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About Eliza84

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  1. I agree, I think they are definitely enabling her behaviour by giving in to her emotional outbursts and demands all the time, and by listening to all her complaints and gossip without trying to keep a more neutral stance. That is on them to set boundaries with her, and they aren't doing that. They do that with my other sister, who suffers from Schizophrenia...they just enable her illness, and don't try to set boundaries with her either. They let both of my siblings kind of walk all over them, and it is very unhealthy. For some reason, I seem to be the only one who can step back and see these d
  2. Thank you! I think I really needed to hear this, to have someone else confirm it. I have tried to be understanding of her stressors, but at the same time, I don't want to enable her behaviour; it's like buying an ice cream for a child throwing a temper tantrum because they really want one, and I just want them to shut up so I buy the ice cream. The child learns that temper tantrums get them things, so they keep up that learned behaviour to get what they want all the time.
  3. Thanks. Yeah, they are both elders. My mom has been understandably stressed, dealing with a spouse who has cancer, and I have another sister who has Schizophrenia who lives at home with them, who is also very challenging to deal with due to her mental illness. My mom and dad both have a lot on their plates, which is why I feel like helping them out. My sister with Schizophrenia is a whole other major thing though, with a lot of complicated details...maybe that's to be saved for another post sometime lol. Anyway, as for my other sister related to THIS problem...she's definitely got a selfi
  4. I take your point, re: being guilty of the same thing by also keeping my mouth shut and feeling resentful. Under normal circumstances I would be inclined to try to have a conversation with my sister about my concerns, but what with covid, my dad just having surgery and dealing with cancer, my sister being all stressed out about various things, and my mom having to manage all this (I should also mention I have another sibling who has Schizophrenia so we have a lot on our plates), I just thought it best to keep my frustrations to myself and not rock the boat any further. I did send an email
  5. It is definitely hard to turn a deaf ear to their complaints; however, I do want to be supportive since my dad is sick, and the last thing I want is tension and arguments. I can definitely see the need to set some clear boundaries with them though. For now I have withdrawn, as I feel like I just need a break, and the situation has become very stressful. This may make it worse; they may feel as though I am abandoning them in their time of need, but I guess I need to respect the fact that I have needs too, and I can only take so much pressure before I reach a breaking point. Hopefully if I am as
  6. Since I last posted here, things with my sister have really escalated. I chose to not bring up any of my frustrations with her or my parents, and instead decided to just keep it to myself and continue to support my family. For anyone who needs context, see my post below: Recently, there was a fire in my sister's condo. She posted a video of someone's balcony with flames on it on Instagram. There was no context, just a video of some balcony on fire, so when I saw the video, I didn't know what the situation was, if it was her condo or what was going on. I was over at my parents place for a
  7. Thanks Hollyj. I haven't mentioned my annoyance with my younger sister to my mom specifically regarding my father, but I have made a few offhand comments about my sister being a control freak, more in a sort of lighthearted way. My mom did say today "Your father doesn't listen to me when I try to get him to do things...he only listens to your sister." She said it in a way that sounded frustrated and sad...so I don't know if maybe she is bothered by my sister being super controlling or if it is more that she is bothered that my dad won't listen to her when she tries to help him out. Maybe both.
  8. My younger sister is incredibly overbearing and controlling. Most of the time, it's about things that I let slide (for example, she can be quite bossy in the kitchen, telling me how to do things, what ingredients to use, trying to control every aspect etc.)...but her overbearing and bossy ways are specifically challenging when dealing with my father. The backstory: He was diagnosed with cancer several years ago. He is in treatment, and his condition is not deteriorating too badly right now, but since his diagnosis, my sister has started monopolizing all his time. I know she loves him and
  9. Thanks for your post, and I am very sorry for what you are going through. I agree with all your sentiments. Irrational and fear based thinking is right, which is why I find it so infuriating that these clinics are prominsing cures to people who are scared and vulnerable. One thing I have learned throughout all this is that everyone has an opinion on cancer treatment, and that it’s a lot more controversial of a subject than I anticipated. The number of people that buy into the Pharma conspiracy theories is shocking. I can understand feeling disheartened after going through chemothera
  10. My mom and Dad are both into alternative medicine, so she’s been fully supportive of his visits to Mexico. But now that he’s progressed to stage 2, it seems like perhaps they’ve lost a bit of hope in these treatments. They’ve been talking about chemo, and other types of clinics, although I believe my dad still wants to go back and see if they can help him in Mexico. But he’s also been taking about consulting with Myeloma specialists. He’s not completely against Western Medicine. My mom has been trying to be strong and she’s doing a damn good job of it. I am trying to just be there for them.
  11. Yes, I definitely understand all that. He doesn’t want to do the bone marrow transplant as the prognosis even with the transplant is poor. He said that he isn’t against entertaining the idea of Chemotherapy once he progresses and there are a LOT of advances being made in immunotherapy that are really promising, at least in the sense of extending his life and helping him manage the disease. Well on the one hand I agree with you. I should be better and helping him and my mom with things, although I do try to do that. I could be better at it. ALTHOUGH...I don’t see it as being unwise
  12. No, he and my mom have been married for 40 years. They live together, with my adult paranoid schizophrenic sister, which adds a whole other dimension and set of issues to all this. I live on my own, and I have another younger sister as well. So 3 daughters. Yes, it would bother me in that hypothetical scenario that he would choose to dismiss treatment and not try to fight his cancer, though I do agree that it would be his right to make that choice of course. If he was really late stage and didn’t have much time left I would agree think traveling and enjoying his time remaining would be
  13. I completely agree, and it really makes me angry that people actually think Pharma is seriously concealing a cure for cancer. That’s completely insulting to the many, many people involved in developing these medical breakthroughs.
  14. Yes, at first when he started going to Mexico for treatments I did a LOT of research into the clinics and treatments they offer, the specific doctors who’d be treating him etc. I told him my concerns at the beginning, but he was adamant that he try it. So he did. And I shut up and left him alone about it. Occasionally he’d tell me about some really sketchy sounding thing they were doing to him, and I’d look it up and find a lot of information online debunking it...and I’d tell him about it. But he kept going to Mexico and I didn’t want to bug him and stress him about it. On the off cha
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