goddess

I agree that it's a shame. But, it's his choice. I don't like it but I have to accept it. I am so sorry that your friend forgot about your kitty. Perhaps I am harsh but forgetting two days in a row? Yikes! I'm just glad that your kitty was OK. My son also has a service now.

Thank you for being able to see both sides, Tinydance. I appreciate that. Just so you know, my son never, ever took out his grandmother for sushi (weekly, BTW) to get favours from her. In fact, He didn't even have kitties for a good number of years years while living there. He took her to dinner out of the goodness of his heart and to keep her company because she is a widow. It was a one-time occurrence that he had to get out of town with little notice. He asked her if she'd be able to care for the kitties and she said that she couldn't because she had a nail appointment in the morning. Yes, her prerogative to decline but I think that was a crappy thing to do. My son was rather taken back that she couldn't make a little time in her day to help him because he was in a pickle. Personally, I think that is a poor excuse but that's just me. Surely, in an entire day, she couldn't find time to go over to help her grandson? That was disappointing, IMHO. Also, may I add that she rarely has any appointments or commitments. She does get together with some women that live in her apartment complex occasionally. I was under the impression that family helps family, especially when in need. Granted, she doesn't "owe" him any favours, but it would have helped him a lot to know that his kitties were being cared for. It would have been a nice gesture on her part. He has since gotten a service to care for his kitties. Again, I find myself wondering if the service would have been able to accommodate him on the day that he needed them, since it was short notice. Again, thank you for taking time to answer. Yes, I agree that he should send a thank you card (she doesn't know how to text).

OMG, it just happened once that he had to go out-of-town. It was an emergency meeting, for crying out loud. It happens! And it's not about the cat. My post was asking opinions on what to do regarding a thank you card. My son now has a place that will care for his cats in case this should happen again. I don't know if you are a grandmother, but if you have a grandson who needed some help caring for his cat, I guess you would come up for an excuse for not helping because that is not your responsibility. That's what it sounds like.

Of course it bothers me that he and his grandmother don't get along over such a small thing. I have strongly suggested to him to send the stupid thank you card. But, it's his choice and decision, and he will have to live with that. I hope that he changes his mind because it would be better all around. There are worse problems in life. Best wishes to you as well.

You really are something else. You are blowing this way out of proportion. Granted, it's not her responsibility. No one said that. All I'm saying is that it would have been nice of her, and a gracious gesture, to help out her grandson in a time of need. It's not such a big inconvenience. She doesn't have a busy schedule. In fact, she oftentimes complains that she has nothing to do. So, you think it's OK for me to drive down and back, at least 8 hours, when all she had to to was drive about one hour? One hour in a day is not that big of a deal. Get real, please. And, no one said we consider her a villain. I'm just surprised that she couldn't. wouldn't do this simple task. Just like my son took time out of his busy schedule to help her with her computer issues multiple times, she could have easily returned the favour. That's what family or friends do. Lastly, I would appreciate your not labeling my son or me as entitled. That couldn't be further from the truth. You don't know me or my son. When one gives and gives and gives to someone, it's appreciated when that person gives back. In any case, thanks for your feedback.

Are you not understanding that the trip was sudden? He found out the evening before that he had to leave the next morning; early in the morning. So, he didn't have time to check out any services. He asked her if she'd be able to go the day after he left, for ONE day. That's not enough of an imposition, considering all the favours he did her for. My son is a very kind and gracious young man. He was disappointed that she couldn't even go for one day, due to circumstances. She is a very able-bodied woman. So going about 1/2 hours each way is no big deal for her. She does that all the time when she visits her daughter who also lives about 1/2 hour away. As for me, I live FOUR hours away from him, sometimes more depending on traffic. If I lived closer, it would have been my pleasure to help out. Good for you for not asking your family for help when you travel. Again, he asked for her help for one day. It is unfortunate that she couldn't go out of her way when her grandson needed help. And, I could do with your sarcasm.

With all due respect, my son didn't "assign" anything to his grandmother. He politely asked her if she'd be able to do it because that particular trip was rather sudden. He was in a bit of a jam. And, it was only for one time since he'd be gone for only 3 days. She said that she had a nail appointment in the early morning. So, why on this green earth was she not able to go in the afternoon or early evening? Also, may I reiterate that he goes out of town once and maybe (and I mean maybe) twice a year. Personally, I didn't think that was too much to ask. I certainly would have gone out of my way to help a family member. But, I have to remember that not everyone is like me. Thank you for your feedback.

My son extended the invitation to dinner once he got back from his trip. Also, he did her quite a number of favours throughout the years by going over her house to fix some computer issues that she had. He used to take her out to dinner every week but once he started his masters, he was very busy. Plus, he had to work on his thesis so the dinners became less frequent. May I reiterate again that she only offered to pay for a dinner once. That made him feel bad. Yes, he did cash the check although he told me that he was thinking of returning it. That, to me, would have been rude. OK, so his not thanking her was rude as well. I just feel bad that this has happened. The sad thing is is that she will never take a step back and contemplate how she was also in the wrong. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

My son takes her out to a sushi restaurant which is a favourite of hers. As anyone knows, sushi is very expensive so I think that is a kind and thoughtful gesture on his part. Like I mentioned, he rarely goes out of town, perhaps once or twice a year. So, I fail to see how that would be an imposition. After all, he is her grandson. My son felt disrespected and so he didn't send her a thank you card for the Christmas gift, which was wrong but he had had enough. I did suggest that he send her a card but he doesn't want to. He generally takes the high road but I think he's had it with her.

Thank you, TeeDee, for your feedback. Yes, he won't do anything at this point. I guess what goes around, comes around. As I mentioned to Wiseman, she honestly has no introspection skills so she'll never understand why my son feel the way he does. It's a shame.

Hi Wiseman. Yes, it's his father's mother (she's a widow). She certainly can be difficult based on my post. She seems to have no introspection skills so she will never realise how unfair/hurtful she's been towards my son. I wanted him to send the thank you just to keep the peace but I will respect my son's choice. Still, it bothers me that this has happened especially because between the two families (my ex's and mine) we have very few relatives here. Thanks for your response. Hope you are doing well.

Hi! My 29 year old son lives about 4 hours drive from me. His aunt and her family, and his grandmother live about 1/2 hour away from him. He is rather annoyed with his grandmother nowadays due to a number of reasons. He's been living by himself for 12 years now. He attended college and graduate school there. During these years, he has reached out to his grandmother and took her out to dinner quite a number of times. He paid for the dinners and was happy to do so, even while he was in school. He informed me that his grandmother paid only once. He was a bit disheartened by that fact. He rarely goes out of town for business for 3-5 days. He would ask his grandmother to please take care of his two kitties. She did a few times. However, on one occasion she forgot to go over for a couple of days. When he got home, he realised that she hadn't been over for several days and the litter box was a mess. He was quite upset. On another occasion, he asked her to come over to care for the kitties just once since he'd be away for only 3 days. She told him she had to get her nails done and couldn't go over. Me son was rather irritated with her excuse. I cannot say I blame him. She couldn't make time to go over in an entire day to do him that favour? His grandmother sent him a Christmas gift (a check). He was still annoyed with her and decided to not send her a thank you card (she doesn't know how to text). Her birthday is in March. He did not call her to wish you a happy birthday. My son's birthday is in April. She did not call him to say happy birthday. She did call my other son whose birthday is in April as well. She had been telling me that her dog was not eating for a couple of days so she was really worried. I thought something happened and that that was the reason that she didn't call my son. So, I called her and asked if everything was OK. I asked her why she hadn't called my son for his birthday. (she had been calling my sons for their birthday since they were toddlers.) She informed me that she was annoyed that my son didn't send her a card thanking her for his Christmas gift. Then, she complained that he hadn't called her for her birthday, so she didn't call him for his birthday. She did send him a gift (check). I asked him to please send a thank you card for her BD gift to him, and to take the high road. He said he's not going to because she has disappointed him. What do you think he should do? Thank you for reading this.

I completely agree. Merry Christmas, Wiseman!

I truly understand the heartache and pain that you are experiencing. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill that takes the pain away. The only thing that will help is time. How long? It depends on the individual. You will experience a roller coaster of emotions, which is normal after a loss. I will share my story with you. I was married for 29 years. He blindsided me when he asked for divorce. It felt like my whole world fell apart. I was a total mess for months. I cried and cried, couldn't sleep well at all, had trouble eating (lost 20 pounds), had trouble being interested in anything, etc. I moved out and went back one day to pick up some things that I left behind only to find an extra pillow on my bed, a toothbrush on my sink, extra towels. That was 11 days after I moved out! He had already someone stay overnight. There are no words that fully describe how I felt. Slowly, and I mean slowly, I began to heal. I focused on hobbies that made me happy. In my case, all my friends turned their backs to me. Really ***ty thing to do, for sure. However, I had my two amazing sons, my brother and his wife, my ex MIL and my ex SIL who comforted me and supported me in my time of need. It's been 4.5 years since my divorce and I can honestly say that I feel so much better nowadays. I don't cry anymore, I rarely think of him. Once in a while, I will think of some good times but I learned to stop that. It serves no purpose. Instead, I concentrate on all the good things in my life. So, if I can do it, so can you, Mrs. Wise. He's not worth your tears. Don't give him that power. You will heal slowly, I promise. Remember that time is the answer. Hang in there in the meantime. Take good care of yourself, OK? Sending you virtual hugs.

You should be ashamed of yourself for even entertaining that ridiculous, selfish and really stupid idea. Have some respect for your wife, dude!!! Don't be such an a**hole.

Beautifully said, Capricorn! SPOT ON!!!

Love the idea of getting a pet! YES!

I completely agree with what catfeeder and 1a1a said. It is normal to feel all those emotions. Some days will be better than others. Unfortunately, you cannot speed up healing, and there is no magic cure. Only time will heal, I promise you. Everyone is different, so it's hard to say how long this horrible period will last. I can tell you from personal experience that time works wonders. 29 year marriage down the drain. I was blindsided. It's been almost over 4.5 years now, and I feel so much better. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and know that this grief/sorrow will pass at some point. You can, and will, get through it!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Keep writing; it helps. We are here for you. Hugs.

As the majority of posters said, dump this pervert. If he does this now, do you honestly think it's not going to happen again, and again? RUN and never look back! You'll save yourself a lot of stress and heartache.

Beautifully said, Cherylyn! I fully agree.

Beautifully said and nailed it, Cherylyn. Thank you for wring such a amazing response. I truly enjoyed reading it, and I fully agree with you. Take good care of yourself. xx

Thanks! I will send a card but no gift. I'm tired of being taken for granted. If they can't be bothered then I won't be bothered! Now, I just have to figure out how to not feel bad or guilty. LOL

Well said! I won't tell my brother. I'm sure he is clueless that his daughter does that. My brother's son (the one who had a baby in February) not only sent me a thank you note but also an announcement. It is so nice to be acknowledged. When I give gifts, I truly don't expect any gifts in return, but I do expect a thank you. But, that's just me.

>>> "The parents are the ones who should've humbly, sincerely and gratefully thanked you. To ignore you is very DISRESPECTFUL." I feel the same way, Cherylyn. So, if the parents don't send a text/email/card to say thank you, they won't teach the child that. Shame, because the sender of the gift would feel appreciated and happy. What a fail to understand is that, if I don't send a gift, I would feel guilty. Isn't that crazy? I'm all for treating people the way they treat you now. I've got to remember that. Thank you for answering any enjoy your weekend.

How thoughtless and rude of your niece, Batya. Sorry. I honestly don't know where their manners are. Behaviour like that is pure disrespect in my mind. I am the same way as you. I would make it a point to respond in a timely manner. NO ONE is that busy that they are unable to take literally one minute to respond to an email or a text? If even that long. One thing that I have semi-learned over the years: don't assume that people have the same principals/manner as I do. I say semi-learned (is that even a word? LOL) because, clearly, I still make that same mistake. That is my problem. Thanks again for answering again. xx