RayKay

I cannot stress this enough....but: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE wait. Really. I was only 13 when I lost my virginity, and really, while I can't say I "regret" it....I REALLY REALLY wish I had waited until I was with someone who was more special to me later on. While I cared about my bf a lot at the time....I still really wish I had waited (and I still think this 12 years later). You are so young, and have so much time in front of you. Wait. It will be far more special, and far more fun if you wait. I am sure your bf cares about you, but if he really cares he will respect you for waiting. If he does not, then he does not deserve to be with you - his hormones are still raging away. If you have any questions please PM me, and I am not trying to sound like a mean adult, but I have been in your position, and really - you really really should wait.

Alright, well how about I take a stab at it...though take it with a grain of salt. I am sure you are waiting for a response from someone though! Given her experiences, it sounds like your ex/friend is very insecure about herself, and also very possible she has very jaded views on love and what it is like to really be loved. Maybe she does not feel "good enough" to be deserving of the good love from a "real man" (such as yourself. If she expects disappointment, she cannot be too surprised when it happens, you know. Her ex that cheated on her does sound like a jerk, and I can definitely understand your concern. Problem is he has probably manipulated her emotionally to the point where she still feels "dependent" on him which is masking itself as "love". While he may have not physically abused her...from your explanation I would say there is a lot of emotional/verbal abuse in that relationship. As to what you can do, I would approach her calmy, or maybe in a letter, since you are friends still (sorry it did not work out between you two, but you never know in future....sometimes we break it off with people we are most scared of falling for..believe it or not!) and voice your concerns. If she is determined to get back together with him there is not much you can do - but she will get her heart broken again if she does. I hope they can BOTH go to counselling if they choose to do this over again, but it seems like her ex enjoys having someone under his control like that. Honestly, I think she needs some time on her own - OUTSIDE of a relationship for a while. She needs to learn she does not need to settle, that she is a strong person who should not take that crap from someone else. She does not NEED anyone else, only then can she truly be with someone else. I think everyone needs at some point in their life to learn to be on their own and become more independent before they can commit (this is what my own ex is going through right now, though he is aware of it) and I really think your ex could benefit from some solo counselling whatever happens, and learn to love herself. Only then will she know she can demand respect and deserve the very best - and that no one should take advantage of her as she has been with her past exes. Best of luck.

It is up to HIM to regain your trust and your security in him. If he does not make that effort on his part, and you have any doubts, well listen to your own heart - do you think he could change? He obviously has some insecurities about himself too to need that "validation" outside the relationship. You are not wrong to have doubts, he broke your trust, and if he wants to be with you again he will have to regain it. What he can do I am not sure...but he has to be open, communicative, explain why he did it, why he won't again. I would not treat him with mistrust, but explain your fears. Don't let him walk all over you...but act as if you can do just fine without him anyway. It does seem that he really does want to talk..and was quite upfront about that. And it all depends on how strong YOU feel. If he is feeling pretty low, it is possible he might not contact you again for a while, but if you want...you could probably reply to his text. And if you DO want to talk - set it up to your own terms, what time suits you, your time frame etc. I would say that if you DO get back together, you might want to make a few sessions of couples counselling a condiition - it might help you both. Depending on why he cheated, it is possible he never will again - while there are countless people who "never change" there are some who do - depending on the circumstances (was he not happy, was he scared of commitment, was he feeling un appreciated, insecure, etc). Your ex maybe one of those who really DOES change and you both could come back stronger. But you both have to put in effort together to rebuild - which is why I REALLY think counselling will be very good for both of you - even if you choose to do it solo each of you to vent more. Good luck, whatever path you choose.

Well I am an anyone....I would say if you feel you need it, then sure. But are your conversations with her so far alright, and positive? If yes then I am not sure you need to go no contact unless you are still hurting pretty bad about it all? No contact is about helping yourself after all. Go with what you feel is best for you, if you are talking though and feel good about talking to her, let her maybe know you will not be very available the next couple weeks - you have some things to "take care" of in your life before you leave or something. You could just try limited contact, maybe talk once a week or just once before you see her or something?

You know...you said you talked to him before and he seemed interested in talking to you & glad to hear from you. I think it would be very good in that case to apologize. And you know...even if you never get back together, perhaps you can have a good friendship You will never know if you don't open the door to it!

That latter part, that is exactly what I have realized with my own situation. The lines of communication are open, he knows my feelings for him...but he has to come to his own decisions. I am supportive, but not enabling and while I am not giving up on him, I am not giving up on myself in the process. I think we often sometimes here say "what is WRONG with them (our exes)", "why do they need space", "if they love us why are they leaving". The truth is, I think they are really NORMAL for being this way. I think it would be be more unusual not to fear the future, the forever. It can be a very scary thing for someone to say "I love this person more than I thought I could, being with them could be forever". That for many leads to "I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to fail them, or this relationship. I don't know if I am ready for this responsibility". It is easier for us to think they are screwed up somehow, but really, I would be more fearful if they DID NOT HAVE DOUBTS! I mean, then I would really think they were not thinking seriously about it all and were treating the whole "forever" lightly. The fact is the future, marriage, committing yourself to someone forever is a very serious thing - it not a lifelong sleepover or honeymoon! I think sometimes a relationship requires both people to step back from it to continue. Sometimes the step back may not mean breaking up, but sometimes it does - for weeks, months, even years at times! Sometimes that gives us more clarity, helps us see what really is going on, what we want, what we lost..what is important. Sometimes our exes start letting their doubts overrun their feelings for us, and start to try and convince themselves to leave/get out. Sometimes it takes them a LONG time for them to let those doubts give way for the true feelings to get through again. And time apart sometimes lets that happen..otherwise they just keep the barriers up. I know someone who broke up with his gf as the relationship was the easiest thing to let go of in the stress of his life. It took him two months to realize what he truly felt about her, and everything ended up leading back to her. They have been married 21 years, he calls her his best friend, and really credits her for their reconciliation - in that she did not shut him out, and stayed strong even though it was tough for her. So let her know of your feelings, but also don't be too available. Move on, but don't close yourself off to her either. Keep the lines of communication open if you can - if she contacts you and you are strong enough to not talk about the relationship by all means talk to her. Let the pieces fall where they may, and don't push or force anything into place. It will happen as it is meant to. And what S&D said about inner peace is bang-on...happiness comes from ourselves, not from others. Some of us need time alone to find that. Some people never find it. Some always seem to have it - those people who seem to shine from the inside no matter what. My ex is on his own adventure to find that out for himself...and when he does, who knows what will happen. Don't close doors.

When he is drunk, his mind is probably more open to the usually subconscious thoughts and not so easily pushed away. In the day he can think "I am so mad, I said I never wanted to talk to her again". When drunk...he feels the pangs of being alone and missing you. My ex used to drunk dial me when we WERE together if I was not out with him, and honestly I still sometimes wish for him to do it now too (and he does sometimes...but I find if I am still up and around at 2 am on a Friday/Saturday I am sort of wishing he would call!). Mainly because the conversation is always pretty darn funny. We are friends though now though and see each other otherwise, so I guess it is different. For you, I would say it is because the stuff he tries to supress comes up.

tiger_lilies Do you mean he gave up after you broke it off too soon?

Is that in the self-help section? Sorry, could not resist. I just rarely see great literary works quoted on well, sites such as this!

Bingo. Well said, for your first post! I know exactly how rich is feeling, because I feel much in the same position as he is, though he is probably farther along then I! I too know that if there is a chance of reconciliation it will be months - in fact at least a year - down the road for certain reasons and so until then friendship and creating positive moments is the best I can hope for - establishing the strong friendship in the meantime, keeping the lines of communication open, the pressure off and hoping in the end that the positives we have together can outweight his own fears of failure in a long term relationship (which are a big issue for him right now) as he learns to trust himself and his own heart again. I know I am the right one for him, and he is the right one for me.....but sometimes even when something is great and the seeds are there, we screw up in figuring out what to do with it all! All that is holding us back right now is his own fears of "forever" and failure, for all we both remember and think of now is the positive we have/had together and the good in each, and I have already seen and addressed what I should of done differently. Sometimes people are too eager to rush things - I think rich has shown his ex he does truly love her, as he is still around but he also respects himself. Sometimes those exes who ran away for space are so insecure, and feel so undeserving of love, that what they need is for that person that loves them to prove them wrong. Not with pressure, but by showing their own strength, by not "giving up". Of course, every situation is different and there are some exes who are truly lost, but as I said before, we know our exes best and our own hearts best

If they broke up with you for space - not because of you, I don't think it will make a difference...HOWEVER, it will give you a lot more confidence in yourself, and that is attractive to anyone. Though again, if their cause was space, it is still not exactly going to help...but who knows. In my case, it would not help...PRE breakup I was cycling (mtn & road) about 250-350 km/week plus 4.5 hours of yoga a week....anymore than that post breakup and I would have to quit my job for the time! I am still doing same training schedule for most part. I am already in really good shape, but I am more motivated to kick butt in racing now to impress him more sometimes - since we are still riding/racing buddies & teammates. So since he sees me regularly anyway I don't think I could have any "dramatic change"! But do workout, it makes you feel good about yourself, and it is good to have another hobby!

I know exactly how you feel - I am not going to write it all since it is too much. But in my case we are not on break...but break up. There are hopes on both our sides for a second chance again in future (as in a year from now or more) but in the meantime friendship is all that can be promised. Like you, it was an awesome relationship, and I love him with all I have...but he is just not ready for so many reasons for that and started to pull away and pick fights with me. In my case, and perhaps in yours...they start looking for a way out, and pick fights over stupid things, or start looking for negative even if there is none. I am not sure of your guy's history, but mine has almost always been in relationships, and he really needs to stand on his own two feet and gain some inner strength before he can fully commit. He has only recently realized - through talking to me and post breakup, that the problems really are him, and not me at all as he knows I am awesome. He misses me and loves me, but knows he needs to be alone for a while before he can be ready and there for anyone else. He is going through a mid 20s crisis, and it does hurt me, but I support him and am working hard to keep the friendship, and keep my foot in the door for the future we are both "open to" at this time. Fingers crossed! My advice to you - if he needs to go, let him go. If you don't, he could resent you later on and you will go through this again. If he is to be with you, wouldn't you want him to be fully committed, his heart totally into it - ready to get through the problems? If my ex came back today....I am not sure I could accept it, because it has not been long enough (though I am lucky in I know he has set himself a year of singleness (some dating, but NO relationships with anyone). So, if he needs to, let him go. I know it is very hard, but you can't hold on to someone who needs to be alone. Sometimes it is just a matter of time, and they come back again later...sometimes not. Whatever is meant to be will be. You don't have to shut him out of your life entirely - keep the lines of communication open, but don't give pressure and let him be. Trust in the love you share to be strong enough to go through the distance. I know it is really hard. I really do. But don't give up faith in yourself, and your love. Respect his decision whatever it is. Even if it kills you inside. If the love is strong, he won't forget about you. Be strong, and good luck. Oh, and you can do what I do and also pray the dating pool is really really swampy and/or he wakes up one day in the future and realizes how damn stupid he REALLY was! (Mine already knows he is mental/dumb...but still feels he has to do this anyway..sigh!)

Each situation is so different and every person is so different. I am sometimes criticized by others (and on here too) for defending my ex, and being defensive of his actions. But I am not defending his actions as much as I am defending HIM and his right to make those decisions for himself, because while I can try and explain what has happened or who he is, it is I who know him. I respect his decision, and understand it is part of a journey he needs to take. I want him to be with me fully ready, KNOWING he wants to be here - not out of guilt, or a fear of leaving. No one is perfect, and he is included in that, but I truly do believe in him, and trust him. I know this is not easy for him either - like your ex, he is confused, though he is starting to see, through talking with me as well, what is truly the issues that are holding him back. Sometimes, like you, I get frustrated and want to give up. But I can't - I imagine you are much the same and you just believe in the best in people, and don't give up on those you love. There are many people we can be compatible with, but far fewer whom we can truly grow and develop with as well. I am not into "replacing" what I have...I want to strengthen and build what I do have, and right now the way to do that is through this friendship - sometimes yes I think it would be easier to walk away, but it would not be true to myself or to my feelings. I have faith one day, his heart will open up, and he will truly be ready to follow it. And you are right, whatever does not break us, makes us stronger. Both individually, and together. Love does not always follow a straight path as society has told us it should - each relationship is different and it's own journey. To get the rainbow, you must get through the rain Good luck. Remember, you know your ex better than anyone else here, and you also know your own heart. Follow it. For others, your heart is not just about your emotions, feelings....but about what you truly feel when everything else is still.

Hey rich... I have not commented on your situation before, but I have read plenty...and I really don't think there is anything wrong in what you are doing. While some people prefer to move on and close the chapter in their lives...for others (myself included) as long as you are alive, and they are alive, there is always hope. Similar to you, I still talk to my ex, and we hang out and have a wonderful, GREAT time together. He has commented that things are so great, if they were like this before we would be together! Only they were not, as he was just soooo not ready to take that big step forward with me..that leap of faith in a relationship where you just throw your heart in and go with it. He still has too many fears, still feels he cannot trust his heart - he was hurt in the past, and lost that trust in his heart and started to try and sabotage it to find the way out. He is afraid of failure - afraid of giving everything he has and failing, and while we all have to overcome that, he just can't. I am hurt yes, but I also trust in him, and I trust in what we have together. The love is there between us both - but it comes down to timing - he is just not in the same place I am in yet, he is not ready for forever, and forever still scares him - he does not want to fail! But the idea of never seeing me again scares him too. He really needs to find his inner strength, and learn to trust in himself and his heart again. In the meantime, we are working on a friendship. Sure we talk about these things sometimes, but more than that we try to just make the each time we are together and enjoy them fully. I give him space, time, and he knows how I feel. Sure it can hurt down the road to be "rejected" again, but at least you can honestly say you gave it your best and you followed your heart. I will be very heartbroken if we do not work out in the end, but I know he would be too, and I am sure that the same is with you and your ex. Sometimes, time is what is needed. Around here people often talk of days, weeks, months...but it can take longer. Right now, I am looking at if anything happens between us...at LEAST a year (and that is comforting too, because I know he will not just be "rebounding back" to me). And that is hard to deal with sometimes...but then I put it in perspective. If at the end of it, something grows from this friendship again, it will all be worth it. If it does not, at least I will have known it was never meant to be, and I can accept that - but I gave it my all. Right now, I can't accept it is never meant to be...because I KNOW we are meant to be together, I feel it deep in my heart...and if I walk away forever, take my foot out of that door, I will truly be letting down myself too. I know I cannot "wait", but I also know my heart will not be ready for anyone else for a long time, and not until I give us a fair chance again...or at least know for sure the chance will never be there. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you.

Be careful, don't rush her into anything or well, she might end up a few months into the serious relationship "needing space". Then you will be back here amongst the lovelorn again. Gack. Take it slow, be her friend. Don't push, be independent, but let her come to realize you are reliable and true. Be yourself, she will see that without you telling her! Sometimes yes, we all say "we are not ready" either to avoid hurt...or because we really are NOT ready (as my ex wasn't..though he forgot to tell me until it was too late as he hoped he would be!). If it is meant to be, it shall be. (I seem to be saying this a lot lately).

NM

It is not always the females who are like that - I know I am not anyway! Problem is I tend to just love too damn much sometimes. And it is my ex-BOYfriend who is doing the same thing.....he actually said to me "you are TOO good, and I am just NOT ready to settle down yet, I can see you here now, and in the long term - but I need to be alone in the middle!". Ack. "These foolish games are tearing me apart"

Thanks vital coaching - GREAT post, I sent you an email with more blathering...."lucky" you I think you are SPOT on.

Not sure why, it was just one of those mornings where you wake up that way - where you sort of forget until you get into that semi-conscious state that you are no longer with him. It really hit me this morning how much I wished I was waking up in his arms I am honestly wishing for either of these powers right now: #1 - The ability to read my ex's mind #2 - The ability to predict the future with my ex (as in there is not, or there is!) Both obviously have some pros and cons (I think there are some things you are better off not knowing in either case!) but I guess either too could at least let me have an idea of where I stand. Of course, we know that even what is predicted in the future cannot account for free will. I think I would have to go with #2 anyway though if I had to pick, mostly because while I cannot READ my ex's mind, I do know him very well and he has commented as well that I am very insightful. Some days I just have so much faith, and I just feel so good about things. I am confident things will work out in the end - I can't explain it, but I just KNOW it. If things continue as they have been, we will have a strong friendship, which could be a very powerful base for anything else in the future and when we are together we have a wonderful time together. Friendship is the base of any great relationship IMO. When we spend time together, no matter how brief, it is like everything is just right, and feels right. Even he has said to a friend that things were so great between us, and if they were like this before we never would of broken up! We both know how things COULD be and SHOULD of been. We both hope things can work out, but of course it depends on both of us in this time apart too. Sigh. Then the next day, I start letting those "other thoughts" into my head - what if he finds someone else (though he stresses he is going to be single for at least one year (his own personal goal) unless it is me and when he is READY I will be first to know), what if he decides I am friends only (again he says no, as he is attracted to me, and the circumstances of our breakup are not me at all), I think about him dating casually eventually and it makes me squirm (he wants to have "bad dates" and all those single experiences he feels he has never had), what if he never wakes up and realizes how stupid he was for letting me go (though he already admits he is dumb). I just want him to wake up one morning and KNOW he wants me, you know? I am doing LIMITED contact, not no contact as given the situation we are both in that is almost impossible anyway. I have to see the ex tonight at a race even, and in two weeks I will be spending weekend with him at a race out of town, and then going away in July with him for 6 days too - just us! Every time we are together it is great, but then it is also really confusing afterwards. When I am with him, as I said all is great, but then afterwards I limit my contact - only respond to him contacting me and as you all know, it is hard. I just really wish I could read his mind/see future. While it might not be "good" news, at least I would know for sure Meh.

I have questions! All you just said totally makes sense, and is some of the things I have seen around before, and I can DEFINITELY see how it works. Do you have any certain recommendations for the homework/reading and planning? I am definitely planning and scheming for my own ex's return! We are on good terms, and do have some fantastic positive moments together, and I know that he is definitely "open" to something again in the future (he has some of his own issues to work on right now which were the reason for oour breakup in meantime though so he is ready to open his heart/mind again) so I guess those could be advantages. He already knows in retrospect that it was "him" and his issues that really forced us apart, but I can also see how I fostered those issues with my own emotional dependence. At this stage, we both know how things SHOULD of and COULD of been, and both have hopes of things working out in the future between us. I just want to know how to work those advantages a bit more in my favour! Thanks in advance!

Swede, I would say if you are comfortable with the NC right now, DON'T call him back. If he is a TRUE CP his line "If I don't hear from you I guess we won't." is his way of trying to get back some control again. And if you don't call him back, I guarantee he will call you back. It might take another month, or less or more, but he will. Heck, he might do it in a week to make sure you "got the message"! Your situation is different than mine as you have said he does not see there is any problem with his issues and has made no moves to try and confront them. If he was true about confronting his issues - he would make sure he spent a lot of time alone right now and did NOT get into another relationship and do his own self-recovery, or he would be seeing a therapist, etc. My ex is confronting his issues (insecurities, temporary aversion to commitment, fear of trusting his heart) right now too, he admitted he has a problem, he admitted he KNOWS it is not me AT ALL, and that he is dumb for being this way! He is not going to go into another relationship (with me or otherwise) until he is absolutely ready and knows he has dealt with these things. If we do get back together, I am going to make sure that we also go to counselling from the start, even if things are great! He is dealing with his issues by recognizing he is the problem, and not going to hurt me or anyone else in the meantime until he is ready. We are still in contact though, and friends, and honestly things between us are great without the pressure of a relationship and we are even closer than ever, but the point is I know he is addressing these things, and I will NOT take him back without seeing a change and KNOWING there is change and that he is committed to making it work. We are both open to something in the future (and if things continue as they have been it is a possibility) but again, I need to see change. And I need to heal and work on myself as well. It is still confusing for me, but I am kind of glad I did not go NC, simply as our times together since the breakup have really shown him what he is missing too, and how things could be/should of been without his issues - because truly, we do have something wonderful there. We have a trip in July together for 6 days, I might try and go NC for just a little while after, see if the saturation of togetherness followed by the withdrawal can get him to sort out his feelings - I know NC is about healing YOURSELF, but honestly, I think each case is different too. I am healing, though I still care deeply about him and love him, and as I said, I think this has been good for both of us, in showing us what things are SUPPOSED to be like and COULD be like if he gets his act together! The contact IS tough for both of us I think, but it is also allowing us to regain that emotional closeness, without the stupid fighting from his issues, and without the emotional DEPENDENCE that was in part caused by me too and I am working on myself. With the contact, we have been able to both see things clearer through this "friendship" as to what was missing/wrong in the relationship itself. If that can continue, I think we both stand a good chance at a future - but of course I still fear all the bad that can happen (I guess I can be sometimes jaded when it comes to things like that!) Sorry, enough about me! Back to you - it sounds like for you the NC is helping, and it sounds like your ex definitely has not made the steps to confront his issues. I can 95% guarantee if you don't call him, he will contact you again. He might get in another failed relationship first, but he will call you again. And just MAYBE, when he does call, you will notice a great change in him. But a month is way too soon for him to have "changed" miraculously since as you said he would rather pretend everything was completely normal. However, if you are strong enough to handle it, and be in control of the conversation go for it. Keep it casual, light, if he talks about the relationship - well you can let him but don't return the sentiments/insights, act cool and collected - as if it is good that he has had these realizations but you are moving on (through action, don't tell him you are moving on!). Good luck, let us know what happens!

Bleeder: Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. -- Derek Walcott

Well, I am a woman but I think I might be able to relate somewhat to the story, though the insensitivity is not directly from a partner - but I might be able to give SOME insight anyway. I was in a serious relationship with someone for 5 years. In June of 2002 (almost 2 years ago now) he died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage after 5 days in a coma - at the age of 25. Obviously, it was a horrible experience for me - not only the loss of my partner, but the loss of my planned future. And many of my friends, mostly are joint friends, could not cope with it. What seemed to be insensitivity on their part was just not knowing what to do, or what to say, or how to help. I lost some friendships because it was too hard for them to see me without him, and while it might seem insensitive, I kind of could understand. I think your ex just did NOT know how to handle what he was feeling. I am going to take a guess that he was likely very scared too, but did not want to seem weak. I just don't think he would of known what to do, or how to deal with it. Sometimes if people "avoid" things, it is easier to think they are not happening. Maybe he was afraid if he broke down in front of you, he was not being supportive for you. While I did not talk too much of my deceased partner with my recent ex, I knew that even if I did he would have a hard time knowing what to say since he could sympathize, but not empathize as he had never been through anything like that. I did not think of it as being insensitive though, just not having any experience with it. I cannot say if you did the right thing or not - honestly I think sometimes there are no right things either - sometimes we try to justify it as the right thing (which is what my ex is doing!) when it really isn't....if you feel that things can work out between you two, then keep the lines of communication open and best of luck. If not, maybe you did make the right choice. Just keep in mind, that sometimes those that seem emotionally void are actually hurting and feeling far more than they let on - they are just very good at hiding it out of fear of being hurt, or rejection, etc.

Well when we were together we did say it a lot and often he was first! He has never said it would put pressure on him - I just think it COULD. Even when he broke up with me he said it. Heck, my break up was pretty out of nowhere as all seemed just fine! Sheesh. I don't think the thought or feeling itself puts pressure on him, but if we are "just friends" I don't feel right saying it. I think you should maybe wait, it seems like you feel bad everytime you do contact him...so wait until you are strong enough.

Okay, well he has also said that he is not even interested in casual sex, nor is he interested in casual dating. Maybe months down road 1 or 2 dates, but nothing serious. When I asked why he could not date me in that case - because it would be too easy to slip back into a relationship wit me. The whole purpose of the exercise IS for him to BE ALONE, and NOT be "dependent" on a gf as he feels he has been for last 7 years (with others too, not just me). He feels like he almost cannot be single since he has never been so! He has actually considered going celibate for a while (and I know he can and will do this if he wants as he has done it before by choice). The reason he talked about not looking for another gf is because I expressed that I wondered if he would just end up back in same situation again in 3 or 4 months with another girl, because sometimes things just happen. I do not approve of this whole thing and what it did to me, and he knows that well. I have told him I think he is being immature, and he knows this too. The reasons for him to change and why he would is because he DOES want a relationship - he does not want to feel like he has to run from them, and does not want them to keep failing. His impetus for changing is that he DOES like being in relationships, but he wants to be in it not because he NEEDS it, but because he WANTS it. He KNOWS I am not okay with him sleeping around or dating others - trust me, I made that clear! And that is not really his intention at all. It is just the fact that it is no longer on between us and him that that is a possibility. He also knows I am not waiting for him...I have NEVER said I was going to wait for him..ever. And for last part...taking back. I honestly WOULD NOT take him back unless I KNEW he had changed, and was willing to go to counselling too with me before ANYTHING happened between us again. If he came to me today and asked to come back I would say NO....because I know this would happen again in 6 or 8 months (and he knows it too, he has said so, and has said he will not come back for that very reason yet). Look, we have always been honest with one another. I know these were issues he had before too halfway in, but I did not let him have the space and time he needed to deal with it - I wish I had, and told him so...but then he also said he was glad he did not break up with me then as he would not of realized the issues were with HIM, and would of just thought it was me anyway. And also, he would never of really gotten to know me as he has either. We were honest before, and we are honest now. If there was NO chance, he would ditch me and not even want to be my friend. If he wanted me as a safety, we would be "sort of dating" but we are NOT sort of dating!