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Everything posted by SherrySher

  1. But this is what we are trying to tell you, it wasn't authentic. Manipulators know how to use their charm, how to get you addicted. But they won't ever be faithful, they won't ever respect you, and they won't ever be honest. The things she did for you, she is doing for another man too, and she is telling him the same sweet nothings. You have to realize that, so you won't keep being stuck in a toxic cycle with someone who will never love you.
  2. Yes, people block. That's her mother. It would be unhealthy to continue the relationship with her mother when you are no longer a couple. If you had been married, or had a child together, that's a different story. But she was someone you dated and you were treated badly. You need to stop all connections if you truly want to get past all of this and move on. She keeps coming back for only one reason, when one of her other boy toys fights with her, or she gets tired of them, then she comes back to you. But even if she comes back to you, she won't stay. She's not the type of woman to stay or to be faithful. You will only be temporary until she misses her other fling and she will be messing around with him once again. That cycle will never stop. She wants more than one man.
  3. Come on, Breakingbad....how long are you going to keep kidding yourself that she might not be lying or she might be innocent? She's a cheater. She has lied to you so many times now, you can't tell anymore what's a lie, and what isn't. You have a long list of people here telling you...she is a liar, she is a cheater, you are being naive in trying to make her out to be anything else. Block, get this toxic person out of your life once and for all.
  4. I'm sorry to say, but he's lost interest. It could be that he has met someone else, or things just fizzled out on his end for whatever reason. Either way, he would be much more enthusiastic and be trying to contact you far more than this if he really was into you. Don't chase, no point, he knows where you are, he's just left the building.
  5. 1. Am I wrong to ask her to stop talking to him and to tell him the actual words when he attempts to grab her that she doesn’t like that and never do it again? No, you're not wrong for asking. If she is your girlfriend, it's a matter of respect that she not engage with other men like this. 2. Am I making a deal out of something I shouldn’t? No, you're not making a deal out of nothing. She is enjoying the attention of another man who is clearly attracted to her. I doubt anyone would be comfortable with their partner behaving this way. 3. Is she right for continuing to talk to him, even though it may not be personal conversations? No, she's not right. 4. Is she right for telling me every time he makes a rude comment towards her that it is just his personality and I shouldn’t be bothered? No, she's not right. I feel like she's doing this to create jealousy. She quite clearly enjoys his attention, or she would have stopped talking to him long ago. 5. Am I being naive? Possibly, yes. 5. Is she being naive? I doubt it. She is well aware of what this man wants. She still continues to talk to him, despite.
  6. "Secretly" dating? Hmmm, that seems suspect. As for this other guy, she enjoys his attention. She is well aware of his attraction to her, and she does not want that attention to go away, or for you to ruin it for her. She is playing both sides of the fence, and you're sitting there allowing it. You needs to end it, she is not loyal, nor is she honest. She is also making you look stupid.
  7. You felt lust, you felt friendship, you felt a kind of connection that you hadn't had before, but I don't believe it was love. It all depends on how you define love, obviously. But love is usually a two way street of respect, friendship, loyalty. I'll cut to the chase here, OP. This woman cheated on you three times according to your write up. Three times. There is no way in the entire world you can justify that. Somewhere in your mind, you must know she won't ever stop cheating or hurting you. You're addicted to a very toxic person and you need to find ways to break free from that addiction.
  8. You can't walk away because of all the loss you had. You are desperately trying to hold onto some kind of familiarity or comfort...even a toxic one. But you are reaching for the very wrong person. She has nothing to offer you but more heartache and pain. She is lashing out because she knows she's done you wrong, but people who are manipulators will always try to turn the tables so they are never at fault and will always blame you. Her refusing to own up to what she's done, and how badly she has treated you, or someone putting the blame on you continuously, only proves more how toxic she is and how you need to stay away from this person.
  9. If she "tried", it was very minimal. And if she seen that you weren't open to doing anything to make the relationship work, she should have been woman enough to sit you down and tell you it's over and you need to go your separate ways. But she didn't do that. She used you, she lied to you, betrayed you, did the same to another man at the same time. OP, normal people do not sink to that level, no matter how hard the relationship gets. They don't treat people that badly. Please understand that she is far more deviant than what you're admitting to yourself.
  10. You treated woman badly in the past. You now want to be a better man and invest your emotions, time and seriousness in a long term relationship. Congratulations, you've become a better man in what you want and how you treat people. The unfortunate part is, you chose the wrong woman to invest your time and emotions in. You may be ready for something more serious and ready for a healthy relationship that is long term, that doesn't mean the person you pick will be in the same mindset as you, or will treat you as well as you treat them. I think there are millions of people out there that so badly want someone to be as good as they had hoped they'd be, and when they're not, we justify and fool ourselves into thinking that "if we only show them more love then what they've been given"..."if we only give them another chance now they know their mistakes", "its not their fault because they've had a hard life", and so on, and so on. The problem here is, this is an individual with quite significant issues. Yes, she had a bad past, her family wasn't the best, BUT, as a grown woman it's HER responsibility to get herself into therapy, and learn how to heal from all the past pain, so she can be a better woman, not let the past continue to hurt her and to learn how to treat others better than what she's been treated. It is NOT YOUR responsibility to "fix her". It never was. The only thing you can do now, OP...is fix yourself. You are struggling. You had a lot of loss. You keep reaching for the wrong person in order to try to find some kind of happiness. At this point, you need to save yourself. Find a counselor or therapist who can help you cope with the grief you are not dealing with. Talk through the emotions of betrayal, of the depression, etc, with someone who is qualified to give you the proper help. The last time you need to is to run back to a woman who is one of the main sources of your pain and suffering. It's not the right time to open the door to someone else either. You're not in the right headspace to date anyone else either. You need help, in the form of counselling. See if you can get a counsellor or therapist at least once a week, twice if possible. But please, stop thinking you somehow need this woman in your life and start being your own best friend.
  11. BULL!!! There are many, many men and women out there that deal with problems in their relationship and no matter how bad it may get, THEY DO NOT CHEAT. Stop kidding yourself. She's a grown woman, who when faced with adversity in relationship, decided to play around with other men. It takes many many steps and choices to start talking to another man, to flirt, to entice, to meet, and to eventually have a full on affair with texting, meeting up, etc. She made every single choice, and she is fully accountable. She could have made other choices, like talking to you, telling you it's not working, suggest couples counselling, etc. She chose very badly. This is on HER.
  12. You are involved with a compulsive cheater and liar, please stop kidding yourself. You seen the red flags right from the start. "little white lies"...are lies, nothing little about it. She showed you who she was right from the start. You chose to look the other way. She has cheated on you repeatedly and yet you keep bending back over and taking more. Where is your self respect? When are you going to stand up for yourself, and stop allowing this lying, cheating manipulator to continue to mess you over? Her suggestion to tell your mother "I love you", was a nice suggestion, but that was a moment between you and your mom, that YOU chose to do. Don't make it about her, at all. And a suggestion, is tiny in comparison to the crap she has pulled. No doubt there is even more men out there that's she been fooling around with. Most times when you find something out, it's only the tip of the iceberg. Please get a backbone, block her, put her stuff out on the porch and tell her it's there and if she doesn't come get it, it will be hauled away by the garbage men. Stop allowing her to use you, or have anything more to do with you. She has treated you like a dog, and it's high time you take your self respect back.
  13. Yes, it you're getting into trouble lately, he may not want to be around someone like that. Is there a reason why you're getting into trouble lately?
  14. You are mourning and when in mourning, you can make the person out to be superhuman and everything perfect, when it's not the case. Your reality of her is all skewed, because it's the end and because your ego, and your heart is also very hurt. It's not just a knock to your heart but also a knock to yourself esteem and self confidence. So you're dealing with many emotions right now and that can feel overwhelming as well as convince yourself that she's perfect and there won't ever be anyone as good for you as her. But it's not the truth. It's part of the mourning process. Give yourself time. She wasn't a good partner, she treated you badly, she wasn't interested in your feelings or trying to work things out with you. Her head and her heart has already moved on. In time, you will come to accept this. But for now, be gentle with yourself, mourn, but don't allow yourself to sink too deeply into it. Realize that you will heal from this and you will move on from this.
  15. You're used to him, you're used to the situation. Despite him not treating you right, going out in the world alone after 27 years would be daunting for anyone. But this man no longer respects you, he doesn't want the marriage anymore, and he is starting to become meaner and meaner. You need to leave, even if you're hesitant about it. Try to get as much support through family and friends, even a near by woman's shelter. They may be able to offer you counselling or suggest where to go for counselling. You may feel fearful initially, but once you get settled into your own place, and you get used to it, you'll feel freedom and you'll wonder why you put up with him for as long as you did.
  16. It's opinions, for sure, but please consider rechecking with your doctor just the same. Just re-read, I'm not sure you should be changing the dose on your own. But being as you did, you still should check in with the doctor, let them know what's going on, and if nothing else, he/she can possibly give you something else in the meantime to deal with the anxiety until the Prozac begins to work for you.
  17. You're welcome. Please take care of yourself. It's one thing to have to deal with a divorce, it's another to have to endure this kind of suffering and be put through false hope over and over. It's no wonder you have anxiety....anyone would. As for controlling, you're not controlling. When things are out of our control and when life gets to be difficult, like this situation, it makes sense to try to find some kind of help and to find ways to cope. That's what you did. Don't let her confuse you into thinking you're doing something wrong. She is manipulating the situation, and doing a good job of it. But you are paying the price. I hope there is a resolution to this situation sooner, rather than later.
  18. I know, and I am so sorry. I wished there was a good choice here, but sometimes there just isn't. No one wants to lose a marriage and a partner. It is heartbreaking and will shake your world up. It's not easy to cope with and takes a very long time to heal from. Many of us on this forum have gone through a divorce at some point, which is why we know how difficult it is. You're not alone, and whatever decision you make, you can keep writing here and will have support either way.
  19. If you're lonely, join a hiking club, or a book club, etc... but you specifically sought out sex. Own it. Then as a grown man, you need to realize that these kinds of temptations have consequences. Some severe. Loss of marriage, loss of a relationship, possible STD's, allowing people into your life that will not have your best interest in mind, and could cause further damage to your life, etc.
  20. Before you try to save the relationship, why did you do it? What I mean is, what need do you feel you still need fulfilled by strange women on the internet when you already have a wife? What part of you is still craving for this kind of attention? Or to indulge in this kind of behavior? The reason why I ask, is because if you don't feel ready to completely settle down with one woman, remain loyal and are truly 100 percent happy with only her and her body, then it's not going to work. It's one thing to engage in porn, it's another to become more personal in doing what you did. That is considered cheating, most definitely. I really do think you need to explore why it is you still feel you need this kind of stuff and if you are truly happy with only one woman. Your partner may possibly forgive you, and will want to work on the marriage, however, it won't work if you go back to wanting to look, and wanting to be involved with other women like this. If you're not done "playing the field", so to speak, its best to admit that to yourself and admit that to your partner. But it's never okay to remain in a marriage for the comfort, love etc. that a marriage provides, but then do these kinds of sinister things on the side. That's trying to have your cake, and eat it too, and it's just plain wrong. Before you jump back into trying to save your marriage, or even create another human being, you really need to be honest with yourself and with your wife on what you will still crave and what you will be able to stop for good, or not. Please don't get back together with her, or have a baby and then down the road start this up all over again. You will destroy her and damage your future child if you do.
  21. I think every single person who has had a break up, or is on the verge of a break up (particularly if it's a marriage), suffers the existential dread, plus mourning. At this point you have to choose your hard...is it harder to remain in the situation, or harder to start divorce proceedings and her moving out? It comes down to what which one you'd rather deal with right now, and how long you will allow it to go on if you don't confront her.
  22. You're allowed to make your own decisions on how you deal with things. She is still in the house, refuses to give you answers, keeps on saying she has depression but refuses treatment. It's ridiculous! If you went to a therapist for help...good on you!! God knows anyone else would if forced into this situation. If she was unwilling to hear what the therapist said, and again tried to accuse you of controlling her, it says a lot about her, and not you. She does not want to be confronted, but rather, she prefers to use you, blame you and have no one say anything about it. That's not okay. It needs to stop.
  23. Yikes! That's a heck of a long time! You really do need to sit down with her and start making decisions here. If she is depressed as she says she is, makes sense for her to get treatment, now! As for the living situation, she needs to step up and stop using you. She either wants a husband, or you both can mutually decide to start divorce proceedings along with her finding an apartment.
  24. Meanwhile, you're suffering it out....it's not fair. At some point you're going to have to sit down with her and let her know it's confusing you and you want to know if you're going to try to work on your marriage or get used to the idea that things are only temporary until she finds somewhere else to live. But to keep you in limbo is not right. It sounds like you've been going round like this for a while now. That would make anyone stressed and confused. How long have you two been living this way?
  25. It's not a healthy situation. She wants all the comforts of a marriage (place to stay, support, someone to hang out with, etc.). But none of the commitment and keeps you at an arms length. She's also blaming all her depression, on you. I'm not sure why you keep taking that kind of treatment. I know, you still love her, but it's definitely not healthy to be used and tossed whenever she pleases and to keep you in limbo like this. She either wants to work on the marriage, or doesn't and then you both can move forward with the divorce. But to keep you on the fence like this, is slightly cruel, and yes, she is using you. She doesn't actually want you, but will take what she can get for now being as there is no other option.
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