K182

Thank you everyone. It is definitely right that I start questioning whether some of this is normal and I am just uptight and overreacting. Hence my post. I am honestly protective too because I don’t even like talking about this stuff to people around me because I don’t want them to look at him badly or our relationship for that matter. Funny how it ends up feeling like I am the one picking at him too because I am always trying to keep him in check with not drinking too much or trying to bring up and communicate how certain things he has done makes me feel. He never wants to hear any of it though and ofcourse that frustrates me more and I definitely feel like I end up looking like the issue is me 🤨 Even just recently during the holiday period, I expressed that I thought we were better to avoid super crowded and busy places over the holiday days due to the explosion of covid in our area when he suggested we take our bub for lunch at a new pub that opened up a few suburbs away from here. I didn’t say not to do anything, just be selective so that we could avoid our son getting it at this point. I know we’ll all get it at some point, just wanted our son to be a bit older and stronger for it. My partner didn’t say too much about it but did agree. 2 days later he ducked out for a quick afternoon swim with a mate. I joked before he went that his plans like that usually end up being that he doesn’t drift back in for hours until our son was almost in bed for the night. He didn’t confirm that would be the case. next thing, almost 5 hours later just as I was feeding our son dinner before bed he drifted back in after obviously having had quite a bit to drink and told me that they had gone to the new pub…. I was so annoyed. Of all places. WHY? But again, the problem is me. He flips out and storms off when I get annoyed. Then he’ll come back later and tell me how much he loves me. Sometimes I even get ‘I love you so much. Even if you do get cranky sometimes’.

Yes I agree with what you are saying @Batya33. I know he is a little bah humbug at Xmas. I just don’t understand how not thinking Xmas should be for anyone else but the kids and zero effort on buying for family can then end up being that the only friend we purchase a gift for at Xmas to be his female best friend. he didn’t even mention it to me at the time and I was likely sitting right next to him talking to his mum. His friend messaged me to say thanks which is the first I had heard about it. It was only a $30 movie gift voucher. I got quite ***ty about it tbh. Just felt like it was very inappropriate that I had been sitting around entertaining his parents and his thoughts had drifted off to trying to do something nice for another woman who is a lot older than 12 years old who has a boyfriend who would have bought her lots of presents along with a family who would have also bought her a lot. he won’t see reason with me though. He doesn’t think It is strange at all

Been together 7 years. Lived together for 5 years and he is almost 41 If you ask me, I would say he drinks too much. His version is that he enjoys a drink. He would usually drink 4-5 beers or more most days. He only has 1 x 6 pack left from a case he bought on Sunday afternoon. That doesn’t include any that he has had out and about. He tells me I over react on that too…

Every year he seems to need to try to spoil Xmas for me. Dampen my spirit. I actually feel like he often tries to spoil things for me and pick at me. in the same breath, he always tells me he loves me so much. He just doesn’t seem to have any tolerance for anything I like or want to do though. He is only flexible when things are on his terms. I really don’t think he would like it if the roles were reversed and the only effort I put In to Xmas was to buy one present for my male friend. funny thing is that he bought her a movie gift voucher. He always hates going to the movies. Or Atleast he does when I have suggested it. Any time we have gone he has whinged the whole time and pretty much made out that it was boring AF and he would prefer to be else where

So my partner has a couple of friends that are girls. He has had them for a long time now. Well before he met me. A couple of them he has been intimate with. One of them he even dated for 6 years. one of the girls he has been good friends with since they were teenagers. He considers her a best friend. I think they were intimate pretty briefly in their late teens/early 20s, but nothing serious. ive never really questioned it and to be honest, I’ve never been jealous either. She was married for a long time and her husband passed away a few years ago. She has had a rough trot. That being said, she is now happily in a relationship with a guy and they have been together for 2 years now. I have never interfered with this friendship. I’ve always just accepted that they have been friends for ages and it doesn’t impact the relationship my partner and I have. to set the scene, my partner never really likes Xmas. I mostly love it. Every year I love buying presents and sticking Xmas decorations and also spending time with family. Every year my partner seems to try to bring me down. He picks at me and always makes a point of saying that he doesn’t know why people put so much in to Xmas. He likes to say that Xmas is only for kids under 12. It shouldn’t be about anyone over 12 years old. every year I am the one to do all of the the present buying. My partner has no interest in doing that job. This year was no exception. I did all of the present buying and Xmas decorating. My partner helped a little with the decorations, but only because this year he saw more of a point with it because it was our 8 month olds first Xmas. He still found reason to pick at me though to cut a long story short. We had Xmas at our place this year. First Xmas in our new home, with both families with our first born. All went quite well really. Great day, but also very hectic entertaining etc. at the end of a long day, the last of our guests (partner’s parents) were sitting with us in the kitchen. I was sitting chatting to them and my partner was sitting next to me but had gone pretty quiet. I wasn’t really watching what he was doing but just remember him enjoying a few bourbons and not really saying too much. Suddenly I got a message from his best friend that is a girl and she thanked me for the movie voucher that we got for her. I logged on to the credit card statement and saw that my partner had made the transaction on Xmas day. I’m assuming it was while I was sitting entertaining his parents. I was quite taken back by the situation. I keep telling myself that I am overreacting. Every time I try to look at it from different perspectiveS, I still feel the same way though. My partner has a male friend who he sees a lot more than this girl best friend. The best friend that is a guy has no one that buys him presents at Xmas time. He is single and not close to his family. What spun me out was ‘why not also buy for your male best friend who actually has far less being given around him at Xmas time than his best girl friend’. The response I got was. ‘He’s a dude. You don’t buy presents for guys’. so anyway, I’m apparently being silly. I am being told it isn’t weird etc etc. all I keep thinking though is why was it so important to do something nice for the girl friend for Xmas when he sees no reason to buy presents for family and also tells me that Xmas is not for anyone over 12 years old 🤷‍♂️. keen to hear others thoughts on how this would sit with them if they were me in this situation thanks