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melancholy123

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Posts posted by melancholy123

  1. 5 hours ago, Eliza50 said:

    Yes. She had a doctor appointment and she had asked me to meet for dinner when it was over as the doctor's office was in my neighbourhood. I had said ok but the night before, something else came up (not something major but I figured we meet 2-3 times a week, so, it won't be a big deal if I cancel). I told her the next morning, at work, something like 10 hours before the meeting time, that I wouldn't be able to make it and she insisted that she had told me that I would pick her up from the doctor because he would put some medicine in her eye and she wouldn't be able to see very well. I didn't (and still don't) remember that detail. So, I told her I'm sorry, I never heard you say that or I wouldn't have arranged the other thing; I'll cancel  it and come pick you up and we'll go for dinner. She said no, it's ok, I'll get someone else to come...and from that moment on, she started being distant until she told me what I said in my first post.

     

    Having red this, I change my answer.  I would not go meet her.  She really over reacted to this and I suspect she wants something from you now.

  2. I say go, but dont expect much.  I think curiosity will get to you (as it would me) and you will want to go to see what she wants.  Dont expect anything big or revelational, or that you will end up friends.  

    Myself, anyone who dumps me as a friend probably cant slink back into my life and resume being a friend.  I'd wonder what they are up to or what they want.

    Go but be skeptical.

  3. You are a fool to put up with this.  There is no good, valid reason to continue on with her when she does what she wants yet tries to control what you do and ho you see.  It's her way or the highway, so let her sit in the express lane.

    Smarten up!  Move on from this woman.

    • Like 1
  4. 1 hour ago, Messyandstressy said:

    Idk I wish I could explain it.. I feel like he’s who I’m supposed to be with. It’s been so long that I just tell myself this is how it’s supposed to be 

    WRONG!  You are not happy with that guy and you really need to grow a backbone and move on from him.  He doesn't sound like he gives a sh1t about you anyway.

    Dont settle for a guy who isn't giving you what you want and need.

  5. Can you muster the ability to go to her place for an hour or so?  Then leave and go to your family's event.  My MIL was a psycho *** from hell and I used to encounter arguments with my husband when I didnt want to go to events when she would be there as she was always nasty to me.  I got the usual - you are not supportive, my whole family will be there!  He knew how s he treated me but he didnt get it that she hurt me a lot!  So I'd go, and be really pissy about the whole thing.  In the end after a few yrs I told him no, I am not going, your mother is too nasty to me.  He eventually gave up hassling me about this.  He learned to go to things by himself.  He now admits. he understands why I felt like I did.

    I say fake it if you can, but if you cant, then tell him no you are not going, and have a good time I'll see you when you get back.

    • Like 2
  6. When I learned to stop worrying about what others thought of me and what I did or said my life got a lot better.  I tried to tow the line and do all the typical things my mother thought I should do with my life even tho they didnt work for me.  I stopped trying to be what others wanted me to be and worked on being what I wanted to be.  Then I became a lot happier.  I am not interested in trying to be better than anyone, keep up with the Jones's etc.  I do what works for me!  Learn to be yourself and dont dwell on what others want or expect you to do.

    • Like 4
  7. My son was at home til about 22 and he was in college a lot of that time and came home when school ended.  He was a slob in his own room and I used to get on him to tidy up but he just didnt care if it was a mess.  So along as his door was closed I didnt care.  He did pick up after himself in the rest of the house as he knew he had to.

    We had our battles about chores like mowing the lawn, shovelling snow etc and he learned he had to do it as part of being in the family.  He learned to do his own laundry at 13 and was good about that.

    I suggest you sit your kid down and tell her as long as she does not have a job she needs to contribute to the household by doing X chores.  Give her a list, tidy up, vacuum, wash dishes or load or unload the dishwasher, do her own laundry.  Whatever you think is reasonable.  Point out she can help out or she can leave.  My son did nothing after a return from college and about a month into his laziness I said get a job or go back to school.  He signed up for another college course.

    You are supposed to be in charge here, not her.  Develop a backbone and assign some chores along with consequences if they aren't done.

    • Like 1
  8. 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

    Your parents are right not to encourage an abusive relationship.

    Read up on abusive relationships. He has every red flag there is from quick involvement to berating and wearing you down to isolating you.

    Do you work or go to school? Do you have close friends to spend time with?

    How isolated and depressed has this horrible creep made you feel?

    Since your parents are supportive, ask them to take you to a physician for an evaluation of the depression and anxiety. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

    Immediately end it and block and delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

    Get help to understand why you are staying trapped in this.

     

    This ^^^. The guy is an abusive jerk who is alienating you from your family.  Do you really want to live like this?  He sounds awful.

    • Like 1
  9. You really need to develop a backbone and send this loud mouth jerk packing.  Kick his sorry butt to the curb along with his junk.

    You know full well his yelling and cussing is not how people talk to other people.  Only jerks do that.

    Get rid of him before your landlord gets rid of you.

     

    • Like 1
  10. 10 hours ago, Andrina said:

    Develop a weekly/monthly planner. Plan out your activities in advance. Since you have a full life of work, school, and dating, limit seeing a guy to twice a week. Fill in slots for timelines for work, studying, lunch with a friend, pampering alone-time. You have to work to keep a roof over your head. Education is important to provide career happiness and the financial lifestyle you desire. Those things can't be shoved aside for more-than-is-needed boyfriend time. 

    I keep a calendar to keep track of everything. It'll be helpful for you to organize yourself in this way, and you will likely feel more in control when you see everything in writing and stick to the plan you've set for yourself.

    My husband does something like this.  He divides his days into time for the main things he wants to do and accomplish.  He can easily get raked in and over focus on one thing to the detriment of other things.  He works his day in hourly segments, you could try that, or use a calendar if you think that would be better.

    • Like 1
  11. You cant expect a young woman of 22 to decide totally that she does or does not want children, she is just too young.

    With such a vast difference in life goals, this is not going to work.  I think you should move on and find a woman who is older than this young woman and who is of the same mind set as you regarding children.

    • Like 3
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