melancholy123

Yes it's wrong!

6 hours ago, Chpp said:

And if I ask why I’m not invited, he’d say it’ll be weird for me to go because I don’t know them and they all know each other. 

Ridiculous.   How are you to get to know them if you dont go to events?  This is BS.  I'd want to know why he's keeping you a secret from his pals.  I also think I'd be looking for a new bf.

You should be going camping with them since you dont trust him. You say you do, but you dont.  You dont have to drink in order to have fun with them.  

Talk to your parents.  You must stop communicating with this creep.  12 yrs old and you are having some sort of sick online relationship.  Now 15, you must stop this.  Block, delete, change passwords etc., but most of all tell your parents or trusted adult.

Yes it's as annoying as you t think it is.  No need to be there at 5:30.  Keep your hair appt. take your dress and change at the hotel or church, there's always a bathroom.  Hardly ideal but it can work.  I predict a real sh1t show on the day of.

I have male friends and my husband has female friends.  For us it is not an issue.  We trust each other.  He's done nothing for me to not trust him.  Ever.  

I wonder if you are too eager.  My husband says his sister used to push any guy she dated for a ring early on in a potential relationship which would scare them off.  You dont sound that bad, as she is an over the top person, but maybe you are too hasty.  Slow down, dont ask that question too soon.  Learn to read between the lines of what they say or dont ay.

Why dont you trust him?  Why aren't you going camping with them?  Do you think they are going to have some big sex orgy?

If you dont have trust in a relationship you have nothing.

You've already done too much for this person who seems quite ungrateful.  No you are not a bad person to not help her move.  She hasnt donee much of anything to help you.

I think this is a one sided friendship and you are getting the short end of the stick.  If I were you I'd move on from her.

I think you need a new boyfriend, this guy is too flaky.

5 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I think it's asking a lot too, and no guarantee of a job. I think I will decline

Your mother will feel she won.

Seriously, just go home when you've had enough.  You've stated your plan, so stick to it. If someone gets huffy it's their problem.  In the grand scheme where you sleep isn't going to matter to anyone but you. I hate stupid games as well and I'd want to go home too.

Your sleeping plan will be forgotten by them quickly as this is not about you, it's about the wedding. They will be so excited about it, that your preference to go home won't be a topic.

6 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I think they feel slighted by me if I party with them at the hotel, and they are paying for the rooms and I'm not. I don't want to sleep there and it's no one's business. 

There you go.  It's nobody's business where you sleep.  It's that simple.  You are lucky you can go home if you want to.  Ultimately it matters only to you where you sleep.   You aren't obligated to spend money on a hotel you dont want or need.

Go home and sleep in your own bed.  What does she care where you sleep?  Join in the hotel activities then say good night and head home.  Dont feel obligated to stay in a hotel if you dont want to.

OP you are talking yourself out of this for a lot of reasons.  

Bartending tends to be a night time gig so if you want to sit home and watch tv at night, you won't make it as a bartender.

Why not take the job and see how it goes?  It's what you said you wanted to do, so give it a try.

You can also do bartending on the side.  It doesn't need to be one or the other if you have the time.

You need to know that nobody is perfect!  Be honest with this guy about how you feel   Ask your therapist for their advice.

1 hour ago, Ad_Bc said:

This is inspirational, the type of story that gives this seemingly hopeless situation I am in, as in my current living situation, a glimmer of hope. 
 

“The stuffy farm people” seem to be in league with my “stuffy town people”. I’ll keep working to find something. Thank you for not being judgemental and for sharing your story. 

To be honest I hated living on our farm, because the people were not friendly.  I wished many times I'd found that music school years sooner than I did.  Another good part is, I am still friends with my former teacher and the lady who owned the school.  We meet in Mexico every winter!

Please find an outlet for your energy and interests, it's out there, you just have to think outside the box sometimes.

32 minutes ago, Ad_Bc said:

I forgot to include the fact that I live in a country where people just like doing their own thing and foreigners are made to feel unwelcomed. I also live in a small town with a homegeneous society. I have tried joining groups like this to no avail. 
 

There are so many elements to this story that led me here now

I lived on a farm for 26 yrs where we were the new people the whole time!  Never did fit in despite trying really hard.  So I  get it.  Dont let the isolation stop you.

I helped at my kids' school from time to time and basically I was about as lonely as you could get.  Then I decided I wanted to learn to play guitar so I joined the local music school and took lessons and after 5 yrs of that I joined the school band.  Not bad for someone in their 40s!  Bass player in a classic rock n blues band.  That lead me to meet so many more people and make friends, which is what I needed.

I'm not saying take up guitar, but find a hobby you like and get involved with it.  Those stuffy farm people who rejected me didnt know what they missed out on, I could have been a good friend if they'd let me.  So I found my friends elsewhere.

Get yourself involved, volunteer somewhere, get a part time job, join a mom and tots group.  You can make friends that way.

OMG don't risk your marriage because you are lusting for this guy!  Figure out how to jump start your marriage and get back on track.  You have a child to think about too!

This needs to stop before it gets started.

It sounds like you have already moved out and I certainly hope so.  Your parents are far too paranoid and it's not good but they are what they are.

Tell them less than you already do.  Live your life your way, get out there and do the things you want to do.

I think most of us followed the guidelines for 2 yrs until things started to lighten up, I know I did.  I haven't worn a mask in months since we dont actually have to do that where I live.

I dont see it as disrespectful but rather I see it as stupid unless you drive.  Do you have a car?  If you are walking then it could be a bad idea depending on where you live.

I say send her a WhatsApp msg and tell her you have gotten a new job and maybe a bit of detail about it and then ask her how she is doing and tell her you'd like to hear from her.

No reason I can think of for her to have to contact you.  Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.