SherrySher

You do have a responsibility as an adult to seek out help for your severe anxiety, not so much for someone else's sake, but for your own sake. But how she handled it, and snuck off like that, was not only cruel, but very immature. She should have sat down and talked with you about it, and if you didn't make any progress, than she should have told you directly that she was leaving you. You both played a part in things going the way they did and you're both at fault. It doesn't sound like you work well together, it's best if you go your separate ways.

Meet other people. There are literally millions of people online. You don't necessarily need to chat for anything romantic, but the number of chat rooms, friendship forums, etc, are endless.

Unless you have met irl, it's not real. Talking to someone online, they can be whoever they pretend to be, and can play with your emotions, as well as any other number of people they might also be talking with. Next time try to find someone who is at least in the same country at you, but what would be even better, is the same state.

I just read your reply to Wiseman above. You both only see each other twice a week and he can't be bothered to give you lots of hugs, kisses, hold your hand, etc? Honestly, call it a day and move on. He has stopped trying and is not bothered. You're only in your 20s. That man should be all over you. If he isn't, seriously, move on.

I have been married to my husband now for 7 years. He is still as cuddly and as physical as he was when we first met. There is not time limit to that. For lots of people there is a "honeymoon phase", and a decline, but not as steep of a decline as what you're explaining. It sounds more like he has lost interest if I am honest. Him saying he's "not the physical type", is just an excuse. If the person is into you, it doesn't stop. I can attest to that with my marriage. My husband and I always want to cuddle, give hugs, kisses, hold hands. It's infinite if you and the other person truly are into each other. Talking it through is not going to solve the problem. You could either try to get the spark going again by trying out new things, going on 'dates' again with one another. Attempt to be more physical with him. But if these too fail, you might want to consider if this relationship is just not satisfying you anymore.

A guy like this is never going to be fair. If he is behaving like this, there's a very high chance he would have eventually cheated on you. Thank your lucky stars you got away from him. Very immature, very disrespectful guy.

Him telling you all of this, sounds like he is testing the waters to see how you will react so he can find out if there is any chance of moving forward with it one day. Those needs don't usually disappear. He wants more. It's up to you whether you can handle more, or if you're willing to try to expand your boundaries. Don't let him pressure you though into doing anything you don't want. Should you be worried that he might take it further one day? Absolutely. People don't casually bring things up like that without a reason.

What?! Why the heck not?? Men's needs are not more important than women's! 50/50....or nothing.

Be direct. Tell him exactly what you want and how often. If he doesn't improve, then you should reconsider marrying someone who isn't making you happy or fulfilled because it will only get worse. Also, why are you still giving this man oral if he's not reciprocating? Stop giving until he starts being fair.

I would give it one last chance. You've seen it one time, you've told him it bothers you, now wait and see if it ever comes up again. If he shows any signs of anger like that ever again, end it. Don't try to justify, don't allow him to change your mind, just end it. Once might be bad sleep, stress, etc...but twice is a sure indication that you're in for a really bad time if you continue with this person. It also sounds like he needs anger management. Mention it to him, be strong in your stance that he needs to get more help controlling his anger, and he needs to do it NOW.

At this time, it is not advisable to mention any kind of feelings towards her at all. She is still invested emotionally in this other man. If she no longer wanted him, or if she no longer cared about him, she would break up completely and it would be over. But she is still involved with him (by her own choice), and all you would be doing in confusing her and stressing her out by mentioning any feelings for her right now. You may not feel what she and him have is important, but that's because you're an outside looking in at their relationship. You don't know the feelings they both carry or what they've been through together, and truth be told, it's not your place to know. It's for them to figure out on their own. Your job right now, is to be a respectful roommate and friend. If you push further or allow things to go further, you could end up being a rebound, or you could end up with her boyfriend very angry and wanting to fight with you. Neither option is good. Emotionally, it's a lot more complicated than you think it is. His feelings, her feelings and yours are all at stake here. Tread carefully. Leave it, and just be her friend for now until they have called it off completely and she has been given space and time to get over him. That will be awhile yet if they ever do decide to break up.

First and foremost, stop messaging or talking to her. Not one more word. She is using your messages and conversation as more gossip to share to her group. Cut her off completely and don't give her anymore fuel. Secondly, it sounds like you've learnt your lesson. Life lessons are difficult, but it gives you experience and helps you become a better man, and this in time will do that for you. As for her, she is acting like a school kid, creating a gossip group, spreading rumors. It's hateful and it's completely unnecessary. How to handle this situation? Distance yourself from her and from her gossip mongers as much as possible. If they ask you any questions, or try to speak to you, ignore them. Be the bigger person and don't involve yourself in their childish antics. The gossip will eventually die down and get boring to them, they will move onto bullying someone else. All you can do is learn from this and move on. Edit: I realize that you must have taken out some context in your original post. I wasn't aware of what you had done. What you did was very serious, and not okay at all. But I am not going to make you feel worse than it sounds like you do already. As long as it is something you have learnt from, and won't ever repeat. Just keep moving forward.

Great advice. I second that. Oral, plus vibrator, she'll be one happy gf.

What would I do? I would start packing his things, let him now it's over and that would be it. Not many women would want a man who chooses young women that want to party, when he is darn well 30 years old! Or would want a man who is that immature, has zero respect for my feelings, is not respectful towards our relationship and allows a total jerk to manipulate and play games like this. I don't blame Kate, because she is only the temptation, and the one who is offering your boyfriend all the wrong things. I blame him, because he is the one gladly taking all of it and treating you like garbage. I would let Kate have him and not look back. He is not worth it, and no amount of explaining to him is going to make sense. He will always justify he and Kates behavior.

First, what is wrong with your boyfriend that he is hanging out with a girl 7 years younger who likes to drink and party? He's not a kid anymore, but he is acting like one. Secondly, you are slowing losing your boyfriend to Kate. No, they are not platonic. No, he is not going to put boundaries with her, he likes her a great deal. He doesn't respect your feelings, or your hurt as he refuses to tell Kate to back off. He is enjoying having the company of two girlfriends (because at this stage, may as well call it that). All that is waiting to happen now is for them to kiss, and I would say it's not long off. Once that happens, you'll lose him. They crossed the boundaries of "just friends", long time ago.

I agree, it's odd. I don't work that way either. Trauma is trauma. Making jokes out of my pain, just wouldn't fly. For her, it works. Which is her choice. It's a shame she didn't understand or respect your way of going about it.

First and foremost, before you even consider dating again, be honest with yourself on if you are struggling with personal issues concerning your self esteem, self confidence and if you have healed from negative dating experiences from your past. If any of the above is still unresolved, then your first step is to seek help to resolve those issues. There is no point in trying to date again, carrying issues like that into a situation. You will either continue to fail or repeat patterns of finding toxic partners. You say you are in therapy, but they are not able to give you advice that may be best suited. What advice specifically are you looking for? Because I can honestly say from my quick assessment, that it really is the above issues that are causing the problems and not the dating itself. If you feel confident in yourself, and if you feel healthy mentally and physically, you will attract similar. If you feel unhealthy, low self esteem, negative, maybe even slightly toxic, you will attract similar. You won't even be doing it consciously, but if you're not feeling good about yourself and if you have fear etc, then you're already starting off in a bad place. Are you capable of healing and being in a much better place? Absolutely. Are you able to eventually find a good partner and be in a healthy relationship? Absolutely. If you feel your therapist is not helping, no harm in finding someone else. It's not unusual at all to go through several therapists before you find one that is suitable for your specific needs. Without getting too much into my own personal experiences, I was in a very similar situation as yourself. I had given up on love, had given up on myself, had given up on everything to do with romance. I had vowed to be single and alone the rest of my life due to traumatic experiences with relationships. I was alone for 10 years and in that time I worked on myself. I worked on healing what was hurting me the most. I worked on building myself back up after years of being beaten down to nothing. I eventually met someone, and even then, I pushed him away and felt such fear over any kind of romance. He was patient with me and long story short, I am now in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, in my life. I am very happy with my now husband, and our relationship is what I always hoped and dreamed for. But it didn't happen overnight, and not without A LOT, of work on my end. But it is so worth it. I have healed myself so much. I essentially saved myself and got myself better, so that I was far healthier and could be open to a good man, like my husband is. You can do it too. You can heal, you can grow and you can become a better version of yourself, and eventually find a decent man and a healthy relationship. I think my biggest piece of advice would be though, is don't try to get healthy, or heal in order to date. Get healthier and heal, for YOU, and not for someone else. You need to start loving yourself, take care of yourself, and to gain enough confidence and self esteem that when you do decide to date again, you won't need someone or have an unhealthy attachment to someone. You will be confident enough to know that you will be strong enough on your own and you can find your own happiness without thinking you need a man in order to be happy. Finding my husband was a bonus, but my whole focus for years, was to find myself again. And I did, and I know you can too. I wish you the best of luck.

I find this very odd. I'm not sure how healthy of an approach this is, in fact if someone were to joke about any of my triggers, I would feel they don't understand how I deal with things and as well, heal from things. Joking would be the last thing that would be helpful. I suppose it's personal preference, but I really don't think it's okay to joke about someone's trigger(s). It's how we go about trying to find out what humans are compatible with us though, and which aren't. Trial and error. I do feel that you as friends, have unfortunately had too many errors. You don't see eye to eye on quite a few important things, even how she has shut off communication, while you are attempting to try to work things out. It is just an all around mismatch. It happens. I do hope you won't give up on finding a friend that does understand you though and respects your boundaries. We all need friendship and support. ❤️Wishing you the best of luck.

Jokes are very subjective. She may have had the exact same thoughts as you thinking that other people didn't mind her joke and she felt you insulted her. You both have now discovered that you sense of humor does not match and could easily trigger each other. Not a good combination. It's probable best she didn't reply, and for you to now let it go. You're not compatible as friends.

You should have been honest with him right from the start about never wanting it to be romantic between you two, before it got this far. You need to tell him as soon as possible so that he isn't continuing to have false ideas. Why on earth did you reconnect with this man when you knew years ago that you did not share the same feelings? Also the fact that he felt the need to mention how he could make a body disappear, is far more concerning then anything else. This guy creeps me out.

There isn't a whole lot you can do to change things now. He doesn't feel that you and he are compatible. It's your personality, so how do you change that? Understand too, please that I am not saying your personality is wrong, it's just not compatible with this man. Your personality and way of life might be perfect for a different man, but unfortunately, it does not work with this man.

From what I read, he was pretty clear to you on why he didn't feel it would work. I'm not saying his way was correct, or your way was correct. I am just saying that you two had opposite ideas on nearly all of it on how it should go and it caused a lot of distress and upset for both of you. Bottom line, you two had loads of incompatibilities that are not fixable. You both might work wonderfully with someone else, but as a couple, there are too many things that you both want opposite on.

Under normal circumstances, yes. But the impression that I got was that she and he were wanting to try to see how they worked as in living together. If that were the case, then it makes sense that the boyfriend working all day, would ask that she help with making the evening meal. At least that's how it read to me.

I read all of that the first time. My opinion is the same. You pressured him and his father and make it very awkward for everyone. You turning away because you didn't get your own away, was childish. I am trying to help you see why it went as badly as it did. I feel like you're just wanting validation that your boyfriend was all the problem and it's not true. You were not understanding, you were self centered and you created a lot of issues for him. I'm sorry, but you two are not compatible.

Well, you didn't give him any time, you just decided to drop it on him that you're visiting. You refused to help out with any cooking. You demanded time when he was clearly exhausted from working all day. You shut off all communication and turned away from him when you didn't get your own way. His father is elderly. I realize you're visiting, but you did put a lot of pressure on him, and on his father. He also has his own routine of what works for him, especially coming home and wanting silence to destress, you complained about that too. I'm sorry, but you two are not compatible, and will never be compatible.