Andrina

Maybe she had her period and was embarrassed to say so. But anyway you just have to believe what she said since guessing is speculation you can't prove. You were the last to suggest Saturday which she turned down. I'd let her be the one to ask for the next date. The ball is in her court. This will give you a sign if she's still interested. If she's not, she won't ask and will let communication fade away.

Subconsciously, we choose who we think we deserve in life. You're lacking low self worth to think this misery is all you deserve. Be alone and read articles and books to learn skills of self-love. If you don't, your man-picker skills will stay the same and the next guy will be just as unhealthy for you.

Your self-worth isn't at the best level you thought it was. He's not an ethically decent man. If he were and was unhappy in his relationship and yet not willing to break up, he would be doing everything in his power to fix the relationship. Instead, he wants the comforts of an intact family plus a side-piece who he cares nothing for. He doesn't care that his side-piece will never fully have him, either physically or emotionally. How she will spend all the major holidays without him. How she will have to be a dirty secret. Chemistry only makes up one part of who you should be with. That seems to be the only part you two possess. You say he respects you? Wow, it's quite the opposite. If he did, he wouldn't have reached out to a naive, thirsty woman he knows lacks self-respect. You were easy prey for him. And his excuse he'd lose time with his children is nonsense. Unless a parent is neglectful or abusive, he will receive his fair share of custody. Regardless, if the excuse was valid, it's still not right to use other people for his own lustful needs. This is a small town, so if you don't think many see what's going on, you're wrong. Save your sanity and reputation and delete him from your life ASAP. As a mother, you especially don't want to be this sort of role model for you child, who sees and hears everything and will witness how you run your life. Yeah, your fantasy of who he is will never match reality. Being alone is better than being in an inappropriate relationship. You have far more work to do on yourself. Good luck.

Once you get time and distance away from him, you will say good riddance versus wanting him back. I know it happened to me with someone I dated a year who I could see I was not a priority with, yet I kept wishing and hoping things would improve instead of realizing he was the wrong man. The next man I dated about 9 months later ended up being a million times better in every way, and he became my husband. You are too close to the situation now to realize it, but he did you a favor by freeing you to meet someone far better. Just make sure you possess a healthy self worth so you won't accept anything less than a man who treats you the way you should be treated. Pamper yourself now and I hope the healing process goes well both physically and emotionally during this difficult time.

In my experience, with guys like this where you think you see a spark, yet he never makes that leap to ask you out or bows out of an invite by you, it usually means that he's just not that into you. He likes being around you because it feels good to have a fan. It's good for his ego. From what I've witnessed in life about people I've known and their behavior, if he was feeling this amazing connection with you as more than friends, he'd take a risk to lose you as a customer to gain a life partner. If you get an answer either with a direct conversation, or because more time has passed with no progression to dating, you'll probably want to lessen this intense friendship to a more reasonable level. Stop thinking of him as dating material and start thinking of him as your teacher who you are casual friends with. Because if it's a bf you want, you won't have time to add one to your life if you're spending 3 hours on the phone with him and 6 or 7 hours hanging out after a lesson. When someone doesn't make it crystal clear he's into you, it's best to assume he's not. Flirting means nothing without asking or accepting a date. Flirting can be a way to keep you on the hook so he doesn't lose a fan. And don't think he's so kind he would never do this. People are complex. And sometimes you have them on a pedestal they don't deserve. It's happened to me at least once in my life. Take care and keep us updated.

Why don't you call him on an actual phone call and tell him what happened instead of messaging or in person since you won't see him until tomorrow? If he has a suspicious mind and breaks up with you when you were being honest, oh well. It's not like he's the last guy on the planet and you'll never date again. To me, it'd be weirder and cause more suspicion when you're keeping secrets which are often found out. Wouldn't you want him to speak up if he'd done the same?

When I go out to eat or to the store, it's not like all the couples look like Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. In fact, the majority don't. Romance isn't only reserved for people who look one particular way.

Not that you made any major decisions like moving in together or marriage, this is why it's important not to until you've known a person at least a year. Because yes, it takes time to learn about a person, instead of assuming you know every aspect of a person during the honeymoon period. And if she never received psychiatric care for past trauma, it's a good assumption all of that would negatively come in to play to upset your relationship given more time. I think you acted like a doormat, leaving work to make their vacation plans easier. And $150 for groceries to me was too much after only dating half a year. It's like you're overcompensating. Do you lack self-worth and feel those gifts are necessary for any partner to give you the time of day? Learn what's appropriate. Perhaps the gift of a cake or a fruit platter would've been reasonable. Instead of taking time off of work, you could've suggested on your day off to do something with them, but if you thought an hour drive would be too costly for gas, you could've proposed an alternative. At age 30, if she can't feed her own mother who is visiting, that's her problem. If you have a rescuing mentality, those sorts of relationships are never satisfactory. You hurt yourself and wind up with someone who is broken and can't be fixed by a layperson. That's a psychiatrist's job and a person needs to learn to help themselves. I suggest working on your self worth before attempting to date again.

When you're older, you'll see that she's done you a favor by easing her way out of your life. A person who drops out of college and has to be cajoled and motivated to seek out a career won't be pulling their weight financially in a relationship. From what I've witnessed throughout my life and the people I know, a person's work ethics and whether or not they are go-getters usually don't change just because they get older. At her age, I paid for my own community college where I held a full load of credits and worked full time. She probably sees your "motivational talks" as just more of another sort of parental cajoling. And nobody wants to date a parental figure. I advise freeing yourself to eventually meet someone more mature, perhaps someone who is closer to your age, and someone who is as crazy about you as you are of her. I think it's a good idea to give yourself a good year solo to concentrate on your studies and to mourn the loss of your first love (if she was that), and get to the healing stage before thinking about dating again. Take care.

More concerning is the fact that you went into a stranger's house. Most people, who are safety conscious, avoid meeting up in each others homes until learning more about a person and feeling comfortable that their date is not a serial killer or possesses any other dangerous traits. To me, a guy broaching the subject of that sort of sex after knowing you approximately 4 hours is not someone trying to make a good impression to be a longterm partner. In the future, if you want emotion during sex, get to know each other outside of your homes. See if a guy is patient and wants to get to know you on outings that don't involve making out and having sex. Guys whose sole goal is to bed you won't want to spend time outside of the home, won't be interested in your life, won't have a history of any longterm relationship, won't bring up sex before or during a first date. Take the lessons you've learned from this so you will steer things in a better way in future dating for your own best interests.

This sounds more like what 14 year olds do. Do you have a career? Are you in college? Why are her parents against the relationship?

Once something horrible happens with one or both people being intoxicated, alcohol can no longer be a part of your lives. If a person isn't willing to give that up, then obviously alcohol is more important than a relationship, and therefore a person should be single. Everyone I know who has succeeded in sobriety after a period of abusing alcohol claim to live a far happier life now that alcohol is no longer a part of their lives.

So she was 18 when you started dating. Most people during these young years don't want to do forever, getting so serious without having more dating experiences. This relationship has probably run its course. The amount of time you want to spend with her is not matching the amount of time she wants to spend with you. She's putting up barriers because she probably sees your demands as pressure, and doesn't care how you feel because she's emotionally checked out from you. Probably hopes you will break up with her so she doesn't have to deal with your drama if she does the deed. You've tried communicating with her and it hasn't worked. Your needs aren't being met. Perhaps her family was never comfortable with the age difference between you two, which is a pretty big gap at these stages of your lives. Yet another frustration, with a situation you wouldn't have to deal with dating someone your own age, not being able to have a more adult-like dating situation. When you say wandering around outside, do you mean you don't have a car? Sounds like you're a lot more into her, and she's trying to fade away. In your shoes, I'd break up.

Yeah, what you could do is say "no thanks." Assuming you'd prefer to give the gift of your body to someone who shares your dating/relationship goals. You obviously want someone who emotionally cares for you. He only wants the use of your body. In university, there will probably be at least 50 people in each of your classes, plus you may meet more people in sports, clubs, etc. Plenty of fish in the sea. Why on earth would you settle for crumbs? I'd go no contact. Never wait around for someone like this to be ready, because most often, when they are ready, it's usually for someone else. If he was serious about you but not ready, he wouldn't risk embarking on FWB status and ruin what could've been a beautiful thing later when he was ready for something serious. He's giving excuses. He's just not that into you. Someone who wants to date you will be turned off and not want to date you if you're in communication with a "friend" you have a crush on. And that's not something you will be able to, or should, keep as a secret. Take a clean break now for your own good and block him. You're obviously in need of boosting your self esteem since you still want him after he's suggested this and you think he's perfect. He could care less that he'd be hurting you. Don't be so naive to think he doesn't know this. Don't date until you've worked on your self esteem or you will keep attracting, and be attracted to inappropriate men like this. Good luck in your studies.

Are you bilingual? You could always offer to help people whether in person or online with their skills in speaking another language. Some people help others translate documents on genealogy forums. Helping other people is always a good way to connect with others to make friends.

Since he treats her this way, making noise to spite her for her morning noise, fully expect that treatment from him toward you, say when you have kids and how dare you not muzzle them in the morning when he's sleeping because of his alternative schedule. And when you finally get the kids to bed and you crash into bed, he'll be blaring the t.v. and banging pots and pans cooking himself a midnight snack. Calling you an idiot and threatening to get drunk and piss himself--your "prize" of a man makes my stomach churn. I believe this is a combination of you having a low self worth, and subconsciously thinking you deserve no better in life, along with not enough life experience to recognize this as toxic behavior, are the reasons you are with this &*^%. Forget about the time you've invested. It's but a speck of time in one's lifetime, and even if you knew you only had a year left to live on the planet, IMO, he should be dumped. Of course it's not ideal to live with parents, and a person would be irritable, but everything you've written shows the toxic ways in which he deals with adversity. Perhaps it's a good thing you all made this decision so it could speed up the process of seeing the real him so you can make the all important decision that he's far from who you'd like as a lifetime partner. That is if you value a satisfying life.

In my twenties, I was interested in photography and signed up for a class to be taught all the skills like metering and panning and using various lenses. We went on outings to learn to take photos of things in motion like carousels, etc. I don't remember what the class was affiliated with or what kind of business license you would need as in instructor. Some high schools and colleges have extension classes where you don't earn credits and you don't need a teaching degree to teach artistic classes like oil painting, etc. Just throwing this out there as something you might try to supplement your income with and to expand on meeting people. And I'm not saying to use this opportunity to ask a participant on a date. It's just that when you are meeting with numerous people and have a rapport with some, they might invite you to parties or other events where there may be single women. I know when I was in community college and a member of the ski club, one of the members had a Halloween party. There, I met a guy who crashed the party who I dated a few months. I was invited to another party by a friend in college, and so I invited my girl friend who ended up meeting a guy there and they were together several years. You could actually even start your own Meetup group to have outings for photographing plants and wildlife or architecture, etc., and describe it as exchanging ideas and a sharing a passion for the hobby. Whether or not you want to make it for singles in a particular age range is even a possibility, depending on how you want to proceed. I'm guessing you live in a constrictive comfort zone, and you're going to have to take some social risks and expand your horizons for your work life and your social life to emerge from the doldrums. Whenever you begin making excuses, stop yourself and think of alternatives that are a bit challenging and scary, but will pull you out of a rut. Good luck.

No matter where you travel to, on vacation or business, there will always be a certain percentage of people you will find attractive and share chemistry with among people you meet. The majority of the time, long distance stuff comes with too many cons to work. Phones and computers make it so easy to fantasize about someone who seems so close, just a click away, yet they are too far away for all the pros that come with local dating. It's cheaper, you get to really know a person far sooner than someone long distance, and you get to physically spend time together regularly. Just because you're not happy in the present with your breakup doesn't mean you should look to the past, to someone you had a cyber crush on, to meet those needs. And don't overlook your cultural or personality differences--traits you wish were different--just because she's a pretty lady. Question is, why are you choosing one of the most difficult ways of dating there is? When I was single, I limited my dating pool to within a 45 minute drive of my home. I suggest some similar boundaries for you for a more satisfying dating life.

It's not controlling. It's voicing your needs, which are reasonable. The alternative is building up resentment and being a doormat. Come to a consensus that will satisfy you both, or at least a decision you both can live with. If she doesn't care how you feel, then she doesn't care about you. I make concessions for my husband, and he does the same for me. No two people, whether roommates or romantic partners, are ever exactly the same on all issues. Yes, you have to communicate.

If you Google Confessions from an ex Hooter's waitress, plenty of articles will pop us. This excerpt is from The Daily Mail. 'For most, there was the unspoken exchange of money for some conversation and attention,' she explains. 'This is where Hooters really veers off and differs from your regular restaurants. Though the famous spandex uniforms are 'extremely unflattering', Miss Burgess says there is an opportunity to make 'much more than at your average restaurant, all in a laid-back and fun environment' 'Coined “entertainers,” Hooter Girls are expected and encouraged to chat and hang around with customers, which can be truly awesome, and also horrifying depending on the customers you’re stuck with.' And a word of warning to men: 'You're not going to get a date at Hooters,' she says. 'At the end of the night, most of us are throwing out handfuls of wadded up Post-its and napkins with phone numbers on them.' (In my opinion, if she's that bold to hug you and tell you where she lives, she would've been bold enough to write her number down and slip it to you. But you also have to think about how comfortable she is hugging a stranger, and if you did date her, would you really like to have a gf who has no boundaries doing this with other men? You can't assume you were the special one/only one she's done this with and it'd be foolish to think she will never do this again with another man. If she's got a winning personality, attractive and with a good body and makes a decent salary, why is she single, if in fact she is?)

Don't assume people are blind to your behavior, even in a big crowd. People talk. People have eyes. If you begin telling her you're interested and she rejects wanting to start something with you, and then you jump to flirting with someone else there, the women are going to be turned off that you're merely using this convention opportunity to chase anyone who will take the bait. A woman likes to feel like that special someone who happened to catch your eye, and not second fiddle because number 1 rejected you. Why are you seeking out the hardest way to date--women who live a distance from you? Dating locally is the best way to go unless you live in such a small community that the pickings are slim.

That's junior high behavior. You don't say those things before you've even been on a date. Asking someone to join you for coffee or whatever type of outing, is showing an interest versus telling, and more adult-like. If you mean that you're all long distance and can only see each other at a convention, I wouldn't even bother thinking of her as dating material. Starting a long distance relationship is high risk when you haven't begun locally. Too many cons to LDRs. Otherwise, don't say anything and see if you two share chemistry in person. Are you the type who can read a woman's interest, or are you oblivious to signals or lack of them? Have you had any success dating locally? What's your dating history? How old are you and what is your goal for a relationship? Short term or long term?

I'm not surprised you no longer want to be intimate with him. You likely feel as though you were raped. He ignored your words. He didn't care about your pain and trepidation. Why you assume your relationship is stronger now is probably the case of you settling for what you think is a strong relationship. But your standards in a partner have been extremely low, since you didn't run far and fast away from a man the minute you saw he solely cared about himself. Be alone and learn self-love, self-preservation, and read articles on the traits of a healthy partner. It ain't him!

Like a few others mentioned, the best way to change another is to change yourself. Respond differently than you ever have before. Take them by surprise. Upset the constant, familiar loop. Worth a try. I've never read one good thing about owning a time share. I wouldn't buy it. Here's one excerpt from an article: Many people think that buying a timeshare is a great deal, saving them money over booking a hotel room. In fact, in many cases, if you factor in the additional costs that come with timeshares, like special assessments, maintenance fees, taxes, and the like, you'll find that renting a room in a similar resort ends up being cheaper.

If you're already wondering about what friends and family would say, I'm assuming your goal is to have a long term girlfriend, and you're not thinking fling. In that case, the articles I've read with various studies have been that age gap relationships of 20 years or more end in a 95 percent divorce rate. It would be wise to think of if you really want to pursue someone who is in a totally different stage than you because it does present major problems. I'm assuming you're even close to 28 to 30 years older, so she will be retiring decades later than you. While you're home and retired, maybe wanting to travel and do daily excursions with a companion in the retirement years you've worked so hard for, she'll be toiling away at work another 20 to 30 years. And yes, if circles in both camps raise eyebrows or express concerns over the relationship, even if none of their business, it does incur stress in a relationship. I, for one, have had to often take care of elderly parents when needed besides working full time and overtime. I remember thinking how happy I was not to have a husband their age, because frankly I couldn't handle taking care of his elderly needs when I already have my hands full with my own parents. I look forward to my spouse and I aging at the same pace, enjoying similar life stages, and not dealing with the issues that come along with age gap relationships. Either she's just friendly, maybe likes male attention (I used to work in a building where a woman was a people person, dressed for attention, and had many men thinking they had a shot with her when they didn't), or she does find you attractive. If she's too young and dumb to think of what dating you would end up entailing if it spelled forever, at least you as the older person with life experience should have considered. Just my opinion of course, but it's your life and you can take those risks if you choose. When social distancing is no longer an issue, I recommend Meetup.com activities for singles in your age group. I briefly tried that and enjoyed it, but ended up meeting my husband on OLD.