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RayKay

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  1. RayKay
    In my own peer brackets, the stigma for it already has been lost. Many people use the internet for social networking, including meeting others online. Personally for me, I also don't care if others feel somehow it is "less worthy", since I know for me that I do have social skills, and friends, and several interests, but online dating was another thing to add to the mix to meet OTHER people than I was meeting normally. And it worked wonderfully for me, so the results of it were WELL worth the stigma others may attach to it And neither my boyfriend or I are social pariah's!
  2. RayKay
    Yeah, there are so many beautiful stones that I would actually PREFER to a diamond, as they are more unique to see in an engagement ring. Something different from everyone else, and more personal to me! For example my birthstone is a ruby, so that would be a great idea for me, or the stone that signifies our anniversary month for example. Smaller diamonds that are less "perfect" are also a more affordable option. Have you decided from your last post now you are going to get engaged????
  3. RayKay
    I can see her concern, if she is the one that has to support you both right now and she sees this as her future forever if nothing changes. She needs to see that you are equal in this relationship. She is probably resentful and stressed. I do think you both rushed into this, without thinking it through, but now you are married you do need to show you are committed to this. Why don't you take a less glamorous job and put yourself back through school part time to get a degree/diploma and improve your opportunities?
  4. RayKay
    What is attractive to me, is not attractive to someone else. You can't just generalize that women go for "good looks" only, because how do you determine what good looks are? I have dated men of all shapes and sizes and looks. Some were not attractive initially, but as I got to know them I was mad for them. Some were very good looking, but I found after a brief period that I was not attracted to them as their personality was dry or horrible. So sure I need to be "attracted". Men need to be attracted to the people they go for as well. But "what" is attractive varies greatly from person to person.
  5. RayKay
    Dawn, Sounds definitely like he was more hung up on the idea, than the reality. I had an ex whom was hung up on an ex he dated for 3-4 months whom cheated on him, like every guy she had cheated on before. She got engaged shortly after and was cheating on him too.....yet he still thought she was "perfect". It was an impossible ideal to live up too...and you wondered what he was smoking! Losing a loved one is VERY hard, and it is very unique when it is a spouse/partner. I had a boyfriend of five years die when I was 22 and I felt my whole life was rocked to the core. But I cannot imagine feeling that after days together, or even feeling that it meant life was over. Sounds like he used it more as a reason to justify living a painful life, rather than learning the lessons of loving every day, and living to the fullest.
  6. RayKay
    GREAT topic Batya! I really DO believe it is the little things that matter. Even more recent events with my boyfriend have made me also realize how much it is those little things that matter to him as well, and make him feel loved and appreciated. I know it is silly, but one of the sweetest things he did in the last few months was this: we had gotten new wardrobes, and I could not hang up my jeans as we were out of hangers, so I had just folded them and put them on the shelves for the time being. He noticed this, and one day I came home and he had just bought be a huge pack of hangers. I know it is so simple, but it does show that they pay attention and notice these things, you know? To show the reciprocal side, I always fold his stuff if I am doing laundry. I noticed that he would always unfold and refold the pants though as he had this particular way he liked doing them....so I started doing it that way and he stopped refolding them As you know, we had some difficulties as he was feeling taken for granted in the sense of the little things which I neglected to do due to my own busy-ness and silliness. Those little things that make him feel appreciated, and that we are working towards a common goal. And that is about ACTIONS, from little to small, and not just deep conversations, and statements and words. He does not have to know absolutely every detail, nor do I have to of him, but I think being able to notice things, and be grateful/show you appreciation for them, and to also DO those little things that show you think of them goes a LONG way. I also feel more bonded by playing together, having fun and when we do our shared interests together.
  7. RayKay
    Verbal contracts are still binding, even if harder to prove. It is good you DO have a history of work with this guy, as that shows the court that you do have a working relationship. And keep the correspondence that says he is going to pay you (but can't right now) as that shows he ALSO knew there was an agreement.
  8. RayKay
    Small claims definitely, depending on where you are they can be from $5,000-25,000 limits....make sure you have all your records of the entire deal and correspondence with the client. Fees to go to small claims are not that bad, relative to getting the money back. A couple hundred maybe? Most people self represent and the court mediates the claim. And if you had a contract for him to pay you for the work, and you did the work, you have a VERY strong claim as he is the one breaching the agreement. Many times he may have to pay a bond to the court and the award would come from that, so don't fret about "not getting" the money, he will have to work something out with the court if he does not pay it.
  9. RayKay
    I like to play around too and have some silly fun, but I don't baby talk...I am with you on that one that I find it very uncomfortable. For babies still learning sounds okay to a degree as there are studies that show the softer inflections and sounds are soothing for them. But for intelligent, grown up boyfriends....no I suspect part of her shifts will be a mood disorder, be it bi-polar or something else. I had a friend in high school whom had these dramatic shifts too. I am a bit worried about how she responds to concerns though, by just becoming passive aggressive and saying "fine, I won't". It is a bit like playing the wounded animal being bullied by the mean wolf, you know? Not very effective as it probably leads to resentments. I don't know, but there seem to be more issues here than baby talk, including her events with other women, passive aggressiveness and mood swings. Do you think you are really compatible if there are so many things you DON'T like about her?
  10. RayKay
    Hmm, sometimes when you take a partner to meet the family, it gets you thinking about the future, and whether you can see them "fitting" into your life, family, in the long run. It causes you to analyze things. Someone did the same thing to me after meeting one of my ex's family for the weekend; like you it went well and they liked me, and me them....and we had fun, but after that weekend he got distant and we broke up a couple weeks later. Still never really knew why, except he felt something was missing. But, this does not mean it is the case with your boyfriend, I don't know. Was there anything strange that happened on weekend? Is there anything going on at work with him? Etcetera....I would tell him you noticed he seems stressed this week, and that you are there for him to share with if he would like. See if that opens things up.
  11. RayKay
    I have to be attracted to him - but what "look" attracts me will not be what attracts another. I don't go for "model-types" at all for example. I actually prefer men with some quirk about them that makes them unique physically for example. But, yes, personality is #1 for me. Whatever a man looks like, his personality is what enhances of detracts the attractiveness. Intelligence, humour, respect, positivity, these are all things that go towards attraction for me plus many more! I like people with their own mind, opinions, curiosity and so on. If someone is ugly on the inside in how they treat others, or just someone whom drags you down when around....it won't work. Even if they are supposedly physically attractive.
  12. RayKay
    My boyfriend and my first kiss kinda came around in a funny way. We were playing pool, and he was winning all the games. We placed a bet that he would get a kiss if he won again. Wouldn't you know it, that was the one game he lost when he scratched! He went in a few minutes later for a kiss anyway...I of course was all for it! I am not so much into the ASKING, but I don't mind when someone lets it be known they want one!
  13. RayKay
    Just preference, I find diet Coke tastes like bad well water
  14. RayKay
    Um, coke is not 56 calories. A can of coke is closer to 150-160, and almost all of it comes from sugar, and all "empty calories" which cause little else but spikes in your insulin levels. A bottle of it of course is bigger, hence even more calories. Also, regular coke can ALSO cause erosion, due to the sugar and phosphoric acid as well (the phosphoric acid is present in diet coke, but not the sugar). It does not matter which you drink when it comes to your teeth. Both can demineralize if not taken care of. Just make sure you brush after you drink it. It is when it sits there is causes erosion. This goes for a lot of other things other than Coke though as well.
  15. RayKay
    Ah, we don't get that one here texami That is cool. Yes, it is sugar processed using chlorination. Our water is chlorinated though too, so I have not really been too concerned, but for some it might be a concern. Like you hockey, I eat a healthy diet - lots of fruit, veggies, organics, and avoid most processed foods....but I too like a diet PEPSI or Dr Pepper now and then
  16. RayKay
    Regular Coke is not a good option over Diet either, high fructose corn syrup is one of the worst things you can do to your body, it throws insulin levels out of whack. While artificial sweeteners are not great either, neither is the SEVERAL tablespoons of sugar in a regular Coke! Try drinking something with Splenda, not AS bad. Coke does not use Splenda, but there are many other cola/soft drinks that do if you MUST have a pop now and then! But I would advise trying to limit consumption of either regular or diet soft drinks anyway.
  17. RayKay
    You guys are superstars I am still feeling "off and on" in terms of confidence levels; it is hard not to read into things sometimes. We had a good night last night when he came home from the gym, we just stayed in but we were talking about what we were watching, and I was cold so he came over and tucked me in super tight in the blanket on the couch in a goofy way. Last night he just cuddled into me. We got about 5" of snow yesterday, which I shovelled (and we have a big parking pad area along with sidewalks!) and he came home joking "did his brother come over" with me, since unless he is away on business or something I don't usually shovel. It took me a good hour to do! He asked why I did, and I said so he would not have to when he came home late I felt good yesterday. Today not as good, I think it is just because he is uber busy at work today, as he is more distant when I talked to him on MSN, or when he replied to an email earlier. But it may just be me worrying and reading into things...like this morning I left very early to go to gym and when I gave him a kiss while he was still in bed and said "love you" he said "love you too"...but then in the email he did not respond with a love you....so it has me fretting...sigh...as usually he does!
  18. RayKay
    I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Now, if you had gotten something you KNEW she would not like that is one thing. But considering you have discussed the ring beforehand, she knew your financial situation, and agreed it was fine.....this is tacky & classless behaviour. The ring IS a symbol of your promise and your intentions; but that does not mean a smaller diamond means one is any less committed to it, or a bigger one that you are! I have to be honest with you that I would absolutely trust what my boyfriend chose for me for a ring, I know he knows what I like, and I also know he needs to consider his budget as well. I also DON'T go for big diamonds and flash, because it is very inconvenient for my lifestyle. If a "friend" ever even insinuated that the size/worth of it signified how much they loved me....I would look at them in amazement...because they don't get it! I am not saying someone whom likes diamonds is in the wrong of course, but that the selection of a ring is a personal thing, that involves many factors and not just one-upping her friends. This should be about you and her, and your life together...not her friends. Now, if this is the same one that pressured the proposal, and now is pressuring about the ring itself, she is setting a pattern for how your entire life with her will be. When she wants her way...pressure. Is this really how you envision a healthy, happy marriage to be? Sounds like she is more intent on keeping ahead of the Jones's rather than building a emotionally rich & happy life together.
  19. RayKay
    Personally, I find it a bit odd. Particularly as UTI's do not come just from sex, and there are SO many ways to reduce risks (i.e. proper diet, urinating after sex, cranberry juice/yogurt, low stress). I think her saying that you will start after school ends in April is a bit odd, and seems to be ignoring the effect (and permanent) ones it can have on your relationship when someone makes a unilateral decision like that. It won't be easy for YOU after many months to just feel "back to normal" even if she does start having sex again.... They really DO suck though, I have only had one ever, and it was in my kidney's and it was horrible (I had to be hospitalized!) - I would NEVER want to go through that again! As for the shaving thing (or rather not shaving) no idea what to say...either she does it for you and not herself which is why she stopped, or she is using it as a barrier of some sort....I don't know. I am very very very busy too and still have time to shave because it is for ME and I feel good about it for me. But, it is her choice to do it or not in the end.
  20. RayKay
    Hmm, well conversation is pretty important to me. If I wanted to be "cherished" and "never disagreed with" I would get another dog to be honest.... Don't get me wrong, I definitely need to be treated with respect, and care, and love.....and laughing together is so important. But, if someone agreed with me to avoid conflict even when I was wrong, or did not have conversations with me about his life, my life, interests, funny things, serious things....I would not be very fulfilled as I think that sharing and communicating and sharing those opinions is important for growth together. Why do you have a hard time? Is it because you worry about being judged? I guarantee you have opinions, right, and beliefs, and perspectives? Don't be afraid to share them....someone whom loves you would not judge you on that. Shyness is a hard thing to overcome, but often it is due to fears and insecurities. Get to the root of WHY you have those, and that can go a long way to improving your own self esteem and confidence.
  21. RayKay
    Thanks DN That helped a lot! I know that in long term relationships, you need to fall in love over and over again. But that is hard for one to do when you are so "different"; which I was for a while. I am still the same person he fell for though, I know that, and I know that he can see that if he opens himself too it of course! I am falling for him all over again, as I reflect on all the things that had me fall for him, choose him, and want to be with him forever in the first place. I also feel the more I do those little things for us, and him, the more I feel for him too in a strange way. I just hope that he sees the same in time. And, I will NEVER ever do this to him again; take his love for granted I mean and not put into the relationship what it needs! Because I will NEVER forget how much this hurt me to the core, and how scared I was to lose him. I really hope you are right....anyway he made my heart melt today when he said "J'adore tu aussi avec tout mon coeur" in an email
  22. RayKay
    I suspect a lot of it is because it takes a toll on him when he can't "fix it". Think of it this way, everytime you do get needy, he does his best to reassure you and "fix it". But then it happens again, so what he did did not work. Eventually he pulls away as he cannot get into that emotional rollercoaster again of not knowing what is really going on, or what to do... I get where you are coming from...I do too get those more needy and emotional stages and often cannot explain WHAT is really wrong, but it is really important to make sure that you do try and communicate as best you can what is going on, that it is not him, or if it is something in the relationship what you need, and also that you don't need him to "fix it" to help you feel better, you just need to feel supported and loved a little extra that day But also, don't "expect" him to fix it or be able to keep doing it if he does not know what is really wrong, because that does leave him feeling emotionally beaten down and hurt over time....try and communicate and figure out what is REALLY wrong before burdening him with it too, if that makes sense.
  23. RayKay
    Hey Bella, Thanks I am not sure if it worries about "my health" that bother him, though I do think he is not very sure how to deal with these things. He has honestly never really had to deal with losing someone close to him through death, or them being ill (knock on wood of course!) and his family tends to live to quite old age. Mine definitely does not! And I have had some rather unfortunate close experiences with these kind of things. He definitely "feels" for me, but I think he has a hard time empathizing to some degree about the whole thing. I think in a sense that I pushed him away for not "getting it" and he pushed back for fear of how to deal with it? I of course cannot speak for him, I am quite sure he is thinking of the future...he does seem to be at this point where it is either "poop or get off the pot" and is looking at things in a long term perspective more, which is what caused him to feel taken for granted and worried about the partnership in the future, but these are possible factors too think of that you have given me. Rachel
  24. RayKay
    One of my profs always tells a lawyer joke at start of class, it is good to be able to poke fun at yourself in that sense. Of the professional careers, lawyers consistently are rated low by the public. Truth is once you are in, you see a LOT of great people, and a lot of good done. Yes, some are chasing after money and will do whatever to get there, but most I know are really involved in the community, in pro bono/legal aid and really do care about people. It really is a respectable profession, which makes it easier to laugh at the common stereotypes
  25. RayKay
    Yeah, you have to trade in your soul as part of your tuition fee
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