to come to that decision, personally...I think he more than likely thought it out quite a bit before he came to that conclusion. But I do think if you looked at the logic side of it, it did make sense to end things. You both needed different things, you were both going in different directions and neither of you were having your meets fully met and only accepting different from what you actually wanted. Your loss will be hard, and yes, you will mourn the loss. But it won't last forever, and you will heal and move on. Just give yourself time, be gentle with yourself. Don't take it personally and think it was you, or that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are loveable, you are valued, and you are worthy. You and he are just going in different directions.
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