Jump to content


Silver Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

Everything posted by BecxyRex

  1. Sorry if I missed it, but what was this loud object he threatened you with?
  2. I’m just going by an average, if there are no other conditions going on. Most newborns sleep every few hours during the day. My daughter was always very hard to put down and was always called “very alert”. She got overstimulated easily etc, so by no means a baby who would fall asleep during stroller rides. I just learned how she ticked and what would get her to snooze. For us it was breastfeeding or having the oven vent on while rocking. No doubt it’s hard, but there are definitely opportunities to get some shut eye, while at work that’s impossible. Key is to work as a team. She takes over nights during the week for example, while he cuts her some slack on weekends, when a bottle is introduced. It simply makes no sense for both of them to suffer equally at night when there is simply no need.
  3. Just going to throw in my 2 cents again. I’ve been stay at home with a newborn for 3-4 months and afterwards a working parent. Staying at home with a newborn is hard for sure, I’ve lived it. However, newborns nap frequently during the day, so when that baby closes their eyes, so do you. It’s not easy at first, but if you train yourself to not be bothered by dust collecting and dishes piling up, it’s seriously not that hard, if your child is otherwise healthy. I’d never want to risk my spouse driving sleep deprived or making horrible decisions at work. If you’re that tired where you’re dropping your Baby during the day then clearly you need more help and if you can’t discuss this with your husband you need couples therapy.
  4. Here's how we did it. The first 3 months that I was at home with my daughter, before I had to return to work, I slept upstairs on the guest bed with her bassinet next to me. My finace slept downstairs in the bedroom, because he was working full time. It worked well for us, because when she did wake up I was the one breastfeeding her, and I really didn't need him to even be available for that. We chose not to introduce bottles until later. It was important for us to have him get his rest, because he was biking or driving to work and I wanted him to be alert for his commute and of course the day at work. Let's be honest, caring for a newborn is incredibly hard, and yes it's a 24 hour a day job, but for me there was a lot of downtime as well. Sometimes she'd breastfeed for hours and in that time I sat on the couch watching TV shows or read a book. When I returned to work, we happened to move to a bigger place and set up her own room. She still slept next to our bed in a bassinet until we started sleep training at 6 months. Her wake ups at night where still mainly handled by me, because it simply didn't bother me too much to plop her on the breast twice a night. It all comes down what works, but try not to dismiss him entirely when he needs his sleep. None of this should ruin your marriage, if you compromise. The first few months in a baby's life are always confusing and will be different than what you're used to, but sticking together through it is just so important. Also, I personally would not let my 2 week old sleep alone upstairs, but rather bring a mattress or guest bed into her room to be close by.
  5. It's Olivia Merilahti! The singer from The Dø. I just really like her ;)
  6. Thanks everyone! Sounds like a gift card it is. I hadn't even thought about that one.
  7. Hello everyone, I’d love to hear some ideas or input from you wonderful people. Our daughter is at daycare and we all love the place. They do so much with the kids and we are all fairly close. I’d like to bring in a little something for her teacher, but am not so sure what’s truly appreciated. Any daycare workers out there who can give me some pointers? What would make you happy and feel appreciated? I was thinking of getting other parents together to buy a massage appointment, but I’m not sure if that’s overstepping it or weird? A hand drawn card by my daughter maybe, but then again, the place is full of the kids artwork. Thanks!
  8. Thanks for the advice. Honestly, I'm not sure why she's been so passive. She may be relying on Mary too much to fix it. We definitely have another exterminator scheduled and the other one is coming back to check traps. I'm hoping this one will be more aggressive and perhaps lay out some poison in the attic. Good call on getting stuff fixed alone and having the bill deducted from our rent.
  9. Alright, IÂ’m in need of another renting advice. Not sure what my rights are specifically. IÂ’m researching on my own as well, but in the meantime, maybe someone has ideas or has been in a similar situation. We just moved to a beautiful duplex half a year ago that we love. IÂ’m absolutely thrilled with the location, the layout of the house and our neighbor is wonderful. One thing thatÂ’s been increasingly ticking me off is our property managers passiveness when it comes to maintenance or general issues. Currently we are dealing with rats in the walls and the attic. My neighbor told me sheÂ’s mentioned the issue a few times and little to nothing has been done. SheÂ’s lived in her side a few months longer than us and is expecting her first baby this week. I have a 2.5 year old daughter myself. Nothing about rats was ever mentioned and we didnÂ’t ask upon moving in if there was a problem (I guess we never thought to ask if there are rats), but she specifically asked before moving, and they told her there was no such problem. A few weeks ago we started hearing noises at night in the walls. At first I thought that maybe a squirrel is getting comfy in the attic, since itÂ’s getting colder, but fresh feces in our garage has confirmed itÂ’s actually rats. I have to add that we are incredibly clean people. We take out the trash, donÂ’t leave food out, clean the house every day almost. The problem was there before we moved in apparently. Also, I guess itÂ’s also not an uncommon issue here in my city in Texas. We looked for evidence inside but fortunately no rats inside just very few in the walls and attic. But the thing with rats is they probably will find a way in eventually, or at the very least seriously damage the foundation and wiring. We requested someone to come look and Mary the property manager sent a terminex guy to check the problem. He didnÂ’t do much except look at everything we showed him and confirmed there are rats and that he can only get dead ones out but not kill living ones...Glad I didnÂ’t pay for that. Problem persisted obviously and we sent another request. This time a different guy came and sealed some spots in the attic and put down some traps that he will come back for to check. So now the ones in the walls are trapped and are eventually going to die. Our garage door is bent and needs fixing as itÂ’s an entry point for them, but he canÂ’t do that. We sent a request for that as well, and Mary has been dragging a** on that as usual. We opened the pantry door today to get food out and I smelled decay in there. We cleaned the whole thing out and there was absolutely nothing that couldÂ’ve caused the smell so my guess is a rat died behind the wall, and we are now smelling its body. We shifted the cans and jars to other spots because it grosses me out too much to have anything in there. ItÂ’s now sitting empty. IÂ’m afraid we will smell more, but then again, maybe this is the only one. Regardless, this seems like one of those deals thatÂ’s not acceptable. Aside from the diseases rats can transmit, I donÂ’t want to smell corpses in my kitchen. Mary got some terrible reviews online that I recently just found. I shouldÂ’ve done more research beforehand, but here we are. What can we do in this situation? IÂ’d hate to move because despite that I love this place. And IÂ’m really really sick of moving again... especially stressful with a toddler and of course for her as well. I understand they canÂ’t break in the walls to get the bodies out, but I feel like some sort of compromise from the property manager would be appropriate. What are your thoughts? What action can we take if any? Sorry for the novel, I couldÂ’ve condensed this better IÂ’m sure.
  10. What happens when you talk about stuff and instead of waiting on him to ask you a specific question, you volunteer some info that fits the topic? Does he listen or interrupt to talk more about himself? I find organically talking about something when it comes up a little more relaxed than questions-answers.
  11. Sorry you’re hurting. This must be a very uncomfortable situation for you. If there’s absolutely no way of moving separately before you buy her out, I’d recommend being as clear about your needs and intentions as possible. Meaning, if she asks for a hug or calls you boyfriend inappropriately, tell her flat out that you will not be that person for her, unless she chooses to try again, but 100% committed to you and with marital counseling. She must in that case cease all contact with the boss and commit fully to trying to build something with you again. From there you can see how you feel and if you can in time forgive her. However, if you don’t want her in your life in that way anymore i would flat out turn down any advances she makes, tell her in no uncertain terms that you guys are over and work on buying her out or other arrangements as soon as possible. Being separated and living under the same roof after such a long marriage sounds like it’d be impossible to adequately move on. It’s easy for lines to get blurred, but her will is weak, so you’ll have to be the stronger one here. Right now she wants to stay in your good graces for whatever reason. Perhaps she’s enjoying the comfort of having you around while the “pressure” to be faithful is gone, since you are technically separated. She might be unsure about how the boss affair will pan out and is keeping you as a safety net, hence her cutesy comments, hugs etc. Either way, she’s really playing you both and does not sound like a good catch at all.
  12. I'm the daughter of a single mom as well and those relationships tend to get extremely close. I'm also an only child. It must have been hard to not share some of the tougher parenting decisions with dad. You were the one to set all the boundaries when she was growing up, and you were also the one to provide all the emotional support. I tip my hat to you, lady, you did a fantastic job. Just like my mom did with me. Just remember, she doesn't have dad to confide in or siblings to laugh with about one horrible Thanksgiving in 2010. It's a lot of responsibility for one parent to shoulder alone, and it can also be a burden for a child like that to cut the chord and not have mom be "everything". I think she's just enjoying her independence for now, kinda spreading her wings. I certainly needed it around her age as well and it's only natural and good. I think the relationship between an only child and a single mom is bound to experience some push and pull, near and far, because the balance that others might have had wasn't always there. Let her fly, be happy she's getting on so well. And I can guarantee she won't just forget about you. She loves you and there will be times again where you'll hear more from her. I think the biggest gift you can give her is a fullfilled happy life of your own. I love when my mom sends me updates from a trip she takes or a funny story from a night out. I want her to be happy without me around, because I can't shoulder the responsibility of having to feel like I need to take care of her. Just send her some fun updates sometimes, maybe a picture of you doing a wine tasting or whatnot. Even if she doesn't have the time to respond, she'll be happy to know you're doing well. Oh, and also, I started to bombard my mom with calls and messages again when I had my own daughter. I think my mom and this point rolls her eyes when she hears from me yet again haha. Trust me, this won't be forever.
  13. How old is your child and when does your child go to bed at night? What are all these chores you have to do each single night? Usually my daughter is in bed by 8, sometimes a bit later. After that my fiance and I have date nights at home, sit on the porch with a glass of wine and chat or watch a movie. We didn't have a dishwasher for the longest time either and we'd switch who did dishes each night, while the other was playing with our daughter. Laundry we'd do on weekends. We both work full time. I'm trying to understand here why you have literally 0 time to yourself... Also we have no family nearby at all.
  14. I’d have to agree with j.man here. Given you did not buy the house with him and you had only been dating 5 months, he had no obligation to consult you about where to buy property. I certainly would not. It’d be different if you were engaged and were starting to build a life together. I have to ask why though did you bend over backwards for all of the following months? It’s legitimate to not feel like driving so far every time, but he’s not going anywhere. I’d ask myself if this is truly worth it for you, but I’d hesitate to call him selfish or inconsiderate.
  15. This might just be me, but when I tell someone to text me when they made it home safely, I don't want a phone call...
  16. Meetup groups helped me a lot to make friends when I moved to a new city a few years ago. They offer tons of interest groups and singles events. I’d recommend finding a group that interests you, such as hiking or cooking. Lots of people go alone and don’t know anyone, but a shared interest can help you to make new friends. In due time you could have a new group of single friends to go out with together, but I’d avoid at this point going straight into the dating scene. It seems a bit soon after your engagement and being alone for a while can be incredibly refreshing. After I got divorced I enjoyed the hell out of decorating my place the way I wanted, going to all sorts of events and meet up groups, developing new hobbies. Once you’re in a good place and comfortable on your own, you’re going to meet better potential partners. Good luck and have fun!
  17. You understand that attacking her on snapchat was a bad idea, so I won’t bother to get into it again. Your boyfriends mom does sound rude, but for her to reject you so much, I think we’d all need a bit more backstory. As it stands now, the relationship between you two is damaged and from my perspective it’d be good to give it a rest for the sake of everyone. If she texts insulting things about you just try to ignore it and give her as little fuel as possible by just being polite and reserved. Tell your boyfriend you don’t even want to hear what she says if it’s hurtful. Don’t snoop anymore. It won’t help, but only make you angry. You can’t win this battle, she’s still your sons grandma and his fathers mom. I can understand how frustrating it must be though. And I also understand that leaving your child with anyone at the age of 2 is hard. They need very special care at that age and it’s only natural for moms to want to know if he napped ok, if he ate his lunch etc etc. So for anyone to tell you not to check up on your child, I have to disagree. It takes time to be comfortable and there should be a middle ground in which you slowly learn to trust others with him and for others to understand to give you an update maybe once or twice. I agree, making the sister the mediator isn’t helpful and I would ask bfs mom out for coffee or to come over for dinner and have a heart to heart. Apologize for what you said and tell her you’d love for your son to be around her and you’d also like to hear how he is sporadically.
  18. I’d be totally on board with getting married privately and having a big party later. In this case though I’d advise against it. Assuming you’re getting the greencard process started after you’ve eloped, you’ll need a certain amount of letters from friends and family stating that you guys have been a couple and are legitimate. These letters seriously can look like school essays describing your relationship from the eyes of “witnesses”. I got my greencard as well, so I’ve been through it. It would look real odd if everyone talked about you as engaged. Just tell people you want to have a small private ceremony and you will have a big party later. If they’re upset, they’ll get over it.
  19. Thank you everyone! I got a hold of her today and she told me nobody actually entered my place, because nobody was home to let them in. That makes me feel better. They just did the yard and from what I can tell researching the product, it should be fine after 24 hours.
  20. Hello everyone! I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. Not sure how to handle it as I’ve never been in the situation. We live rented house and on Sunday we got an email from our property manager stating that pest control was going to stop by this Thursday to do some standard spraying. We don’t have an insect problem and never requested it, but it seems to be standard procedure. I asked the property manager how safe this stuff was for children, since I have a toddler and I don’t want her to be exposed to anything potentially harmful. I know they make different sprays, some better than others. Previously, at different places, we were always asked if we wanted it done and a product description was given and how long to avoid certain areas etc. Well, she didn’t get back to me for a few days and I tried calling, but got no answer. I sent a follow up and stated that I’d be more comfortable to postpone the appointment until I get further info. No answer... on Thursday, during the window of when he was supposed to be here I get an email from property manager to call the company itself to inquire about their product. I called them and they told me they wouldn’t exactly call the product safe but couldn’t give more info. The guy on the line didn’t know too much and told me he’d ask a manager who would call me back. Nobody ever called back and at this point I’m pretty sure somebody has already stopped by, so we’re avoiding the yard and are hoping this stuff dissipates after a day. At the time they were supposed to come we were at work and couldn’t be home to talk in person. I was hoping our property manager would’ve given us some more info on the stuff or had gotten back to me before Thursday. I’m a little peeved but not sure what’s really within my rights. I mean it’s done now... it didn’t mention anything about this in the lease btw. Thanks for any input you may have!
  21. He sounds like a donut. Why even bother honestly?
  22. Is she seeing her parents weekly, because you made them leave the last time they were over? I remember the thread vaguely, so excuse me if I'm getting it wrong. I can imagine taking away her support system has only created a wider gap between you two. Have you considered that whatever happened between you and her family may have made her resentful and contributed to the lack of affection? She's just had a baby and is probably incredibly fragile still and possibly even suffering from post-partum. When I had my daughter I needed support from all sides and couldn't have imagined dealing with a family feud on top of the general work that is a newborn. I understand you are helping where you can and I believe that in your mind you're doing your best. I still can't help feeling that you seem a bit entitled and don't really look inward to how you're contributing to this. Have you considered inviting her family over for lunch on the weekend? Or grill in the yard with everyone? She seems torn between both worlds.
  23. FRIDAY THE 6TH 4:07PM HIM: Sooooo what happened Deeets SATURDAY THE 7TH 3:03PM ME: Hii Headache, meditation helping already. How are you?? I agree with everyone else here so far, so not getting into how I feel about the situation as a whole. But this part stuck out to me a bit. Looks like you're fading too. You never responded to his question about the interview. Was that payback for him not calling the day before?
  24. That’s just me, but I would have no problem asking him for another date. Did he initiate the first one? He might be busy setting up the new place and maybe he’s wondering the same about you. I’d just ask when he’s free again and plan from there. If he doesn’t respond or doesn’t give a firm date then you know where you stand. If he does and you guys enjoy your second date I’d let him initiate the next. It’s all about balance in my opinion.
  • Create New...