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  1. Words of wisdom worth sharing: 1.) You can be a friend to someone (phone them, message them, plan outings, etc, but if they're not a friend to you (reciprocating all of those things), then that's not your friend. That's you being a friend to them, but it's not being reciprocated. One way relationship, but not an actual friendship. Those that don't make efforts back, or don't treat you as well as you do them, just let them go. Find actual friends, not one way relationships. 2.) Tolerance in a group, or with an individual, does not mean friendship. They may be polite to you (even friendly), they may tolerate you, but that doesn't make you friends. There is a world of difference between those that just tolerate you and those that are genuinely happy to see you and happy for you to be apart of their lives and want you to be apart of their lives.
    12 points
  2. UPDATE: Haven't posted in awhile so thought I would write a little update Things have really been going smooth for me and my new Angel - we've been together a little over a year now - she's moved in and as cheesy as this sounds "she completes me." 🥰 She is one of the most caring and loving souls I have ever met. We are still taking things slow - but I think we may be ready to make this more permanent. She's simply amazing - hard to believe we spent all that time as classmates - only to fall in love later in life. What I love about our relationship the most is we have both been betrayed and we are both so sensitive to each others needs. She's always checking to make sure my fragile heart is okay. It's so many little things that she does for me to let me know my heart is safe with her and I make sure she gets plenty of attention as well. We just can't keep our hands off each other 😁 I love that we have so much in common - we spend most of our time just snuggled up on the sofa by the fireplace watching old TV shows and movies. We both want to move this forward - but we haven't set a date yet - maybe sometime before the end of the year. I went out and visited my EX FIL's grave the other day - I really miss him. Got a letter from the EX - won't go into great detail - it was more of the same apologies and confessions. She's back in therapy and going to school - says she's trying to get her life together and that she may have to put her mom in a convalescent home. I feel bad for her mom - but I honestly felt nothing for my EX - I could not tell if she was being genuine or just playing more games. I told Angel about the letter - we don't keep any secrets from each other. I asked if she wanted to read it - she just smiled and said she had a better idea and chucked it into the fireplace - I happily concurred. I also got a little karma news about the OM - apparently the guy was pulled over by the cops and busted with a bunch of Meth in his trunk - he got arrested and they towed his car. I think he made bail - but he's in a lot of trouble! Oh well - play stupid games - win stupid prizes My buddy is about to retire from the PI business to spend more time with his family - We go out together as couples almost every other weekend and have a blast. Overall I am doing OK - having a great time - loving life - business is still booming - and my heart is racing again. Well that's all for now - Thanks again for listening Stay safe out there.
    10 points
  3. Thanks all. Would he stay with my friend’s daughter? Yes, but in the beginning he probably would be trying to rip open the door to my bedroom and stuff. When I am in the shower and such, no he doesn’t melt down. He is at the point where he keeps himself busy. I found out something awesome today at work - our museum got a very large grant. We will be seeing a (small) raise in 45 days, and apparently something I didn’t know is I can utilize the childcare even when I am not there. It’s part of the museum 90 day perk package for employees (im about to get my review in 2 weeks). You get a reciprocal membership, standard 90 day raise(this is separate from the raise coming from the grant) and access to childcare during museum hours as long as you are scheduled for at least 15 hours of the week that week(I always am). So this is really cool. The raise is not as big of a deal to me as the childcare. We can also watch remotely from our phones. So…I think picking up some flex gig or another PTJ is the way to go. Thanks again everyone.
    9 points
  4. OP, you agreed to ENA rules when you registered. Let me remind you of Rule 6: "Please post in letter style. Use paragraphs, punctuation, and capital letters appropriately. Netspeak and shortcutting (b4, str8, etc) are difficult to read and not permitted in posts." No-one is being rude (other than you), but if you want any decent responses, please have the courtesy to make your posts readable and understandable.
    9 points
  5. "I understand. Thanks for being honest. I'm dating because I want to find the right woman to have a relationship with. Since that won't be happening with us I wish you the best in the future."
    9 points
  6. That right there is the red flag the size of China. Don't waste your time and emotions on a guy who keeps you and your relationship a secret while making himself busy acting single with other women. It's not about the picture or whether he is holding someone around the waist, it's that he is presenting himself and acting single behind your back, keeping you out of sight and just as a convenience. Dump him and don't look back. Also, your instincts are correct in terms of being upset by it. Just....rather than trying to fight about it or "fix it" learn to observe, listen to your gut screaming at you, and walk away.
    8 points
  7. It sounds like a typical LDR... you enjoy all the fun and the visits but you're not there to actually experience life together. I don't think he's pulling your leg. taking care of a dementia patient, especially a parent, is hard work- physically, mentally, emotionally. But... if you can't go to him and carry more of the burden, you're kinda just left with a pen pal. You're not being realistic. When you're caring for a sick parent, there aren't a lot of opportunities for extended breaks where he can go across the country. I don't think you really seem to empathize with him. You're really just thinking of yourself and what you're missing out on.
    8 points
  8. I agree with your sister. I don't think you beer comments had anything to do with it. He wanted sex. That's it, really. I am not sure why you think you did something wrong. He just wasn't into this for the same reasons you were. As such, there is really nothing to say to him. His distance tells you what you need to know, unfortuantely. I would let it fizzle and not hook up with him again.
    8 points
  9. Today we got our RHU offer and I got everything I wanted . 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and central air and a recent renovation ( 2017). Only $100 more a month than we pay here. We move first week of September. Sad I closed my daycare early but it will give me a summer off.
    8 points
  10. Ahh, the kids. I think it has been mentioned many many times in your previous threads about being an alcoholic and trying to have kids. You need to be fully sober in every way before getting into having kids. It would be hugely irresponsible to bring a child into the world when you binge drink and get drunk and pass out etc. No child deserves that. Anyone who is aware of that could (should) report it (imo). As for trying herbs and supplements to stop drinking - that will never work and I think you know it too. I think you're clutching at straws because you really DON'T want to join AA (as you've mentioned before), so you try herbs etc to make yourself believe you really are trying to quit, knowing full well that it won't work. You need AA and a good long stay in rehab if you seriously want to stop this.
    8 points
  11. He's getting something of value from someone who is a high risk to his romantic relationship--doesn't care that he's risking a breakup with you. If she was a true friend, she would be a champion of your relationship unless you're a toxic person, which I assume you're not. He hid the truth from you so you would accept their "friendship." If he was a person of integrity, the moment she said she was interested in a relationship with him, in addition to showing jealousy on social media, he should've told her they could no longer be friends because it isn't healthy for his primary relationship. If you stay, you clearly possess very low self-worth. There are single guys with good ethics who would make decent partners. Free yourself so you can meet one of them.
    8 points
  12. Okay I am a guy so I will tell you straight. Don't make it a big deal. The bigger you make it the more nervous he will be about not knowing what to do. Keep it simple, nice and slow and make sure you communicate. Is oral on the table? Never to early to learn right? Maybe the next time you are over... Guide him. Guide his hands and his other part too 🙂 Be prepared for him not to last very long. If he doesn't don't worry he will probably be ready to go again in less than a half hour. He is going to worry he will not satisfy you so let him know that learning what each other enjoys is all part of the fun. Lastly I don't think you were pushy. He is a guy with a boner, you pretty much know what he is thinking right there. He has waited a long time for what ever reason so just tell him when he is ready you are. Oh and teach the guy how to kiss, you will be doing yourself a huge favor. Have fun and relax. I am happy you met someone that gives you butterflies Lost PS You are the something special, he doesn't need anything else.
    8 points
  13. If my SO was saying things like that, First I would go throw up, and realize I have been sleeping with and emotionally invested in a sexual deviant, then pack my stuff up, jump in my truck, and drive into the sunset.
    8 points
  14. I think you must force yourself to examine the dynamic between you and your daughter. This is for both or your sakes. Your level of responsibility is bordering on destructive. Actually, I think that is putting it lightly, for a couple of reasons. To be honest, it is destructive. Your daughter has not learned the skills she needs to become more independent, and is unprepared to fend for herself at this point. You have no job and no way to support yourself. Both of these situations have developed because you are managing her every need. In addition, your relationship with a man that you love has disintegrated. There are opportunities for your daughter to learn independence via trained professionals. And there are opportunities for you to become employed and support yourself (and her). But neither is possible if you continue to cling to such a high level of responsibility. It's also not possible to have an intimate relationship with another adult when you are so fully committed to somebody else. I think you should read about codependence. Your relationship with your daughter is damaging her chance to be independent. It's damaging your ability to be independent. It very likely did at least some damage to your marriage. And it's certainly damaged your current relationship--perhaps destroyed it.
    8 points
  15. No, no. Let me try to summarize: He cheated on his wife because he is a moral man. His wife deprived him of sex out of unrelenting, unreasonable selfishness. The poor man is so religiously upright that he did the right thing by lying to her repeatedly and sleeping with random other women for only one year. One of the crazy ladies that he slept with lost her mind and texted him after several years of absolutely no communication from him, and perfect fidelity to his wife. He was just too irresistible, and the crazy lady couldn't help herself. His sneaky, snooping wife spied on him and found this crazy lady's text message. She believed the crazy lady over her own religiously pious, wonderful, perfect husband. Then his wife went and divorced him because she is actually an evil and blasphemous heathen who doesn't understand that she caused this whole problem in the first place. All she cares about is herself. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
    8 points
  16. No, it's the hardest thing you will ever do. I was a stay at home mom with no marketable skills with two young sons. My ex threatened that I would sleep in my car and never see my sons if I left. I got myself into therapy and I slowly started speaking up for myself and asking for change. I was given the tools and support to handle my end respectfully with confidence and an objective 3rd party who helped me find my way. My ex always played the "how low can I go" game. But I was proud of how I learned to handle myself when faced with toxic conflict and not let him rattle me. The turning point was seeing an attorney. That was the hardest thing I did and it took me about a year into therapy to make that phone call. I kept viewing that as a final fact, but I was encouraged to view it at as just seeking information. That's all. Information is power and whatever information I received I didn't have to act on it. I kept the appt and even with that I think I waited a few more months before I acted on it and put him on retainer. I no longer had the crippling fear of what leaving would look like, as far as finances and custody would look like. Because if fear was the only thing keeping me at that point, I need to know. I ended up with primary custody of the boys but was committed to them having a good relationship with their dad, because that's what they deserved. We did ultimately go to couples therapy. He went for the wrong to reasons. He attempted to negotiate that he would go if I stopped my individual therapy. He went if I would fire the attorney I had put on retainer on, but wasn't even using at the moment. He did it to control the situation. I said a firm no to both conditions, but he reluctantly went. Which is a sad way and a wrong way to go about marriage counseling. Sitting in front of a third party therapist who challenged us both, all the ugliness spilled out. In the end counseling didn't save our marriage. What it did show me is that is was irrevocably broken. I begged for change and he fought to keep things the same. From the time I started individual counseling to the day he moved out, it took about 18 months. It wasn't an impulsive decision. In the end, I do not have any second thoughts that I didn't do everything in my power to save the marriage. Though it's sad life changing experience, I have a clear conscience. He left me no choice. He on the other hand lives with regrets. I used to tell myself I would stay and fight for my marriage for my kids. In the end I left for them. I didn't want them to think it was ok for men to treat women the way he did. So, when you say it's complicated and we might not understand. I can safely say I understand. I think a lot of women in your place can. I went back to school and today I have an 17 year career, I am a homeowner having just paid off my mortgage and anticipating an early retirement. My sons are thriving, educated and have great jobs. I can't find the words to express what living in a peaceful safe home feels like. The boys have a good relationship with their father. And in spite of everything. . and it took a looong time, we all spent this last Christmas together, myself, my bf, my ex and his gf, the boys and my new granddaughter. If anyone asked me if I envisioned this happening, I would have fallen off my chair and fainted. I hope my story helps you in some small way. Hang in there. You only get one life. Take that leap of faith. But start with therapy and get yourself some much deserved support. People can easily throw out the 'just leave' comments. It's a process. Being aware that it's miserable and seeking advice is often just the start of your journey.
    8 points
  17. I never thought I would see such a day in my country. I pray for peace, compromise, and unity. I am not trying to start a political discussion, I am just so disheartened by everything.
    8 points
  18. Here's wishing everyone a safe and Merry Christmas! 🎅 ⛸️ ⛄
    8 points
  19. Good for you for asking a girl out finally! That's a great positive step. So, she didn't reject you. She just had liked you for a long time, realized you didn't like her back and chose to be realistic and go out with someone else. You seem to tend to try for girls you think like you even if you're not particularly interested, I guess to "up" your chances. But you wait too long, months go by and no girl is going to wait that long for you when you show zero interest in her. So next time you like someone, ask her out. Don't wait months and months. And it's ok if someone says no thank you. We have all had that happen and survived.
    7 points
  20. I had someone who was a close friend try to get me fired. She was trying to be best friends with our supervisor so she thought she'd get kudos for tattling on me. Problem was, I didn't do what she'd claimed I'd done and I was able to prove it. I reacted by working my butt off. I performed over and above what was required. This resulted in me getting promoted. The ex friend? She got promoted too...2 1/2 years after I did. It's not easy when someone has it in for you. But it seems you are a valued employee. Try to let the petty BS roll off you and just go in there and kick butt. This job with it's accompanying child care benefit is way too good for you to leave it over an unprofessional buffoon.
    7 points
  21. I think this guy is looking to "punish" someone for all the past pain. So he chose this moment to punish you and cast you out of his life, because it doesn't sound like he ever really dealt with his ex cheating on him. Should you have been honest about being out of work? Sure. But is he over-reacintg? Yes, without any question. Major projection going on there. He's showing you that he is rigid and lacks any empathy. His stance towards you is punitive and I would not be sad to lose someone like this. Notice how he made this all about him and his feelings? Never asked how you were coping with unemployment? Never tried to meet you halfway on this? Made you feel bad for cutting loose and having a good time with a few drinks? He sounds controlling, honestly. Toodles, dude. He's not the great catch you think he is.
    7 points
  22. This worry you have will only increase as the marriage goes on. He has shown some pretty disrespectful behavior towards you and you have only been dating a short time. Once married and he knows he has you locked down it will get worse. It sounds like he subtly puts you down so you will be weak and he can control how you view things and his behavior. This is not good. How many relationships have you been in before this one? Do you feel like he is the best you can do? Do you feel like you are running out of time to get married? Lost
    7 points
  23. It's a valid concern. Loving someone and feeling a deep connection to them is great, but there's much, much more to a relationship than that. All of those warm, fuzzy feelings will disappear after a couple of years of you pulling all of the weight in this relationship. You're already mothering him about his career choice, and about going to college. Save that for your children, if you choose to have them. A relationship is a partnership, not a parent-child dynamic. Yes, you will need to support one another sometimes, but what you have here is not 'sometimes.' You have a person who plans poorly and makes bad decisions.
    7 points
  24. Thank you everyone. My husband went down last night to be with his mom. Hopefully he can get in to see his dad today. He lived a long life, almost 89. He lived a mostly good life and was happy. This will be a release for him. He was such a strong independent man all his life to be trapped in a failing mind and body would have been torture for him. My husband and mother in law see it as a mercy for him.
    7 points
  25. The forum was updated. Here are couple of posts from Invision explaining some of the new features that will be implemented on ENA. Achievements Push notifications Anonymous posting
    7 points
  26. I agree with TinyDance, it's harder to find someone as a "blank slate" in your 30s when you want to have a faily. Not impossible, but harder. He wants kids, you don't, there is no compromise when it comes to kids. None. If you have a kid you don't want - then you'll be miserable. If he doesn't have a kid when he wants one - then he'll be miserable. No one "wins" in this situation. I've never wanted kids. Actually, I got surgically sterilized in my mid 20s and I'm in my 30s now, very happy with my choice. I've broken up with partners for wanting kids when I didn't want them and trust me, it's the best decision in the end. Rip off the band-aid.
    7 points
  27. Please do not prolong this. You'll just get more attached and more angst over this dealbreaker issue. He didn't make this decision because of an individual epiphany he had -it was in reaction to you now determining you definitely don't want kids even though at points you said you might be open to it. Please let him find someone who wants children with all her heart and soul so he can realize his dream of being an awesome father. He's waffling because he's so afraid of losing you . Do the humane thing and let him go so he can be a dad. Or at least try to, with someone who can't wait to be a mom.
    7 points
  28. Do you mean he ogles them, cranes his head over his neck to stare at them, or that you get jealous when he peers up at the waitress to give his order, or that you expect him to stare down at his shoes while you two walk together in case he spots someone more beautiful and takes off after her, yanking the leash out of your hand?
    7 points
  29. OK, so I got the restraining order yesterday. He should be served with it today. Also, my daughter filed charges for the items he stole from her. I filed charges because he stole my wedding dress. For those charges, he now has 2 warrants for his arrest. This will definitely violate his probation so he should be back in jail for a while...I hope. I contacted an attorney yesterday and she is supposed to call me back today. I'm staying at my mom's until my son gets back from drill on Saturday. Thank you all for your concern and support. I appreciate it more than you know!
    7 points
  30. This isn't a relationship problem, this controlling raging thing is a YOU problem. Something you should be working on personally and directly rather than in couples counseling. Yes, if you want people to be honest, YOU have to make it safe for them to do so. Meaning that you can't be controlling, threatening, flip out, etc. When you punish a person for being honest with a negative reaction, people will start lying to avoid your temper and to avoid punishment. Also, you have a history of reacting badly, so no, your gf can't just flip a switch and start trusting that you miraculously will not create drama if she tells you the truth. When you destroy trust with your behavior, it takes a very long time for people to learn to trust you again and it will be a touch and go situation. This means that it will be hard work on YOU to earn their trust back and there will be times where a person will opt to lie expecting a bad reaction from you and you will have to not only forgive them, but keep reassuring them and proving to them that telling you the truth is fine. Above aside, don't date someone who doesn't share your values and you won't have these issues in the first place. You aren't just being controlling, you are trying to change who she is. Never works out in the long run.
    7 points
  31. Sure, but back then she was still living with her husband and she had a part time job and presumably had some relief in there set up, including time to date. My impression is that her life might have looked a bit different then. Moving far away from whatever support system there was even if it was just her ex and living for 2 years with 24/7 caregiving is a whole different ballgame. An eye opening one for sure. On that note, he is freaking out right when her divorce is about to be finalized. I wonder if that's another fear of his - now that she is free to marry, that she'll start wanting that from him and he is not into that. It's one of those things that the OP doesn't want to contemplate. Basically that a man who is willing to get involved with a married woman, even if all above board in terms of open marriage, still has attachment issues. He was happy because in a way she was never fully available and perhaps he felt safe in that. Now that she is about to be fully available...he is freaking out and backing away. If that's the case, she'd be wise to cool it with the talks and distance a bit. The more she pushes him, the more he'll back away.
    7 points
  32. OP he knows perfectly well what he is unhappy about. It's just that saying it out loud would make him look like a selfish jerk even though he is not. In fact he already told you what he is unhappy about - he wants to be free to travel, be spontaneous, live life and do things. Assuming you two are of a similar age, I doubt his vision of retirement involves being tied to a house and caring for your daughter 24/7 no matter how nice the house is. There is a big difference between talking about things and living with the reality of 24/7 caregiving. He probably also made some assumptions that you will manage things differently or seek solutions for caregiving that would free you more. Unfortunately, you have been categorically closed off to anything such and he cannot ask you or say anything to you about that because if he does, and you put your daughter in a home purely to save the relationship, you will grow to resent him for it. It's a decision that has to come independently from you and only you. He cannot say a thing to you about it. I asked you a serious question earlier - what will happen to your daughter when you are no longer able to support her and you haven't taken steps to set her up to live without you? No matter how much you don't like this - every single parent's ultimate job is to ensure that their children can live without them. Your situation is more challenging, but still.....the same end result. You have to do it for her and ultimately for yourself as well, regardless of how this relationship shakes out. On that note, I do believe that he does love you, but that he is also unhappy and doesn't see a way forward with you and can't tell you directly what's all on his mind for reasons above. Can you resolve that? Possibly, but you'll need to take the helm on that and be willing to make some drastic changes.
    7 points
  33. He's a married man who has outright told you he intends to stay married in order to get something more from his wife. Run. Run and don't look back. Brace yourself because I'm about to say something you won't want to hear. This guy is not quality, he's a major user. He has at least 2 women on the hook to get what he wants regardless of how it hurts those around him, his wife and you. I wonder what he tells her! He can't propose marriage to you, he's married. That he'd even say that is so disrespectful to you. Good for you for not having sex with him while being reminded of his wife. Good, that's the healthy part of you, listen to that. You are worth more than being used by this guy. People make mistakes. Getting involved with a man still in a marriage was a mistake. BUT - you can choose differently at any time. You can leave this, learn from it, and give yourself the chance to be available for a really great guy who is available for you. This guy is not. So as long as you stay, you hurt yourself and close yourself off to that chance. Nothing is guaranteed, but wouldn't you rather know you did everything you could?
    7 points
  34. He doesn’t have to “ mature “ . You can be entirely mature and not want children. You made a mistake In not believing when he told you in the beginning he didn’t want kids. This is not something to compromise on. If you want kids you need to divorce.
    7 points
  35. Sorry to hear this. After a few dates, unfortunately he was crystal clear about how he feels. You need to believe him and accept that not every dating situation works out. He's not "the one", if he just wants to be friends.
    7 points
  36. You need to ask yourself what you see in such a rude, demeaning little punk. Seriously, why are you still even giving this guy the time of day, much less explaining yourself to him? He is not a good person. I would have launched this weasel into the stratosphere by now, and long since blocked his number. You need to ask yourself why you haven't.
    7 points
  37. Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore. Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and again that he will continue to respond to your texts with silence. At this point, you will start to look crazy if you keep reaching out to him. Most importantly, please don't get into this idea that his bad behavior is somehow about you or a measure of you and your value. It is not. HIs actions are not about you - just a reflection of him and who he is. You thought he is great, now you know beyond the shadow of the doubt that he is not. So stop dwelling on his behavior and move on in peace knowing that you just totally dodged a bullet. When people show you who they really are, believe them.
    7 points
  38. This is not how healthy relationships function, OP. You can't make anyone buy you things, nor should you. That is plain entitled. if he isn't the type to keep his word on treating you, you end it. You don't try to force him to do things he isn't naturally interested in doing.
    7 points
  39. Cheaters are glib liars and they will always lie about their relationships in order to justify their cheating and excuse or even garner sympathy from you about their "plight". Aside from the world's smallest violin playing in the background as I read over his bs....you know what jumped out at me the most? He told you they are both such devout Christians, divorce not an option....and yet divorce became an immediate option once the wife found out he is a cheater. Can you see the glaring inconsistency here with what he claims and reality? Him telling you about it is really a pretty common tactic to test you and see how low are your standards and how easily you can be manipulated, aka how desperate are you. Eventually it may come out anyway and he wants to know ahead of time if you are kind who will put up with bs or walk away. He doesn't want to waste his time on women with strong values and boundaries they'll enforce. Ultimately, to next this guy shouldn't even be a question for you. Just a foregone conclusion. I think I brought this up in your previous thread.....you are drawn to not relationship material type men like a moth to a flame. Better start figuring out why that is.
    7 points
  40. This is a lot of thought on a guy you had one meeting with. I think its odd that people say they feel so appreciative of hearing some watered down version of the truth a person chose to share. Do I sound cynical? I am. And you should be, too. Just because he remembered you enough to recognize you on a dating app 6 months later. Should not be confused with knowing a person for 6 months. Rather he obviously hasn't had much luck finding women. And that's not a dig against him. That is how on line dating is. Most people on dating apps have the same problem you do... lots of people like them, but they're not the a RIGHT people. It's literally a numbers game. So if you seem interesting to him, plus open to meeting, he's going to pursue you. Only you know what you will settle for. I do think dating a ton of new guys, disappointment & being lonely can cause us to settle... like all these rotten tomatoes. here's one only half rotten! yay! let me grab it up. But while you're getting invested with a guy that is questionable, a better one got away.... Is a cheater always a cheater? I don't know. Maybe. he has his reasons and only he knows the truth for sure. I think its a red flag and I think you're response is also one... of your own. Why would you want to bother with someone so openly willing to admit he has questionable morales? And to treat like admitting it is admirable? He does not know you. He was not confiding a shameful act to a trusted friend or paramour.... He was putting it out there- I'm a cheater and here's how I justify it. Let's see if she's OK with it. Don't be surprised if he cheats on you. Because well, you weren't married and his needs weren't being met... the relationship was over anyway. He's testing you and believe me, the truth just like on line dating photos- always worse in the light of day. You can do better.
    7 points
  41. Tinydance As you may remember I grew up with alcoholic parents. One admitted they had a problem and openly said they were an alcoholic and the other thought everyone else had the problem and she had it under control. Those last 4 words are the downfall of almost all alcoholics whether they are trying to stay clean or they are a functioning alcoholic. Once they think they have it under control they are doomed. It sounds like you have been able to stop drinking for periods of time which means you can stop. Your problem is that you say you are an alcoholic but you fail to realize that alcoholics cannot drink even one ounce of the stuff because they do not have it under control, the alcohol is in control. Simply put you are in one of the highest risk factor group. You could be clean for 6 years and have just one drink and be back where you are now in mere days. I have seen it and lived it. Until you accept that you can never drink ever again the rest of your life this cycle will continue. Most programs require you quit all at once because they simply know most alcoholics don't have an off switch so there is no weaning them off booze. It can be dangerous so going it alone is risky. My father died trying to stop drinking. Strange how the thing that is slowly killing you and your life ends up taking your life because you stop. Do you accept that you cannot drink at all ever again? You cannot just cut back to one glass in the evening, it has to be no more alcohol ever again. I know it isn't easy trust me but until you can admit that the alcohol is in control and you cannot drink ever again you will continue like you are until something really serious happens to you. It is the complex and that simple. The programs actually remind you that you do not have the addiction under control and you cannot just have one drink. PM me if you want to talk, I will help if I can Lost
    7 points
  42. Cracks me up when people in their 40s convince themself that they can pass for their 20s. Nope, nada, no way! And even if you did, it does not excuse creepin on a high school kid. Who cares if he approached you first.
    7 points
  43. You sure did! I don't know if the love is dead, but you're certainly with a guy who thinks women are gold diggers. Don't bother putting any effort into figuring out why he would think that given the circumstances, because bigotry never make sense. It's a form of stupidity. You can love stupid, and stupid can love you. But you can't fix stupid.
    7 points
  44. Girl. Warning. Tough love ahead, but with kindness and respect: 1) What the heck were you thinking having a baby with a guy you'd never even lived with? You both put the cart way before the horse there, and I am wondering what your thought process was. Did you just want a baby really badly, or? 2) What the heck are you thinking drinking with him at all? You know he is an alcoholic. Why are you enabling his intake by having drinks with him? 3) Don't let him drive your car anymore. It's only a matter of time before he gets into an accident or arrested for drunk driving. And whatever you do, never let him drive with your baby in the car. 4) Alcoholics can't have just one drink a week and be fine. He needs to be having zero drinks a week, for good. 5) No, many women would not put up with his terrible hygiene and bed-wetting. That is repulsive. I bet you're starting to feel like you have two babies to look after now, huh? He is indeed an addict. Taking anything but a hard-line approach likely isn't going to work. You are going to need to find your courage and demand he get into treatment, or get out. And yes, you need to do this even when he's down on his luck. Probably now more than ever, actually. His alcohol abuse will increase as he struggles to cope with life. If you don't, expect nothing to change unless and until he hurts himself, or God forbid, someone else.
    7 points
  45. I hope you all have a great Christmas.
    7 points
  46. Our Christmas is going to consist of us three Covidites. But that's OK. We will see our kids when it's safe to do so, probably in a week. Happiest of Holidays and Merry Christmas to all.
    7 points
  47. Couple of things I thought of while reading your post. Why don't you know your feelings are valid? Honest question. You should not need the validation of others or even your partner for YOUR feelings and what YOU think are acceptable behaviors. Also, in your shoes I would not mistake a long relationship as the same as a good relationship. I would evaluate what has been actually happening and why things lasted 9 years... are your needs being met or are you just going along because you're afraid to rock the boat? You guys share an account... he has no problem flirting, asking for dates, inviting other women to guys' weekends... and you are right there reading it. Good Lord. I would kick this guy to the curb so fast. There is no way I would allow myself to be embarrassed and disrespected, especially in full view as if no big deal. Let this player go play... and find yourself a true partner.
    6 points
  48. Because nobody ever says that. He probably wants to keep the door open for more sex in the future. I don't think you pissed him off. Because he's not sure if he wants to do this again. OP, all of this is fairly par-for-the-course with a guy who wants sex but not much else. He doesn't want to cut you off totally (in case he wants to have some fun again), but he isn't making any specific plans with you either (in case he doesn't feel like hitting you again again) This is a man who will keep you as an option if you let him, but he isn't making you a priority. I would simply caution against letting a man you've never met into your house the first time you meet him. You have no clue who you're opening the door to, and bad things sometimes happen. Nothing wrong with casual sex if you're game, but please do be more careful with how you go about it. Your safety isn't worth it.
    6 points
  49. So this is the guy who goes to clubs with his female friends and never invites you to go along? Yeah, he hasn't respected you or the relationship for a long while. I would opt out of this one.
    6 points
  50. This man is not your twin flame. More like a dumpster fire. He is a man who deeply violated professional protocol by getting involved with a client, and deeply violated his marriage vows at the same time. He's a dirtbag, OP. This is why people don't want you together. They see him for the creep he really is, even if you don't.
    6 points
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