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crazenitely

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  1. OKAY. You are the person I was hoping would respond because you experienced the same exact thing. Same with me, it's like he's my other half. The fact that she is ACTING like you don't exist tells me that she is still VERY much emotionally connected to you. She is actively trying not to notice you. She's hurt about something. I would trap her in a room and talk about it. The thing about being emotionally connected is that you can love someone with such a strong intensity but you can also be mad with that same amount of passion. TALK TO HER. One last time. Thanks for sharing your experience. You are showing me that I do need to control these emotions because in case something happens like what you experienced, I don't want to feel like I'm half of a person.
  2. No I'm not okay with being jealous or wondering where he is all of the time, or getting so excited when we text of meet up. Like I said, I want a normal relationship with him. If I knew how to control or suppress these emotions, I figure the damaging parts of the relationship would go away. But I am not taking responsibility for his wife, while everyone here is saying I need to pay the most attention to this. If she has an issue with her husband spending time with me, then she needs to work that out with him, not me. But things have gotten better because they worked it out. Like I said, we don't spend as much time together anymore. Completely agree Sometimes it's hard to say no because I really enjoy being around him. Thanks for your suggestions. I do address the jealously issue every time. Sometimes I do think our relationship is a bit unhealthy. We jokingly try to get each other jealous by saying we found a new best friend. People look at us like we are so strange when we act that way, and we are very strange, but I keep getting sucked in when I'm around him. That's why I limit our interaction to 2 times a week. 3 is too much for me because I need to keep these emotions in check. We can bicker like teenage school girls. It can be so bizarre sometimes but that's how we are.
  3. Thanks faraday! But it's on the internet, so it must be true... joking. We have no problem telling each other that we can't spend time together if one of us need to stay in. We only spend time together 1-2 times a week now and he spends more time with his wife. I'm happy for him. She is also much more open to me. So it's all good. If I feel like I'm overstepping my boundaries, I know how to back off. What I have to watch out for is not getting carried away and spending too much time together. He feels that he is the one who always initiatives spending time together so he tells me that I need to invite him over more or I need to text him when I want to hang out. If I feel like I'm spending too much time together, I just don't text him or invite him over.
  4. Actually, I came here to get advice on how to stop the strong feelings I have for him, not approval. I was hoping to get someone who went thru something similar. The article basically said those feelings are normal and natural. I just have to be okay with it, which I am learning to deal with.
  5. A lot of you criticized me for having this close emotional relationship with my friend, but I read an article that made me feel like it was okay and confirmed that a man could love a man in completely nonsexual way. Society today is so off on this that its shameful because so many men are missing out on this wonderful experience that I am currently having. Here’s the link, link removed, but I also included some quotes below: "In ancient times, men viewed man friendships as the most fulfilling relationship a person could have…. Aristotle and other philosophers extolled the virtues of platonic relationships- a relationship of emotional connection without sexual intimacy. Platonic relationships, according to Aristotle, were the ideal.” “Man friendships in many instances had a similar intensity as romantic relationships between men and women. Essentially, it was a continuation of the heroic friendship of the ancient world, coupled with the emphasis on emotion common to the Romantic Age. A fervent bond did not necessarily imply a sexual relationship; the idea that these ardent friendships in some way compromised a man’s heterosexuality is largely a modern conception.” “In addition to using affectionate language with each other, men during the 19th century weren’t afraid to be physically affectionate. Many men would give no thought to draping their arms around their bud or even holding hands” “There are several reasons why men were so damn affectionate with each other back in the day. First, men were free to have affectionate man relationships with each other without fear of being called a “” because the concept of homosexuality as we know it today didn’t exist then. America didn’t have the strict straight/gay dichotomy that currently exists. Affectionate feelings weren’t strictly labeled as sexual or platonic.” “Suburbia created other places where men could establish man friendships- the golf course, the front yard, and work. Instead of basing friendships on an emotional bond, men in the 20th century based their friendship around activities.” “Studies reveal that men who have several close friends are generally happier and live longer than men who don’t. And yet research shows the number of friends and confidantes a man has to be steadily dropping, leading to greater isolation and loneliness. Once you leave college, and especially once you get married and have kids, it becomes pretty difficult to make and keep friends. But the effort is worth it. I came to this forum to get help processing and understanding this type of love for another man, but maybe I don’t need it. Maybe what I’m experiencing is completely natural.
  6. Thanks for your response, Megs49. Please share your story. What happened and how did you control your emotions? Regarding my friend, I still love him and it sucks. I told him I loved him like a brother, but maybe it’s more. I don’t know. It’s still so confusing to me. I hate that I allowed myself to get this way because I’m pretty guarded with my emotions. Anyway, he told me he felt the same way. The good news is that he’s spending more time with his wife. I think they talked about it and she’s more open to me. She now comes out to talk to me and make jokes with me. She even comes out and have a drink or two with us. We don’t hang out as often, but when we do, it’s magical to me. I’m tired of fighting these emotions so I just have to accept the situation. I do think about him a lot and hopefully over time that will change. But it is what it is. I kind of feel foolish thinking of him so highly when I’ve only known him for 8 months, but he’s special. I want my feelings to calm down, hopefully it will with time. He’s just very special to me because of his personality - it’s so addicting. He shows me how to be myself without regrets. I am more open and more comfortable being myself around other people. As a result, I’m growing as a person and able to connect with so many other people, including my own brother, who I am trying to rebuild a relationship with after years of not speaking. This has helped me connect to old friends and make new ones. My friend still gets jealous when I hang around other people but that’s something we have to work out eventually. Overall it sucks loving someone or thinking I love him the way that I do. And it really sucks being so attached to him the way that I am. I hope with time, things will get better. But I've decided to treat him like a brother and not stop spending time with him, but be a good, loyal friend to him.
  7. I moved in summer of 2013, but we didn’t hang out until March of 2014, so it’s only been 8 months. All it took was one time going out for drinks. The feelings intensify. It’s so strange. Since my original post, I’ve tried to distance myself from him for a while, but didn’t. We spent more time together and had tons of fun. We drink, make jokes, talk about sex and girls, football, make mean, funny jokes about each other, and say the most inappropriate things. And yes, we still hug. When we hang with other people, we bring out the crazy, fun in them as well. Basically, he thinks of each other as our best friends. People tell us we act like we are in a relationship but we don’t care. I know this must sound crazy for spending time together for only 8 months, but it feels like I’ve known him my entire life. I can’t even say he’s like a brother because that doesn’t describe these feelings. I wish I had this type of relationship with the 4 brothers I have. I sometimes wonder why I can’t connect with my brothers the way I connect with my friend. That's something I am now starting to regret. I think his wife has an issue with me. She’s annoyed with me and I recently found out that she told him that she wants him to spend less time with me. Understandable, but again, it doesn’t bother my wife. We hang out twice a week, maybe three, while meet up for lunch occasionally. We text frequently - I love talking to him. He also wants me to initiate hanging out more. He tells me that I never ask or invite him over, but I’m trying to be respectful to his wife. Honestly I’m starting to dislike his wife for making me feel bad for hanging with him. She thinks I encourage his immaturity. I think she’s foolish for thinking that. I’ve been talking to a lot of people about this situation. Some people say that having this emotional attachment to each other is not healthy and other people say there’s nothing wrong with having a friend who you are close to. I don’t know. Overall, I’m happy to have him in my life. Yes I love the guy and these emotions can be uncontrollable at times. But I hope by seeing less of him, things will cool down. But we do have another issue I need to address with him – the jealousy. I want him to know that he doesn’t have to include me when he meets up with his other friends and I don’t have to include him. Yes, I do get jealous when he’s with his other friends, but I know that I shouldn’t behave that way. Also whenever I’m having a good time with someone else in front of him, he always bring it up later by making a remark that I’ve found a new best friend. And I jokingly remind him that he’s the #1 man in my life. We laugh, but it seems like this is happening more and more.
  8. Thank you all for your advice. I know what I need to do - end it. I'm going to end it myself, meaning not respond to his text, go over to his house, and just not be around him anymore. If I can't, then I will see a therapist for help. When he comes over and ask why I'm avoiding him, which he will, I'm just going to say I've been busy.
  9. Lavenderdove, WOW. That was a great response. It seems like you know me and the situation very well. I have to admit that my friend and I both have obsessive personality traits. We both talked about our addiction to things. I guess we are now obsessed with each other and it caught us by surprise. The thing is that I’ve always been “stuck” in the adolescent state. I’m a big kid. Always have been and probably always will be. While I am responsible with keeping a job, saving for retirement, and spending quality with my kids, I still enjoy playing video games, watching cartoons, and having the most fun I possible can. We both can be very immature and find humor in the most inappropriate topics. That’s part of what draws us together. But he has the biggest heart. My screen door was falling a part. Without asking or even mentioning it, he came over with his tools and fixed it. I was shocked he would do something unprompted, but also felt a little upset because he’s making it hard for me to get over him when he keeps doing these kind acts. And the thing is, he would do that for anyone. He’s always there to help people in any way without expecting anything in return, JUST like me. It’s like he’s my freaking twin. Like you recommended, I’ve been thinking about getting counseling, but I also want to tell my wife. I don’t think I should have this deep emotional connection with someone else. It’s strange because she’s okay with the relationship, not jealous at all. I would love to tell her about the feelings I have for him, and of course assure her there’s no sexual desires involved. But if I do tell her, then I fear she might not like us hanging out. So maybe it’s best to see a counselor to work things out. I’ll look into it, so thanks for that advice. As far as boundaries, we are trying. When I’m not around for like a week or two, I do much better. But when we talk and hang out, it bursts out again. I want to be able to hang out with him without these strange emotions. I love the guy too much though. UGH! I need that counselor.
  10. I need help. I have a strange, deep, nonsexual connection to a friend I recently met. I’m trying to stop these feelings, but it’s so hard because I love him. It's such a weird, unexplainable feeling I have for him I know that sounds gay, but I’m not gay. It’s making me so confused. Here’s my story: About a year ago I moved into a new condo and met a guy who I instantly knew was just like me. We are both married with kids. We are loud and funny, enjoy the same type of inappropriate humor, and we think the same type of way. When I first met him, we didn’t connect, but I knew we would. After a few months of the casual “hello”, we met up for lunch, but I had no idea that my life was about to change. Eventually we found ourselves hanging out ALL of the time, texting each other all day, meeting up several nights out of the week to drink, and workout. We went to basketball games, concerts, and bars together, and occasionally met up for lunch. I met his close friends and he’s met mines. When we see each other, we would get so excited and hug each other. We have so many similarities that it’s crazy. Sometimes it feels like he’s much more than just a friend. It’s like he’s my other half. People might think we have a homosexual relationship, I know his wife did at one point, but it was nothing like that at all. I never had a sexual thought about him. It was just a pure, instant bizarre connection that developed. To say the least, I’m in love with that guy. It’s weird, confusing and driving me crazy. The feelings I have for him are strange, and I’m trying to process it but I just don’t know how. We were becoming inseparable. He told me before that if I moved he would cry. And he told me several times that he loved me. When we were hanging out with other people, he even told them that he loved me. It’s like saying I love you is becoming normal for us and hugging is becoming normal. NEVER have I done this with a friend or even my brother. I can tell that his wife doesn’t approve of how close we are. One time, in a moment of comfort, he told his young daughter to start calling me Uncle. I mentioned it in front of his wife. She had the biggest look of disgust and I could tell she did not approve of it. She doesn’t get or like the closeness we have. She even said that the way he talks to me is strange; apparently he doesn’t talk to his other friends in the same manner. However, it doesn’t bother my wife at all. She knows him and I are close, but she is more secure than his wife. But she tells me all the time that when she’s outside, she sees him looking down at our house looking for me. I know he does that because I do the same exact thing. My life changed when I fell in love with him and I’m scared and confused. Having this close relationship with him is a blessing and a curse. A blessing to have experienced another form of love that I know is so rare and intense, yet a curse because it makes me vulnerable and confused, so I want it to end. I search online how to fall out of love with someone. lol. I also search how to stop having an emotional attachment with someone. I want to just be his normal friend and not have this bizarre connection. Let me explain further: I find myself missing him when he’s not around, thinking about him ALL of the time, getting jealous when he’s hanging with other friends. This is not normal behavior. I just want to be his friend, but it feels like he’s something more that I can’t explain. I want to be okay when he hangs with other people. He tells me that he doesn’t want to go hang out with his other friends if I don’t go. And he’s known his other friends a couple years before he met me. I want us to be okay with being separated for a long period of time. When I’m away on business trips or family vacations, he text me telling me how much he misses me. I want to text him telling him I miss him when he’s away, but I always decide not to, I don’t want our connection to intensify so I keep it to myself. But when we get back we both light up because we missed each other so much. I can’t help but to feel that way. I just control these feelings. So, I do my best to stay away, but he keeps coming around me, and I to him because we are just drawn to each other. It feels comforting being around him and it’s really hard for me to fight it. I don’t understand why my bond with him so intense and deep, much more deep than with my siblings. I don’t want it to be that way. I’ve noticed that it helps when he’s away on vacation or business trips and it helps when I hang with other people without him, I’m better able to suppress my feelings. I go hang out and workout with different buddies. It makes him jealous but I have to do it because it helps me get over whatever thing I have for this guy. But when we meet up and hang out, it’s like the world stops, like there’s no care or worry in the world. And it only makes me love him stronger than before. He lives too close for me to cut him out completely, but if we didn’t live so close, I think I would be better able to end it. I’m tired of looking out my window wondering when he’s coming home, or thinking about him all day, or getting excited when he text me. I live so close to him, why do we even text when we are at work? Why do I want to talk to him or hear from him EVERY day? He’s making me crazy in the head, because sometimes I get jealous when we’re hanging with other people. I know I shouldn’t be and that’s part of the reason I need to end these feelings. He makes me question whether or not he’s my friend or if he acts this way to everyone else. I over analyze every situation. Like when other people are around talking, it seems like he forgets about me and talks more to the other person, but that could be my emotions playing tricks on my mind. So I’m like, okay, he’s just a friendly guy and he treats everyone the same way, so there’s nothing special between us. But then I wonder, does he text other people so much? Did he ask them to go to this game before he asked me? He’s making me CRAZY. Again, I’m not gay. We never even came close to having sex, nor will we EVER do that, and that’s part of the confusion. It would be easier to comprehend if I were sexually attracted to him, but I’m just not. I read online that there is a rare type of friendship that can be very intense and filled with deep love, but can anyone give advice on how to handle it? I could REALLY use some help!
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