Andrina

In my experience, with guys like this where you think you see a spark, yet he never makes that leap to ask you out or bows out of an invite by you, it usually means that he's just not that into you. He likes being around you because it feels good to have a fan. It's good for his ego. From what I've witnessed in life about people I've known and their behavior, if he was feeling this amazing connection with you as more than friends, he'd take a risk to lose you as a customer to gain a life partner. If you get an answer either with a direct conversation, or because more time has passed with no progression to dating, you'll probably want to lessen this intense friendship to a more reasonable level. Stop thinking of him as dating material and start thinking of him as your teacher who you are casual friends with. Because if it's a bf you want, you won't have time to add one to your life if you're spending 3 hours on the phone with him and 6 or 7 hours hanging out after a lesson. When someone doesn't make it crystal clear he's into you, it's best to assume he's not. Flirting means nothing without asking or accepting a date. Flirting can be a way to keep you on the hook so he doesn't lose a fan. And don't think he's so kind he would never do this. People are complex. And sometimes you have them on a pedestal they don't deserve. It's happened to me at least once in my life. Take care and keep us updated.

Why don't you call him on an actual phone call and tell him what happened instead of messaging or in person since you won't see him until tomorrow? If he has a suspicious mind and breaks up with you when you were being honest, oh well. It's not like he's the last guy on the planet and you'll never date again. To me, it'd be weirder and cause more suspicion when you're keeping secrets which are often found out. Wouldn't you want him to speak up if he'd done the same?

When I go out to eat or to the store, it's not like all the couples look like Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. In fact, the majority don't. Romance isn't only reserved for people who look one particular way.

Not that you made any major decisions like moving in together or marriage, this is why it's important not to until you've known a person at least a year. Because yes, it takes time to learn about a person, instead of assuming you know every aspect of a person during the honeymoon period. And if she never received psychiatric care for past trauma, it's a good assumption all of that would negatively come in to play to upset your relationship given more time. I think you acted like a doormat, leaving work to make their vacation plans easier. And $150 for groceries to me was too much after only dating half a year. It's like you're overcompensating. Do you lack self-worth and feel those gifts are necessary for any partner to give you the time of day? Learn what's appropriate. Perhaps the gift of a cake or a fruit platter would've been reasonable. Instead of taking time off of work, you could've suggested on your day off to do something with them, but if you thought an hour drive would be too costly for gas, you could've proposed an alternative. At age 30, if she can't feed her own mother who is visiting, that's her problem. If you have a rescuing mentality, those sorts of relationships are never satisfactory. You hurt yourself and wind up with someone who is broken and can't be fixed by a layperson. That's a psychiatrist's job and a person needs to learn to help themselves. I suggest working on your self worth before attempting to date again.

When you're older, you'll see that she's done you a favor by easing her way out of your life. A person who drops out of college and has to be cajoled and motivated to seek out a career won't be pulling their weight financially in a relationship. From what I've witnessed throughout my life and the people I know, a person's work ethics and whether or not they are go-getters usually don't change just because they get older. At her age, I paid for my own community college where I held a full load of credits and worked full time. She probably sees your "motivational talks" as just more of another sort of parental cajoling. And nobody wants to date a parental figure. I advise freeing yourself to eventually meet someone more mature, perhaps someone who is closer to your age, and someone who is as crazy about you as you are of her. I think it's a good idea to give yourself a good year solo to concentrate on your studies and to mourn the loss of your first love (if she was that), and get to the healing stage before thinking about dating again. Take care.

More concerning is the fact that you went into a stranger's house. Most people, who are safety conscious, avoid meeting up in each others homes until learning more about a person and feeling comfortable that their date is not a serial killer or possesses any other dangerous traits. To me, a guy broaching the subject of that sort of sex after knowing you approximately 4 hours is not someone trying to make a good impression to be a longterm partner. In the future, if you want emotion during sex, get to know each other outside of your homes. See if a guy is patient and wants to get to know you on outings that don't involve making out and having sex. Guys whose sole goal is to bed you won't want to spend time outside of the home, won't be interested in your life, won't have a history of any longterm relationship, won't bring up sex before or during a first date. Take the lessons you've learned from this so you will steer things in a better way in future dating for your own best interests.

This sounds more like what 14 year olds do. Do you have a career? Are you in college? Why are her parents against the relationship?

Once something horrible happens with one or both people being intoxicated, alcohol can no longer be a part of your lives. If a person isn't willing to give that up, then obviously alcohol is more important than a relationship, and therefore a person should be single. Everyone I know who has succeeded in sobriety after a period of abusing alcohol claim to live a far happier life now that alcohol is no longer a part of their lives.

So she was 18 when you started dating. Most people during these young years don't want to do forever, getting so serious without having more dating experiences. This relationship has probably run its course. The amount of time you want to spend with her is not matching the amount of time she wants to spend with you. She's putting up barriers because she probably sees your demands as pressure, and doesn't care how you feel because she's emotionally checked out from you. Probably hopes you will break up with her so she doesn't have to deal with your drama if she does the deed. You've tried communicating with her and it hasn't worked. Your needs aren't being met. Perhaps her family was never comfortable with the age difference between you two, which is a pretty big gap at these stages of your lives. Yet another frustration, with a situation you wouldn't have to deal with dating someone your own age, not being able to have a more adult-like dating situation. When you say wandering around outside, do you mean you don't have a car? Sounds like you're a lot more into her, and she's trying to fade away. In your shoes, I'd break up.

Yeah, what you could do is say "no thanks." Assuming you'd prefer to give the gift of your body to someone who shares your dating/relationship goals. You obviously want someone who emotionally cares for you. He only wants the use of your body. In university, there will probably be at least 50 people in each of your classes, plus you may meet more people in sports, clubs, etc. Plenty of fish in the sea. Why on earth would you settle for crumbs? I'd go no contact. Never wait around for someone like this to be ready, because most often, when they are ready, it's usually for someone else. If he was serious about you but not ready, he wouldn't risk embarking on FWB status and ruin what could've been a beautiful thing later when he was ready for something serious. He's giving excuses. He's just not that into you. Someone who wants to date you will be turned off and not want to date you if you're in communication with a "friend" you have a crush on. And that's not something you will be able to, or should, keep as a secret. Take a clean break now for your own good and block him. You're obviously in need of boosting your self esteem since you still want him after he's suggested this and you think he's perfect. He could care less that he'd be hurting you. Don't be so naive to think he doesn't know this. Don't date until you've worked on your self esteem or you will keep attracting, and be attracted to inappropriate men like this. Good luck in your studies.

Are you bilingual? You could always offer to help people whether in person or online with their skills in speaking another language. Some people help others translate documents on genealogy forums. Helping other people is always a good way to connect with others to make friends.

Since he treats her this way, making noise to spite her for her morning noise, fully expect that treatment from him toward you, say when you have kids and how dare you not muzzle them in the morning when he's sleeping because of his alternative schedule. And when you finally get the kids to bed and you crash into bed, he'll be blaring the t.v. and banging pots and pans cooking himself a midnight snack. Calling you an idiot and threatening to get drunk and piss himself--your "prize" of a man makes my stomach churn. I believe this is a combination of you having a low self worth, and subconsciously thinking you deserve no better in life, along with not enough life experience to recognize this as toxic behavior, are the reasons you are with this &*^%. Forget about the time you've invested. It's but a speck of time in one's lifetime, and even if you knew you only had a year left to live on the planet, IMO, he should be dumped. Of course it's not ideal to live with parents, and a person would be irritable, but everything you've written shows the toxic ways in which he deals with adversity. Perhaps it's a good thing you all made this decision so it could speed up the process of seeing the real him so you can make the all important decision that he's far from who you'd like as a lifetime partner. That is if you value a satisfying life.

In my twenties, I was interested in photography and signed up for a class to be taught all the skills like metering and panning and using various lenses. We went on outings to learn to take photos of things in motion like carousels, etc. I don't remember what the class was affiliated with or what kind of business license you would need as in instructor. Some high schools and colleges have extension classes where you don't earn credits and you don't need a teaching degree to teach artistic classes like oil painting, etc. Just throwing this out there as something you might try to supplement your income with and to expand on meeting people. And I'm not saying to use this opportunity to ask a participant on a date. It's just that when you are meeting with numerous people and have a rapport with some, they might invite you to parties or other events where there may be single women. I know when I was in community college and a member of the ski club, one of the members had a Halloween party. There, I met a guy who crashed the party who I dated a few months. I was invited to another party by a friend in college, and so I invited my girl friend who ended up meeting a guy there and they were together several years. You could actually even start your own Meetup group to have outings for photographing plants and wildlife or architecture, etc., and describe it as exchanging ideas and a sharing a passion for the hobby. Whether or not you want to make it for singles in a particular age range is even a possibility, depending on how you want to proceed. I'm guessing you live in a constrictive comfort zone, and you're going to have to take some social risks and expand your horizons for your work life and your social life to emerge from the doldrums. Whenever you begin making excuses, stop yourself and think of alternatives that are a bit challenging and scary, but will pull you out of a rut. Good luck.

No matter where you travel to, on vacation or business, there will always be a certain percentage of people you will find attractive and share chemistry with among people you meet. The majority of the time, long distance stuff comes with too many cons to work. Phones and computers make it so easy to fantasize about someone who seems so close, just a click away, yet they are too far away for all the pros that come with local dating. It's cheaper, you get to really know a person far sooner than someone long distance, and you get to physically spend time together regularly. Just because you're not happy in the present with your breakup doesn't mean you should look to the past, to someone you had a cyber crush on, to meet those needs. And don't overlook your cultural or personality differences--traits you wish were different--just because she's a pretty lady. Question is, why are you choosing one of the most difficult ways of dating there is? When I was single, I limited my dating pool to within a 45 minute drive of my home. I suggest some similar boundaries for you for a more satisfying dating life.

It's not controlling. It's voicing your needs, which are reasonable. The alternative is building up resentment and being a doormat. Come to a consensus that will satisfy you both, or at least a decision you both can live with. If she doesn't care how you feel, then she doesn't care about you. I make concessions for my husband, and he does the same for me. No two people, whether roommates or romantic partners, are ever exactly the same on all issues. Yes, you have to communicate.

If you Google Confessions from an ex Hooter's waitress, plenty of articles will pop us. This excerpt is from The Daily Mail. 'For most, there was the unspoken exchange of money for some conversation and attention,' she explains. 'This is where Hooters really veers off and differs from your regular restaurants. Though the famous spandex uniforms are 'extremely unflattering', Miss Burgess says there is an opportunity to make 'much more than at your average restaurant, all in a laid-back and fun environment' 'Coined “entertainers,” Hooter Girls are expected and encouraged to chat and hang around with customers, which can be truly awesome, and also horrifying depending on the customers you’re stuck with.' And a word of warning to men: 'You're not going to get a date at Hooters,' she says. 'At the end of the night, most of us are throwing out handfuls of wadded up Post-its and napkins with phone numbers on them.' (In my opinion, if she's that bold to hug you and tell you where she lives, she would've been bold enough to write her number down and slip it to you. But you also have to think about how comfortable she is hugging a stranger, and if you did date her, would you really like to have a gf who has no boundaries doing this with other men? You can't assume you were the special one/only one she's done this with and it'd be foolish to think she will never do this again with another man. If she's got a winning personality, attractive and with a good body and makes a decent salary, why is she single, if in fact she is?)

Don't assume people are blind to your behavior, even in a big crowd. People talk. People have eyes. If you begin telling her you're interested and she rejects wanting to start something with you, and then you jump to flirting with someone else there, the women are going to be turned off that you're merely using this convention opportunity to chase anyone who will take the bait. A woman likes to feel like that special someone who happened to catch your eye, and not second fiddle because number 1 rejected you. Why are you seeking out the hardest way to date--women who live a distance from you? Dating locally is the best way to go unless you live in such a small community that the pickings are slim.

That's junior high behavior. You don't say those things before you've even been on a date. Asking someone to join you for coffee or whatever type of outing, is showing an interest versus telling, and more adult-like. If you mean that you're all long distance and can only see each other at a convention, I wouldn't even bother thinking of her as dating material. Starting a long distance relationship is high risk when you haven't begun locally. Too many cons to LDRs. Otherwise, don't say anything and see if you two share chemistry in person. Are you the type who can read a woman's interest, or are you oblivious to signals or lack of them? Have you had any success dating locally? What's your dating history? How old are you and what is your goal for a relationship? Short term or long term?

I'm not surprised you no longer want to be intimate with him. You likely feel as though you were raped. He ignored your words. He didn't care about your pain and trepidation. Why you assume your relationship is stronger now is probably the case of you settling for what you think is a strong relationship. But your standards in a partner have been extremely low, since you didn't run far and fast away from a man the minute you saw he solely cared about himself. Be alone and learn self-love, self-preservation, and read articles on the traits of a healthy partner. It ain't him!

Like a few others mentioned, the best way to change another is to change yourself. Respond differently than you ever have before. Take them by surprise. Upset the constant, familiar loop. Worth a try. I've never read one good thing about owning a time share. I wouldn't buy it. Here's one excerpt from an article: Many people think that buying a timeshare is a great deal, saving them money over booking a hotel room. In fact, in many cases, if you factor in the additional costs that come with timeshares, like special assessments, maintenance fees, taxes, and the like, you'll find that renting a room in a similar resort ends up being cheaper.

If you're already wondering about what friends and family would say, I'm assuming your goal is to have a long term girlfriend, and you're not thinking fling. In that case, the articles I've read with various studies have been that age gap relationships of 20 years or more end in a 95 percent divorce rate. It would be wise to think of if you really want to pursue someone who is in a totally different stage than you because it does present major problems. I'm assuming you're even close to 28 to 30 years older, so she will be retiring decades later than you. While you're home and retired, maybe wanting to travel and do daily excursions with a companion in the retirement years you've worked so hard for, she'll be toiling away at work another 20 to 30 years. And yes, if circles in both camps raise eyebrows or express concerns over the relationship, even if none of their business, it does incur stress in a relationship. I, for one, have had to often take care of elderly parents when needed besides working full time and overtime. I remember thinking how happy I was not to have a husband their age, because frankly I couldn't handle taking care of his elderly needs when I already have my hands full with my own parents. I look forward to my spouse and I aging at the same pace, enjoying similar life stages, and not dealing with the issues that come along with age gap relationships. Either she's just friendly, maybe likes male attention (I used to work in a building where a woman was a people person, dressed for attention, and had many men thinking they had a shot with her when they didn't), or she does find you attractive. If she's too young and dumb to think of what dating you would end up entailing if it spelled forever, at least you as the older person with life experience should have considered. Just my opinion of course, but it's your life and you can take those risks if you choose. When social distancing is no longer an issue, I recommend Meetup.com activities for singles in your age group. I briefly tried that and enjoyed it, but ended up meeting my husband on OLD.

Truly something wrong with a woman whose heart isn't wrenched out of her chest with not being there for her children, still in the nest, daily. To go from being with them daily to now a random text, without any concerns for their psychological health with this major family change--I don't even know why you'd take her back. No, I wouldn't delay in getting to a lawyer. Someone could whisper in her ear, or it could dawn on her, that she should gain custody of the kids for financial benefit, and that it will be financially trying for her to pay out custody for 3 kids. Without a custody order in hand, she could remove the kids from their home without recourse, since she is a legal guardian. I wouldn't risk that with her strange mental state. My husband's ex abandoned their child for 7 years. He never asked for child support, and then returned 7 years later, establishing regular visitation. She didn't return the child after a weekend visit, and my husband could take no legal action because she was a legal guardian and he didn't have custody papers. When custody papers became established, she wanted to have full custody with him paying her. The judge could see her motive was monetary, and my husband was granted full custody and she had to now pay him child support payments. Don't let this happen to you. You thought you knew her, but clearly you don't, and what you assume she would or wouldn't do could be far worse than you ever imagined. You won't want your kids around the scum she's dating if it comes to inappropriate living/custody arrangements, so make sure in your custody papers that if she takes them to her place, no male is allowed to be there while they are visiting, and other protective orders.

From Forbes.com In the case of marriages that are less than two years old, the foreign spouse is granted conditional permanent residence. On the basis of that conditional green card, the foreign spouse comes to live with the sponsor in America. At the two-year mark of the relationship, immigration officials review the marriage to see if the couple is still together. Those spouses that satisfy officials of the bona fides of their relationship get approved for permanent status. Those who fail are required to leave the country. It sounds straightforward enough, but often it can get complicated. One of the requirements the U.S. imposes on a resident who seeks to sponsor a foreign spouse is an affidavit of support. Filing such a document imposes a 10-year liability on the sponsor for certain types of government-based financial assistance that the foreign spouse - and the spouse’s children - may access in the future. Let that sink in. The theory goes that the sponsor should be held responsible for the costs of a foreign national who, say, goes on welfare after the break-up of a marriage. In that situation, the U.S. government may sue the sponsor to recover the costs involved. In one case I had not long ago, the government was pursuing my client as a sponsor for $90,000 in social services benefits that were incurred by the sponsored parties several years ago. The sponsor argued he should not be held liable because he was disabled by illness and could therefore not support himself, never mind others. The government did not buy that excuse. They wanted their money. I Owe How Much? Often, the realization that a U.S. sponsor is on the hook for a foreign spouse's government debts is a rude awakening. In such moments, the sponsors invariably look for ways to relieve themselves of these liabilities, such as arranging for the removal of the now divorced foreign spouse. If the couple is still on speaking terms, and the foreign spouse is unhappy in the U.S., the spouse may be persuaded to leave the U.S. But this is rare. A more popular, if sometimes more mischievous, method of addressing the problem is a so-called “poison pen letter,” where the sponsor writes to U.S. authorities outlining all the failings of the foreigner and calls on the government to remove that spouse. On occasion, such letters accomplish their goal and the foreign spouse ends up deported. More often, however, the foreign spouse gains permission to remain in the United States despite the marriage breakdown by proving extreme hardship or that the marriage was entered into in good faith or that they or the children of the marriage were subject to extreme cruelty. As might be expected, the situation gets especially complicated for a disillusioned sponsor when there are children involved. For one thing, chances for the foreign spouse to show that the marriage was entered into in good faith dramatically increase. A showing of extreme hardship is also made easier. Still, a foreign spouse must prove certain details to get approval to remain in the United States. First, the foreign spouse must prove that the marriage was a legal marriage in the place where the wedding took place and that it was not terminated. Second, they must show that the marriage was not entered into for the purpose of procuring U.S. residence (re-run The Proposalstarring Sandra Bulloch or Greencard starring Gerard Depardieu for an entertaining and fairly accurate portrayal of this scam). Finally, there must be a showing that no fee, apart form an attorney fee, was paid - such as the $5000 to Cylvia Hayes above. One or more of these failings can sabotage the removal of the temporary condition on the green card. Don't Forget To Ask For The Removal Of Temporary Residence A huge mistake is when a foreign spouse neglects to file the application to remove the condition regarding temporary residence. From the moment the temporary green card expires, that foreign spouse begins accruing unlawful presence. Where such unlawful presence continues for a period in excess of six months, the foreign spouse becomes subject to a three-year bar to re-entry if he or she is removed or leaves the U.S. If the foreign spouse accrues more than one year of unlawful presence, then that spouse becomes subject to a ten-year bar to re-entry. Trouble is, a spouse isn't made aware of these penalties until they travel outside the U.S. and then try to re-enter. A big surprise awaits at the airport. Assuming the foreign spouse applies successfully for the removal of temporary status, the green card becomes a permanent green card. In that instance, the sponsor’s financial responsibility often survives for a period of ten years or until the foreign spouse gains U.S. citizenship. That last part is key. In marriage-based cases, the foreign spouse is eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship after three years of residence. It would be wise to encourage such a foreign spouse to obtain U.S. citizenship as soon as possible, especially if the concern is about future financial responsibility. Not that your marriage won't be happily ever after, of course.

The main reason I as an American would never marry a non citizen? You have to sign an affidavit that you will support the person for a solid 10 years, even if the marriage ends in divorce, and even if a divorce happens within one year. If that person seeks social services support, you could be sent the bill for reimbursement. Too big of a risk when you haven't seen the reality of a person as you would a local person who you regularly date for several years. I'd continue applying for jobs in other places you could enjoy living. Just because you haven't been successful doing so yet, doesn't mean it will never happen. I remember when my husband got laid off in the big unemployment recession. He would get upset when he didn't get certain jobs, but it ended up that he got something even better eventually, so the universe was in his favor. Perhaps explore interesting cities you've never even visited or considered, and maybe your position would be coveted in those areas. If promising, plan a trip and check out the local vibe. You likely still have 30 or 40 years left on the planet, so that's plenty of time to find success in romance. Keep us updated. I wish you luck.

You've already seen a pattern here, so you'd be plain dumb to ignore it. She'd rather run away than care enough to stay and work on issues. She doesn't care enough, regardless of the reason. She either operates like this with every guy, or sees a dealbreaker with you, or something is missing to make her not want longterm. Do you have a fulfilling life besides having a girlfriend, because it seems you have her on a pedestal, and if you've made her the sole center of your universe, I'm sure she feels smothered. On again, off again relationships mean they aren't meant to be. And you're pooh-poohing her view that you're mismatched. Perhaps she has removed the rose colored glasses and you haven't. I'd advise for your own good to end the self-talk about her being the love of your life. It's your wishful thinking, but I'd only believe that if you're together and stay that way the rest of your lives. That belief will prevent you from moving on. You might work on your self esteem during this time, as it could be that you subconsciously accept what you think you're worth, which is someone who treats you like a yo-yo. In my experience, it usually took me at least a good 4 to 6 months to get over someone, and with time and distance, I got a clearer view that the relationship wasn't good for me even if I'd thought so at the time. Those life experiences were helpful for me to realize what I didn't want in a partner, and was happy to be free when the right one came along. I appreciated him all the more.