limichelle

After another relationship ending after a short amount of time. I started to jot down the baggage I carry and the baggage he carried.

I get it! We all have baggage! 
 

just do me a favor?

Access the baggage you have before you date!

Are you looking for a caretaker or partner? That’s the brutal truth to it. I can promise you this nobody will want to just sign up automatically to be your personal caretaker if they aren’t being paid.  You don’t go on a dating app looking to trauma dump. If you are, get off the app and work on your issues! 
 

I take myself and the insane choices I’ve made. I’m not ready by any means to be on a dating site. I keep attracting the same broken guys! You know why? I’m broken so they relate to that. You won’t attract healthy until your healthy. 
 

it’s simple! 
 

the problem is loneliness hurts. Loneliness is worst at night and on the Holidays. 
I would rather be lonely than have some person screw with my emotions day In and day out. I will take the pain of lonely over the pain of heartache. Trust me, heartache hurts way far worse! 
 

You are going to continue to have heartache until you embrace loneliness. You will constantly settle or act out of desperation for people who were never worth it. 
 

people relating to others is the sign of a connection in the beginning. If someone relates to the deep baggage or issues you haven’t worked on? You’ll both be attracting a unhealthy co dynamic of misery loves company. 
 

Im not saying you have to be a perfect specimen in order to find love. Just know what you want, what your intentions are and what your boundaries are. 
 

If you’re someone who can’t leave the house because of fear or anxiety. Get help! You can’t build a healthy relationship off that. That will cause friction. 
 

if you don’t have your own hobbies then find some. Work on you Individually. 
 

Nobody will want to be with you if you’re half a person that relies on them to be your other half. 
 

I say this out of brutal honesty. I hope this is a wake up call if you’ve been dating asleep. 
 

I also say this as a reminder to myself.

lisa

He has a lot of unresolved issues it sounds like and quite frankly you don’t need that negativity around you. If you feel it’s not a fit, it probably isn’t. 

In the complex world of dating one thing remains simple. The other person is into you or not. 
 

It’s not about how many texts you sent or what you said in them. I just know if someone no longer includes you in their communication. It should be over and you should move on. 
 

Once you get self doubt or the ‘nagging’ feeling something isn’t right. It usually is true that this isn’t a good fit. 
 

Dating is hard but remember that being interested is easy because you are or you’re not. There’s no in between. 

It sucks that he pulled the Casper routine. I’ve been ghosted numerous times but never stood up. I can’t imagine how awful that is. I feel for you OP. 
 

just see it as a blessing more then anything else. He showed you that he’s not worth it to date. So he saved you more time to spend on a better guy.

anyway that’s what I tell myself each time I get the disappearing clown that comes my way.

I’m sorry OP. It sounds like he strung you along for five months only to loose interest. I would leave the ball in his court now. I however, would not wait for him. Live your life and find someone else. It does sound like he ghosted though. 

Wishing for the best outcome!

I’m sorry, I too believe you were love bombed. 
 

A sensible person will pursue you more gradual and let things develop over time. When someone tries to force a connection or speed things along it’s usually for their own motives.

Whatever those motives are we won’t know. Just be alert next time someone starts pulling out all the stops right away.

Hello,

So I haven’t been on in awhile but a lot has happened in my life.

My dog King passed away two weeks ago from brain cancer. It was found on imaging when he started to display some alarming symptoms like nose bleeds and neurological symptoms. Within two weeks of diagnosis we had him put to sleep. It got to the point where he was miserable. He was almost 11 years old. He would have been turning 11 on March 24th next month. My heart is absolutely broken!

Then I finally found out about the rape case. The prosecutor turned it down and closed my case. Not enough evidence, it took a year and a half to come to this conclusion. 
 

Other then those two sad things. I’m enjoying the two kittens we got over Christmas. I’ve lost 40 pounds since November and I’m going back to school in August. 
 

I hope you all are having a good time of things. I’ll be on to respond to posts. Sorry I was M.I.A

lisa

I’m so sorry! Sending much love and well wishes your way! 

It’s been a year and five months since I was raped! 
 

I practically have to be sedated at the obgyn office for exams. Today I was scheduled for a cystoscope. I’ve had quite a few in office over the years before the incident. Well the nurse took me back to the exam room. I was doing awesome and I noticed for some reason the room was set up identical to the Sane exam room after I got raped! I don’t know why that thought came into my mind!

I freaked out! I burst into tears and now I’m scheduled to have the cystoscope in a operating room under sedation.

Ill be doing awesome and some weird thing triggers me!

I’m so sorry Waffle! I’m still not over my cats death this past May, it’s hard loosing a fur baby! My thoughts are with you. 

I echo what everyone else is saying. If one of the woman was someone you connected with and truly liked a lot. You would probably then have your decision. You wouldn’t be so conflicted which means neither have probably been that impressionable. 

I agree! 
 

A lot of the times when you test the waters with people you end up rocking the boat.  It sucks to get blocked but chalk it up to he isn’t the right person to be in your life. 

Hi!

so I was in a similar experience years ago. I had just gotten out of a decade long relationship. Four months later i by chance online some guy who lived a couple states away. I know it wasn’t far like Australia. I felt this is the Man I will marry! We talked every night and we built up this ‘connection’. 
 

Well we talked for a year and met up. It was a punch in the gut! He looked me up and down and was like nope. I felt the same. 
 

Go to Australia but go for other things. So you’re not feeling like you did the trip for nothing. In case it doesn’t work out. 
 

It’s a strange thing PTSD. I was recently diagnosed with it by my psychiatrist. It explains a lot! 
 

I notice it when I have to go to urgent care or the ER for some serious health issues that come up. I’m very closed off from the male doctors. I always request a woman if I can. 
 

I remember right after being raped two weeks afterwards. I went to the ER for a kidney stone. The doctor was male and I look back feeling bad. He asked me if I was sexually active to rule out std. I started getting really offended and upset. I even yelled at him and the nursing staff and walked out. I haven’t shown my face back there since. 
 

I also have great moments then one little thing triggers the old emotions. I remember in counseling. She told me this will be a life long thing. The important thing is how I come to cope and deal with it. 
 

I will say it gets easier then it did before. 
 

I can function now outside of the house and do quite well. The world doesn’t seem as dark or bitter. 
 

when I have moments of panic or deep sadness. I look back on the things my counselor advised. She would always remind me. “What happened was in the past, currently right now he’s not here and you’re not being harmed. You’re safe.” 
 

That helps me a lot. It helps me get clarity of my surroundings and reminds me I’m a survivor. 
 

As for needing female doctors. I don’t know if that will get easier. I just allow myself to not be okay with what makes me uncomfortable. 
 

Sorry I rambled on.. 

I’m sorry that you’re going through the aftermath of it. It’s been a year since I was raped and I still have days I’m troubled. It was never your fault but as victims we unfortunately feel the blame. I would seek a new therapist a female one if you can. After my incident I have trouble having male doctors even. 
 

I would block her. She’s definitely something, whether it be a scam or not. The moment someone gets pushy or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable with block and unmatch. You don’t owe her an explanation just block. 

3 hours ago, waffle said:

The animal oncologist opted not to do the chemo treatment yesterday, and we made the difficult decision to pursue pain killers and plan to schedule her to be put down early next week--assuming she makes it that long without eating or drinking.  😞  

Ugh.  This is the difficult part of pet ownership.

I’m terribly sorry 😞 lots of hugs and comfort! Your kitty will thank you for not letting her suffer. It may not seem like it but you’ll feel relief amongst the sadness. I know I did when Emma was put down. 

Awe I’m so sorry. As you know, I understand how hard it is for a furry loved one to get sick. I also know as a pet owner you’ll do anything to get them feeling better if there’s that option. 

Usually when someone goes off on a tangent. It’s because they have guilt and know what they are doing to be wrong. So the op is trying to Justify his behavior by trying to make excuses to make himself feel better. So by saying we’re all in the wrong! Helps to reassure him he’s not doing anything wrong in his mind! 
 

I think you need to re examine the type of girls you’re attracted to. There’s definitely a pattern. These girls sound like they just want to hookup or play games.  Maybe date outside you’re typical norm. Find girls that may not be a supermodel or girl next door type. Find girls with good personality and strong morals. Remember looks fade and personality brings so much more to the table. 

If you stopped caring for yourself that’s a sign this relationship isn’t healthy. A relationship should make you feel happy and safe. This sounds awful to be quite honest. Time to loose the girlfriend, one less weight to worry about.