limichelle

Now you see where you’re being too intense. It’s best to take dating her in stride by not setting yourself up for too great of expectations. Instead focus on your work, hobbies and other things and let the texting come as it should. If she’s interested she’ll come to you and won’t ghost. If she isn’t interested you’ll never hear from her at all.

Okay whoa I have to stop you on one very important sentence you wrote: You entertain anyone who is interested in you. That’s where your problem is. You need to not just let anyone be in your life just because they like you. You need to be selective, I’m quite serious. I used to be like this. If the guy liked me it was good enough for me. Until one day a good friend pulled me aside and asked me to ask if I really reciprocated the interest back. I thought about the past guys I dated and I saw where I went wrong, I was settling for nitwits because they ‘liked me’. You deserve nothing but positive and rational people in your life which she is neither. please always ask yourself if you truly like the person or you only are agreeable to them because they like you.

I’m so sorry! Sending love and hugs your way!

There’s a reason cyber relationships can go on for a long time. Because it’s all fantasy. If you think about it, being in a cyber relationship is safe, fun and easy. You get to build up this perfect version of whom you’re talking too. The problem hits when reality comes slithering in. I don’t blame you OP for being in this fantasy. It’s safer and more pleasant. Unfortunately the woman showed you the harsh reality we overlook when we shut off everything else in a cyber relationship. That you don’t really know the person on the other side of the screen. I think it’s best if you move on from her. You need to date those who you can meet in real life. It’s a better option then cyber. In real life you can weed out people faster and find someone whom encompasses everything you have wanted. The best part to that is it will be real.

It’s in moments when something difficult comes up in our lives we find our support system. Whose really there for us. You’re very young still. I can see why you’re making this about you. You’re thinking of her hardship and how it affects you. Have you ever thought about putting yourself in her shoes? How this is all affecting her. Right now her dad is very ill. Sometimes we have the right to vent and ask for a lot of comfort when tragic things happen. Life isn’t going to be positive all the time. Shes not asking you to save the day and fix everything, or to be a hero. She’s asking you to let her vent and be there for her. By being there for her you’ll need too listen. I understand it’s emotionally draining. Often hard things are. The best you can do is not make this situation about you and how you feel. Think about if you were to go through something similar, wouldn’t you want her there for you? To be offering her support and just letting you vent as much as possible?

Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t spare a thought in your direction. You will end up back where you started from. You need to remind yourself you don’t miss her herself just the company she kept. It’s easy to go to someone not right especially when you feel lonely. Better to be alone then miserable and constantly walking on eggshells. don’t reach out

Honestly is she really worth the drama? She sounds a lot like the girl you previously had before her. You seem to be getting into a bad pattern of letting toxic people into your life. If you want my honest advice? You need to forget about her. You need to focus why you let these woman walk all over you. The moment she talked about those she cut off in her life and being mad about being late, is the time you should have bolted! You need to know you deserve respect and once that sets in fully with you and the kind of respect you deserve. Then I suggest getting back out there. Until then prioritize you!

Bolt! Biggest hugs! It’s so hard saying goodbye to a fur baby. They do teach us so much in their short time here with us. Im thinking of you and sending virtual hugs. I also think when you’re ready getting an adult cat is a better option then a kitten. An adult cat has already grown into its personality while a kitten can seem cute and friendly but could later on become not so friendly. Once it’s established it’s Independent ways.

Hey, I strongly believe what we put out into the universe we get back. So if you could get rid of the toxic people in your life that will help with sending out positive energy. Your positive energy will attract like minded positive people. For the negativity that’s out there you need to come first always. If someone is trying to drain your energy by not respecting you or trying to impose their drama onto you, cut them off immediately. Know you are in the right to get away from anyone that’s not coming from a good place. Stop also giving people the benefit of the doubt. That they may change for the better. Or trying to understand why they do what they do. Have yourself protected not guarded but protected. There’s a huge difference. Protected means you set boundaries that are healthy and strong. Guarded means you absorb a lot of mistrust with everyone and can easily become hardened and jaded. Give more time to those worth it good luck!

I’m sorry this is happening. My heart goes out to you as I’ve been there many times. Here’s some lessons I’ve learned that may help you. Always judge by their actions more then what they say. If his absence and not putting in the effort is consistent, that says quite a bit right there. You’re not a top priority to him. There’s no such thing as being too busy for someone. Yes you could work 60 hours a week but unless you’re deployed with no way of communication. You can always find a way to show someone you value being with them by making time. If you feel it in your gut it’s not working it’s probably true. You should always listen to the nagging feeling inside. It will always guide you and help you in life. Yes it’s quite annoying because you have to sometimes make hard decisions based on it but valuable. If the word Breakup becomes a pattern in your communication whether it be joking or not. It’s not a good word to have resurface. It means for you and him it’s been thought about quite a bit.

If you both are on opposite spectrums of something fundamental to the future compatibility of a relationship it’s important to go separate ways. You aren’t going to convince her to never want children, just as she can’t convince you to have them. There’s plenty of singles that don’t want children for you to choose from. This is going to end in regards to this whether it’s now or a few years down the line. Or Like Fudgie says you may be manipulated into an “accidental” pregnancy.

If you’re not interested just say so! Don’t wait until the woman goes out of her way for you. You probably liked the attention from her and that was all. I don’t blame her for not going to your place at 10 pm. Leave her blocked she can do way better then you.

Confidence! You need to be sure of your positive qualities. They excude onto the surface. When I was in high school there was this very overweight girl whom was the most popular girl in school. You know why? She had an awesome personality and awesome confidence. All the guys wanted to be with her! Now today she’s physically fit but still the same awesome person. When you talk to someone who radiates more from the inside. You tend to loose focus on the outer.

I’m sorry you are hurting. Take a moment to grieve the relationship for however long that takes. You need to tell yourself the relationship is over. The sooner you do that the sooner the healing can begin.

I would make a list of what you want on the dating sites and what you expect. That way when someone like him comes along you move on rather quickly. It helps you weed out people faster and find those who are serious. As for the checking your online account, I wouldn’t think much of it. Actions speak louder then spying I like to now call it. Take him for what he does not the fact he’s viewed your story.

Congrats! How exciting!

I’m going to be blunt with you. Where’s your self love? You know the respect you should have for yourself to not allow someone to treat you like trash. Always believe someone when they tell you who they are. I think it’s best to just move on and block him from your life.

No you can’t make this work. She deserves better then that and you know she deserves better. It’s not your fault you aren’t attracted to her. It is your fault for leading her on.

You would think after being raped recently I will never want to date or look at another man again. It’s the opposite. I’m not ready to date by no means but I haven’t given up on the idea of love. I think I never will. I know inherihently, I have a lot to offer and will enjoy being with someone. Im looking at the spring for seriously finding someone and being back on dating sites. I have goals though before I can do this. My weight loss goals slightly changed. After the trauma occurred I decided I’m not in the right headspace for weight loss surgery. I took a month off of the gym to heal and I’m going back Tuesday for personal training. So I’m doing this the natural way. I’m being realistic about my expectations of what I want in life. To be honest I was never the one to set out a list of requirements about a guys appearance. Like he has to be 6’1 and have tattoos….no I was never that way. If anything I look more for the character of the person. He needs to have patience and be genuine, respectful and honest. Basic right? To me it means everything the guy have a lot of those basic traits. Looks honestly never mattered. I just want the one who makes me smile. so what I’m trying to say is I have and never will give up on love. I don’t think the Rapist could take that apart of me away. I still believe in the goodness of someone’s heart.

I’m so sorry! I’m keeping you in my thoughts as you go through the grief.

I believe you knew what you were doing was wrong so now you must face the consequences. It may be letting her leave you. She has every right too! You learned your lesson the affect of what you did. Now you need more personal growth and really should seek counseling. It’s best you understand why you were triggered deep down to betray her. I’m not talking about boredom or needing human touch. I’m talking about the nitty gritty reason why you didn’t care enough about her to not stop you.

Thank you everyone! I will never talk to him directly and have had him blocked on everything since the rape happened! I just meant if I tell the detective? You're right he’s not going to care if he hears from the detective he has an STD. I’ll tell my therapist and see what she recommends.

So I found out from the sexual assault I contracted an STD. The detective told me before I found out when I asked him by law I don’t have to tell the assailant. I feel I should have the detective let him know in case he does this again and gives that person the STD he gave me! Chances are he may already know he has an STD but there are no symptoms for males. how should I proceed? Should I tell the detective the guy who raped me gave me an STD so the rapist is aware? or does it not matter?

I would still ask her if she thinks of you two as an official couple. It’s always nice to be 100% sure. I mean it would suck to assume especially when you introduce her to someone “Hi, this is my girlfriend Amanda” and she’s all “Yeah, my good friend Steve.” So it definitely doesn’t hurt to ask

Op, You know the amount someone messages you can be tricky because it’s not always adequate to their feelings. Just because she messages you less doesn’t mean she likes you less. If you feel though you are putting in more effort and it is one sided. I would advise you re thinking the relationship. Honestly it’s not healthy to have an uneven balance in feelings. You need someone who feels as much as you do.