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reinventmyself

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  1. reinventmyself
    . .and this is exactly what he warned me may happen. Probably explains why he barely kisses me and bolts out the door as fast as he can. Oh geez . .this should be interesting!
  2. reinventmyself
    yah. . makes me a little nervous
  3. reinventmyself
  4. reinventmyself
    I wondered the same thing. It can't be healthy. Our conversation regarding this was seeing I knew a little about the Mormon religion I had to ask if he had sex outside of marriage just so I get the full picture. After all he hasn't practiced the religion since he was young and I wondered why he honored one aspect (masturbation) but not others such as sex and alcohol. Apparently due to his strict upbringing he isn't able to be `successful' at the act of masturbation, not for the lack of trying -never-. More of a mental block I suppose. Why did this shy guy share this with me? . In his own way he was preparing me for what sex might be like the first time. . So much for shyness, right? .lol
  5. reinventmyself
    This weekend I am expecting my friend from the South bay area, Steve. He flies in on Sunday midday and leaves Monday night. I've had some reservations about this because of the lack of communication, the distance and being realistic about the possibility of it being anything other than a friendship due to these and other obstacles. I haven't seen him since 11/7. When he was confirming his plans (which I honestly hadn't counted on happening) I had expressed to him in text, briefly my concerns. From that moment on he's been calling and texting. Today he emails me his itinerary and calls midday. He mentions the hotels jacuzzi among other things he would like to do and see. Pretty tall order for such a short turn around. My last visit with him (business trip) I had to remind him more than once.. several times actually that we weren't going to be intimate. I am trying not to get ahead of myself but why do I feel this will be an issue again? duh! Maybe because I keep running into men that want casual sex?? Maybe this explains my attraction to (shy)Mark (figured I will say their first name due the serious unlikelihood of transparency) that he will barely kiss me in fear of being aroused. I get that this has little to do with me. . just men being men . .all shapes and sizes. . I haven't heard from Tim in almost 2 weeks. I think our last date confirmed things for both of us. There was this moment when he was paying for the movie tickets when he hesitated, possibly waiting for me to offer to pay. Seeing that we really haven't gotten very much further then out of the friend zone I wouldn't have a problem paying. (or otherwise) But I had already just seen the movie he insisted on seeing a couple days ago. I wasn't crazy with the idea of paying to see it again. I've logged onto dating websites tonight to find him currently active on all. I am glad that I called this one the way I saw it. Not ready, not available. Sweet guy but not the one for me. . or I am not the one for him. Mark had worked enough evening hours this week that he was off tonight and asked me to dinner. Call me vein but I hadn't washed my hair. .didn't like what I was wearing and didn't sleep well last night. I saw him 3 times this last weekend and he's texting. . a lot. Not too much. .but very borderline. I was a little concerned that while he knew I was taking my mom out for the afternoon over the weekend for some shopping and a late lunch, he thought to text me more than once. Had it been me and considering the time we've been dating I would not have intruded. So having said all this. . .I passed on tonight saying I had plans. (errands and what not's but he didn't need to know this) I guess I needed to see if he would overstep this boundary again. Happy to report he hasn't and the evening's been quiet. Ok. . I've rattled on long enough. My pillow is calling me. . .
  6. reinventmyself
    Here's an update. . looks like he'll be referred for knee surgery. He's texting me as if it changes anything because he'll be immobile for a while. I told him to settle down because I am a pretty good nurse and I also told him he'll just have to sit still and actually talk to me now Painful, I know. . hee hee
  7. reinventmyself
  8. reinventmyself
    Very true! I saw M again last night. We went to the movies and late dinner. I am now feeling better about not giving up on him. He is slowly opening up and letting me in. The lack of confidence rattles me a little bit (uhg) but that's getting better too. He's got so many other things going for him that I am hoping I can overlook it. Better yet, it goes away. On the upside, because he's nervous things have been moving along very, very slowly. Slowly but steadily and I can't tell you how nice it feels to not feel anxious, pressured, insecure and all the other things that go along with initial dating stages. I don't doubt his interest and the desire to see if there is something more meaningful before it turns to physical. I am one of those that becomes very attached when it becomes sexual. Even when that person is a really bad choice for me. Backing out after the fact is doable but it certainly takes it's toll. I won't see him the rest of the week because he is finishing up a job that has him working nights. I also appreciate the space because it allows me the time to be more objective.
  9. reinventmyself
    During our last date M had asked me to go for a bike ride yesterday (sunday) I kept my date and had a nice time. We had breakfast before and ended with watching football at a local sports bar. We had a chance to talk a bit about what he shared with me and why. He was definitely a little more open and engaging. I think sitting accross a table for him is where he fumbles. Get him doing something active he's a little more relaxed. One of our first dates we passed by a local casino and he showed me how to play Texas Hold Em'. I found him really attractive this particular day probably because he was in his element and comfortable. Suffice to say I guess I haven't given up on him. He has this playful, sarcastic side of him that I like. It's actually one of my favorite qualities in a man. Someone you can spar with and make each other laugh. We'll see.
  10. reinventmyself
    He was just texting me and I came right out and asked him about his convictions about sex. His answer "I've been with both me wives and 2 others, my you're mighty brave over the phone. Does that answer your question?" It is odd that he shared what he did last night not to mention he practices one thing but not others.
  11. reinventmyself
    I had another nice date with shy M last night, however I think this is running it's course. During dinner I am literally trying to drag things out of him and there were awkward silences. He had been assuring me all along that this was temporary and as he got to know me he would settle down and open up. I am convinced now that this isn't going to happen. I struggle with the idea of disappointing him. We've all been on the other side of someone telling you `I am not feelin' it' and as much as it's inevitable I am not ready to do it today but I will very soon. I am kind of processing the night and the things we did talk about. He does have that side of him where he asks for permission and apologizes unnecessarily at times. I felt frustrated more than once, not so much by his behavior but by the realization that this wasn't going to work. At one point he was telling me how much he liked me and told his mother and friends about me. I responded in kind and told him that I really was looking forward to having an emotional connection with him but at some point he was going to need to let his guard down in order for it to happen. I was pretty matter of fact about it and it probably came off as giving him notice. I suppose that was my intention. The turning point is when he said he wanted to share something about himself. . he prefaced it by saying it was hard for him to say and a little embarrassed. He was raised Mormon as a child and no longer practices. .But due to his upbringing he didn't believe in masturbation and never has? (he's been divorced for 2 years and I can assume celibate) I am not sure why he mentioned it . .after all he is sitting there with a beer in front of him. His previous upbringing doesn't prevent him from drinking but it stops him from pleasuring himself? So my mind immediately goes one step further thinking if he denies himself this basic pleasure, does he have sex outside of marriage? Was this his way of indirectly trying to tell me this? I do also recall early on he stated he wanted to get married again. (I lean towards not) I suppose I could ask but at this point it doesn't matter. . I am disappointed. .there are so many things I like about him . .but without a viable connection this doesn't have a chance. My profile has been down for the last couple weeks and I want to put it back up. . But I know he'll notice. Not sure that's how I want to handle this. . so for today. . I'll mull this around. We do have a bike riding date tomorrow that I plan to keep. . I'll take this time to think about what I want to say to him.
  12. reinventmyself
    "" I actually find it a good opportunity to "test" how receptive the guy is to constructive criticism / feedback. I would want to find out this early as I wouldn't want to date someone with a big ego or get defensive/offended with constructive criticism and simple honesty like that, it is often a symptom of low-ish self esteem, lack of confidence and insecurity "" This will be the beta test, if you will. Definitely not a big ego but more of a self esteem thing I think that's going on for him. I will say he's very eager to please so I am hopeful. . but part the other school of though thinks this part should be a natural fit.
  13. reinventmyself
    This is my concern and I am forecasting a little here and taking into consideration the lack of assertiveness may not translate well into our physical relationship. IF it does indeed go "there". I am also guilty of looking for signs to bolt. .So I need to settle down here a little and relax.
  14. reinventmyself
    You know it started off perfect and then went south. Maybe it was because of the moment I jumped on his bed and surprised him . . he may have got alittle excited. . I went back for second kiss and got more of the same. Again. .even if it was excitement it wasn't enjoyable.
  15. reinventmyself
    "(think octopus on your face)" I am currently giving the receptionist her lunch break, lots of guests and busy phones and this one gives me a case of the giggles. .
  16. reinventmyself
    It wasn't necessary the forwardness of it as much as the technique. OK .. Ill be graphic . His tongue was very stiff and jabbed roughly down my throat. . Even in the throws of passion this would make me run from the room.
  17. reinventmyself
    I am looking forward to another date with M on Friday. We've been texting every day and he really does have a playful sense of humor that I like. We are currently working opposite schedules or we may have arranged to see each other mid week. Question . I didn't really care for the way he kissed! Yikes. . Kissing is HUGE for me. Is this a deal breaker? That and with the shyness I am again questioning whether we are a match. Would you consider addressing this and seeing if this is changeable or would it be deal breaker? I get the best way to handle these things is to not mention it as a criticism but propose it was a question. . Maybe `how do you like to be kissed?' and `I like it this way" Oh wow .. I am feeling silly for proposing this question but it leads my concern to go further. If I don't like the way he kissed is this indicative of the other physical aspects?? Need to mention but with not too much detail . .It wasn't horrible, just a little too aggressive, especially for a first kiss. (I already had a tonsillectomy, I don't need another, if you get my drift.) 2nd round actually caused me to pull away and stop.
  18. reinventmyself
    thanks Ladies. . this helps more than you know
  19. reinventmyself
    Maybe, but from what he tells me, it's because he is very attracted to me and that's what makes him nervous. He admitted that I am the first woman his kissed, post divorce from 2 years ago. Prior to coming back to room we went to a local bar and listened to music, he was very affectionate in a nice way which surprised me and then back at the room he locked up. He's been online dating for 4 mo's and says he typically doesn't call back after the 2nd date. Lucky me, I think . .He contacts me a few times daily, has pulled his profile and it's been 4 dates and an overnight. I am reserving judgment on this one for the time being. .time will tell
  20. reinventmyself
    So my weekend up in the mountains was really nice and enjoyable. Too bad it rained the entire time. I was so looking forward to falling snow and it wasn't quite cold enough to turn the rain to snow or it would have been perfect. Weather wise My friend made a gallant effort at trying to open up and not be so nervous. But what I have come away with it's not only the shyness that has me concerned but it's an overall lack of confidence that is not very attractive. I mentioned before that I dated someone similar and hung in maybe longer than I should have thinking that once he was comfortable with me it would change. It's just another reminder that good bad or otherwise I need to accept people as they are, not as I hope they will be. Having said that I will go out with him again. I do enjoy his company, we have a lot in common, I am attracted to him in a lot of other ways, (physically and his sense of humor, work ethic etc.) and we like to do a lot of the same things. I am not hopeful that this will be forever after. I do know myself well enough that I prefer a man to be at least as assertive as I am or a little more. Not that I am overly assertive but can definitely hold my own.. .Maybe on a scale I would be a 7 or 8, kind of quite calm assertive person I would best describe myself. I am uncomfortable with the notion that I may be able to run over this man and he might just stand there and let me do it. He may surprise me. . hoping. . . to add: We got back from a wonderful dinner and he had the bathroom first to get ready for bed. I am sitting up on my bed watching tv and waiting my turn for the restroom. I am on the bed closest to the bathroom. He comes out and marches straight to his bed on the other side of the room and climbs in from the far side (I think walking between the beds to get in it was too close in proximity to me for him) With a sense of urgency he jumps in pulls the blanket up to his chin. All this in 5 seconds flat. (mind you I didn't expect, nor want anything intimate with him at this time) Now we are pretty playful and sarcastic with each other so I do play a little with him about his nervousness and he laughs about it as well. I stared at him a little dumbfounded and in that moment this 6'2" handsome, rugged looking man looked more like frightened little child who would not have eye contact with me. Silence. I got ready for bed and just to either rattle him and/or break the ice (because surely he wasn't capable) I came out jumped on his bed and put my head on his shoulder. Funny thing that the blanket was up under his chin. . I think he appreciated it and I did get a kiss or 2 out of him before I said goodnight and retired in my own bed. He did wake me up in the morning by climbing in my bed and held me for a little bit. It was sweet and innocent and he was obviously making more of an effort. Unfortunately he then apologized for it over breakfast and asked me, after the fact if it was ok. . .so much for the confidence. I am not ready to give up on him quite yet. . but close.
  21. reinventmyself
  22. reinventmyself
    I have adopted this attitude lately . .that I don't have very much free time so I am learning to be choosey on how I spend it. My issue with this is I will dedicate 2 days to this (one work vacation day) for what purpose? It won't go anywhere due to schedules and distance. . and I have enough friends. I know it's harsh. . but I am a reformed self- less person and have learned to be some what selfish in (hopefully) a healthy way. Whining about it isn't doing any good this morning because I already agreed. . .So I need to wrap my head around this one differently and enjoy it.
  23. reinventmyself
    so. . just to make things a little more complicated. I met someone during a break from the now exbf a little more than a year ago. He has since relocated to the San Francisco area and I happen to travel there occasionally for work. When I do go there I have dinner with him and he's no more than a friend and he has often asked to come and visit my area. (So Cal) My last visit 7 wks ago he again mentioned visiting. We also have opposite schedules so talking on the phone is close to impossible and every so often I get a text. He's a nice man and if the situation was different we may actually be a good fit. I was wondering if he was still going to keep his word and come down in January like we spoke but as the time began to draw near I have serious reservations due to our lack of contact and feeling that with no more communication than texting we are basically strangers again. (in keeping with my pattern of not clarifying things I am avoiding dealing with) If my memory serves me well he was expected this coming weekend. I was a little relieved as it was drawing nearer that it wasn't going to happen. . Until last night, I get a text! (mind you I am going to the mountains with my new friend M He wants to come Sunday thru Monday, the 25th and 26th. Because he has talked about this for so long and not acted on it, my household has changed as I now have my 28 yr son living with me, having just recently moved in temporarily so staying with me is not an option. He is getting a hotel room and coming in town. I have mixed emotions about this because he seems to have this attraction to me and I could have one in return, but it's not possible without at least some talk time to develop something of a connection. Seeing him a couple times a year with only texting in between does absolutely nothing for me. My last visit up north he was very physical with me, kissing, touching and he seemed confused with my pulling back. He stayed in my hotel room, separate beds and I just didn't feel comfortable with a man who I have known of for a while but basically no face time with. My gf gives me a hard time asking how many times I have shared a room with a man in the last year and not had sex. I refuse to count but it is kinda funny if I think about it long enough. I will engage in my ongoing practice 2 times this month alone. . lol I am a one man kinda girl. Dating gives me anxiety. But I am trying to not put all my eggs in one basket so to speak. Some say it's the best way but I am really not sure at this point.
  24. reinventmyself
    T came into my life when I was wrestling with G. (the one I really liked, but didn't want a relationship and I was being intimate with G) I think I kept T in the picture as a means to not get anymore attached to G than I was. (didn't work) I just don't think T and I are a `love connection' but I see no harm in keeping him as a friend. If I sensed his discomfort or the thought he was expecting more, I may feel differently. He's not easy to read and as I mentioned earlier I haven't asked. The proposed weekend trip has got me wondering though. Nothing is firm and he's looking into his timeshares. I didn't respond either. I don't need to do anything today . . so this will wait until I have alittle more clarity. Thanks for the input NLady :strawberry:
  25. reinventmyself
    Thanks WL!
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