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  1. I’ve (24F) been seeing this great guy, J (24M), for about a month now. When we’re together, everything just clicks. We talk for hours, share laughs, and are physically intimate. The sex is fantastic and we have so much in common. He’s introduced me to his best friends, slept over a few times, took me to retrieve my car when it was towed, and makes time to see me every weekend. The thing is, when we’re not together in person or making plans, there is almost no contact. He rarely ever reaches out (an occasional Snapchat here and there), and never calls or texts unless I initiate first— although he always responds thoughtfully. I brought my concern up to him last time we were together, and he admitted that he is still healing from his last relationship. They were together for 5 years and broke up about 5 months ago. His best friend also reiterated that J really likes me, but is afraid to get closer to me because he’s not ready to let go of his feelings for his ex. He also told me that J has always been the type to wait for the girl to make the first move/make plans etc. I know this is a glaring issue, and I’m aware he has to move on and heal on his own time. He also may just want to play the field and see what’s out there considering he’s been in a long term relationship for most of his young adult life. So my question is, do I take a step back and let him deal with his feelings for his ex, and wait until he comes to me? Or do I stop spending time with him altogether and move on? I want nothing more than to continue seeing J, but me having to pursue him and the lack of communication is really getting to me.
  2. Thank you for this. I tend to romanticize and put people on a pedestal after just having met them. I need to be more in control of this. The drunken nonsense wasn't terrible, just me telling him I naturally have my guard up around new people, but I thought he was a decent enough guy.
  3. I (24f) met this guy, J (24m), at a party a week ago. After chatting for the majority of the night, he asked for my number and set a reminder on his phone to text me the next day just in case he forgot (we were both very inebriated). The next day he texted me right when his reminder went off, and we both agreed to get together over the weekend for drinks. I suggested a place and a time, and halfway thru the week he reached out to confirm if we were still on. We ended up having a great time and extending our “date” to a full blown night out with both his friends and mine. His friends all took a liking to me, and I ended up having a discussion with his roommate. I told him I really liked J, but was getting “just friends” vibes from him- mainly because he had yet to make a move or say anything remotely flirty to me all night. His roommate assured me that J had been looking forward to our meet up all week, but “is not the type of guy to make the first move”. (He also told me J likes “having an emotional connection before sleeping with someone” and recently got out of a 4 year relationship). He advised me to kiss J, so I did. From that point on, he was a lot more physically affectionate. So I guess his roommate was right. By the end of the night, we were making out pretty heavily, and he hit me with “are you sure you don’t want to come home with me?” I declined, telling him I wasn’t that type of girl, and he apologized and told me he understood (basically negating what his roommate had told me earlier). We said goodbye, and not even 30 mins after leaving the party, he texted me. The thing is, the text was a comment about my body... He then texted me again letting me know he made it home and that we would see each other again soon. I then drunkenly told him I couldn’t stop thinking about him and was frustrated about it. To which he responded, “Why is that bad?” I then responded with even more dumb drunken nonsense. He never responded after that. I didn’t hear from him for the entire next day and decided to reach out to him 2 days later apologizing for my drunk texts. He responded quickly and told me not to worry, and that he had a fun time with me and wanted to do it again. I texted him today wanting to set something else up, and I haven’t received a response. At this point, I can’t tell if I’m majorly overthinking things or if he just isn’t that interested. He did tell me during our date that he wasn’t big on texting, but when men want something, they go after it. And he isn’t even texting me back. I truly haven’t felt this strongly for anyone in quite a while, and I want to believe he reciprocates those feelings, but my intuition is telling me he might just want a hook up or is keeping me around as an option. Thanks for listening to my rant :)
  4. I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now, and things are generally going great. He’s extremely kind and considerate, treats me well, and is unlike any guy I’ve ever dated. When we first starting talking, he came on quite strong and would text me every morning and let me know I was on his mind. He would call me “babe, baby, gorgeous, etc”, and I was a little off-put by how quickly he was starting to call me these things. I think he caught on to my discomfort (probably from the help/hinting of our mutual friends), but I also think he interpreted some of my hesitation as complete disinterest. Ever since then, he’s been texting me less (once or twice a day max) and has pulled away emotionally. I have been trying to make my interest clear and invite him over more often. He’s naturally an introvert, has social anxiety that he takes medication for, and has mentioned before that he’s pretty terrible at texting. He also has a busy work schedule. Taking all of this into account, I understand that he probably just doesn’t have time and prefers not to text and engage in small talk. The thing is, I could learn to deal with his lack of texting if he were more communicative in person, but lately he just hasn’t been speaking. When we’re together he never asks me questions, never is curious about me or my life, and is perfectly content with laying next to me, cuddling in silence. Is this just how introverts are? I consider myself as more of an introvert as well but have only ever dated outspoken, extroverted men who will gladly carry the conversation (I’m more of a listener). I’m glad I’m trying something new, especially with a man who genuinely respects me, but I am going to need a bit more communication and openness from him whether it be over text or in person. I want him to feel comfortable opening up to me. I want our relationship to develop and move forward. This can’t be done if he’s not willing to talk to me. How do I bring this up without making him anxious or putting him on the defensive? Thanks xx
  5. I went out with a girlfriend on Sunday night and we met a group of attractive and friendly guys. We're all around the age of 24/25. One guy in particular stood out to me, so I sat next to him and we ended up talking for the rest of the night. He's extremely good looking, tall, has a stable career and a great personality. I immediately found myself thinking about how out of my league he was and honestly didn't expect much. Surprisingly, our conversation flowed, he seemed actively engaged, and he matched me intellectually. There was never a point where things felt forced. We laughed, flirted, got deep with one another. I've found that I'm more of a listener than a talker, but he somehow got me to open up about myself more than I usually do. He also mentioned how glad he was that he could talk to me about certain things that he couldn't with most people. So from what I experienced, I'd say we connected very well. But here's some other things that happened: 1) He asked me for my number within 5-10 mins of meeting me. He wanted to invite my friend and I to his friend's album release coming up in a couple weeks. It went something like, "Oh that sounds great, I'd love to come and support!" "Well I guess that means I need your number.. ;)" 2) Further into the night he started getting touchy. Putting his hand on my leg, tickling me, grabbing my head and kissing it before he left. We were both not being shy with the physical contact. 3) My girlfriend was also getting along very well with one of his friends, so at the end of the night, they asked if we wanted to come back to their place. At this point, I'm doubting everything we talked about, the connection we had, and his "interest" in me. I'm thinking he more or less just wanted to get laid. We politely decline and go our separate ways, this is when he kisses me on the head and mumbles something about getting home safe. I think I reiterated my desire for him to text me and let me know about the album release... but I don't specifically recall because we were all pretty drunk at this point. It's coming up on 3 days, and I have yet to receive a text from him. I didn't get his number, he only has mine. We added each other on Instagram, but my account glitched and unfollowed him 3 times in a row. I now feel extremely awkward trying to add him back for the 4th time... So I don't follow him, but he follows me. I understand I'm overthinking everything way too hard to the point where I'm driving myself insane... but that's the thing. I can't get this guy out of my head. My mind keeps going back to that night, and how comfortable I felt talking to him. Maybe I didn't show enough interest, didn't make enough eye contact, or maybe I just didn't make that special of an impression. I want nothing more than to see him again in a sober setting and get to know him better/see if there's anything there. But it's 2020, and men rarely ever follow the 3 day rule anymore, so my only thought is that he just isn't into me. But why would he ask for my number if he had no intention of using it? Were his acts of physical affection solely because he wanted to get laid, or is there a possibility that he is attracted to me beyond that? Should I take it into my own hands and message him on Instagram? Or should I just forget it and move on? Really just curious about the psychology of a man's brain in these situations.
  6. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I'm 23, he's 31. We're extremely close, each others' best friends, and live together. But our relationship is far from perfect. He's cheated on me in the past (says he didn't think we were "committed" to each other at that point. We hadn't established we were together, but it was an unsaid understanding) and is a huge flirt/extremely charming (borderline narcissist). Basically, it's been a very rocky relationship, and he's constantly doing things to break my trust (messaging girls on social media, having an unusually large amount of girl friends, going out on the weekends, blacking out, and refusing to answer my calls/tell me where he is, etc.etc.). I already know that this relationship is doomed, and I need to man up and get the hell out of it, but for now, please just bare with me as I continue to be stupid :) He recently started a new job that one of our mutual friends helped him get, let's call her Sam. Sam, my boyfriend, and I used to work together at a different job, and I've always been bothered by their relationship. One night we were all out for a friend's birthday, he took some molly, and could not stop staring at Sam's breasts. Like literally, was so entranced by them that he leaned over and whispered "Oh my god, Sam's boobs" to me (????). For the rest of the night she was trying to get him to continue staring at her boobs (seductively dancing, beckoning him over). It was the most uncomfortable situation, and I was pissed. When we got home, I saw that he had texted her "omg your boobs" and she had just replied with an "lol". It was such a stupid situation, and obviously the molly had something to do with it, but to this day I cannot get over it. She has a boyfriend, he has me, but in all honesty, I don't think that would stop either one of them if the conditions were right. Ever since he got the new job, they text constantly (he says it's just work related stuff, but I doubt it), and he's been spending more time on his phone than being present in the moment with me. And I hate it. I hate that I can't even be happy for him and his new job because of Sam, and I hate that I literally get anxiety every day when he goes to work. Side note: They meet at her house and carpool to and from work together every day which really bothers me too. Most of the anxiety comes from me assuming that the more time they spend together, the closer they'll get, and that they'll be going to happy hour and work events together and getting drunk... which will result in cheating. The other day they were talking about bringing their SO's to work events, and both agreed that they don't really like to because they feel as if they need to babysit them or make sure they're having fun/doing okay. I took this as they're both trying to separate themselves as much as possible from their relationships while at work. At this point, I'm at a loss. I'm truly not ready to move on from this relationship yet, and I want things to get better between us. But my insecurities and jealousy about my boyfriend are literally turning me into an anxious mess. I find myself resenting him more and more, unable to even pretend like everything is fine anymore. I want to be happy for him and trust that he will do the right thing if she comes on to him, but I just can't, at least when alcohol is involved. I know I need to talk to him, but he'll just tell me my concerns are ridiculous and I'm being unreasonably jealous. Soooo, what would you do? How would you bring it up? What would you say if your SO became defensive of your concern? Am I indeed being too jealous and assuming too much? I know there's no easy way to handle this situation other than leaving him, but please at least try to help a girl out. Thank you
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