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SherrySher

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Posts posted by SherrySher

  1. 1 hour ago, sadchick83 said:

    pursue this when she is single

    I wouldn't even pursue her when she is single. Why? Because you will end up being the trusting boyfriend one day, who is being played while she messages with another dude and is telling him how horrible a boyfriend you are.

    She is a cheater. She wants attention from more than one guy. That's not going to change.

    • Like 1
  2. 2 hours ago, reallivesensei said:

    Also, I would actually do none of this if her relationship was all good

    Okay....I'm going to stop you right there.

    She is not married to him, she is not being forced to be with him. They are not shackled together.

    At any given time, she could phone this guy up, tell him she's not happy, and end it.

    But she is choosing to be a cheater.

    Do you understand that.....a cheater.

    Someone who cheats, has the ability to lie, to pretend, to manipulate and has zero loyalty.

    You need to re-read the above line a few hundred times to realize what kind of girl this is.

    If the relationship with this guy is not good, then she should have done the right thing, ended that relationship, been a decent girl, and had a bit of space between the end of that relationship, and then starting something new with you.

    She chose to be the worst kind of woman, instead.

    Lying to probably both of you, manipulating you by making you feel sorry for her.

    Meanwhile she is kissing and in bed with you, and with him. (don't kid yourself, she is still intimate with him).

    And is not caring who ends up hurt in the end. One of you will end up hurt as both of you think you're the center of her attention, and neither of you actually are.

    You need to send her a message that you don't allow yourself to get involved with cheaters, because if she can cheat on him...she 100% could cheat on you one day.

    Block, move on. Find someone who isn't playing games like this.

    • Like 1
  3. 1 hour ago, MsAin1st said:

    Yeah, it’s probably not the best plan to get involved with anyone now.
    But it felt so damn good to hold someone’s hand. 

    You're still young. I know it seems like everyone is getting married, and having babies.

    I remember that pressure. But it's not true. Lots aren't, and many don't get married or have children till their 30's.

    You have lots and lots of time.

    If you feel you're ready, then just go slow. But only you truly know what's best for your heart right now.

    I sincerely wish you the best. You do deserve love again.

    • Like 1
    • Thanks 1
  4. 30 minutes ago, MsAin1st said:

    Not to say that you can't be happy, you can be...with family, friends, investing in yourself.

    That was part of my post.

    I do encourage you to find your happiness again. Spending time with friends, and family, new hobbies, etc.

    But dating is different. A year after a significant death, is not long at all.

  5. 28 minutes ago, MsAin1st said:

    I had been in grief counseling but stopped going in June. I needed a break from most of my commitments for the summer— after Frank, a truly taxing school year and also being a grad student, I just needed time to just be. I also had to move because I could no longer afford rent by myself. 

    Resuming counseling is a smart plan. 
     

    What do you mean by investing in myself? I see my friends regularly, have hobbies, a career, and am a grad student as well. 

    No, I didn't mean that at all. You misinterpreted it.

    I did actually say you could be happy, invest in yourself, etc in my post.

    But dating is different, it's opening back up to something you may not be emotionally ready for.

    It may do more harm than good. 

  6. 30 minutes ago, MsAin1st said:

    Well last night I felt terrible, and no it wasn’t too much rum. I laid in my bed and bawled for at least a couple of hours. I mean, I suppose I should have expected that. As hard as I try to keep them in check, my emotions are all over the place.

    You're not ready, sweetheart...no matter how much your friends want you to be, no matter how much this man wants you to be.

    Death is a very serious thing, and it can take a very long time to get over that..sometimes years.

    This wasn't just a guy you had a few dates with, this was a man you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

    You need more time to grieve.

    This guy you went to the beach with, sounds nice, but at the moment, he is just going to confuse you.

    It's not the right time to date.

  7. On 9/16/2021 at 8:05 PM, MsAin1st said:

    I need to do this because my fiancé isn’t coming back

    You need to do this? Why?

    You need to mourn and heal from losing someone really significant in your life, first. 

    That could take a long time yet.

    Trying to replace someone with someone else, doesn't work.

    Not to say that you can't be happy, you can be...with family, friends, investing in yourself.

    Dating doesn't mean you've somehow got over the hurdle of someone else's death, nor does it mean you'll suddenly be happy.

    You need to ask yourself if you're ready. If you are ready, you'll feel somewhat confident, somewhat excited, happy within yourself, healed.

    If you're not feeling those things, you're not ready. And you shouldn't be allowing others to push you into a situation you're not ready for.

    Because truthfully, it could backfire very badly. 

    You could be reminded of the love you lost, how this new person doesn't measure up, how you emotions are not healed and now how you may disappoint and hurt someone else due to giving them hope and then telling them you can't do this.

    Please really consider if you're ready, or not. 

    A year is not very long.

    • Like 4
  8. 56 minutes ago, makavelii said:

    againts my ideals ( when I think about it now, *** ideals)

    Nope..you were absolutely right on sticking to your standards. She would have been cheating on her boyfriend.

    You don't want a girl who is willing to behave like that.

    Because if she cheats on him, she would cheat on you. Make no mistake about it.

    Also, if she cared about you as much as you did about her, and felt as strong as a connection, she would have ended it with her boyfriend and dated you.

    This obviously didn't happen.

    She's not the one.

    She's also not perfect. Human, like everyone else. She has flaws like everyone else. You barely knew her, so you didn't have time to see all sides of her. Like when she's angry, sick, annoyed, impatient, enraged, etc.

    She was practically a stranger.

    You need to get your drinking under control.

    No decent woman will want to date an alcoholic.

    Once you are in a better head space, try dating again with someone who is single and is looking for the same things as you are.

    But for now, your focus should be getting help with your drinking and depression.

    You're no good to anyone, not even to yourself if you're messed up like that.

    Please, contact mental health, a counsellor, or whatever services you have available in your area, and speak to someone.

    • Like 2
  9. 1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

    I guess you could tell her out of all your partners she is the biggest

    It reminds me of something Tom Arnold said when he was fighting openly with Rosanne:

    "Even a 747 looks small if it lands in the Grand Canyon". 

    • Haha 2
  10. 20 minutes ago, Soja b said:

    I know, thank you. Just hurts when you’ve been told out of every partner that there has been. I’m the smallest. 

    You haven't met the right woman yet. 

    The right woman, will be respectful, and won't ever mention size.

    She will enjoy all of you, and all of who and what you are. Things will work out in the bedroom and there won't be issues.

    Finding a compatible partner, is hard for everyone. They may suit us in some respects, but not all.

    I can't think there is one person who hasn't struggled with finding the right match for them.

    Just keep looking. There are millions upon millions of people in this world. 

    She's out there. Don't give up.

    • Like 1
  11. 32 minutes ago, Soja b said:

    hopefully she won’t be too malicious when I tell her it’s over

    From how she's behaved already...expect vicious.

    Heck, even when she so called "liked" you, she still reminded you of you being less than her exe's in some respects.

    That's not okay. That's as harsh as it gets. 

    • Like 1
  12. 1 hour ago, Lex000 said:

    but he has to acknowledge my feelings and make me feel better, that's the basic needs in a relationship. I’m sad and shocked

    I'm going to assume that he is being a good guy, and that he didn't do anything wrong, okay?

    First of all, yes, his reply was harsh, and he needs to try to be more understanding on other people's feelings, particularly his partners feelings.

    But secondly, if he truly didn't do anything wrong, apart from click an accept invite to follow and is now in the outs with you, I can see how he is upset, angry, feeling like he's being punished when he didn't do anything wrong.

    Being in a relationship requires BOTH sides to try to understand what the other one is going through.

    He may be feeling the same as you, feeling like you're discounting his feelings and blaming him for something he didn't do.

    When you're ever faced with an issue, always try to put yourself in the other persons shoes.

    At least best you can, without your own feelings clouding the situation.

    He may be sat there feeling like he did nothing wrong, but now you refuse to speak to him, and furthermore, expect him to make YOU feel better.

    Do you see how it could be hurtful on his end too?

    Communication needs to remain open. It's shut down right now because both of you are feeling like it's the other person fault, and no one is willing to budge.

    I'm not saying your feeling matter less if you reach out to him, however, being as this situation occurred due to something that upset you, it might make more sense to try to talk to him about it some more.

    When you do talk to him, don't go into it expecting a fight, talk to him like he's your friend and that you want to work through this issue together.

    Try not to blame him, he may have just clicked accept, and didn't think about it.

    But also talk to him honestly, and ask him to please let you know if he ever changes his mind and wants to spend time with another woman or date someone else.

    Again, not in an accusatory way, but so he knows that he can tell you, and not hide things if that should ever come up.

    But if he is rude, and still insulting you, then that's a different problem altogether, and that could be a deal breaker.

    A partner who constantly invalidates your feelings, or insults you, is not a good choice.

     

    • Like 2
  13. What jumps out at me the most, is if she barely posts, why make a second account?

    I can also see why you're feeling the way you are. It would raise some questions for most people on what the purpose of making a second account is and the fact that you were left out.

    Yes, your boyfriend is being rude with not trying to understand your side of things. Telling you that you were "dramatic" and that "this is your problem".

    Seems very unfair.

    After all, this is the woman that kept him company while you were broken up, and now has a private account that your boyfriend is a part of. So I can see where your feelings are coming from.

    But does that mean that either one of them are doing something to hurt you? No.

    I'm not sure of her reasons for the second account, but it may not have anything to do with your boyfriend.

    As for him following her, it may be as he said, and it's just a follow, nothing more.

    Try not to get too upset over all of it. Even after your separation, and her spending time with him, he still chose you!! He had a chance to date her, he didn't want to.

    Try to keep that in mind anytime you start to feel doubts.

    He is with you. 

  14. 1 hour ago, Soja b said:

    I guess I’m just an idiot

    You're not an idiot.

    I can't tell you how many people in this world are accepting terrible treatment from their partner, or justifying bad behavior, or wishing their partner would be someone they are not ( a better version).

    You seen a lot of good in her, you find different things attractive about her...BUT, she has very bad sides to her.

    The drinking, the crass talk, the cheating, emasculating you, talking down to you, being disrespectful.

    Anyone one of those things are a reason to end a relationship with someone!

    But you are hoping, praying, wishing that all the bad things will go away because you want the good things.

    And I get that, and it's understandable, but it's not a good choice either.

    I think every single person at one time or another has remained with a bad partner in hopes that they will get better, or change for the better.

    But realistically, it's not going to happen, and you just have to accept that this is who she is, and also accept that she's not good for you.

    You know what to do here. You deserve better. This relationship needs to be done with.

    Also going to mention here too, there is no "normal" when it comes to most things...including penis size.

    Penis sizes come in various shapes and sizes...you know why? Because vaginas comes in different shapes and sizes.

    There are literally some woman in this world, that are very small and would require a smaller gentleman.

    There is also the opposite to this.

    But in general, the human body varies greatly from one person to the next.

    What you should be looking for, is a partner who is compatible with your body size in your nether regions.

    Did you ever consider that maybe she's too big down below? It's possible.

     

     

    • Like 2
  15. 14 hours ago, Soja b said:

    But it can be challenging when she’s told me the size of her previous partners 😕

    What?! Why would she tell you the size of her previous partners? 

    That's immature, rude, not to mention emasculating. 

    You say this girl is nice and you like her, but you're not seeing that she is treating not very well at all.

    No woman should ever be mentioning penis size from previous partners, to their current, ever.

    It's completely disrespectful, not to mention crass.

    There is no call for it.

    As for her continuing on, and saying even worse things to you while she's drunk, more signs that this is not a class act woman at all. 

    In fact she's a downright bad choice for a partner.

    I realize you like her, and you want this to work, but you truly are lowering your standards by quite a bit, and trying to justify terrible treatment from her.

    She's not girlfriend material. You need to really seriously consider why you are staying and justifying such bad behavior from her.

    It's not worth it, I promise you. Your self esteem, and self worth will only go lower and lower while you continue to date her.

    Not all woman act like she does. 

    • Like 2
  16. 13 hours ago, dias said:

    Like most fantasies, before you do them it's something imaginary and when you realise them you are like "what?that's it?" It's human nature to magnify imaginary things. 

    If we're talking pure fantasy and not actually engaging in an actual threesome, then yes, no doubt most have imagined it.

    Heck, most have imagined outlandish things on most things in life that none would actually do.

    But I was replying more on the basis on, is it normal to actually think about a threesome and go through with it?

    In that scenario, I would say a flat out, no.

    But as for OP and her boyfriend, I don't think this guy is just picturing stuff. He is full out drooling over her family and friends.

    He's crossed the line.

    I get the feeling that he would more than be happy if it was reality.

    But I also think he is a neaderthal and she needs to kick him to the curb.

  17. 14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

    Considering how much stigma is still attached to sexuality and sexual preferences, and how liberally people judge each other, it's little wonder most would never admit to it. 

    I honestly don't feel it's stigma nor it is about being judged, there are many women(and men!) who prefer one on one intimacy.

    Threesomes are not as widespread as you would believe.

    Is it possible to get exact numbers? Nope...obviously not. But there are a huge amount who would not be into it.

    Let me add into that, do you know how many relationships or marriages have been broken up because a couple thought it would be a good idea and it went very badly?

    Again, difficult to find exact numbers, but no doubt the numbers are very high.

    You have someone in the threesome who feels left out, who is jealous, who feels that it's not what they thought it would be like, and so on.

    Two of the people in the threesome decide it's better to have one on one and start an affair on the side,(without informing the third person).

    Many different scenarios on why this particular situation does not work out, or isn't as good as people hoped it would be.

    But for what's normal and what's not, I honestly don't think most people would be jumping for joy hearing their partner wants to include someone else.

    In fact, many would find it as hurtful as OP has.

  18. 12 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

    I know enough people who have said they would be up for one to consider it more widespread than just a fetish.

    Different strokes for different folks, because I can make the exact same claim.

    I know many, many people who would disagree with you that they would ever find a threesome appealing.

    It is not something a lot of couples engage in, and although some men may have had the idea float through their mind at one time, it's not often that it actually comes to a threesome session.

    I think many women would find the idea off putting and would not be into it, at all.

    Normal for some men to fantasize about it, sure, (not all men)......but normal to have a threesome, or normal for a woman to want to? Both no from all the people I have come across in my lifetime.

    Interestingly enough, I have a large group of women friends and this topic has funnily enough come up in the past during a group chat.

    Either married, or not, nearly 90% of the group were into into the idea of a threesome and were concerned if their partner brought that idea up.

    I don't think many women would be jumping for joy over their partner wanting someone else to join in with their sex life.

    This guy however, made it even more weird/repulsive, in bringing up her family, and friends. 

    That's as low as you can get. 

  19. 1 hour ago, Carnatic said:

    For example, there are a huge amount of heterosexual people too but that doesn't mean that homosexual people aren't normal.

    Hey. hey, hey...that's really twisting my words.

    In no way whatsoever, have I ever implied anything about heterosexuals, or homosexuals, at all.

    I actually find both to be perfectly normal.

    Please stick to one subject and the one being discussed without putting words into peoples mouths...please and thank you.

     

     

  20. 3 hours ago, Carnatic said:

    It's normal to be attracted to the idea of a threesome

    Actually, it's not. There is a huge amount of people who do not find threesomes appealing.

    Many are into monogamy and enjoy sex one on one.

    Are there people who are into threesomes? Sure, but it's more of a fetish and a smaller number of people who would actually be okay sharing their partner like this.

    Add into it, that most people who do try out threesomes, have it end horribly. Too much jealousy and hurt feelings for it to actually turn into anything good.

  21. 7 hours ago, crispyapples_ said:

    Hello, I need some advice. My boyfriend (24) and I (25) have been together for 3 and a half years now. He is very loving, thoughtful, and caring. He pays for everything and treats me well. However, the one thing that does bother me, is that he talks about having a threesome often when we have sex. When we do it, he would some storytelling, where he brings up my sister and other female friends. I would play along because it is in the moment, but deep down inside, I am bothered by it. He says he wants both of us to do sexual things with them. We have sex 3x a week. He would bring them up 2 out of 3 times a week.  Is it normal? I have low self esteem and I brought it up to him. He says he only mentions them because it helps him stay hard for longer. He has difficulty keeping it up, b/c of his ADHD. He says he doesn't actually want to have a threesome with them, its just for storytelling. 

    No, this is not normal.

    And no, him lusting after your sister, or friends ...is even more far from normal....he's being a total creep!

    It's no wonder you're having low self esteem!!

    His "storytelling" is extremely toxic and it's not okay, nor it is healthy.

    Unless both you and he are they type to want a more open type of relationship, where both of you have sex with other people besides one another, there is no way this is going to work.

    And please don't try to force yourself to be the type of person who tries to be okay with other women involved because you want to please him.

    You don't HAVE to accept any of this!

    If you're the type of woman that prefers monogamy, and for sex to be shared between just you and he without the fantasies of other people being involved, then accept that and own that.

    You don't need to try to force yourself to endure this for his sake.

    Honestly, for someone that wants monogamy, this sounds like pure torture!

    End this relationship, before he damages you even worse than he already has.

    • Like 1
  22. You're using dating as a means to "get over" someone, when that's not the point of dating at all.

    You're not meant to date until you are completely over someone, and you've got your life more together so that if you add someone to your life.

    Where you're enhancing one another's lives, not trying to "fix" each other in some way.

    I also think you're confused as to who and what you like, or want,

    You don't know your feelings for either one of these girls, by the sounds of it.

    You keep running between them, you get bored with one, drop them, run to the other, and so on.

    At this point, you'd be better off staying single, trying to better yourself, and better your own life.

    Figure out who you are, what it is you're actually wanting in a partner, sort your life out until it's more where you want it to be, and then consider possibly dating.

    But right now, it sounds as though you're only dating due to loneliness or seeking out someone to fill a void, and it's not bringing you any kind of long term happiness.

  23. Porn addiction is real.

    He sounds like he has a serious addiction, and may also be bi but doesn't want to admit it to you, or maybe even to himself.

    But at some point, you're going to have to sit down and talk to him about all of it. It's not going to go away, your sex life won't get better. He is obviously focused elsewhere, and there is no point in both of you suffering it out like this.

    You need to talk, and you need to talk now.

    • Like 3
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