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About fleshandbone

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  1. It is that exactly. Yesterday, I had such a rollercoaster of emotion, before just finally hitting the moment that you feel it's really over. But, I call it over in my head, and my heart will catch up soon enough.
  2. Exactly, at once our relationship seemed so clear, we were dating, we fell in love by way of treating and showing up for each other, but beneath it lay a web of complexity that we had yet to address until it surfaced in a most unexpected way. We somehow compartmentalized it all. Our days weren't all good or bad, like any blooming relationship, but there was the hope of getting to a better place, a future place. And in trying to get there, things began to come unwound it seems, not necessarily between us, but between him and the things he is still bound to. It's easy to paint him as someo
  3. The more I reflect, it just makes me see where I could have done more work internally to help work through my own fear/abandonment issues, is all. On paper things look so black/white, which I am more accustomed to seeing as well, but somehow it all ended up shades of grey. But, I hear what people are saying.
  4. Thank you for that reply. This did bring my own growth, and I appreciate your view.
  5. Neither of us expected to end up here. We had a great relationship, but I pushed and I see that now. Someone can only offer so much reassurance, for so long. And again, I had no clear idea of what our next step was supposed to be either. I guess it was just keep dating until we were in the same city, which was his goal. I lost sight of so much. And I pushed him for an answer I didn’t even know myself.
  6. Yes, they have talked the whole time we’ve been dating. It never really caused an issue, aside from my having an insecurity in the beginning that they would somehow reconcile. Even though through this year together, he has never given me a reason to doubt him. It was that insecurity that I allowed to fester and now I fear it’s ruined what we had, which was honestly enough. I allowed myself to get caught up in the fear that if we weren’t making progress we weren’t somehow doing anything. As I reflect on the relationship now, I had love, emotional support, and someone giving me all the
  7. Yeah, I hear you. I definitely don’t want to sound like I’m taking blame, it’s just that it takes two to argue and I’m disappointed in myself for reacting out of fear. But of course we’re all just human and no one is perfect. I’m not really holding out hope it will work out, given everything.
  8. Some things are worth the risk. I took a chance and it’s showing to maybe not work out in the end. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. The year was still filled with a lot of fun adventures and good memories. I don’t regret it. Just a little sad, it’s not the end of the world.
  9. Yeah, had he been able to travel, he wouldn’t have been in the same city, but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have ended up in this spot somewhere down the line. In all honesty, it’s shown me that I had a lot of insecurity and fear to work through on my part, because as I mentioned this wasn’t an ongoing argument, I just let the fear distort the reality that he has never put me second or made me feel as if this isn’t something he wants. He has wanted the titles before, but I didn’t until everything was final. The split was mutual, but brought on by him. They ended up more roommates tha
  10. I agree that he put that healing on hold and ended up compartmentalizing things. And I think I thought that he was working through it on his own. I agree with that last statement, I once told him something similar when we were first still getting to know each other. But you know, we take chances sometimes.
  11. Thank you, everyone, really, for all the replies. I got a little overwhelmed in it all. I agree with a lot of what everyone is saying. And can only expect it to be over, really. But like many who find themselves here, we still manage to have that thread of hope. I appreciate you all taking the time to reply.
  12. Yeah, I’m familiar. I guess because we moved in such a way, I thought he was transitioning more than he was. But, yeah. I’m giving him the space he needs.
  13. Yeah, I suppose. The anxiety has just been getting to me. I’m trying to do things as if it’s just over. But, somehow found myself here to I guess help ease it by talking about it more hahaha.
  14. I admit I don’t know the true timeline of it all. And that is where this argument went a little. I haven’t met her, though I believe she knows of me.
  15. Thank you for your reply. I don’t think it’s just a piece of paper either. I respect the relationship they had and that needs to transition. That is also why we were still “working towards being bf/gf” because I wasn’t going to hold that title with this not complete. But I politely disagree that I’m someone on the side, which sounds like I’m a secret. We share mutual friends who know we were seeing each other, his parents know of me, it’s not as black and white as that.
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