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SarahJay

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  1. Ugh just forget it. no one is understanding. right now i am in a TEMPORARY situation. i'll just deal. thanks anyways. - stop calling the mentally ill entitled- sarah
  2. Wiseman- Thanks I will. My dad has depression. But my mom has never been diagnosed. No drinking problems.
  3. I'm not answering all of this just that yes my father is neglectful too. Jeez.
  4. Hi, so here's the deal. My dad cheated on my mom at young age, is a pathological liar (he'll even lie about things he doesn't need to lie about) and is toxic to women. He and my mom are divorced. My mom plays dumb to stuff happening, makes excuses for behaviors and is in her own world- no emotional support there. My dad isn't involved with me but he is not outright abusive to me (tho i k now he put his first wife in the hospital, never hit MY mom, hit the girlfriend he was cheating on my mom with in front of me - well i was in another room and she started yelling "Sarah he hit me!" and pushed his current wife down the stairs so he's got a problem)... I had to move back home (I'm in my twenties) to my mom's house because I was diagnosed bipolar later in my twenties, it worsened, I went on disability and no it's not permanent living situation. She is using my bipolar to cover all her parenting flaws from childbirth on. She can be controlling as well. She's not able to help me with anything. I'm faced with all her flaws after living on my own for a while before moving back home. My dad is the big issue. I'm scared of him. He didn't text me or call since last christmas about and then he did recently for my birthday. I stopped and stared at my text from him like "Wow I thought you left my life" but he comes in all the time. IF I CUT HIM OUT = HE WILL CALL MY MOM WHO WILL GIVE HIM INFORMATION ABOUT ME TO THE POINT HE WILL JUST DROP IN. THis has happened before. My mom IS supporting me financially even tho I'm also on disability (because it's not enough to live on) but she's just above the poverty line so I forgive her and feel sorry for her. He is not helping at all and glides in whenever he wants. I'm not able to cut either out in a way that I feel safe and comfortable. My dad at least leaves me alone. If he calls he just talks about himself. It's not unless I p ush back that he suddenly acts like he cares. I was struggling financially and he bragged about potentially having two houses (a beach house). He makes 100k a year. I have five shirts that fit me right now. I dont know how to get them in line nor my mom to keep my dad out- who she feels bad for. :-( Any advice helps. If you can relate even better.
  5. You're welcome. I wish you the best! Glad it resonated with you.
  6. I'm going to leave this here. This is by Cheryl Strayed, author and former advice columnist. “Go, even though you love him. Go, even though he is kind and faithful and dear to you. Go, even though he's your best friend and you're his. Go, even though you can't imagine your life without him. Go, even though he adores you and your leaving will devastate him. Go, even though your friends will be disappointed or surprised or pissed off or all three. Go, even though you once said you would stay. Go, even though you're afraid of being alone. Go, even though you're sure no one will ever love you as well as he does. Go, even though there is nowhere to go. Go, even though you don't know exactly why you can't stay. Go, because you want to. Because wanting to leave is enough.” ― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
  7. Thank you. That is a unique way to view it- as though I am communicating to my younger self. Maybe I'll write her a letter... "It's not your fault." Type of thing. And "I'm older now and wiser and can see red flags and have the power to leave a situation."
  8. Thank you for the effort you put into this post. Very thoughtful. I agree with being thankful. I agree with using it for good. I have friends but none with strong emotional support abilities or some just limited availability. I do have a dog a pekingese that is very high maintenance. lol. And I love taking care of her. I think I'll write to help others through what I have been through. And as for the anger, I just need to feel it. Not judge it. But feel it. Thank it for reminding me what I deserve...
  9. Thank you. That's what I hope to do.
  10. yeah, what I've realized is these situations are in the past and I think it's that I never felt or got justice from them. And that can be really hard for anybody to deal with. I'm grateful it's no longer continuing, that I got out of them and the pattern of recurrence. I'm grateful for what I do have now. I just feel a bit like I never stopped to feel what was happening, I white knuckled through the pain, and now that I've been out a while and am writing about my life, revisiting these things is bringing up raw hurt and anger like it happened yesterday. I guess that's the nature of trauma though. I'll even have conversations in my head with better and better arguments against manipulative abusers in fights. But I do have hope. I dont know what will come but I do know I have boundaries, stability now and a voice. That's something.
  11. Thank you. I guess there's no way out but through.
  12. I've been writing about my life, and it's made me revisit the past. Injustices. Emotionally abusive relationships. Rape even. Parental neglect. Narcissistic parent. And suddenly, I've become so internally anger. Yes I know to visit a therapist- I will. Yes I also know anger can be a positive thing, it means one step towards healing. And yes I know anger is probably repressed hurt. What I dont know how to do is cope with it. I live with someone and can't comfortably punch my pillow in private. I'm already writing about it. It's just all consuming. I wasn't ready for this. Have you ever had anger towards your past impact your life? I have to be careful even now opening myself to you because sometimes, strangers can be insensitive or imply you should just get over it. I thought I was over it. I'm in my late twenties. this was childhood, high school and some college years. I had people belittle me. But boyfriends emotionally abuse me. Yell at me. One raped me at thirteen. I didn't have power over myself or my relationships til my mid-to late twenties. And I'm scared of this anger. What would you do? Thanks for reading.
  13. Okay I will look into it. :) I'm glad it helped you so much. You sound adventurous!
  14. That's what I'm all about. lol thanks again.
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