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Everything posted by SherrySher

  1. Don't feel guilty. He is a loser. I'm sorry, but he is. He is a grown man, acting completely irresponsible, scrounging off the government. He is the type of person that makes the employed, so angry. He wants to do little to nothing for money and cash in government checks while everyone else works their butts off! His mother is using his grandmothers address, while they have a 700k house? That's illegal behavior, right there, and he and his parents could be in serious trouble for that. Him and his parents are they type of people you should get as far away from as possible. You shouldn't feel one ounce of guilt. This guy needs to grow up! His parents, (particularly his mother) is doing nothing but enabling him. Run from these people, and don't look back.
  2. Everyone has a preference to what they like and don't like though, right? Is he a jerk for not being okay with a stronger odor? I feel like he has a right to an opinion, and if they aren't compatible, it's best they both find out now. I'm not sure if that makes him a jerk, or if he is just expressing what he doesn't like. Re-reading her post, yes, he could have said it nicer. Maybe this is the sign you need OP, to know that you and he aren't going to work.
  3. It's possible that there are a number of different things going on. You could have an undetected STD, or a yeast infection, or just an infection in general that you aren't aware of. You may also be someone who has a strong odor, and unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it if you happen to be one of the women who have that issue. But first things first, see your doctor and have tests done to see if it's a medical problem causing your issue.
  4. Cheating, he hasn't actually gone that far yet, but he was asking and hoping to. He's angry because he got caught and somewhat humiliated because she said, no. Had she said, yes? I have zero doubt that he and her would be in a full blown affair. He was definitely testing the waters with her to see if she was game. If he was so interested in "practicing", he already has a partner to do that with.
  5. Could he be cheating, yes.. he could be. Your sex life isn't what it used to be, you have a new baby, and suddenly he has a change in grooming. All of those things can be signs pointing towards a possible cheating partner. But is he for sure? It would be impossible for any of us to answer that. The only thing you can actually do, is sit down with him, tell him your concerns. Be genuine, and gentle, and not accusatory. Talk to him like a friend, not like someone you're trying to catch out. If you are willing to communicate with your husband what's been bothering you, and what you've noticed that has you worried, he will hopefully be willing to address your concerns and be honest with you. That's all you can do right now. I hope you'll be able to talk it through. Good luck, and congrats on the new baby!
  6. Those are more than likely, not friends, but other women he's dating or interested in dating. It's early in your dating with him, if you're not okay with casual, or him dating other women besides you....or add into it, lying about it, then yes, move on. He sounds like a player to be honest.
  7. You're very specific in the company you're choosing and the questions you're asking. Mentioning other females, mentioning never had sex with them? Somewhat strange if your true desire is to only go bicycling. Even more so, questioning if you should remain married? I don't think your mind is on cycling at this point. I think if you're honest with yourself, you're looking at these other women as potential mates and wondering if you should end the marriage.
  8. He made one mistake, (and in my opinion, a very minor one). He was frustrated and the tire was difficult to remove. But if you're not happy with him then why not: A.) End the relationship B.) Learn how to change your own tire
  9. I also am finding it strange that so many are so upset over him saying "You're lucky I love you". To me, it sounded as though it was said more in a teasing manner. After all, he told her he didn't need a strangers help, and she totally disregarded him. That's rude in my opinion. The statement he made afterwards, was more playful and teasing mixed in with his obvious frustration how the situation went and how it was more difficult than he would have liked. But to make him out to be a monster like that, it boggles the mind. He sounded frustrated. And I can see why. But abusive? I don't view it that way at all. In fact, I don't even see the point of OP writing in about this. It's a new relationship, give it time to see if he continues with remarks that you find highly insulting, if so, end the relationship. It's as straight forward as that.
  10. Completely agree. I don't see his comment as harsh, or egotistical, or a reason to break up. He was doing his best to change the tire, his girlfriend kept on about someone else doing it. First her father, than a stranger. Not much faith in her boyfriend. So yes, that would be emasculating and no doubt she didn't help inferring twice that she didn't feel he could manage it. It's a tire for goodness sake. I'm a woman, I've changed a tire, so why did she make such a huge fuss that she didn't feel he could? Yes, I agree with him...she's lucky he loves her, otherwise he may have been far more hurt and upset over someone who clearly does not believe in his ability.
  11. I'm confused, you told a story, but not really asking any kind of advice or any questions. Did I miss the point? Also, if he got grouchy over changing a tire, I don't see the issue. It's not a nice situation to be in. It's stressful and add into it, it sounded much harder than expected. I'd just suggest he put some WD40 in the trunk of his car as it will help loosen the nuts up should this happen again. Other than that...no biggie.
  12. I agree, you didn't take anything away from anyone, however, 2 years is a long time and to be fair, neither had to report back to you on if they were dating, were thinking of dating, or even thinking of hooking up. Even the fact that your ex decided to start telling you when Sam was looking at her pics and what time, is very immature and to be honest, I can see why Sam said "to heck with both of you", and blocked. I feel like the best response you should have had right from the start when Angie started telling you about Sam, was to tell her it's her business, not yours and you don't want to get in the middle of it and ask her to not involve you. As for Sam, no need to say anything to him or confront him at all. He did nothing wrong and he has every right to find Angie attractive and to date or sleep with her is he choses to do so....without your consent. If this had happened 6 months or less after you broke up, then I can see why people would tread lightly, but 2 years? No, none of the drama should have happened. And yes, Angie was at fault, she stirred the pot and threw you in the middle when there was no reason to.
  13. The fact that he's bringing up other women and didn't make a move on you, points to the idea that he's not interested in you. Besides, it's really rude to be bringing up other women, so even if he had a slight interest, he's one who should be thrown back.
  14. I also wanted to tell you this. Consider this situation: A woman in her mid thirties, who was in a much similar situation that you were in. She dated someone who did her wrong, treated her badly over and over and is now feeling heartbroken, hopeless, lost...much like you are. Maybe she's thinking the exact same thing as you. There are no decent men out there, all the good ones are gone. I had my chance and now it's gone for good. What if both of you are sitting there not even knowing about the existence of one another, but have now made it more of a chance of you two actually meeting now that you've both gotten rid of the ones who kept hurting you. You could very well eventually find each other, heal one another and have lasting happiness together. Keep that in mind. You may have closed a door, but you had to, so you could open another for new possibilities that may finally bring you the happiness you seek.
  15. You're more than welcome. I hope you continue to post on here and give up updates on how you're doing. Don't give up just yet! 40 is not old! You have lots of time yet. And you could very well meet the love of your life and the next few years and have a family in ten years. Keep working on yourself and putting yourself in situations where there are good vibes, healthy people and hopeful situations....eventually good will come to you! Whether it's starting a new hobby, taking classes, (education, cooking, dancing), joining a group for outings and to meet people...don't give up, okay? You deserve so much love.
  16. Right guy, wrong timing. But in my experience, when you have a situation where you feel it's the right person, but the wrong timing, it's life letting you know that, no, this isn't the right person, otherwise it would be working out. He's openly admitted that he's not in the right place for anything emotionally. If you were to engage in a physical relationship with him, it would be you grasping at straws trying to get him to become attached to you and feel something more for you, through the physical act. But there's a really good chance that you'll have your heart broken because not only will he still tell you he can't get into a relationship with you, but you've now become physical and will still be rejected. Please don't go down that road, OP. He's been honest with you, it's not in the cards for you and him, at least not anytime soon. Wish him well, stay in contact as acquaintances and if it's meant to be you'll cross paths again later on in the future. If not, then accept that.
  17. I've been advising people with relationships and dating for years now. One of the things I tell people is to not get too attached in the first 6 months. Why? Because in the first 6 months, people won't show you their true colors. They will show you all the hearts and flowers. It's why lust occurs and why you get that over the top feeling of "this person is perfection"! Well, they ARE perfection because that's all you've ever seen. You've only seen smiles, happiness, kindness, flirtations, and easy to get along with, no issues, etc. But it's not reality. It is fantasy, and one we all get caught up in at some point. Reality, is seeing this person when they are tired, cranky, hungry, sick, temperamental, impatient, angry, short tempered, anxious, worried, worn out, depressed, unkept. When they aren't trying to impress you. When the make up comes off and you see REAL. Only then can you truly say you know someone, and that you know what they're really like. She did a great job at convincing you that she was this sweet, innocent, kind woman who was in need of a knight in shining armor. In fact, I think you're still trying to justify some of her behavior by excusing it as "she's broken", "she wasn't loved right", "she had a hard past", etc. And to a certain degree you may be right, but (and I think someone already mentioned this)...it is not your job to repair her or to save her. I know you want to, OP, I know you desperately want to think that if you could only be the man who fixes her all up, you'll both ride off into the sunset together. But it's just not true. Only she can get help, only she can admit to the problems she has and want to change. Even if you point it all out to her, it doesn't mean it's going to make any kind of difference. She does not see her flaws and she does not acknowledge them. I think part of getting past a broken heart is accepting that no matter how desperately we want this person to be the version we need and want them to be in order for things to work out, it's just not ever going to happen. That acceptance is what's going to finally get you to closing this chapter and to start healing yourself.
  18. She's always going to accuse you of controlling when you are trying to stand up for yourself or rightly point out behavior that is not right that she's doing. There's no way she will be mature enough to accept blame and to correct the behavior, so it's easier to deflect and put the blame on you. She knows what she's doing. Possibly, but it doesn't mean it definitely does. It may just be her personality. She may actually prefer the attentions from different men and won't ever be able to be okay with only one man in her life. But it's more so than that. What concerns me the most, is the lying and hiding things behind your back, blaming you when she's caught out, etc. Those are very serious issues and they're not something that in my personal opinion can be fixed. It's her personality. It's become who she is now. Even if it was pointed out to her, she will always try to justify it and continue these types of behaviors. She doesn't see anything wrong with what she's done, and how she behaves. If anything, she believes in her own mind, that it was fine what she did and will always blame other people. You can't fix that. It won't matter how good of a man you are to her, she is always going to find reasons to cheat on you. Even if you were good as can be, she will say you're boring, you're not taking her on enough vacations, you're not trying new things in the bedroom, you're not exciting like you were in the beginning. You will never be enough and will never be able to satisfy her no matter what you do. That's almost a guarantee, even if you refuse to see it. As for the last bit of you post, I respectfully disagree with the counsellor you saw. I think they are trying to give you hope where hope doesn't exist. Perhaps the counsellor felt bad for you and could see how badly you were struggling, but truth be told, she's not going to change. Did you make mistakes too? Yes, but the difference is, you're acknowledging those mistakes, you're taking responsibility for what you could have done differently and the changes you want to make not only in relationships, but with yourself. She's never going to do any of those things, no matter how badly you want her too. She will revert right back to placing the blame on you. She does not see what she did and how she behaved as her fault or any issues with her as a person. That's non-fixable. Please understand this. As for her crying out for help, that's even less of a realistic scenario. This woman is happy to have her cake and eat it too. Have you ever considered that? That she is genuinely okay with treating men the way she does and enjoys having a partner and a man on the side?
  19. Yikes 😬 It might be best to not date right now with how you relate to women. The whole Suzie incident was quite bad. Truth be told, if she started acting up like that, you should have just left her alone and not even bothered with her. But as for what you've now done with May? That adds into the complications as May was a friend to you, but you've basically ruined that friendship. Apologize to May, but leave May and Suzie alone, whether it's at work, or elsewhere, just keep to yourself. This is why dating and work do not go together. If and when you're ready to date again, seek a partner outside of work.
  20. My husband and I tend to lead a far more simplified version in life when it comes to the opposite sex. We are always friendly and polite, but we don't befriend. Why? Less complications. Do we trust one another? Absolutely. But we know what people can be like, how things can be misconstrued, how people can potentially cause drama, how they can eventually become attracted to you when it wasn't like that to start, and so on. So we prefer to just not deal with it and we keep our circle very small. This comes out of years of experience, and we're happy with the life we live. As for this woman in particular, I do have the feeling that she was always engaging and opening herself up to these men for flirtations, and not necessarily friendship. She doesn't seem like the type who would ever be okay with the attention from only one man. But to make things worse, she lies about it, and she goes behind peoples backs and plays games. There is no fixing that kind of person, OP. I mean that sincerely. There is no changing how she is, or the things she does. She has an addiction to the attentions of other men. For whatever reason, it may give her an ego boost, maybe she becomes bored easily, maybe she is the type who is polyamorous. But there isn't a "cure" for who she is, or how she is. If you were to go back with her a million times, a million times over there would be another man in the background once again. This is just what the reality is going to be like with her.
  21. Women in relationships with men they truly love, don't exchange numbers with other men.
  22. With the type of manipulator this woman is, she's going to be very careful. She doesn't want there to be proof of her bad behavior. It doesn't matter if she thought you may look through her phone, or not, she's smart enough to make sure there's no evidence. That way, it will make it easier to make it all your fault and look innocent on her part. But the biggest thing you should be taking notice of here, is how these men spoke to her.."Good morning, baby...etc", and she not only accepted it, (while having a boyfriend already), but she allowed it, she didn't say anything about not speaking that way to her, and she at times, encouraged it. You don't need black and white typed words, all you need to do is watch her behavior. That will tell you everything you need to know
  23. Welcome! I hope you find a lot of help and support on here. There are helpful people available 24/7. I know what it's like to be disappointed when you thought it was going great, and then the other person flakes out. It hurts, and it's a total let down. But just concentrate on your self worth, you deserve someone who is going to be happy to be in your life and will continue to put efforts in, everyday. Look for a man like that, and not one who disappears and only puts in half efforts.
  24. However, if you do start talking again, let it be him who comes to you. You've done your part in showing interest and in making the effort to stay in contact. He has not. It's up to him now if he wants to continue the conversation, or not.
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