poorlittlefish

I have lots about me and my hobbies etc on my profile, including some quirky likes and dislikes, but almost every message I receive just says, "Hi, how are you?" or just "Hi", whether on PoF (free) or Match (paid). If I message someone, I comment on a shared interest and ask them something about it. I've been deleting the one-word messages, but as they're almost all of them, I'm beginning to think I'm the odd one for making more effort. I honestly don't know what to do with one-word messages. Do I just say "Hi" back?

In a very unusual situation you crossed the road, for a split second forgetting that you were with someone who would have appreciated sharing the umbrella. If you don't wear glasses, you're not to know how they might impact the wearer in heavy rain. Your girlfriend made the choice to get out of the taxi and she made the choice to cross the road without the umbrella. You were a bit thoughtless in the moment and you apologised for it, but it's not like you dragged her across the road or abandoned her in a deserted location in the middle of the night. I am struggling to understand why it's been made into such a big issue.

Everything mentioned about women's profiles and how they interact on dating sites applies to men too. Very often they put nothing about themselves and say, "Anything you want to know, just ask." They include photos that were taken seemingly decades ago. Most messages I receive either say, "Hey!" or "Hi, how are you?", despite my profile saying about me and what hobbies I enjoy. Most of the time they just want to exchange messages and don't suggest meeting. On the rare occasion a guy does suggest a date, we get as far as organising the time, date and venue (usually me having to come up with all three) before he then stops replying. As for the claim that women get 100+ "likes" a day, at the age of 52 that's the stuff of dreams. I've found that the "likes" tend to drop off the longer I use a site and I only get maybe half a dozen a day now. The men sending "likes" almost never send a message and if they do, it's "Hey!" The whole experience is overwhelmingly disheartening.

Same here. I touch on something we have in common within our profiles, saying a little about me, ask something of them. Most of the time they (men, in my case) answer what I've asked, but make no comment on anything I'd said about me and don't ask anything. If that happens more than a couple of times then I take it as a lack of interest and stop bothering.

She probably didn't want her husband/boyfriend to find out that she was having a long-distance emotional affair with someone else. Maybe she didn't think you would actually get on that plane, but you did. If she cared about you, she wouldn't say it was not "convenient" to see you. She would 100% make the time to spend as much time with you as possible. Sorry, but I think you've been played :-(.

Your girlfriend is carrying most of the financial burden, but it sounds like she is resentful about it. If you want to remain in a relationship with her, get your own place. She is then free to live as she wishes and so are you.

So I'm guessing this means your boyfriend has two phones? He's cheated on you twice, which involves lies and deception (and I'd be suspicious of his no sex claim). Now, assuming your evidence is watertight, he's lying to you again and his reason for having two phones/WhatsApps is more than likely so he can get away with more shady behaviour. I don't understand why you didn't finish with him after the first bout of cheating. He seems to be doing it again, just being more clever about it.

I don't know the circumstances of your break-up, but the guy knew you well enough to think you'd be good at a particular job that has become available. If he just told you about the job and didn't start asking how you are or anything else, then maybe there was nothing else to it. Maybe he was appeasing his conscience? Whether that was the case or not, you not replying should have given him the message not to try again. Block and delete his number if you don't want to hear from him.

That's nuts. If you're paying for a subscription you should be able to message anyone. I'm not sure if this is a new thing, because when I was on Match a couple of years ago, I received a message but couldn't read it unless I paid to subscribe (which I did). That would be fairer than hammering those who've already paid their money.

By the time I was in my 30s I had slept with that kind of number of men, albeit they were guys I was dating or in relationships with. It didn't stop me getting married and my (ex) husband didn't ever ask for a number. You can sleep with whomever you like when you're single and so can men. The number shouldn't matter for either sex.

These things happened in the past, before you two ever met. They were part of HER past, at a time when she was within her rights to do whatever she pleased. Maybe she lied because you were pushing her for information and she sensed that telling the truth would cause a massive row and you'd end the relationship. All the stuff that went on before you is really none of your business. She cannot change her past. You should not ask anything more about it and she should not tell you anything more about it. Surely the most important thing is that your girlfriend is being faithful and not engaging in inappropriate behaviour? If you feel that this is not the case, then don't be with her.

As your husband has such a massive problem with both you AND your son, why doesn't HE get out? You jointly own the house, so you are under no obligation to go anywhere. I suspect he knows that any court would probably be more sympathetic to your situation, not his.

She is tossing you just enough crumbs to keep you there like her obedient little puppy dog because it serves her interests - that's why. This woman is treating you appallingly. The sooner you see sense and leave, the sooner you'll realise that you will be far happier without her.

I suspect that most parents with 17-year-olds would relish the opportunity to go and do their own thing, knowing that at that age, the child is perfectly capable of fixing themselves something to eat and generally looking after themselves for a while. Your girlfriend doesn't want to do that and when the 17-year-old turns 18, I highly doubt anything is going to suddenly change. You will never have a say in this and will always come second. Your girlfriend proved this by prioritising her daughter even though you were extremely ill. I don't think this is the right relationship for you.

This is all very good advice. Most of my first dates haven't led to seconds because the guy either looks nothing like his photo or he goes on and on about himself, not asking anything about me.

If you need to see a therapist to try and make yourself feel better about the person you're in a relationship with, that suggests you're not with the right person. I wouldn't be able to forget those comments either. Words are cheap, but they have profound impact. In my previous relationship I saw a therapist about how hurt I'd been about comments that had been made to me and before long I realised that the problem wasn't me, it was him. I am happier on my own. You may wish to consider if you would be too.

When the sex does happen, are you considerate of what she likes and do your best to make sure she's satisfied or are you more interested in your own pleasure? Maybe she likes your company but doesn't like what happens between the sheets?

3 months is long enough to know whether you want to be in a relationship with someone. He doesn't. The more time you stay while he supposedly figures it out is time you could be spending on finding someone more compatible.

Your girlfriend has basically broken up with you but hasn't had the guts to actually tell you. Maybe she's hoping that behaving so badly towards you, you'll end the relationship. Look at everything you've written here. Does this sound like someone who's invested in you or cares about you at all? She is keeping you dangling on a string until she hooks up with your replacement (I would be very surprised if she hasn't already hooked up with others). Please get rid of this girl: you deserve so much better.

I used to reply with a brief message, but sometimes the other person would start giving me reasons why I should think again (if they live 2 hours away it's just not practical as far as I'm concerned) and occasionally I'd receive sarcasm or personal insults. This is why I no longer send replies. Having seen your topic I thought maybe it was time for me to give Match another try, but as they have literally doubled the subscription fee in the UK, I shall give it a miss. Good luck with finding someone nice.

Dating in mid life is difficult. I am shocked how many men are unemployed, don't drive, live with their parents etc - practical things that make a relationship one-sided from the start. I agree with you - if you've got your sh*t together, you want someone who has theirs together too. I too have endured numerous examples of flaky behaviour and disappointment. I am done with giving people second chances because I conduct myself respectfully from the start. I am still single because I will no longer tolerate being treated badly by people supposedly interested in forming a relationship with me. My friend (also early 50s) encounters far worse than I do because she will put up with a lot more than me, so take heart that you are most definitely not alone in your experience.

Same here, but I'm no longer a youngster and I'm in the UK. Talks about exclusivity seem common nowadays, particularly for those in the US. Here, it's always been a bit of a given that if you're regularly dating someone and having sex with them, you're not doing the same with someone else.

That's because he's moved onto his next victim(s) - be very glad about this. Never go on a second date with someone who's shown worrying behaviour in the first (and especially do not make out with him). Use what's happened as a learning opportunity but above all, raise your standards.

I think that is plenty long enough. If you are having sex with her, then that conversation should already have happened.

The honeymoon period is waning and you are now getting glimpses of what your boyfriend can really be like. I experienced similar with my ex. He started off slamming doors and hurling the remote control, but had excuses for everything. As time went on, his rages over petty things became worse and it got seriously scary. The chances of your boyfriend being able to keep a lid on his anger are slim and even if he does, you may well realise and still be walking on egg shells. If you want to continue with this guy, tell him how his behaviour made you feel, make it very clear that if anything similar happens again you will end the relationship AND MEAN IT. The more you enable it or excuse it away, the more it will happen because he knows your promises are empty.