Stinkweed

Thanks. Well, I'm in a band, but it's just for fun, not at all for money. I mean, all my bandmates, either go to school and/or work, so, band is not an occupation, but still a passion. Seriously, one of my bandmates was kinda sad that I had to leave he said "Man, what am I going to do now? I was always looking forward to the next show and now there's no more of that for like 3 months" and it's been kinda hitting me hard how much I miss my friends, my band, and my guitar. I'd be much happier if I had at least one of those, right now... I play a Gibson SG, doesn't really belong to me, I've kinda got it on lease. A friend has let me keep it indefinitely (hey, in my defense, he does owe me a good amount of money that I pulled out of my savings...). We just recently got more professional gear (an actual half-stack and all... sounded so much more awesome than the old amp I used to practice with, which unfortutely burnt out not long before I left, RIP, lol).

I play punk, metal and all that stuff, but I do enjoy many other genres (one of my favorite songs to play is Hey Joe, by Jimi Hendrix). But it was so awesome, last couple of shows we played, everything went perfectly just like in practice, and especially on the last one, everybody was so into it, and people were telling me aftewards that I was shredding, lol. I'm not sure how true that was, but I wasn't gonna complain! Just, after finals (last semester), I was pretty depressed with how many things went sour this year and how quickly time flies by, and I'd just pick up my guitar and noodle around it for hours and It'd just make me feel so much better.

Well, I'm on the journey now, and had to leave my guitar cause of some problems involving me missing the right plane, etc... But I miss it so badly. I've watched bands play and I see what they're doing and it just makes me wanna grab a guitar and just play it for hours.

I normally play electric, though, but I found a good deal for an acoustic one (the fact that no amp is required for acoustics is a plus). Watching Neil Young, Sonic Youth, and several other bands just makes me so jealous that they have their instruments and I don't, lol. I simply cannot wait another month and a half to play my guitar... I'm not a good player and have no clue when it comes to music theory, but I was getting pretty good after I got done with finals, cause I'd just noodle around the guitar for hours, and my bandmates were all impressed when I suddenly played a pretty solid solo during one of our songs at practice.

I really like it... I've been missing my guitar big time lately. I might just get one here and sell it before I go home to get some money back.

Ellie, yeah I wasn't planning on coming out of the blue and starting to talk about these things, lol. I'd only do it when it is in context, lol. Heck, I know I, myself, would be spooked too if an older sibling of mine, or my parents came out of the blue with a serious conversation like this. Anyway, I guess I'll try to do as both you and blender suggested, including the part that blender mentioned about getting out more often... Thank you both and best wishes.

Hi Ellie, I'm doing better now... Still lots of work to do, and a hard time focusing... But I'm managing to get through it.

Anyway, so, would the occasional word of advice be a bad idea? Just a couple of suggestions I consider important (well, they were crucial to me)?

One of them is simply not being afraid of doing whatever you want to do. When I was younger, for some reason, I really was afraid... It's why I had no hobbies and no passions whatsoever. I was a hateful anti-social a** too, and a terrible role-model, which is why I think it is kind of my fault my sibbling is going to turn out the same way... I'm definitively a better role model now, but it seems like they just pick up on the negative, lol, as ironic as that may sound. I mean, when you're a kid, who would you rather want to be when you grow up: the janitor or the astronaut?

In fact, I don't think it would be so bad if they turned out to be similar to me... I mean, sure, I'm unable/unwilling to maintain/start any kind of human relation ship because I tend to be skeptical of people, even though 95% of the time it turns out I read too much into things and I'm wrong. Anyway, I just think that it'd suck if they end up being some tool... I see people who enjoy being out with their friends... It looks like it's the healthy thing, and that they're just normal... I wanted my sibling to be normal as well.

Anyway: Would a couple of suggestions be a bad idea?

I'd appreciate it very much if I could get some input on this. I realize it's a long one, and not about "She Cheated on me", "Want to ask her out but I'm too shy" or "my ex contacted me after 100 days NC!" or anything more interesting and exciting like that, but please, do bare with me.

Ok, I've got a younger sibbling, and they used to be different from me... Very different. I've pretty much have always been pretty introverted. I mean, I remember I had a hard time making friends as far back as the 3rd grade. Anyway, I hit an all-time "low" when I was 15 until I was almost 17.

When I was 17, I changed, but it was a very hard change, and by the time I was 18, and a senior in HS, I finally was who I wanted to be. I was not the guy sitting quite at the corner of the classroom anymore, and in all my classes I knew everybody, and everybody knew me. I couldn't help but think "Wish I had been this way since I was 14-15" because this change was like being young, but actually being young, not only physically, but at heart as well, and it was like turning 15, basically. I mean, it's hard to explain, but I was kind of goofy and immature, and I knew that in college, things wouldn't be the same, so basically I wished that I didn't have to grow up so soon, and that I could enjoy feeling as young as I did as if I had all the time in the world (like when you're 15, and you still have like 3 years of high school left to be a kid). I so wanted to start a band, skateboard, etc, but it felt like I wouldn't have time to do those things, that are mostly for kids, in college.

Anyway, now in college I'm back to being a loner again, and things are very different. I'm definitively a different person, and naturally, I have many more responsibilities and less time to do fun things (things I never did when I was 15). My point is, that every since this sibbling of mine started nearing that age, they started to act a lot like I did back then (you know, angry at the world, self conscious because I was overweight, except this person is not overweight at all). And I tried pretty hard to give advice and dropped hints that that wasn't going to be a very cool age/stage in life if they wouldn't have a more positive attitude towards life and if they didn't understand that you're only 15-16 once. They just don't seem to listen to me... And I'm afraid they'll turn out just like me: feeling constantly bored, having no life and studying from sunup to sundown and getting burnt out, etc... I wouldn't have time to start a band, for instance.

I'm not feeling lonely, but I do constantly feel bored, like I wish something different would be going on next friday night, but it's always the same. However, sameness does have its advantage to me, because I like to schedule everything, and be disciplined about what I do throughout the day, everyday. Anyway, it especially annoys me when people can tell somehow that I've never had a girlfriend, for instance (well that's the impression that I get)... I mean, I'm going to a school were almost everybody's idea of a fun night, is playing Xbox and whatnot for 5 hours straight and talking about computers, etc, and among all these people, they can still tell I'm a "loser who's never had a girlfriend." And what annoys me about that is not that I've never had a girlfriends (I'm not looking for one either), but mostly that it sort of feels they can tell and it kind of embarrasses me. It's pretty tricky to explain.

I know that if I starred in a reality tv show, it'd be the most boring show ever. Anyway, enough about me, I just wish my sibbling would know better than letting life turn out this way for them (and until now it pretty much has... I know they don't have many friends, and I've seen their face when my parents talk to them about school, etc)... Especially since this person used to be very sociable a year or two ago; a leader, if you will.

I mean, I want them to figure things out on their own, but I'm afraid that if they do this, but turns out it's kind of late (like it was for me... I mean, I can tell late from early. When it's late you wish it were earlier, and when it's early you sure as heck don't wish it were even earlier) they'll end up like me, unable to socialize with the majority of people...

I realize most people will tell me to let it go, but just thought I'd ask for some input. Thanks and best wishes.

Well i do lift because I want to build some muscle and I do cardio to burn some calories, and I THINK that this is the only way I'll be able to lose all this persistent extra fat all over my body... I mean, I used to do only cardio only, lots of cardio, but it didn't get me where I wanted, or even close for that matter... And for about 2 weeks I did weights + cardio, both 5 times a week, but it was horrible. I mean, I actually lost weight (which isn't my goal. I'm trying very hard to stay at the same weight, but at the same time building muscle. In fact, if my weight goes up a couple of pounds, it won't matter as long as I get stronger at least), and had a hard time lifting... Anyway, these last couple of weeks I tried the new routine I described on the original post, and it was great (I was able to push myself further on both cardio and lifting). So, yeah, I'm going to be sticking to my new routine, at least for a while...

Ok, you might think I'm crazy or something... But I just need to know, because even though I'm impatient, if there's the faintest hint of light at the end of the tunnel, I can be pretty tenacious. My question is about body fat percentages... After starting to slow down and perform sloppily at the gym, I started to follow a new exercise routine that's a bit less exhausting (well it does tire me out a bit less than the one I did before, which wasn't working the way I wanted it to... let's not go into details), but more healthy. It's the exercise routine in the body for life website. So, it combines weights 3 times a week alternating with cardio 3 times week. I started doing it the exact same way it is described on the website, and I'm eating pretty healthy already, and I believe I'm consuming enough calories.

So I know I'm not being very precise, but given that, how much body fat percentage would the average person lose by strictly following the body for life program (for building muscle and losing fat), in about 3 months? Just curious, I'm not expecting any miracle 20% body fat losses in just 3 months and stuff. But I'd just like to know what to expect, so if by any chance it doesn't work, I'll just change to a new routine that might work better for me. And if it seems to be working, I'll stick to it, and even if it takes an entire year, I'll just stick to it till I reach my goal... The reason I'm asking for numbers, is because until now, progress hasn't been an easy thing for me to monitor. I'd like to think that I'm making some progress, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like it. So, if you could please tell me something realistic... Thank you and best wishes.

It depends on your body type, I guess. I, for one, used to eat pretty much like that (I'm about 6'2") and worked out too, but it was doing more harm than good. I ended as I am now, all flabby and stuff... Now I'm working on building muscle and I'm eating a lot more, of course. So, yeah, eating too little is bad. Especially since you'll quickly gain the weight once you start eating like you did before... Ideally, the goal is to eat right instead of too little.

I really don't know what to do. I mean, I'm not planning on starting to swing away at the next dude who laughs in my prescence. I mean, violence is not my thing. But I just wish that I could do something so they won't keep doing it, you know?

Well it does suck, and people make a big deal out of it. In fact, it's the first time I see people around me make such a huge deal of it. Everywhere I went... They don't realize that some of us don't care, and instead label ALL of us as "losers" because only "losers" do not celebrate this day because they can't get dates. What if we don't want to?

I can relate to you, because I don't have many friends either... well actually I don't have any friends, but I wish I had been stuck in my house... I wouldn't have had to take any more crap. It's all I ask for: peace. And it's not like I'm a person who consciously likes to get into trouble and makes fun of people or something. No, I don't think I've done anything to deserve it.

It wouldn't have been bad to me if so many people didn't have sticks up their *beep* perpetually making them want to humiliate and pick on others (things that could've just as well happened any other day, but today just happened to be like the 5th day in a row...). So I guess I'll have to agree on how terrible a day it's been...

I don't care about the wasting money on candy and flowers for some woman 10 years from now I wouldn't even remember, who in turn wouldn't even remember me either. That money will come in handy in the future.

A little follow-up on this thread:

on which I doubt I'll get many more replies seeing as how it is no longer up on the front page...

Anyway, I still don't have a clue about what I should do... I wish there were something like that movie, school for scoundrels where they teach the guy to be a bad*beep* or something. I really don't know what to do... Please, any suggestions? If only people would learn to mind their own business and let the others do their own thing...

Then these middle-aged women, who looked reasonably well-mannered started immitating him!

That's the thing! If I were in high school, I wouldn't have cared, because well, I'd been just a kid back then... It would've been expected. But now? I'm too old to do so many things, but it seems we are never too old to be "losers" (I put quotes around it because I know that's how I'm seen by those *beep*heads, but it's not really how I feel about myself).

First, you can change yourself, and you should at times, but only if you want to. Never think you cannot improve. We all can and should.

Why should I change, if I was so happy before these... incidents... started? I don't think I brought this unto myself...

Are you seeking the approval and respect of others? When I truly stopped caring what others thought about me, I quickly found that more and more people liked me, and I didn't know why but it worked. Do you care too much about what 'they' think? Also, I think a lot of fights between guys occur, or even any type of incident occurs, because we are often on the look out for being disrespected. Anything that can be a slight can make us feel like challenging it. It's really not healthy, but we have all done it.

I'm not seeking approval by anyone... If I were, I'd be constantly trying to please them all, and talking to them kissing butt and all that stuff. I don't do that.. What I seek is just peace. It's all I want! To walk down the street without people staring at me, and tryin to be smart*beep*, etc. I don't wanna fight, because I just want peace for me. Is fighting the only way, then? Because I just know that I can't keep "turning the other cheek." Ugh, I'm sick of that too...

If I were you I would seek counseling for this anger. You are pretty young and learning how to deal with it constructively would be a good step for your future. You can't stop the feelings, but you can learn to redirect.

I know counseling would be an option, but knowing myself, I'll never do it... Especially if they'll want to prescribe drugs or something. no way!

Where do I even begin? Ok, these last couple of weeks, I dunno if anybody's ever felt this way, but it's felt like everyone wants to pick on me. It's like they wanna start something. I dunno. First this guy who I don't even know who was handing out flyers, there looking like a really *beep* beachboy wannabe, and said something that i consider was insulting. I did nothing, because maybe it wasn't supposed to be insulting (like to a regular person), I just didn't take any of the flyers. I just "turned the other cheek." But I just never ends! I've seen people, I'm almost sure, were making fun of me and talking about me. But why? I don't even know these bastards!

I don't understand, I always just mind my own business. I mean, I never bother anyone, I pretty much don't talk to anyone, I don't see a possible reason why I'd attract such bad attention, especially since I can't even get the good attention from people who're good. I'm really sick, and trying not to cuss in here... But God, why do I always have to get *beep* in the *beep*? I don't understand! What did I do to these people. I'd understand if they were "friends" taking advantage of me, then I'd just send them to hell. But random people? Why? Everybody wants to pick on me, everybody wants to fight me. I'm not just being paranoid, not 100%, at least, and that's for sure. I can pm more details on a couple of other things that have happened, and you be the judge on whether I deserve to go to the loonie bin or something. But I mean, I just don't understand... This didn't happen to me in high school (not in the last 2 years, at least, which is when I made the most friends after moving to a different school), which is supposed to be when it DOES happen, not in college! I mean, I'm usually a peaceful guy. I'm not the best at using words... But for the rest, I take care of my body, I don't mind anybody's business but my own, I'm not greedy, I love my family, and for all I care I could just as well become a monk or something. In fact, that'd be better, cause I'd be away from society... But out here, man, I just can't take it anymore... It can't happen AGAIN!!!

I'm not a violent person, but I just wish that one day I could snap like those guys who shoot at people, so I can end it all, and end them all finally... It's bound to happen. I mean, I'm no professional at this, but I guess I'm no different from those guys in the end. I don't know how to learn to manage my anger differently... And I'm afraid it's what's going to happen if I don't learn... Either that, or I'll just move away from anywhere near people (at least people full of *beep* who can't respect the others around them). Please help me... I just feel like hitting something right now, because it's so unfair! I've never done anything like this to anyone, even when I was the one with friends and had the chance to pick on others... I NEVER EVER did it! I hate this school because of this, because I can't fix this anymore... I can't change myself, and I don't want to. I just wanna be respected, just as much as I respect those... theM! I'm afraid that wherever I move, if I did move, it'd be the same...

It does not have to be back to back, your body will respond the same.

It's just that I only have time during the morning. I study and have class for the rest of the day, basically... So, I think I'll try doing the weights first, when I'm at full strenght, and then do the cardio. I mean, sure the weights tire you, but I doubt it'll get me too tired, tired enough to slow my cardio down... On the other hand, doing cardio first might be slowing my lifting down by tiring me out? I dunno, I guess I'm going to try this other way.

Ok, then cardio after lifting it is. I usually eat an energy bar, then do 30 minutes cardio, about 30 minutes weights and right after that I drink a protein shake. My goal was to get rid of all the flab, because I weigh about 184 lbs and I'm over 6' so I was told by a nutritionist that I shouldn't lose any more weight, that I was alright between 180-190lbs. The thing is I used to weigh 245lbs, but during the last couple of months of school last year and the first couple of months of school this year, I had terrible eating habits, so I pretty much underate, which is why I think that even though at one point I was at 180 lbs, I looked terrible and had all this flab even though I did cardio. According to the nutritionist I should be eating around 2400-2600 calories on my active days and about 2200 on my sedentary days (which are sundays only). I don't really count how much I eat, but I do eat A LOT compared to what I used to eat before, and I eat about every 3-4 hours a meal, 3 of these meals are decent meals, and the others are about as large as a snack. One thing, though, maybe I"m not getting enough carbs? I try to stay away from those, because not only do I not know with 100% (I do eat lots of fruits and veggies, and sometimes whole grains, but not that many because I don't have THAT much access to them) cetainty which ones are good for me, sometimes I think that they are the one thing that fattens me the most.

Well, I'll try doing weights after the cardio, and right before the weights eat the energy bar and protein shake? Or is it okay if I just eat the energy bar, do weights, do cardio for 30 minutes and then drink the protein shake?

Quick question: Does doing cardio right before weights (and I do every day, considerable amounts. I mean, I do 30 minutes, but I break a mean sweat) hamper your efforts in gaining size through weight training? Does it also hamper your efforts in getting stronger through weight training?

Just get honey and some lemon juice (y'know, the kind they sell in those lemon-shaped plastic bottles at the grocery store?) and pour hot water and voila! Lemon-honey tea!

 

Well I got one yesterday that was eucalyptus mint and supposedly is good for soothig and had vitamin c and zinc and stuff. I dunno how much it worked but it did help me get some sleep though, because I know that usually when I get sick I can't sleep, and last night, instead, I slept like a baby. I have never seen those lemon-shaped plastic bottles, though... Now I feel like checking it out.

Stinkweed,

 

Are you a freshman? I think everyone feels a bit decentered as they make the huge transition from high school to college. Give yourself a bit more time to adjust to life at uni ...

 

Hey, if you feel really sluggish, maybe you should go to the health center and consult with a doctor? Also drink lots of honey lemon tea; this usually helps me when I have a sore throat

 

Also, this may be a rather *silly* suggestion but how about watching sitcoms? Just the simple act of laughing helps us feel better! (I think I read somewhere about "laugh therapy" -- all they do is get together and laugh and laugh bc it's supposed to be therapeutic! Now THAT made me laugh

 

Feel better soon, SW!

 

Hugs,

Ellie

Yeah I'm a freshman, well into 2nd semester already, and lol, actually, whenever I watch a movie or tv, 90% of the time it's comedy, cause I really need the laughs... So I don't find the suggestion silly at all, lol. It's just that I only have time to do that like on friday nights. If i do it anytime else during the week my gut just doesn't let me enjoy it, because there's always more stuff to study, more to read... I think I'll give the tea a try... Where can I get the stuff from?

Thank you so much for your replies.

It's just that this week started terribly wrong. I think I might be getting sick, cause I've got a slight sore throat, and I started the week beyond tired, and I usually start the week full of energy. In fact, I get mostly everything I need to do in the beginning of the week... This time, I'm just sitting here reading your replies and listening to music, but I'm still so tired I just wanna pass out or something, because I know that if I were to try to take a nap, I wouldn't be able to get a second's sleep (I just can't sleep during the day...). I do usually walk out in the fresh air, but not today, b/c it's too cold for me, and I think it's that walking in the cold that got me sick from last week, and now I might've caught something (plus the frostbite's killin me. My hands look like I'm gonna get gangrene or something, even though I wear a decent coat and gloves).

I dunno if I can get a life, though. I just don't feel much motivation towards human interaction. I wish I did, though. But I dunno what's happened this year, since I graduated from high school, my social life has gone from decent to terribly bad to much worse than that. I don't go out unless it is completely necessary, and don't spend more time around people than I need to.. I dunno, sometimes I find myself feeling really uncomfortable talking to people as if it's just not right, you know? Probably just me being paranoid, but I feel almost like they don't really care and might even think I'm a loser or something. It's been a while since I've made anyone laugh with me (as for laughing AT me, I really wouldn't know... I really pay little mind to what's going on around me most of the time when I'm around people, cause I'm either payin attention to the professor, or walking with my headphones on thinking about the song playing...)

I'm so sorry, and I apologize for sounding like I don't wanna helped, because I do want help. It's just that some of those suggestions sound very helpful, but being so related to people, I just don't feel motivated enough. I mean, people are always annoying to me (or maybe it's the dealing with them part that I find annoying because of what I described above), or best case scenario, they're boring. And I just can't deal with people I know I have so little in common with (and it might not be true, but sometimes I feel like that's 95% of the people on this world), because then I feel like I, myself, am being boring as well or maybe loserish or something.

thank you very much for your suggestions though.

LOL...wait until you have kids!!

 

Lol, don't think that'll happen ever. I mean, I don't really care whether I stay single and celibate for all my life, however much or little there might be left of it. Plus, I don't think I could handle a relationship. Heck, I couldn't even handle dating, or the pre-dating part more specifically, and life without the stress that comes with it is hard enough for me (I know I know. Some people will think "and what's so hard about it for you, you spoiled *insert insult here*. I work 180 jobs and have 27 mouths to feed all while going to school as well!" but maybe I'm just psychologically inferior and my central processor is not as advanced as yours and can't handle many things at once or something, whatever, I don't really care). So Unless I do like microorganisms do, I doubt I'll ever have to face that situation, fortunately (some people might disagree with that "fortunately" and that's ok. It's just my opinion. I only know how to take care of myself anyway).

 

Best wishes to all of you.

I'm so tired I could just die. It just seems sometimes like there aren't enough hours in a day to do everything... Man, I study A LOT! I spend entire days studying almost from sunup to way past sundown, and it's still not enough. This is because I see it as my obligation, the only thing I've got. I don't have a job, so it'd be kinda unjustified for me to get crappy grades, and I don't have any friends to "waste my time with". Sometimes it is hard to concentrate, though... And I dunno what to do, because I'm sure that if I could concentrate better, maybe I'd have more time to do other things, or get more sleep. I guess what I'm saying is that at 19 I shouldn't be this tired, because I have many more years of this left (and it'll probably get worse when I get a job after college and stuff). I've only got 2 hobbies of which only 1 I get to practice daily: working out. Yeah, I pretty much do it as a hobby, cause I don't care anymore what I look like (I pretty much still think I look like crap, but I guess eventually, if I keep working out it'll get better, I guess I'm not in a rush anymore), and I'm in perfect health, etc.

I'm sorry, I'm just ranting cause I'm so tired. As usual, I don't expect many people reading this or replying. But It's just that one would think that a hermit like me would be able to take care of these tasks much more easily than anyone else. Truth is, it's not that easy to me, because I can't concentrate... So if anyone could give me some tips on how to focus and make the most out of time, that'd be swell.

Just because you don't wanna have zits you're metro-sexual, then? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with the word metro-sexual, but I've never considered myself metro-sexual, although I do try to care of myself.... I just consider it basic good higiene, man.

So, what? You gotta look like this guy not to be labeled "metro-sexual"?

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but I found I seemed to be eating so much!!!

Well, high levels of activity require larger amounts of fuel. There's no way around it. "Eating little and working out a lot" doesn't work at all and is harmful as well, and you will end up looking terrible losing more muscle mass and fluid rather than fat. So especially if you're trying to build muscle to replace the fat, you need that extra fuel.

Make sure to eat the fast burning carbs, like what's found in oatmeal early in the day. Keep that energy going!

Whole grains such as that brown rice and whole grain bread are good too. Just don't eat WAY too many of those, though.

If you ask her out and she says "yes", then she's definitively interested.