arjumand

MINIMUM INVOLVEMENT with HIS own child? That is not something I could abide in a partner. Then, of course, there is all the unprotected sex and other stupidity. Also what is the point of a seven month break? That is a break up. This relationship is just a complete waste of time. Dump his ass and raise your standards. Seriously.

Fourth cousin? That is not closely related at all. No one should think anything of it. I belong to an ethnic minority that lives around the world and genetically, we are all third cousins. Seriously, get a grip.

You realize that you caught him twice. He has done this dozens of times. And it wasn’t just virtual.

OP how old are you?

I don’t want it to be permanent means “I need a backup plan.” Function as a family means “I don’t want the responsibility of taking care of my kids.” She is completely only thinking about herself. You are off the table except for what you can do for her. get a lawyer and a therapist and look after yourself. You deserve much better.

Alex, you don't need to meet quality men right now. You need to be a quality woman and that means taking the time to make yourself happy. That is what quality is. And you would be amazed that when you are happy with your life -- when you have friends and activities and things you enjoy -- you meet men because they notice happy. Right now you are giving off desperation because you want a man, any man, to notice you. That is not attractive. And that is not good for you. Take a year, work on you. Not just therapy. Find things you enjoy -- try different volunteer opportunities. Find classes to take that actually interest you. Find community groups to join. Spend time on hobbies that you have stopped or not done in a while. Make things. Learn a language. Bake. Do something. Make your life fulfilling. Stop giving so much attention to people who make you nuts. Find your people. Then in a year you might find a man, you might not. But you will have a better, happier life.

So that is something to think about from a creative point of view. Why not paint when you are miserable? Is it that then you would actually see your feelings on the canvas and not be able to get away from them? Is it because you feel no visual creativity when you are miserable? I am a writer and I understand having no motivation in an artform at different times. But I have also found that forcing myself to begin work has garnered some really interesting work that lends my writing a different flavor. Perhaps if you force yourself to start painting you will end up with paintings that are different but just as worthwhile. Just a thought. Hope you feel better soon.

(if you do it right). 🤣🤣🤣🤣 So true!!!

Senior year is really more of waiting around for life to start. In your shoes, I would go after dance as you have a very short window for a career as with any type of athletic endeavor. Of course, I am not you. But either way, make sure you graduate.

Contact a lawyer, without his knowledge, and figure out a divorce plan. Contact a domestic abuse hotline https://www.thehotline.org And discuss how to leave safely. Make a plan. Tell him nothing. Safety first.

Do you have a question?

So really time has nothing to do with this -- it is something you are using as an excuse for getting married when you knew you didn't want to. Knowing him for five years would not have changed this because you just didn't want to get married. Just making a note that there is no magic number for how long you need to know someone to marry -- I knew my husband for less than a year when we got married 34 years ago. OTOH, I have friends who dated for five or more years and were divorced in less than two. The issue is knowing yourself and what you want. You know you don't want to be married -- so don't be. Let him find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with him.

Or just a date. The ring is not necessary.

Your thinking is correct -- that you can't be with someone who is mentally unhealthy and who is not doing anything about it. I am glad that you are valuing yourself and living your life. This is real progress. It is sad, and disappointing, but you are doing really well.

It is so much less expensive -- both monetarily and emotionally -- to call off a wedding than to get a divorce. Call it off, walk away. It seems impossible, believe me, it is not. Plenty of people have called off weddings after money was spent and I don't know one who regretted it. I do know a LOT of people who regret marrying someone who has treated them badly and had affairs and generally just not treated them with respect. Respect yourself. Leave, don't look back, get some therapy, figure out why you were willing to put up with this fluff of a relationship when you are clearly worth more.

Miss Canuck is absolutely right. Quit wasting time and energy explaining yourself — they won’t accept explanations and they are keeping you on the defensive when they are the ones behaving badly. They are his family, let him deal with them. Period. He has been involved in severe emotional abuse and manipulation along with them — he needs to make amends HUGELY and keep them within boundaries. That is unlikely to happen and you are so inured to crappy behavior that you keep getting involved. Frankly, you should move on and find a nicer guy and figure out why you are willing to put up with so much unacceptable behavior. But if not, he has to set up boundaries and be in your side AT ALL TIMES or you will stay in a bad situation.

Very sorry to hear of your loss, but in-law problems are really spouse problems. Besides the fact that he allows her to terrorize you, the fact that he said you could leave and she would raise the child better than you proves he is no better than she is. This marriage is unlikely to improve without an enormous amount of work. He has seen you suffering, he has caused suffering, and he only gives words of wanting to change anything when you threaten to leave. I don’t think this is someone you should try to spend your life with.

I am sorry, but you need to get this guy out of your life. He wants you to make his business work and that is why he wants you to move in. He wants you to worry about feeding his family and then gets to break up with you because you are stressed and negative having to handle his poor life decisions. You can do better than this. You do not need, at 23, to be taking on an older man with practically grown kids and solve his problems. Stop making decisions based on this relationship. Now is the time to build YOUR future, to work on the career and lifestyle you want and to determine what kind of life you want. I am certain you can find a far better partner who is in charge of his own life. And even if you can’t, you are better off alone than being dragged down by this guy.

Very sorry to hear that.

The handsome guy you refer to as “more of a gentleman and considerate, too.” Does the less perfect person treat you well? Is he considerate? Does he treat others well? That is incredibly important.

My SIL's parents met after World War II -- he was a Polish Holocaust survivor, she was a refugee from Yemen. Her brother found him on the street and brought him home to dinner where she pushed the food that would not completely set his head on fire closer to his plate. They had no common language. They figured it out and were married for more than 50 years with children and grandchildren.

Very stressful, I understand. I too have a lot of dementia in my family, both sides. However, getting information and starting treatment can really make a difference. I know your life has been very challenging, but perhaps the therapy will help and the MRI will just show that since he is is on his 50s he is taking longer to fully heal. Let’s think optimistically.

Well, if you weren't ready for sex early then you were dating someone who was wrong for you. You seem to have a lot of trouble determining what you want and then standing up for it, thus you stay in bad situations where you get nothing you want and just hope things will change. This is very unhealthy and you need real help to change this. It can be changed, but you need to do the work.

So you really should take the Perth opportunity because you need a job. That would do a lot for your mental health -- also, you don't seem to be leaving much behind if you move. Perhaps once you are employed you could get out there and make friends.

Mistress or not, you are not happy in this relationship and you are spending valuable years, energy and emotion on a course that is going nowhere. I can't say whether you should move to Perth (although in my eyes, what an adventure!) but you need to get out of this relationship and work on yourself to figure out why you were willing to put up with someone who put so much time and energy into someone else. You can do better and have a better life.