boltnrun

Is this the same guy, who you made your "final decision" about a couple weeks ago?

I wouldn't call it a "rejection". More like, he doesn't seem to feel the same way. 

I think he was thinking about orange juice. But he just got so agitated! Like, he thought I was being deliberately obtuse when the fact is what he was saying made no sense. I have noticed he has been forgetting a lot of things lately. We had talked for over two weeks about taking our cousin out to lunch on Sunday but suddenly on Friday he messaged me to ask what day we were going. He and I had also had a long phone conversation about how I got a credit on my electric bill. Two days later he sent me a text saying "Look, they are giving credits on electric bills. Here's a link in case you want to find out more." Both times I reminded him we had talked about those things already and he acted like he didn't remember. This has been going on for a couple of years. But he hates doctors and gets angry if I even suggest he see a doctor. 

6 hours ago, Der4546 said:

I’m thinking about inviting my teacher to my funeral.

I would like to encourage you to do this, because it will alert your teacher of how very serious your suicidal ideation is.

6 hours ago, Der4546 said:

I know it will hurt my family

It would devastate your family. There would be no recovery from their grief, feelings of guilt, despair, etc. If you feel bad about yourself, imagine how much worse it would be for your family if you harmed yourself. Please don't put them through that 

There are people who love you. Please tell them how you're feeling. Allow them to love and care for you. 

My brother and I love each other but like a lot of family we also drive one another nuts. 

Conversation yesterday at the restaurant:

Me: This iced tea is so strong, but my options are limited when I can't have sugar. 

Brother: How about lemonade?

Me: Lemonade has sugar.

Brother: What about fresh squeezed lemonade?

Me: That still has sugar.

Brother: (raises voice) I mean FRESH SQUEEZED lemonade.

Me: It still has sugar.

Brother: (now almost shouting)I said FRESH SQUEEZED. They squeeze the lemons right in front of you!

Me: That still has sugar.

Brother: (still almost shouting) NEVER MIND ABOUT THE SUGAR! I mean, they just squeeze the lemons and give it to you!

Me: That wouldn't be lemonade. That would be lemon juice and no one wants to drink plain lemon juice. 

(BTW, fresh lemons were not even available at this restaurant. That would be weird.)

Brother: Oh...

As the old saying goes, Oh Brother!

I'm glad you're OK. That had to be very unnerving.

21 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Oh yes I’m done for sure. 

So why do you care if he's "silent"?

On 4/9/2024 at 5:21 AM, Alex39 said:

So my mom and I compromised. I realized I was being too rigid and difficult. I decided to make all desserts that we could all eat, including his girlfriend. I was bring too harsh.  I think my mom realized that it was hard to cater every dish to everyone, so we did our best to make things for everyone. 

In the end, I think my mom saw some truth to what I was saying originally. I slaved away buying expensive special ingredients so that my brothers girlfriend could eat all the desserts. The desserts I had to make were way more time consuming and difficult. 

His girlfriend didn't even eat them the day of. My mom let her know that we specifically made them so she could have them. She didn't eat them. 

I turned to my mom and was like- next time I'm making whatever the heck I want, whether she can eat them or not...I don't think this girl cared at all. I tried to tell my mom this prior... 

This is what you wrote originally. Now you're blaming your mom? Oh boy...

You're changing your story, Alex. I quoted what you wrote originally and bolded the statements that directly contradict your latest posts. 

I presume you'll hide this thread as per usual. But please don't tell us you didn't write what we all saw. 

At any rate, it is the same old story. You're trying to do what you think your mom wants, and you're resentful of others who have what you want for yourself. I think that's so sad... you're not living your life for you, and you're wasting so much time being unhappy, envious and frustrated. That's no way for a young woman to live. 

How about you do what Alex wants? How about you forget about trying to get Mom to praise you and just do what makes you happy? And how about leaving behind the envy and resentment and go about figuring out how to get the things you want out of life?

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You're trying to talk us into believing he wants to be with you in a romantic relationship. But who are you really trying to convince?

It makes no sense to keep yourself available and attached to someone who not only said he isn't going to be in a relationship with you but who is moving far away. 

No matter how "beautiful" you find him, you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same thing.

I get you're frustrated because you haven't met anyone interesting yet. But this situation is just going to result in even more frustration and disappointment. 

16 minutes ago, Vectorland said:

What does having game mean exatcly?

It means pretending to be someone you're not. 

You're very young and it's normal to be trying to figure out who you are. 

Just so you know, I am a woman and I had no boyfriends in high school. Not one. It wasn't until I got out of HS that I started having guys like me. And I was a virgin until I was in college and so was my husband. 

Keep in mind, sexual activity puts you at risk of getting a girl pregnant and for STIs. No need to be in a rush to experience any of that. 

7 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I’m less firm with these men. And that’s out of fear they might think I’m problematic and leave

That's the opposite of confident. 

And it's probably why you're struggling. You're so focused on getting these men to like you you're forgetting to determine if YOU like THEM and if they're right for you.

I'm watching racing and for some reason it reminded me of this:

My son is a very large man. Several inches over six feet and built like an offensive lineman. One time years ago he was driving home from college. Apparently some man thought my son cut him off (which in this area is an unforgivable offense in some people's minds) so he followed him, yelling and road raging. When my son stopped his car at home this guy stopped next to him and got out of his car, demanding my son also get out. So my son thought "OK" and got out. This man saw this giant getting out of his car. His eyes slowly scanned upward and upward. My son towered over him by six inches or more. So this road rage guy just said "Um, yeah, yeah!" and ran back to his car, jumped in and drove away. He obviously realized he had chosen to mess with the wrong guy. Funny thing is, my son is a gentle giant. He seldom loses his temper. He can remain completely calm while stuck in standstill traffic for hours. He's super chill. But he's just so physically huge, he's intimidating without intending to be. That guy probably thought my son would annihilate him. Which he probably could have if he chose to.  And if someone makes him mad? Hoo boy, better watch out. I have seen him lose his temper. He can string together curse words like no one else. And if he's towering over someone he can be scary. But someone has to really do something bad to make him angry. His spouse was assaulted a couple of years ago and I know if he'd been present those people would have had serious damage. He's very protective of his loved ones. 

At one point I was unable to afford full time college tuition. I also needed to work to support myself. So I took classes at the local community college that would count toward my degree but it wasn't full time and the tuition was extremely low. I think I took two classes per semester. So I got college credits that would count toward my degree but I had enough time to also work full time. At the end of that year I applied to a four year university and was accepted and also received financial aid. 

I don't know how it all works in Romania, but in the US there are programs, grants and scholarships people can apply for. The university helped me obtain financial aid. 

Could you go abroad to work but also take online classes that would count toward college credit?

It's going to be very interesting when the sleep study results are in. Thursday night I slept a lot because I was so exhausted. Last night my sleep was of poor quality, mainly because it's super cloudy and potentially going to rain and my body always aches before it rains so it's hard for me to get comfortable enough to sleep. We'll see how tonight goes.

Tomorrow my brother and I are picking up my cousin's brother and taking him out to lunch. He's the brother of my cousin who passed away recently. He lives in a group home because has Down's Syndrome. He absolutely adores my brother so he should be excited to see him. We are making a point to take him out every so often so he knows even though his entire immediate family is gone we won't forget about him. 

You're trying to talk us into believing he wants to be with you in a romantic relationship. But who are you really trying to convince?

It makes no sense to keep yourself available and attached to someone who not only said he isn't going to be in a relationship with you but who is moving far away. 

No matter how "beautiful" you find him, you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same thing.

I get you're frustrated because you haven't met anyone interesting yet. But this situation is just going to result in even more frustration and disappointment. 

3 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

the last guy said a few things that might be insensitive but honestly most men do

No, they don't. 

I have no idea where you're meeting these men but they do not represent every single man on the planet. 

How do you meet men? On dating sites?

You don't want to be "friends". You want to be in a romantic committed relationship with him.

It's really going to hurt when he tells you in detail about the women he's dating. And hurt even worse when he tells you about the amazing woman he's fallen in love with. 

Why put yourself through that? Why not find a man who thinks YOU are the most amazing woman and who actually wants to be in a love relationship with you? You won't find him as long as you're lurking around hoping this rude, insensitive guy somehow picks you. 

So my A1c is 5.5 but my blood glucose is still high at 101.  Not super high, but it's still high.  It would appear I am not diabetic or pre-diabetic but I'll see if the doctor wants me to continue avoiding sugar.  My blood glucose was 105 a few months ago so it seems reducing my sugar intake by about 75% has had a good effect.

My cholesterol is slightly high although my triglycerides are low.  I admit to not being super good at avoiding certain foods although I do not eat fast food and almost never eat fried food.  But I do eat things like burger patties (plain, no cheese, cooked in the oven) and pork chops (baked) and baked or braised chicken.  And I snack on crackers (usually Triscuits) and sugar free protein bars and cookies.  And I do eat sugar free ice cream and pie. Probably should cut down on that.  But my overall risk is at the "low" level. 

12 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

This makes me cringe. What century is this? I'm a grandma's age, and my own grandmother wouldn't have even said such a thing, much less consider it 'helpful' to a 'support' forum.

We're not speaking of some innocent child who was somehow woman-handled for his sperm. He's a grown man and perfectly capable of managing his own sex life. Apparently, he did that just as skillfully as he's likely to support this baby. Give mama a break.

And as I said before, he's perfectly capable of purchasing condoms or getting a vasectomy if he's that concerned about being "trapped".  Or he could have just not had sex.  I think we all know how babies are made, so I doubt he's a clueless victim.  Particularly since he's already fathered multiple children.

The idea that the woman is solely responsible for pregnancy is ridiculous.  Now, if she had assured him she was infertile or had her tubes tied that would be a different story.  I've read nothing that indicates she deliberately deceived him into impregnating her.

17 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this was covered already. Is there a reason why he won't just certify and work as a pharmacy tech? He'd make decent money and gain exposure to the work environment, and over time he'd learn whether the might want to pursue the test. If he opts to do so, he'd have some money, so he could hire a tutor to help him with test prep.

She wrote he became suicidal his last year of pharmacy school. It seems the pharmacy profession is triggering to him for whatever reason. 

1 minute ago, LovelyRoses said:

Men really keep girls as backup? That’s shocking! I don’t get the impression he dating anyone serious now though, I really don’t 

Not just men. Some people do that. My ex would ALWAYS call his exes every time he and his current girlfriend got into a fight. He wanted someone to give him attention and soothing so he could feel better about himself. He also kept up contact on a "just in case" basis, in case he wanted them around in the future to use for his own purposes. When everything was going well in his life, however, or he had a girlfriend he wanted to focus on he ignored all the others. 

So yes, some people do this. You can do what I did, which was to ignore him when he reached out wanting to use me to feel better. I eventually changed my number and didn't give it to him so he could no longer contact me. Worked like a charm.

3 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I hope it doesn’t mean I’m not good enough 😕 I thought he genuinely wanted me as a friend 

Why do you jump to not being "good enough"?

How is your self esteem in general? Do you think highly of yourself? How frequently do you see your friends (real friends)? What things are you involved in socially?

You keep mentioning "suggesting" things to him, but first of all he's a grown adult and second, he wouldn't view it as "suggesting". He would view it as you telling him he's defective and you have all the answers on how to "fix" him. It would be viewed as pressure. 

From what you've written a lot of his issues are self inflicted. I can understand how he might have panicked when he realized the time to actually become a pharmacist had arrived and it wasn't what he wanted. He could have maybe said something before it got to that point but he chose not to. Then his mother threw a temper tantrum with throwing out his equipment and he threw one by moving out and living in his car. He seems to run away from issues or hope they magically disappear instead of dealing with them. While this isn't a healthy mindset it's not all that uncommon.

If he's truly suicidal and depressed he needs professional intervention. But again, that has to be his decision. Sure, you could tell him you're concerned and you hope he chooses to work with a professional but I can tell you an ultimatum will likely be poorly received. 

What you can do is decide if you want to continue to be involved in this mess. I understand you are emotionally connected to this man, but that shouldn't be a life sentence. If being in this relationship no longer serves you, you are free to leave. But if you do choose to stay please be well aware of what that will entail. 

And please step away from trying to play Ms. Fix It. You can't "fix" other people. 

How would you feel if your wife agrees to an "open marriage" and she started having sex with other men? After all, if the marriage is open that would apply to the both of you, not just you. 

Thank you.

So my doctor ordered a sleep study which I am doing at home. It's interesting. I was so exhausted yesterday I turned off the light at 9:00 pm and got up at just after 5:00 am. I probably got almost 8 hours of sleep which is extremely rare. I have to record data for two more nights. I'm curious to know what kind of conclusion the study will come to. 

Tell him you want nothing to do with him, then block him. 

Are you still seeing a therapist? If so, I advise you to discuss with them your conflicting feelings, where you go from being frightened of him to believing you "love" him. If you're not in therapy I strongly advise you to start up again.