Andrina

Your wall of text is about a lot of stress, worry, discomfort. No need to place yourself, ever, in a situation that involves you being regularly upset because of those sorts of issues. No guy, no matter how nice and attractive, is worth that.

As for me, there is zero chance I'd stay a second longer after a guy told me this. Yes, it's tough to be apart, but that amount of time is a brief flash in the span of time. If one is truly in love, and is serious about making things work, then they make things work. He is indeed too immature for what you're seeking/expecting. Military members experience being apart all the time. I know, because I used to be a military wife, and dealt with being alone for many months at a time, including four month stints, both when we didn't have children yet, plus when we did. Yes, emotions are rough to deal with in long distance situations, but there should never be a lessening of love. Surely you're worthy of someone who handles the rough times with you--not just the rosy times. Why be afraid of losing someone who's only a fair-weather bf? It was lucky you were in this situation to find that out.

The problem with dating a co-worker is that if it doesn't work out, you have the awkwardness of still seeing each other daily, and closure is harder. Since you're wanting to be set up with her friend, who you've never even seen a photo of, it means you're not doing enough social stuff outside of work to meet women your age on your own. Look into the site Meetup.com and see what activities are going on in your area you might be interested in. Think outside of the box of good places to meet people. I know a couple who met when they volunteered at the zoo. In the past I took dance lessons in East Coast Swing and Tango. Salsa is also fun. Those are great ways to meet women. Good luck to you!

Believe me, he will just roll his eyes at a text like that. He's 50 years old and you don't think he knows he's a jerk? Maybe you can advise him to watch Sesame Street to learn the basics of manners as well so he'll have better luck in the dating world. I'm just trying to point out how way off base you are. And to say he's a friend? Friends don't ditch one another in unsafe areas.

It also sounds like she enjoyed emotionally abusing you, telling you in detail the horrible things her mother said about you. There's never a need to relay such things to a person. We learn something from every relationship, so in this case, perhaps you'll identify red flags sooner in the future and be able to vette a little better. I know in my situation, I met my gem of a husband nine months after a year long toxic relationship. In that way, I appreciate my husband so much more after what I'd previously experienced. Take care.

His behavior has drawn you into a toxic mess of strangers contacting you. People who regularly drink to the point of blacking out are alcoholics. Is having an alcoholic partner not a dealbreaker for you? If not, attend an Al-Anon meeting to educate yourself and get insight to the reality of what your future will be like if you stay with him. Just because he's young and he's used to this partying pattern with his friends doesn't make it all right. An occasional guys night out--sure. But when people go from being single to entering a serious relationship, the ways they spend their fun time should evolve to activities that don't make a partner uneasy. You can find men who don't drink in excess. Who don't give out their phone numbers to strange women. Who don't lie about where they are going. The trick to finding him is to free yourself from a guy too immature, and lacking in good ethics, to be a good bf.

If he were a decent person (leaving you to fend for yourself in a dangerous area is the biggest show of him NOT being decent, besides ogling other women), then by all means, you could've told him bye-bye. It'll be best for you to not have a black and white mentality, and embrace the gray. At the time, you said what you said, but in hindsight, given what happened, you're allowed to change your mind is there is nothing ethically wrong with now choosing to block without a word. Ease up on yourself! If I were called out by mutual friends, i.e., "He said you blocked him out of the blue." I'd say exactly what you said on this forum and that I didn't want to waste any more time or energy on someone who behaves in this atrocious way. With your mindset, I'm guessing you're a type A personality and are very organized. Those traits can be beneficial for certain parts of your life, but in this circumstance, it's best to operate in a way you're not used to. Also, it seems you're placing other people above your own needs. Again, sometimes it's best to do that in life, such as caring for a sick loved one. In this case, you have to have your own back above a jerk. And if your mutual friends are true friends, they will understand and have YOUR back.

Any reason he's not willing to marry you is sufficient to break up (usual reasons--closing the final door on ever being with a different woman/women, doesn't want to share finances, just not that into you but is too cowardly to break up). Obviously, it's nothing he wants you to change or he would've asked. With each relationship, you learn important things about yourself and sometimes learn how to date more wisely in the future. Make a clean break, go no contact, and eventually you'll get to the healing stage and be able to begin again in your search for a lifetime partner. I can give one instance of something akin to your circumstances. I woman I formerly worked with had just gotten married when I started at that business. She told me they'd dated 7 years, and they'd had a discussion that it was either time to marry or time to break up. She didn't go into if he'd been opposed to it previously or not. But he did come in to pick her up after work once, and I got the sense she was a lot more into him than he was into her. It seemed he was trying to sabotage the marriage. For instance, he mentioned to her that I was pretty and she was peeved. And then he demanded she stop smoking, and she tried but would hide her cigarettes since she couldn't stop cold turkey. Just an example that even if he agreed to YOUR wish to marry, he'd likely begin pulling stunts like this as well. I'm sorry this has happened. Hard to realize now, but when you meet a keeper, you'll be happy you exited nowhere land when you did.

Breakups are always painful, but the key is not to stay in contact once that happens so that closure can happen more quickly and each of you can progress to the healing stage. It's also smart to not have him believing that he can argue with you about the decision and pleading with you that he'll change. So try not to show him anything that will have him thinking he can sway you, such as you saying you're so sorry, how you feel horrible, etc. Keep your statements to fact. I'd begin with: I'm not feeling what I should for this to be a lifetime relationship. If he presses for more, I'd say: The anger has eaten away at my love. I'm done and there will be no second chances. If he tries to keep engaging way to long about the subject, it doesn't mean you have to give in to that. Tell him you'll enjoy the memories that were good, wish him well, and go home. Then block him.

If it were me, and he proposed this week, I'd say yes. But then I'd say, "We just took a major step by moving in together and I just want to chill and enjoy this stage for a good year. Getting a good vibe going while we learn the best way to share space. Having fun decorating the place. Then after a year of that, we can start planning the wedding, which is fun but also stressful."

How old are you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do your parents not like him, or do they think you can't make decisions wisely to be in a romantic relationship? You're under their roof, so you will have to accept their punishment. Most young guys will lose interest in a gf they can't communicate with nor see for an entire month, so unfortunately, that problem might be out of your hands, even if you don't do the breaking up yourself.

Block him. He's not worthy of any further communication.

What do you do outside of your house and off the phone/computer? Do you hang out with girlfriends? Do you have any hobbies or have you joined any school groups? Delete/block him on every gadget. Refrain from any romance for now. You're in a mental state where you'll only be attracted to, and attract, toxic guys. Actually the secret to eventually being successful in romance is to first build a fulfilling life solo. When you have a support system of friends, have a passion for an interest/hobby/volunteer work, then you will be ready to choose a guy wisely and have standards. The guy will be someone to add joy to your life, versus a guy being the sole reason for your joy, which is never healthy. Good luck.

So what do you think is worse? The quote above, or being kept in the dark and all of a sudden find out since no exclusivity has been discussed, that he's been sharing his body with other women besides you. Or that it might take him a year or more to decide to only date you because he'll feel like a caged tiger. You're going to have to embrace, for your own good, putting yourself in the driver's seat. If you would like to be exclusive, because you want to be monogamous, plus he treats you like a priority and he's a prized partner, ask him if desires the same. If he doesn't want this after knowing you this long, it doesn't matter how much it hurts you to break up. You should, because he doesn't match you in your dating/relationship style. Because of what you've written, however, your self-esteem seems lacking so I'm not so sure he is the ideal partner who is worthy of you. The right guy won't have you feeling like this. The right guy makes you feel adored. How often does he ask you on dates (not just to be intimate)? Does he ask you questions about your daily life? Your wants and dreams? What is his relationship history? Have you met his friends? If so, what are they like? What does he do to have fun when he's not with you? How old are you two? Many women have a biological response of wanting to bond with a man when she's having sex with him, even if he's very wrong for her. Make sure this isn't the only reason you think he's a keeper.

Will she be paying for her own plane ticket, or has she asked for that money or waited for you to offer? Just making sure you don't get drawn into any scams of being an ATM machine to someone. It's a common thing for a scammer to pretend they have a connection to the prey's area--either that they've once worked there, have friends or relatives there, or that they plan on moving there for work. It's quite a distance from Ohio to Nevada. I'm assuming you'd be spending $600 or more for every trip, and you plan on going once a month? Are you really that well off that that kind of money is very doable for you? Having done OLD in the past, I'll give my own experiences. Over a period of 2 and a half years, I went on dates with about 30 men. So many times we liked each other's photos, likes each other's messages, and liked the few phone calls we had before meeting. But that had zero bearing on how the first date, or the second or third if it made it that far, went. Because reality doesn't begin until that first meet. The majority of the time, one or both of us did not feel chemistry so that was the end of that. Sometimes, both of us did feel chemistry and went on to one or more dates, but then things happened where everything fell apart. The person had lied about their dating goals. The person was mentally off. The person wasn't enjoyable to be with. I wasn't the other person's cup of tea after all. Thank God I'd never spent much for these dates, and rejected communicating with guys who lived far away, even though they tried to get me to engage after I explicitly wrote in my profile that I dated locally only. Because it's quite a process, sifting through a beach of sand to find the treasure. A lot of things have to match up: Dating styles, dating/life goals, matching ethics, matching relationship boundaries, a relationship leading to marriage or not, if it lasts, kids or no kids. If the person makes you a priority, is faithful, is financially stable, and the list of must-haves and lack of dealbreakers like gambling, drinking, etc., goes on. To me, long distance has so many cons and has a very high risk failure unless a couple met locally, and then had to briefly move away for a career or education. Takes longer to see skeletons in the closet, if there are any. Dating cannot be done at a normal pace, dooming things. You also have to wonder. If she's so pretty and has a nice personality, why hasn't she been successful in dating locally. Does she have something to hide that it'll take longer for a long distance guy to discover? Let's say you had to date 30 people like I did before finding the keeper. With long distance, that might take you the next 30 years and cost a crazy amount of money to achieve. What I recommend is to amp up dating locally, trying different ways to meet women than you've done in the past. Meetup.com is a great start. See which groups are available in your area. Do some volunteering. Environmental clean ups regularly happen in some towns. Volunteer at a zoo or museum. Take dance lessons. If she's paying her own way, then fine, let her. But being exclusive before you meet, which might take longer than you anticipate, might have you passing up golden opportunities locally. You're also emotionally investing in a fantasy, which has been going on for months and will likely go on for many more months, to have everything fizzle at the first meet. All that time and energy spent on a risky gamble could be placed on a safer bet that costs far less, locally. Good luck in finding a keeper. I know after all the frustration and upsets I experienced, that it had all been worth it when I found the right one.

Because I see some of you in how I was in the past--a self-sabotaging reel going on in the brain (I still have to stop myself when I catch myself starting to do this presently), I'll recommend a book that helped me. It's The Secret by Rhoda Byrne. Even if you don't believe in the law of attraction, the book also gives examples of how to change your thought process into changing those thoughts, giving them a more positive spin and calming the soul. My friend gave it to me many years ago, saying it changed her life, and I can definitely say it helped me in many ways. Take care.

To me, what you said in anger is minor. What he said is really telling of his ugly thoughts and his use of words are used to hurt in the worst, toxic way. You can do far better. If calling you names and insulting your character isn't dealbreaker activity to you, you're in for a miserable life, accepting this treatment from a man for a lifetime.

If you've never heard the term "outgrowing the relationship," learn it now because it applies to you. Even if you love him, and you were happier at the beginning of the relationship, that's all irrelevant now. Happy relationships involve a healthy balance of time apart, time together doing couple activities, time on hobbies and careers, and time with friends both together (double-dating and group friends) and apart. You neither like like the balance being unhealthy, nor think his leisure time is conducive to having a good relationship with you. Many people experience many romances before finally finding a keeper. Stop clinging to something that no longer works for you.

If you're saying this has happened 5 times in a year, I'm sure it's not that you're feeling the desire to escape every second of every day between say the 3rd incident and the 4th incident. I'm assuming you feel bad a day or two and then things fade and after another day or two, you've returned to an even and happy baseline. That's the way I look at any argument my husband and I have. I know we each won't feel the best about each other for a day or two, but I like having the faith of knowing "This too shall pass" and feel comforted by that. It's unknown which of us will offer the olive branch, and I like the fact it's never just one of us. That varies. I'd say to feel proud that each time you've felt the need to escape, you didn't. And then you were able to get past it and have good days in between. Maybe now that you've overcome the physical tendency to run, you can try faking it until you make it with overcoming the mental tendency to fantasize about leaving it all behind. How about when that happens, ask her to sit close on the couch and caress her hair? Watch a comedy together so you can laugh, which might drive away the anger? Keep trying new behaviors and activities, using them as tools until you see which tool works the best.

One of the most important relationship rules that should exist is that after there's a discussion/argument to resolve an issue, that issue shouldn't be brought up ever again, rehashing the same argument, over and over. There are two problems here. In your mind, you resolved the issue by cutting contact by getting rid of your app. To her, the issue is not resolved because she's assuming you're a liar. And then she keeps punishing you as if you're still committing a crime behind her back. When you stick around for this punishment, it's telling her your self-worth is in the gutter and she can continue on, since you're not going anywhere. IMO, you need to stop having the spine of a wet noodle. Tell her that you agreed to the boundary of no longer communicating with exes and if she doesn't believe you're honest about that, and if she ever brings up the past about that again, that you're not living like that and you two will have to go your separate ways.

The good thing is that she has a life besides dating and doesn't drop her friends to only focus on a man. The bad thing is that if she ends up speaking a lot about emotional baggage, and making you pay the crime for something past men have done, then how will she be enjoyable company? Instead of focusing solely on trying to read her behavior and what she might be feeling, focus on your own feelings because of how you're being treated. I'm not saying anybody's in the wrong or right. Examine if you're reasonable or unreasonable in your expectations. Examine if you want to follow her lead on how often to communicate and get together, and see if you become satisfied with it, or are left wanting. It sometimes takes time to smooth out the edges and see if two people will mesh, or if the edges stay scratchy and pointy and it's clear this is not a match. I know when I dated my future husband, he spoke of a past romantic interest who told him he was smothering her. She probably liked a lot of space. I, on the other hand, wanted a companion who had a lot of time for me, so we matched in the amount of time we wanted to get together from day one. My point is not to fear you're losing her because if you are, she isn't your match and this frees you to find the keeper. Remind yourself that your needs are important too, and that if you regularly feel anxious or upset, then don't hang on for dear life just because the woman is gorgeous. But as said, these are fresh beginnings so let things unspool and see if you two can find your way to building something special.

If it were me, I'd probably choose send a message, asking how her classes are going, and tell her a bit about the same on your end. See if she's open to a little bit of messaging and wait to see if she makes her own effort without you always initiating. And then if that goes well, maybe mention the time you usually go on campus to eat at a particular place and tell her it'd be great if she's ever free to join you.

Why would you even allow this, if he decided to on a whim, after he's shown you you aren't a priority? As alluded to, why haven't you already blocked and deleted him?

So you're really okay with dating someone, who it seems has been in a sexual relationship with a man for approximately a decade up until a few months ago, and he will continue to be her best friend forever? If so, well, you only have two choices: Do nothing, hope for the best, and get used to being a third wheel since it's obvious they are quite tightly woven. Or: Tell her if her relationship boundaries don't match yours, and that he doesn't stay in a hotel, and she doesn't stay in a hotel when she visits him annually, then the relationship you two have isn't a good match and wish her the best.

No, there is no controlling who another can be friends with. More accurately, you choose, that is if you want a satisfying relationship, a partner who shares the same views on friendships. I know there's no way I'd stay with a partner who told me of being in the same situation as your gf. If I'm reading this correctly, they were in an open, long distance relationship where when they'd visited each other once a year, they had sex. And being best friends, they likely communicate very regularly. I can't imagine anyone being okay with that. As for me, even if by some miracle I had proof that they would never cheat and all of a sudden had zero attraction, I still wouldn't be okay with that closeness. Be true to yourself. Nobody is worth you having a lifetime of upsets.