nodolan

Hi Michael, Man I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I looked up your posts and found your story: I'm really sorry - I was one of those religious people and I would've given her the same advice - I'm so sorry. You said "there is no such thing as burned bridges...they can always be rebuilt...can't they?" I'm afraid not. I've completely lost all faith in god etc. I've swung to the other end/side of the pendulum and am now completely atheistic but lets not go down that road my friend. You're very observant - yes I do suffer from depression and I take a herbal remedy. Just before I returned here I placed an order for it online. You say "We can not heal brother until we let go" but how do you let go? How do you give up? I know that effectively you distract yourself with hobbies and friends and fill your time so that you're not bored and start mulling over everything but like you say - we're weak because of love. Noel.

Hi Sadness_Creeping & auburnslp - thanks for your replies. Yeah Sadness_Creeping I feel good about the phone number change and yet at the same time feel bad. What if she's trying to contact me even now but then I stop myself and say NO! I have to stop this madness somewhere somehow. I'm afraid returning to any kind of church is totally out - I've burnt all of my bridges in every possible way including faith etc. auburnslp your directness is appreciated - it's what I wanted in a relationship with my wife. She uses my overdose to defend her actions - she tries to cancel out all the stuff she did with what I did but as you said her issues do seem to be very deep. I really was astounded that she would play such a game with my mind and heart. It's like something a secret service or cult would do. It's really screwed up. It seems that every time I tried to bring reconciliation she twarted it somehow even though she seemed to want it also. I thought we couldn't break things any further but...she managed. Now I couldn't believe her if she was swearing in front of a judge. She's turned lies into truth and truth into lies. You said "she is a cancer to you the way things are now. She is slowly just eating you away" and that is so true - I honestly feel like my physical and mental health has deteriorated. You said "I cannot begin to express to you the surprise and joy you will find when you meet a girl that is able to love you truly" and that is something that I have honestly dreamt of in the last few months. I'm still crying after 7 months?? Even as I write this I have to stop every so often to wipe away the tears. I even considered another overdose earlier today I was so confused and upset but then I just said no - she's really not worth it - I just didn't want to give up on her/us until I knew there's was absolutely no hope. Noel.

Hi everyone. I've read through as much as possible and I'm still not quite sure where to post this so feel free moderator to move it if necessary. I don't kn ow whether or not to give you the full story as it is quite long - it can be found at my home page btw. The story goes: I was a religious fundamentalist and a virgin at 32 because I was 'keeping myself'. She was a 'white witch' and fairly liberal in her sex life. We met at work. I was disillusioned with my faith and I gave myself to her. It was great but we hit trouble immediately. I confessed my 'sins' to my church. They told me to break up. She tried to convert but stopped halfway which left her in a psychological mess. We hung on to each other for dear life and fought everyone to stay together. I lost most of my social world/church life. I was sorta disfellowshipped. We moved in together. We had some terrible rows because of the pressures on us - for the first year I felt really guilty after sex even though I enjoyed it while I was doing it. Her grandmother died, my grandmother and then my uncle died. We moved to another county and I went to college. She helped support me through it but hated her job. She kissed some other guy at a New Years party - we fought. She kissed and fondled another guy at a wedding about 4 month's later. We got married July 19th 2002. Xmas 2002 she had a sexual 'indiscretion' with a mutual friend from Spain - she insists they didn't have intercourse. I was doing my exams - we had a row that lasted weeks - I got him sacked from his job and he had to leave the country. I almost had a nervous breakdown and had to be sedated by my doctor. We patched things up and seemed to get along for 6 months when she went to another city to a party. There was a communication blackout on her part for a day and I lost it because this had been her m.o. before when she was being unfaithful. We fought for several days and she blocked me out. I had no job, no religion and seemingly no wife - I took an overdose. She broke into our house and 'rescued' me. We moved to another city and started going to therapy. Last xmas while I was in another city working she called to say she was leaving me. I've been crying on and off for 7 months. We've done the NC bit and broken it. We've met and discussed stuff. We've kissed and cuddled. I have tried everything possible to bring us back together but she has frustrated it all the way. Yet she comes to me and sends me messages saying that she has always loved me and still loves me. She asked me a couple of weeks ago to go out with her again to try to rebuild then the next day she backed down again. We were supposed to have a day out yesterday as a precusor to starting together. I asked her to clarify another of her 'indiscretions' that she had 3 months ago. After kissing and cuddling with me two weeks in a row she kissed and cuddled some other guy at a party. She said at the time that she knew him from work but refused to elaborate. She said that it didn't count as being unfaithful because we were separated (even though she was still kissing and cuddling me?). I asked her last Saturday to clarify what had happened before we went out on Sunday - she refused. I asked her was she still seeing him - her answer: "I refuse to answer that". I asked her to assure me she wouldn't two-time me again - her answer: "I can't give you that assurance". I went home and texted her. Told her she was the most dishonest, distrustful and deceitful person I knew. Two hours later she replied saying: "I'm not seeing anyone else, you're doing this to yourself". I was stunned. Why would she deliberately mislead me? Why would she play a game like this? I'm heartbroken all over again. I've changed my phone number and I've decided that if she wants to communicate with me again she'll have to do it with the therapist present. I honestly felt like I was losing touch with reality over the weekend. I feel like I'm in a waking nightmare. How do you get over someone? How do you cut them outta your life? I've made new friends, got a new place to live and a new job - all that's left is to never see her again - yet I'm afriad to do that - when we were good we were great but when we were bad we were terrible. I really believe she has serious psychological issues when she can play games with my heart and mind like that.