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Everything posted by Ksol9

  1. Still trying to process everything. Haven't heard from him since those texts. I'm not expecting anything from him, but I hope I hear from him again sooner than later. I realize he was trying to spark conversation and I don't know if I did the right thing by being a little cold. I'm not interested in small chit chat. As you said, it is a start. I agree with what you said, I think he was just trying to get some sort of hint from me regarding how I feel about him, but right now I feel cold as ice. He hurt me and he has to show a little more effort than a simple how have you been. For two months, he ignored me like what we had meant nothing. He can't come back into my life without showing some sensitivity about my feelings. I kept it as light as I could and this is in his hands. I hope I hear from him again. I want to show him how much I appreciate him and all the things I've learned. I want to show him how much I'm willing to change. People don't change over night, but I'm a work in progress. Reconciliation takes 2 willing people. He's got to take the lead on this one. I'll take some initiative when I feel comfortable that his intentions are good and true. It's killing me to sit and wait. I'm scared I won't hear from him for another 2 months or ever again. He asked if I was surprised by the text. I think he was expecting me to be more welcoming. I was so desperate when we broke up. I was so quick to profess my love to him 2 months ago. I'm a lot more reserved and careful right now. I love him so much and just want things to progress, but I know I need to be patient. I have faith and Im hoping he will turn this around.
  2. Hi lostlove76. I still can't believe how all of this happened. My attitude about the whole situation changed when I woke up this morning and then out of nowhere he sends a text. I literally had to rub my eyes when I saw his name pop up on my screen. He asked how I've been. I responded a few hours later saying I am doing well and thank you for asking. I asked how he was doing. He responded saying, "everything is ok I guess. Did I surprise you with my text?" I said, "yes it was unexpected, how are the children?" He responded saying they are well thanks. I didn't respond after that. I left things there because I feel that if he wants to talk more he will contact again. I'm just going to be patient and see where things go. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because he might have just been checking in to see how I was doing, but something tells me his intention was more than just a simple hello. I am wary of his intentions. I guess I will just have to wait and see. I'm still upset about the way he acted as though I was dead to him for these 2 months. I'm not going to let him just walk in and out and I'm certainly not going to act on this little bit of communication until he shows me he's interested in talking about reconciliation. Do you think I handled it ok? I feel guilty for just dropping the conversation and not even responding to the last text. He might just think I'm uninterested and not contact me again. I really hope things are ok with you and your guy. Were you able to resolve?
  3. Unbelievable!! He just sent a text. His text read, "hi how have you been?" I've read all over this forum that it seems they have some sort of radar or sixth sense. They can sense when you're about to slip away. My last post from this morning is proof of that. I'm just in shock at this moment. I haven't responded and I don't know how to respond. I'm afraid...very afraid. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't know what to think. I don't want to assume that he is contacting me about reconciliation when he's just asking how I'm doing. I am still very hurt by everything. I'm just at a loss right now. I'm not in a rush to respond. I'm going to think long and hard before responding. Lastlove76, I'm waiting for you to chime in.
  4. Hi Lastlove76, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my posts. You offer me comfort and I'm grateful. I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. I hope things are better for you today. This morning I woke up with anger. I know anger is part of the process but this is an anger that I haven't felt before and it's to a different degree. It is from a place of strength. I realize I may never be at peace with what happened between him and I. I'm angry that he is treating me like what we had never mattered. I feel like it was a total lie. If he wants nothing to do with me or is expecting me to peek my head in on him, then he can go where the sun doesn't shine. I'm worth so much more and this isn't a game. My heart is not a toy and you are right about everything you said, this was HIS choice. He chose to give up. He believes life is better without me. Well, I will give him that. That's how much I love him. Enough to give him what he wants and more. I've always went above and beyond to make sure HE is happy. If me not being in his life makes him happy, I'll give him that. I don't think this is a matter of him needing space and time. Too much time has passed. I think I keep telling myself he just needs time to figure things out just to make myself feel better. He already did the thinking he needed to do. He felt he gave me enough chances to sort myself out and now my time is up. He thinks he is better without me or with someone new....and maybe he is. I'm frustrated with myself. This was long over...2 months ago. How foolish am I to be thinking he is coming back? He's gone and I should live in the moment, not what could be or what could have been. I know you have said that I don't know what is going on in his mind and you are absolutely correct. I don't know. If he should ever come to the point where he wants to explore reconciliation, he will let me know. It is out of the question for me to contact him. I see that more and more everyday. I'm offended by the way he just threw what we had away. It's not about pride or self respect. This was HIS choice. I still hope and pray he will turn this around, but too much time has passed, so I don't see that happening. I need to find a way to get out of this rut that I'm in. He is living his life. He's happy and he's moving on. I need to do the same...I need to worry about my happiness. I know I just may be going through the motions. I know anytime I felt anger towards him, it wasn't long before I fell flat on my face. I had a breakdown shortly after. I hope that this anger sticks. I'm not very fond of him right now. Lastlove76, I hope you are well. Hang in there. Apart of me wishes I was in shoes in regards to your confidence in knowing he WILL contact you again. Take care of yourself.
  5. I don't know what happened or what triggered this, but I woke up feeling so strange. Almost like I did within the first few weeks of the breakup. I don't know what set me back like this. All of a sudden the reality of my situation just hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like my mind was probably caught up with all the indirect messages I was interpreting through his facebook posts, all the reading I'm doing online about getting back together, and just hoping and praying he will come back. Truth be told, I think I've been doing that to cope or make this process a little easier. I haven't heard from him in a long time and I think him ignoring me is his way of moving on. He doesn't want to give me false hope and it's his way of healing...cold turkey. I'm so hurt he could do something like that to me...very hurt. I wish I never met him. How could I have been so foolish to put all my cards on the table? So many things are running through my mind. Maybe he never loved me? Maybe he still had deeply buried feelings for his ex (the children's mother)? Regarding the children's mother...they were together for many years. She cheated on him with a series of partners and it resulted with her entering a lesbian relationship in which she is still in and has been for 2 years now. They have been divorced for 5 years. There has been no indication from her that she would reconcile with him, but sometimes I wonder if he feels that this is just something she is exploring and may eventually decide she is not lesbian. Maybe that is just my fears. I came up with that on my own. She seems to have a lot of anger and resentment for him for some reason. He on the other hand seems to be bitter and hurt by what she has done....especially that she left him for a woman. I don't understand what he felt about it. I mean we spoke about it often, but he didn't really express his feelings. It could just be that I'm not familiar with divorce and things like that. He was never in a serious relationship after they divorced. I was the first serious relationship and he led me believe it was real and true. There wasn't anything that happened that should make me question if he still has feeling for her. He just seemed a little curious about what was going on in her life. I guess because he wanted to prepare himself in the event she wanted to come back for her children. I let all those things manifest in my mind and I never communicated it to him so it grew into major doubt. Again, communication was key. When I met him, the connection and chemistry was instant. I'm sitting here wondering if it was all a sham. Maybe I was right all along about the doubts. I'm just really hurt and it's sort of a motivation to continue moving on. I don't think I could handle anymore rejection and I don't think I would put myself in that position ever again. It's so important for me to pay attention to his actions. He has chosen to shut me out. I shouldn't question if he still has feelings for me. As it looks at this moment, he doesn't have any feelings for me at all. He doesn't want anything to do with me. I have these memories of this life I shared with him and I feel like it didn't exist. It's hard for me to be positive when I feel so negatively about everything. It's not healthy for me to be hanging on to false hope that I will magically hear from him out of no where. He is not a communicative person. He is someone who sits back and allows life to happen. He is not proactive. He believes that everything that happens, happens for a reason and what is meant to happen with happen. That's his attitude about life and that is why I've always been the one to pursue, to fix. Of course he pursued me when we first met and even throughout the relationship he was very attentive and interested...he was always calling me and so forth, but when dealing with conflict, he would clock out. He has clocked out permanently and he's gone. I have to move on and I HAVE to change my outlook on this. I feel like I haven't been very realistic...like I'm in the twilight zone. No one is suffering in the way that I'm suffering. He is living his life. He's not effected by this like I am. I don't know what he is feeling, but I'm sure he isn't crying in the middle of the night like I have been. I'm completely devastated by this loss, but something has to come out of this. I have to find happiness again. These are the cards I've been dealt and I have to deal with it. I can't continue on like this much longer. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of thinking about him.
  6. Thanks so much for your input. It's greatly appreciated. I'm laying awake and its 6 am. I'm tired but wide awake. He still haunts me in my dreams. I do too much thinking. It's almost a burden to me to be thinking of him this much..even in my sleep for pete's sake. I'm tired of walking around with this black cloud hovering over me. I don't think the main cause of the breakup was the children issue. I walked into the relationship with a negative mindset and I don't think I ever let that go. I didn't allow my brain and heart to walk together. I kept telling myself, this is too good to be true. He's a really great person. I see that now. No one is perfect. He didn't treat me badly at all. I tried to convince myself that he didn't truly love me..that there was some hidden agenda. Towards the end that mentality and attitude began to effect him. To the point our intimacy suffered. I was hearing him, but I wasn't listening. There was no way I was going to change and we wouldn't have been able to work together because we weren't communicating. This was the only option for change. I pressured him and as you said, he most likely scared himself off. I understand why. He thought it was for the best...for everyone. He put some deep thought into his decision maybe for a couple weeks at the most. That is why I don't feel he will go back on that decision. He is a very strong willed man and he takes matters like this seriously because it doesn't just effect him and I...the children as well. I'm breaking inside with the thought of this. I'm heart is reaching out to him because I know we can conquer this. Hindsight truly is 20/20 and if I never get him back, I know I will regret my behavior for the rest of my life. Not just saying that...I screwed this one up...royally. It's important that I keep NC. I will get myself into big trouble if I don't...for a number of reasons. I have to fight through this. I get so jealous when I see others posting their NC success stories. Hopefully one day I can post about our reconciliation. I have faith he will contact me. For right now, I'm in a silent hell. On a side note, I checked my email a couple hours ago. His daughter placed another Amazon order for a shoelace bracelet. She used to make these all the time for us. I have one on my nightstand. She's such a crafty child, but she's 13 so lately all she cared about was her cell phone and Instagram. Miss her to pieces.
  7. I'm having a difficult night. I was pretty calm and did my best to stay centered on my healing for the entire week. Fell flat on face tonight. I feel like I am exhausting myself holding onto something that may or may not ever happen. In all reality, who am I trying to fool? It's not likely that he will change his mind. He's not the type of person to dwell in confusion over things. He made it clear that now that he has custody of his two children, he has to think about raising them and is not thinking about adding a new baby to the mix. I didn't even have time to explain my views on having children. He explained that I deserve to be happy and I deserve a fair shot at that. Why would he contact me to say he changed his mind? The more time goes by, the easier it is to live without someone. You get used to them not being around. You might miss them, but you realize that you don't depend on them and will be just fine without them. It's not that I am adamant on having children. I would like to have an opportunity if my circumstances are right, but I would much rather be with a man that I love and let God do the rest. That is my goal. If it is meant for me to have children then fine, if not, I am ok with that as well. I don't think the other problems we were having weren't fixable. We failed miserably in communicating. Looking at things from his perspective, it's much easier to walk away. It's too overwhelming for him. Along with all the arguments, it's just a wiser decision for him to move on without me. The sooner I let go of the false hope, the better. He was posting pictures of flowers he sent me, he posted songs about break ups and forgiveness, he drove past my job a few times, and sent a text stating he has been thinking about me alot....that is most likely his way of accepting and letting go. That in no way means he is contemplating his decision and I highly doubt he is waiting for me to initiate contact. If I really look at things from a logical perspective....he isn't coming back. Sorry for the rant, I'm just trying to convince myself to stand up straight and to look forward.
  8. I didn't have to think long before I realized I am no where ready to contact him. That was my emotions thinking again. Lastlove76, you hit the nail on the head. He is the one who gave up. He has to come forward. I know reconciliation takes 2 willing parties. He was distancing himself a couple weeks before the break up. I brought up not wanting to waste my time because I needed to think about having children. All of these things made him feel pressured, I'm sure. He is single and so I do know that if he is thinking about me, he will need some time to think about that kind of commitment. It would not be wise for me to rush him. 4 weeks does feel like a long time. We broke up 7 weeks ago and it feels like ages since I've seen him. I miss him and the children so very much. My only hope is that he is taking the time to rethink everything. I understand that sometimes people need to break up in order to re-evaluate everything before coming back. At the same time, I may just be holding on to false hope. He may have made his decision final in his mind and is sticking to it. He probably knows that these things take time and life goes on. Who knows? Time will tell I guess. It is very easy for me to feel discouraged and hopeless because of the amount of time that has passed with NC. I just have to leave it in God's hands, but knowing him and his stubborn nature, he will stick to his guns. We had minor breaks throughout the relationship. The longest we were apart was almost 2 weeks with NC. I was the one to make contact and he kept telling me we will work together to make things right. Only problem was, we weren't apart long enough for me to identify the problems and then when I did come back there was little to no communication about the issue. Nothing was ever resolved. This was bound to happen. Nothing was going to change until this happened. He told me that the day of the break up. He also told me that he just wanted to be alone for a while. He is a little more experienced than me in relationships and sometimes it crosses my mind that he knew we needed a break in order to become stronger and that he would contact me when he is ready, but that is wishful thinking. I guess I'm trying to make myself feel better some way some how. The more I evaluate everything that happened, I realize he must have felt smothered and pressured by me. He needs space and time. There's no way I will be able to convince him to give things another go with me. He has to do that on his own and I have to allow him the time. Hopefully he will reconsider and will let me know. If he has a heart and isn't a heartless psycho, I know he thinks of me....maybe not like I miss him and think of him often, but I do believe we had something special and a connection like that is not easily forgotten. I am not going to wait, but I have hope and faith that he will turn this around. Ultimately, it is up to him. I have to move on with my life and God knows I am trying my best.
  9. I agree with you lastlove76. Truthfully, I don't know what he wants and I won't know until I contact or he initiates. I have been thinking of calling him, but I'm putting a lot of thought into it before doing so. It wouldn't be for another few weeks. At the same time, I feel I just need to sit tight. Every week that passes, I realize that he is still on my mind regardless of my efforts to move on. I am giving moving on a fair shot. Im doing all the things necessary to heal. I'm giving it time. I need to make sure I've given us both enough time before trying to make contact with him. I also worry about all the time that I've invested in NC. I worry about it all going to waste. Sometimes I feel like I'm not being realistic or honest with myself. I feel like a total fool. This man gave up on our relationship and what in my right mind tells me he wants anything to do with me. If he did, he'd let me know somehow. I've never had to pursue a man like this. I've always taken the route that you take. Instead, I made him feel so secure throughout our relationship. He has not once initiated contact with me since the breakup. I just gave up because I feel like I was making a fool of myself. I'm not so sure I want to go back down that road. I don't know what to do, but I hope with every last bone in my body he will turn this whole thing around. I need to be sure he wants this as much as I do before I make any decisions. It interests me when you said you would pursue him, then you eventually stopped and now the roles have completely reversed. Do you think you are able to be so stubborn and prideful because you KNOW he would eventually call? Maybe you know you can ignore calls and not pursue him because you know he would eventually reach out. In my case, I let go of the rope and he kept walking the opposite direction. It's been 4 weeks since my last contact..complete NC...and he still hasn't contacted me. I wonder if I'm in denial.
  10. Thank you lastlove76. It's interesting to hear how you feel. How you love him deeply, but won't call him. He will call and you won't answer, but you waited to hear from him. I know my ex to be this way and this may be the case with him regarding our breakup. That crosses my mind often. He is just that type of person when dealing with conflict with anyone. Anytime we have had problems, he waited for me to pursue. This time, I let go...fully. I am deathly afraid of him rejecting me, so I wait. It is my impression that this is what he wants..to be left alone. There is no reason he should be driving past my job. It's not in route to anywhere that he goes. It's out of his way. I do know for sure he is driving by just to see and maybe as you said, it's for closeness or moreso curiousity. Truth is, I don't really know. I don't know what he is thinking at all. He may be waiting for me or I may be the last thing on his mind. He broke up with me and even though specifics behind the breakup were essentially my fault, I still feel that he should reach out to me directly. Not these ridiculous, childish Facebook posts. In reality, I don't even know if those posts were even for me. Not to make this about gender roles, but as a woman, I don't feel I should be pursuing him. Especially since I've already tried early on in the break up and he ignored me. It has been a month since I last contacted him and initially I thought I'd probably hear from him once he realized I wouldn't be contacting him anymore, still not a peep. I dont think he will be brave enough to say something to me. I checked the tracking for his daughter's package and I saw that it delivered this morning. It's funny to think for a split second he will think I ordered something for it to be delivered to him when it was nothing of the sort. Hopefully his daughter will clear that up when she gets home from school today. I doubt I'll hear anything about it, but if I haven't been on his mind, hopefully receiving a package with my name on it brings a smile to his face. Gosh...without his love, I'm nothing. I'm left with no choice but to move on with my life. I'm miserable and he's always on my mind. I don't think it would be wise for me to break NC. I'm still crossing my fingers that he will turn this around. All my chips are on him. Thank you again for your input. It's greatly appreciated.
  11. Feeling down today. This dark place is full of complete silence and it scares me. I feel helpless and hopeless. Throughout the day I kept thinking how angry I am with him for acting like I am dead to him. He slept in the same bed with me every night, 2 days before breaking up he's telling me that I complete him, next thing you know, it's like we are complete strangers. I'm so hurt and recently I've been feeling like I want to call him. It won't do me any good though. I don't want to throw the 30 days I've been in NC down the drain. He's so stubborn and full of pride. I know he will never initiate contact. I'm feeling so discouraged about everything today. I just want to wake up and not have this on my mind anymore. I want to be healed and uneffected by this. Heartbreaks truly suck! Also, I have an Amazon prime account. Since the breakup, his daughter has been using the account to browse. There has been times I went on my account and found strange things in my cart. Press on nails and earrings. Young teen things. I know it's her because no one else has access to the account and those are items she would shop for. Well this morning when I checked my email, there was a purchase for some novelty reading glasses. I guess all the kids are wearing them to achieve a nerdy look. lol It had been purchased using a gift card and is being shipped to their house. With that being said, now there is going to be package delivered to his home addressed to my name. I'm assuming she will then explain to dad that she used my account to purchase because I have free shipping for all purchases. I don't mind her using the account, in fact she is free to use it any time she wants. No big deal to me. I love her dearly. My concern is that he might think I am up to something or I had contact with his daughter. I'm thinking about all the possibilities. What if she contacts me? What if she gets in trouble? What will I say? Do I just ignore? All kinds of things are going through my mind and its causing me anxiety. I'm reminding myself to toughen up and not put too much thought into it. I most likely won't hear anything about it.
  12. I think he's just trying to start communication with you. Pride and fear of rejection is a serious thing. Ive read all over this board it is the reason why people take so long to come back. They have to muster up the courage. At the same time, it could very well be anything. Either way, I can tell by your posts that you are at a place where you are strong. I think you'll be able to handle this. Move with caution. Guard your heart. I wish you the best!
  13. Tind, it could have been me writing your post. I am on the 7th week since break up and 4th week NC. Haven't heard anything other than his last text message a month ago in response to an apology I sent. His text read, "I've been thinking about you a lot." After that, complete silence and at this point I'm no longer expecting to hear from him. Please be strong. Words from the wise here on this board. I know it's hard. I'm experiencing these same dark times. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
  14. Lostlove76, thank you for the link. I woke up at 5:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I am up all hours of the night missing him. I started reading the story from your link. Don't ask me how I ended up late for work when I've been up since before the sun came up, but I couldn't stop reading. It brought so many thoughts to my mind, good and bad. Gosh, I just miss him so very much. Wish I could pick up the phone and tell him to stop all of this already. I'm over it. I also found it interesting that you said you felt he had taken you for granted and you needed to know that he cares. This is also my concerns. I've always been the one to fix things. I've always felt that he didn't care. I did all the work when there was conflict. I felt he didn't care if I took off and didn't come back and that is exactly what happened. He let me leave and he hasn't called. I've seen him drive my job a few times as recent as last week. We've run into eachother at stop lights and we will make contact with our eyes. Feels like my heart stops but then I remember I don't have a heart anymore. Who knows...I could just be dramatizing everything in my mind. For all I know, I don't cross his mind and he doesn't want a thing to do with me, EVER. I'm having an early lunch at my favorite sushi place and it just hit me. I'm waiting for something that may never happen. There has been no indication from him that he is confused or he is contemplating his decision. I'm in complete darkness and in complete silence. He has moved on with his life while I am here trying to pick up the pieces. I was reminded of what he told me the day of the break up. Oh how that talk haunts me till this day! He said, "I know you want to have children and I know how important that is to you. You deserve to be happy. This decision is for the best." Mind you, he has never once sat down and had a conversation with me about my views on having children. He went on to explain that the children issue could have been worked out but the problems about my negative mindset was never going to change. Makes me sick every time I think back to that day. It's still so fresh in my mind. It scares me to think 2 months could turn into 4 months of NC. He is just as stubborn, if not more, than I am. He has pride to last more than a lifetime. I know him very well. I won't hear from him. He won't initiate contact with me and that is my biggest fear. As much as I can't take it anymore, I can't, I just can't, try to talk to him. Not at this point. I need to wait. I need to hurry up and be PATIENT. This is just one of the most challenging times in my life.
  15. I've been trolling these threads for quite some time now. I look aimlessly for stories of people getting back together after months of NC. Puts me at ease some how. I don't know if I'll ever post my own getting back together story, but I hope to. It has been 7 weeks since the breakup and 4 weeks of NC. I made all the typical mistakes, well I didn't know they were typical mistakes until I read about it all over this forum. For about 3 weeks after the breakup, we had LC that was mainly initiated by me. I sent a text apologizing and he responded saying he "had been thinking about me a lot". I stupidly jumped the gun and asked him to reconsider his decision. He never responded. I look back and I am embarrassed that I even did that. How foolish was I not to realize that he needed time and space and I wasn't respecting that. I had no concern for his feelings. I was acting solely out of emotion minus a logical mind. Another text I sent was about the roomful of his furniture sitting in my parent's house. We rented a furnished condo and we bought new furniture more suitable for the children. We decided to store the landlord's furniture in my parent's home. I can't see him forfeiting all that furniture. I sent him one last text asking him to pick up the furniture...no response. That was 4 weeks ago. I went into NC from that day on and he hasn't contacted me since. Advice from family, friends, and even those on this board are always the same. Move on and take care of YOU. While I am doing those things, my thoughts are still consumed by him. I miss him terribly. The children even more. We were together for one year and lived together for most of that time. He has custody of his 2 children and I developed a very deep bond with them. I didn't just lose him, I lost 3 important people. Our relationship wasn't riddled with problems or fighting. No cheating or lies ever. We loved eachother deeply. We both failed miserably in the communication department and my negative mindset didn't help things at all. I think I was just scared and we moved so quickly, so it took me some time to adjust. I began to pressure him about the future of our relationship and he just bailed. Now that I've had time to think, hindsight is 20/20. What was I thinking? I was pressuring a man who recently got custody of his 2 children about having more children. I think I would have contemplated running for the hills too. Needless to say, I don't think I handled things well at all. I believe I treated him badly. Our intimacy suffered and I pressured on. I know it is never just one person when a relationship fails. There is always 2 at fault. He did have his faults, but I can say with confidence that I did a good job at blocking his efforts to work with me. I feel so selfish and I feel terrible for the way I treated him. I wasn't a raging maniac or anything of that sort, I just wasn't understanding and I wasn't willing to allow us to work. I am so stubborn. I gave him a hard time and I became very needy. I am still having a hard time coping with his decision, but at the same time, I see why he had to leave. He didn't deserve that. Something had to change. I am deeply hurt because he seems cold and heartless. It's like I'm dead to him. This is what fuels my dedication to NC. I need to heal...we both do. I think we both need time to sort out what we want. It took me a good month to start seeing straight. I spent the first month post-breakup crying with my face in a pillow so that my parents wouldn't hear my cries. I still cry almost every day, but I guess it's part of the process. I started going to church, haven't stepped foot in a church in about 20 years. I am reading self help books and books about maintaining healthy relationships, I'm exercising, and eating healthy. I'm focusing on myself...the best I can. His decision has been the best and worst thing that could have ever happened. Yes, I lost someone I love and care for deeply, but this has truly been monumental in my self development. In my 31 years I have never took the time to learn and grow from any hardships I've endured. I'm changing, in a very good way. Regardless of if I ever speak to him again, regardless of if we reconcile or not, I will be better equipped in my next relationship and overall a better person. I needed this. He made me pack up my things and shoved me into darkness and for the first time in my life, I don't want anyone to hold my hand to walk me through this, I want to make changes and learn from this on my own. To add, I think the old saying, you never know what you have until it's gone holds a lot of truth. I think we both took eachother for granted. Speaking for myself, I now see how much I value him. Unfortunately, too late. I deactivated my facebook the day of the breakup. We are still friends on facebook and I try to not go back on to peek into his life, but I'm human and I can't help myself sometimes. He told me previously that he knows I go back on to look at his page and that he posts things on purpose. Immature I know, but I guess he was just looking for a reaction. I don't know what I am looking for when I go on because it's all pretty irrelevant. It still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want to be apart of my life. He will post songs and pictures of flowers he has sent me in the past. He will post statuses about him being single. See, we've had small breaks in the past. They were minor issues. I would take a few days off. I'd stay at my parents until I got my thoughts together. I would always be the one to fix the issue. I would always have to call or text to mend things with no effort from him. I was the pursuer. We'd make up and I'd go back home to him as if nothing ever happened. The longest we ever went NC was less than 2 weeks. This is the first time that I've fully let go of the rope and this is the fist time that we've gone this long with NC. This break up is serious. I'm sure it will be a while, if not already, that he realizes that I'm no longer trying to fix things anymore. Additionally, I'm under the impression that he doesn't want it to be fixed. It has been very important for me to realize that it takes 2 willing people to reconcile. It's not about who contacts who first, the dumpee or the dumper. I don't care about the subliminal messages that he may or may not be giving me through his facebook posts. Those things don't matter. What matters is that somehow, someway if we are meant to be together, if our love is strong enough, we will find a way to resolve our issues together. At this point, I don't even know if I am supposed to be the one to approach him about reconciliation providing the circumstances. I just feel that he is the one who made this decision and I've made numerous attempts to talk to him. If he really wanted to explore reconciliation, he would let me know. I guess I'm just confused and that is why I've done nothing rather than break NC only to regret it. I don't know what is going to happen in the upcoming weeks. Every week that passes, I keep thinking to myself...too much time has passed, he certainly would have contacted me by now, he's single...maybe he's waiting for me to figure out what I want, maybe the ball is in my court. I really don't know. All I know is that I have figured out what I want in life. I should never set unrealistic goals for myself. It's unhealthy to do so. I should never set time limits for marriage and children. My goal should be that I want to spend my life with a man that I love and all else the universe will put in my hands when the time is right. That is a healthy goal. I will be 32 soon and I accept that if I don't have an opportunity to have children, I am ok with that. I just want to enjoy my life and appreciate those in it. I do want to be with him, but if that is not possible, I understand and most importantly, I will be OK. I'm hoping it won't be long before I'm back to post details of our reconciliation. I know, I know...wishful thinking. I'm just not at peace with any of this. Something deep down inside tells me I'll hear from him again. Then again..it's probably side effects from this breakup. For those of you who can relate and you going through dark times, if you haven't already, I highly suggest reading The Five Love Languages and Make Up, Don't Break Up. Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading. Just needed to share my thoughts.
  16. I see a lot of stories where the couples would be in NC for months. Who would break NC? The dumpee or the dumper?
  17. It was very interesting to read through this thread. I would agree that reconciliations are quite common. They just aren't posted here as often. I think most relationships reach a point where both parties need time to evaluate. This is the case with mature couples, meaning they've been together for a year or longer. My story is not a success story...yet. I just have a strong feeling things will take a turn. It's just a matter of when. I was dating a 37 year old man for about a year. I'm 31 no children and never married. Needless to say, I'm ready for that step in life. After college and a failed relationship, I met him. From the very beginning I thought, this was it. He's the one. I was very straightforward about where I was in my life. He has custody of his children from a previous relationshipp. We were a family and I was pretty much a step mother. I didn't realize that he may not want to grow the family. I became insecure about the future of the relationship and doubted him. This eventually took a toll on him. We had a series of problems and then out of no where, he decides to end things saying he doesn't want more children, but more importantly he didn't feel we would ever resolve our problems...my negative mindset. He gave up on me. I calmly packed my things and moved out. I tried to reach out a couple times, he responded saying he's been thinking about me a lot. After that, complete silence. He never responded to me ever again. I have furniture stored in my parents house that belongs to the landlord of the furnished apartment we rented. He never responded about picking that up. We broke up a month ago but I stopped trying to contact him 2 weeks ago. I just need to give him space. There are times I think he has made up his mind and will never go back on that, but I have faith he will turn this around. I've also gone on his Facebook page and he has been posting photos of flowers he sent me, quotes, and songs. I try not to look too much into it, but he knows I'm looking at it and I believe he is trying to get a reaction. I have always been the one to go running back to fix any problems we've had in the past. This is the first time I've completely let go of the rope. If he changes his mind, he has to show me he wants this for the roght reasons. I am trying to respect his decision and I am giving him space. At the same time, I'm slowly starting to work on myself. Exercising and I've even started counseling. I found myself in church, haven't been there in about 20 years. I am going to come out of this a better person...with or without him. I'm practicing patience. I don't want to bother him again. I'm just going to wait until he comes back around. I have faith that if he loves me and has faith in us as he tried to instill in me for months, he will contact me. He's quite stubborn and that makes me doubtful I'd hear from him again, but I'm hopeful. Hopefully, I will be back to update my story. Wishing all those who are in a similar situation lots of luck. Sit tight and have faith.
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