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  1. Words of wisdom worth sharing: 1.) You can be a friend to someone (phone them, message them, plan outings, etc, but if they're not a friend to you (reciprocating all of those things), then that's not your friend. That's you being a friend to them, but it's not being reciprocated. One way relationship, but not an actual friendship. Those that don't make efforts back, or don't treat you as well as you do them, just let them go. Find actual friends, not one way relationships. 2.) Tolerance in a group, or with an individual, does not mean friendship. They may be polite to you (even friendly), they may tolerate you, but that doesn't make you friends. There is a world of difference between those that just tolerate you and those that are genuinely happy to see you and happy for you to be apart of their lives and want you to be apart of their lives.
    12 points
  2. It sounds like a typical LDR... you enjoy all the fun and the visits but you're not there to actually experience life together. I don't think he's pulling your leg. taking care of a dementia patient, especially a parent, is hard work- physically, mentally, emotionally. But... if you can't go to him and carry more of the burden, you're kinda just left with a pen pal. You're not being realistic. When you're caring for a sick parent, there aren't a lot of opportunities for extended breaks where he can go across the country. I don't think you really seem to empathize with him. You're really just thinking of yourself and what you're missing out on.
    8 points
  3. Your attitude is really quite concerning. If you're that bothered about losing your virginity and don't care about who it's with (which you've made clear), just go to a hooker and pay for it.
    6 points
  4. I really had this driven home when my mom was ill and after her death. There were people I considered friends, and family who I thought were part of my support group, who were just brutal in their indifference. I never expect people to drop their lives for me, but I didn't expect some of the coldness I saw in some people either. There were a few family members who threw a fit over my moms funeral date for God's sake, because it came too close to a baby shower. Yeah, that's not what I consider my family these days. It was then that I really decided to be more careful in who I give my time, energy, resources. I just don't want to waste precious finite energies on those who do not really care, when I could be giving it to someone who does and will appreciate it.
    6 points
  5. I honestly think it was an unreasonable expectation on your part that he be the one always spending the money, travelling to you, and that he would move to you. Makes more sense to find someone local who is in the same stage of life as you, and to have a more balanced relationship.
    6 points
  6. Whatever any of us might say about marriage is irrelevant. The woman you want to keep has HER reasons for wanting marriage, and so SHE is the one to ask about what marriage means to HER. That information is your guiding star. She may not care about the 'show' of a big expensive wedding. Find out what the contract of marriage means to her, and if you want to keep her in your life badly enough, you'll figure out whether or not you're willing to take that step with HER.
    6 points
  7. Dude, you are asking her to move in with you. You are actively looking to build toward marriage and kids and a future together and are supporting that with actions. Meanwhile, she is accusing you of being just pals and just in it because you are lonely and bored. Does that make any sense to you? Looking in from the outside and without a pony in this race, this woman seems to have some very serious psychological/emotional issues. Nothing that you can fix or help her with and something that, I'm afraid, you are rather oblivious to and dangerously so. This is not a relationship you cling to or the kind of a woman you choose to have a family with. This is the kind of a person where you pay attention to the red flags slapping you in the face and walk away from....or rather run for the hills as fast as you can. In your own way, you seem stubbornly...and rather ironically, given her accusations....fixated on the future you want which is marriage and kids....but really, you need to step back and think who it is you want that with. This woman has some serious issues. Think about it....she is 37 years old, but her mother has this much influence and say in her life and relationships that the fact you weren't pawing her ends the relationship? Does that sound sane to you? Hint: looking from the outside it is nuts.
    6 points
  8. Do you really want to be with someone that can go ten days without talking to you? you're both kind of leaving it up to the other person to take charge. Maybe she wants you to chase her or follow her. But you're OK giving her space and think that is the way to handle it. basically a stalemate. right? You've got to have better communication than this. Are you holding back? is it her? in your shoes I would be very confused by this and end it. You're taking marriage, family, kids, relocating and she's concerned you didn't seen affectionate in front of her family? what? Petty stuff like valuing perceptions over real things like how connected you are, how much you're on the same page etc is very immature and makes me wonder- are you dodging a bullet? because this isn't love and commitment. this is hoop jumping bs
    6 points
  9. A small dog cannot jump slowly onto a couch. They need to get some speed up to make it up there and yes, he probably doesn't see what he is jumping on top of that's already on the couch. One way to retrain that is get a step ladder or a ramp so he can walk up slowly and see where he is going. Show him a couple of times how to use that, BUT do not use any kind of excitement. Be very very calm and quiet. He shouldn't associate going on the couch with excitement, but rather with relaxation. Second thing is never drag the dog away from something and into "his place". His place or doggy bed should be a place of reward and pleasure and never associated with punishment for being bad about something. So if he jumps on the couch uninvited, a firm no, place him on the ground and then ask him to do something for you like a sit or a down, give him a reward for it - treat or praise. Associate being off the couch as a positive. Finally, terriers are super high energy dogs that need a ton of exercise. So be sure that you give him a chance every single day to expend that energy outside by actively playing with him and exercising him properly. A happy dog is a tired dog. An unhappy dog with too much energy to burn will run, tear things, and ultimately hurt himself as well as others around him. Terriers are also working dogs - meaning training is critical to his mental health - so sit, heel, down, do tricks, go fetch things, anything to stimulate his mind is just as important as physical exercise itself. Working with a local trainer might be a good idea rather diy off the internet.
    6 points
  10. You keep reframing this question differently hoping that we will tell you to stay with your girlfriend. She is making you feel crazy and making you question everything you do. It shows that you absolutely do not want to listen and are looking at away to justify the abuse. YES> its abuse. it doesn't matter if the other person is caluclating and deliberate or not. Its called "crazy making". This woman is unstable and you are even confused about what's up and down. If you live with her, suggest she moves in with family or something. you really need to get away from her and you are not seeing clearly at all. Maybe that sounds harsh, but you have been asking about the exact same scenario for a couple years now, right? If you have to, ask to move in with YOUR family or a friend who will hold you accountable when you feel like calling her or welcoming her back. You have got to rip the bandaid off.
    5 points
  11. I'm 55. I have no SO. Nothing horrible has happened to me. The problem isn't others potentially thinking you're "not loveable". The problem is YOU think you're "not loveable". You're putting your self worth in the hands of others. No way is that sustainable nor can it be successful. What does your therapist suggest? I doubt he or she would recommend you stay in toxic relationships with mentally unhealthy people as a means to make yourself "loveable".
    5 points
  12. I think she has a boyfriend and you are the unwitting Someone Else. Why are you still with her? She doesn't treat you right.
    5 points
  13. He'll say and do whatever it takes to get you to continue to provide commitment-free sex to him. You're having sex hoping he'll want the commitment. You can't lie to yourself even if you try to. What happens when he drops off the contact and you see him at the gym with a new girlfriend? If that would hurt you, then continuing to provide him with no strings sex is a very bad idea.
    5 points
  14. This is yet another reminder of all that is wrong in this world. Total lack of morals, values, ethics, respect and integrity etc. All about selfishness, self-satisfaction. No shame. Here's an idea: how about showing you have a little self-respect and don't go after girls already in a relationship? I am assuming you DO at least have some self-respect, right?
    5 points
  15. I don't see much of this situation okay. You both know she is not available. You knew she was drunk - not in her right mind. You are co -workers. How about NOT over stepping the boundaries here. And respectfully keeping a decent distance and finding someone else out there to get involved with? WHY you'd even consider messing with her knowing she's got a BF, I don't understand 😕 .
    5 points
  16. I think you're getting way ahead of yourself here. I am struggling to figure out how you came to the idea that maybe he wants to date you ...... and then jumping to men being self-centred? It sounds more like a lonely old man who wanted to chat. Harmless human interaction in these very trying times we are living in.
    5 points
  17. Please please don't do or say anything like that. Chill out. First of all, you didn't blow anything. Telling someone that you'll miss them while they are gone is normal, also endearing. It's seeking to take it back, apologizing for it and making it all weird and awkward that you don't want to get into. It's not wrong how you feel and it's not bad to express that. So for the love of....stop being so harsh and critical of yourself and then start freaking out and taking it all back. You said it, you meant it, stand by that. When you guys chat, be normal, upbeat (not fake) just ask her about her trip, DO something with your time so you have something to share even if it's "I saw this cool thing on Netflix". It doesn't matter really so long as you are not sitting around pining and apologizing for nothing. Secondly, do get off your arse and make yourself get out and do whatever you need to do or catch up with - haircut, shopping, errands, meet up with friends, get your oil change or your house cleaned. It doesn't have to be fancy stuff, but get busy and get it done so you have something else to focus on besides beating yourself up over nothing.
    5 points
  18. Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out why you think he wants to date you. I talk to my neighbors. We complain about the construction noise coming from next door. But I'm not trying to date any of them. In fact, I'd think it was strange if any of them thought me complaining about noise means I'm angling for a date. Can you please clarify why you think he's trying to date you?
    5 points
  19. Honestly this sounds like a neighbor in my neighborhood. It has to do with being lonely and needing some human interactions, nothing to do with dating or even really being friends. This guy sounds isolated, so yeah he is doing odd things like looking at people outside; since maybe he can't himself. OP you seem to be looking for motivations that just don't seem to match up with the what we've been told. If you don't enjoy conversing then don't invite him or out on a date by any means, but also don't ascribe motivations that aren't evident.
    5 points
  20. Well, the problem is that you don't actually want him to concentrate on everything else but you. It sounded more like a thinly-veiled attempt to get him to reassure you that he still wanted some of those future plans you told him to forget about - but he didn't reassure you. So now you feel even worse. It's absolutely important to have empathy. He's overloaded, for sure. But it's also important to recognize when a relationship isn't really working for you anymore. You might completely correct that he just does not have the time or energy for someone else, especially considering it is long-distance.
    5 points
  21. Ok I could be cynical about this but maybe the mortgage is the OP’s idea of locking down his gf without any real commitment. The mortgage kind of, sort of ‘seems’ to be a commitment but it’s really just a way to keep her tied to him, pacify her wish for a real commitment, and maybe help get onto the property ladder at the same time. Would he be able to afford buying a home on his own? Either way, I think this relationship is doomed and the mortgage is a really bad idea, given they’re not on the same page about what the future will look like.
    5 points
  22. Maybe I'm a petty b__ch but I would definitely tell her "something came up and I am unable to organize your hen party or attend your wedding ceremony - sorry" and if she got nasty with me, I would tell her "I'm so sorry you're upset, this is the place I had in mind for your party, please reach out to them!", give her the street address to the McDonalds nearest to her, and then block her. Please don't listen to me 😝
    5 points
  23. You're better off not living together in any capacity.
    5 points
  24. There is nothing wrong with wanted to get married. Its wonderful that she knows what she wants. She should not have to compromise on that. if it means that she marries someone else -- a guy that also wants to find a wife and wants to spend the rest of his life with her - and you end up without her -- so be it. By 30, you should know - by reading literature, watching movies , observing other people in an older age group than you that marriage indeed means something to people. I had a friend who didn't want to get married, but didn't bash people who wanted to get married, or pretend they had no clue what the big deal was. They thought marriage DID have meaning, but they did not want a lifelong partnership and were respectful of others by only occasionally going on dates, not dating anyone who wanted to get married, etc. Friendships and occasional dates suited them fine. I think if marriage does not have meaning for you -- you should not marry her NOR should you convince her to just live together. You should find someone who wants to remain equally unattached. If you go into it with the attitude "people usually divorce anyways" etc, you won't give 100% of yourself. you will always be holding back. My ex married me after a number of years because he didn't want to be old and alone. I had not realized that until after. He thought marriage didn't work - and guess what -- we barely lasted. he was abusive anyhow -- but when stuff in life wasn't going the way he wanted to, he ran home to mommy. Marriage is not about a big wedding. It could be a church wedding if she is a person of faith with 25 guests and no reception. It could be just two witnesses at a court house - but you would want to share the day/your joy with some family, you know? Its your family and friends that are the ones rooting for you as a couple and want to be supportive over the years Anyhow, i am not about to convince someone who doesn't want to get married to get married -- but don't take the other person down with you . Do not move in with them as they will think its a "step" and its not. It could be that you just don't want to marry HER. Sometimes someone comes along and we never considered marriage before - suddenly our mind totally changes when we meet someone. It happens all the time. A woman lives with a guy for years, they break up and she hears that he was married to someone else in less than two years.
    5 points
  25. Wishing you a safe trip to France and a speedy recovery for your father. Lost
    5 points
  26. Mortgage is a commitment to a bank, not a partner. It binds you legally with a contract you have with a bank, meaning if anything happens they can apply heavy fees, ruin your credit and foreclose. A commitment to debt is also nothing to be happy about. Banks and debt don't love you and you don't "enter into a mortgage", thinking one "M" word is the same as the other.
    5 points
  27. “Entering a legal contract which makes things very tricky if anything was to go wrong in the relationship.” So on the one hand you say this. On the other you mention this: “it's not the commitment that I'm worried about... I am very happy to stay with this girl forever, and to enter into a mortgage with her which would tie us together financially for many years” I’m a little confused. Is it the commitment aspect you worry about? If so, fair enough. But being concerned about possible divorce, but then mentioning you have no issues being bound together eternally by debt makes very little sense to me. The money aspect is easily solved. Don’t spend a ton on a wedding. You can go to a courthouse and spend very little money.
    5 points
  28. I once again, had another light bulb moment go off for me this week. I had a very stressful week, and I find that in those moments of great stress, when things calm down again, you can sometimes find great clarity about different things in life. (not always, but sometimes). I realized that there is a huge difference between avoiding a situation and actually being healed from a situation. Anytime any of us goes through an upsetting situation, the obvious choice in the future, is to avoid that kind of situation. I had not allowed myself into a certain situation for years...many, many years. I had thoughts on it, and I could see how badly it affected me back then, and I saw how toxic it truly was. But I felt that I had healed from it, and that I was okay now. Well, low and behold, if I didn't find myself in a similar situation after all this time. The deep emotions that had been hidden for years, suddenly sprung back up again...full force. I mean, hyperventilating, crying, hands shaking, stressed out to the max, etc. I was somewhat surprised. I thought I had healed from this!! But avoiding a situation, is not the same as being healed from it. You can run away from a situation, you can push all those feelings back down inside of you and lock them away. You can even convince yourself that it doesn't bother you anymore. But it does not mean you're okay, or that you're healed. I am not healed. I now want to find ways to be healed. Where if I suddenly find myself in this kind of situation once again, it's not going to trigger me this badly anymore. I want to actually be healed from my past, and not continue the avoidance game. I hope this helps someone out there. Much love to you all.
    4 points
  29. Dude the writing is on the wall...you are the other guy. Ditch the $%^&* You being played.
    4 points
  30. Also, I think you are really clinging to this statement, which seems to contradict everything else he's said and done. And that's why he said it, unfortunately. He knows that the tiniest shred of hope will keep you on the hook.
    4 points
  31. Her being afraid of and disliking men is HER issue. She is trying to make it YOUR issue. That is the only thing happening here. She doesn’t care what money you have or where it is.
    4 points
  32. It's interesting that you're seriously entertaining this question when you know that your girlfriend is mentally ill, and that she's still recovering from a recent episode: Why does her mental illness cause you to question the validity of your own decisions?
    4 points
  33. OP, I'm sorry but you are doubting yourself way too much in this relationship. Your self-esteem is taking a hit and you ask us about every little step you want to take. Clearly, this relationship is not doing you any good. You doubt yourself, you're being guilt-tripped by your gf, and you don't feel you are enough. Plus, the mental health problems will take a toll on you and the relationship. I think you know what to do here. Selling your property or doing whatever won't change your gf and how she treats you. Break ups are hard, and rightfully so. But you need to remember that when one door closes in life, another one will be waiting for you. You really need to leave and live by yourself for a while and heal. Please take care. Moreover, leave the big decisions for when you are single and free from outside pressure and influence. None of us here can tell you what to do about your property. As @Wiseman2 suggested: speak to a financial advisor. There are some online websites which offer consulting for affordable fixed fees. But, no, it's not "wrong" to have an investment with your ex. It's about the investment here- not him. You stick to that and you know your boundaries when it comes to "him". The discussion ends here. Either she trusts that, or she doesn't. That's on her. Again, don't let her influence you/built trip you. She's coming off as controlling. Be aware of that.
    4 points
  34. Since she's an adult and takes her family's opinion in to consideration about relationships, don't think her allowing their input and interference would end when she tells them she's serious about someone. That red flag, along with constantly needing breaks, shows you so much, and yet you fear you'd be weak and take her back if she desires. Why do you have so many of her belongings after only being together physically for 90 days? I'm assuming you two became way too immersed in such a short time. Do you have a fulfilling life outside of having a gf? This is a learning experience so learn from it and be more mindful of red flags when dating in the future. After you give her back her belongings, block her number so you won't take her back in a dry spell or weak moment.
    4 points
  35. "I don't have a problem" "I am not an addict" "I have it under control" "I am not a Alcoholic" Identifying the cause of any problem is the first step in solving the problem. It appears to me that you have indeed identified the problem but still think you are in control, not the alcohol. This is the dangerous thing all people with a "drinking problem" face. I am hopeful for you and in my experience think you have a good chance at staying sober and clean in the long run. To be frank here I do think you will relapse once or twice before you finally embrace the solution what ever that may be for you but in the end I feel like you can do it. This thread has brought back a lot of memories for me, some good but mostly bad. I tried my best for my father but in the end it was always his choice. I am now 5 years older than he was when he died and all I can think about is how much more life he had in front of him, how much time we had together that never happened. I see you as a Go It Alone type, I hope I am wrong. Let the people that love you in. They will love you more for trusting them and just having them at your side is more help than you can imagine. This will be my last post on this thread as I have said all there is to say. If you run into trouble you can always PM me. Lost
    4 points
  36. Agree. Also have had little old ladies/gents just want to stop and chitchat (especially about health problems).😴 Someone in a walker doesn't exactly seem to fit the profile of a skirt chaser or stalker. 😈
    4 points
  37. Thank you, SherrySher. I agree. I'm at a point in my life where I react the same exact way I've been treated. If I'm treated with indifference and apathy, I return the favor and do the same. If some people treat me lukewarmly or with their forced civility, again, I'm the same exact way towards them. I no longer go out of my way to be extra kind to anyone only to become sorely disappointed due to their lackluster attention to me. If a person is selfless and gracious towards me, I can afford to give them the same courtesy. If I don't matter much to certain people, then I treat them as if I'm standing in line to pay for my groceries. I'm polite yet keep them at a safe distance. I no longer place such high expectations in people. My mother taught me to "expect the WORST in others ALWAYS." I didn't follow her advice when I was younger but nowadays I most definitely follow her wise mantra. Then when some people actually treat me with kindness and respect, I'm pleasantly surprised and reciprocate with good, cautious manners. It works for my mental survival. What goes around comes around.
    4 points
  38. OK....first of all abusers do not change ever. This hope that he will one day change is what keeps people stuck in toxic relationships and it is quite literally dangerous to your health and well being. Somehow you really do need to disabuse yourself of this hope, this idea that an abuser will magically turn into a good person. It doesn't happen. As for why he is reaching out like this? Simple - if he keeps doing it, either you'll fool yourself into thinking that this is what love and caring looks like, so you will return for more beatings OR he'll catch you in a vulnerable moment and you'll come back for more beatings. He KNOWS that you are easy to manipulate and victimize, the rest is just patience and perseverance. Much like a lion stalking a prey. The fact that you are sitting here going....well....maybe...should I....gosh what does this mean.... says a lot about how vulnerable you currently are to more abuse. You still haven't fully accepted that that man is a violent, dangerous monster who will beat you some more if you go back. Please do not respond and block that number. Put down that hope pipe, because if you keep sucking on it....you will become a statistic.
    4 points
  39. Don't answer the door. Ignore when he knocks on your door. When you see him, say "hello" as you would any neighbor yet keep it at that. Remain courteous, respectful and kind while enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself. Don't bother. He's not your responsibility. Be nice but not too nice. Possess decorum while maintaining a safe distance.
    4 points
  40. I think she is desperate to date so because a male who is alive and breathing knocked on her door she's considering going on a date even though she doesn't like or respect him enough to wonder if all men are self-centered these days. Desperate to date doesn't mean she wants him in the least. She just is afraid of being "alone" so she's willing to settle in this way.
    4 points
  41. Thankyou everyone. Lots of good viewpoints and lots for me to consider. Just some more information that was requested across several posts: Yes, we both work full time/can support ourselves. I have previously rented several places. I moved back in with my parents prior to the first Covid lockdown just to help them out. I'm not looking to spend any more 'dead money' on rent, and will be looking to buy a house in the near future. I can afford to purchase a house on my own if I needed to. I'm not trying to buy a house with my GF just to use her as an investor. We do not live together currently, but we have spent time living together previously in the relationship at various points, for varying lengths of time (eg we cohabited during the second Covid lockdown, and there was a month where her parents asked us to live in a property that they owned when they were without a tenant, for security purposes). So we have 'trialed' living together before, and there were no issues. My Libertarian views aren't just an excuse to try and avoid marriage. I won't put you all through the pain of boring you all with my personal philosophies haha, but I thought it was important to list it as one of my reasons. I agree that there is no point in us all trying to explain marriage to each other, as it will mean something different to everyone. I understand this now following this discussion, so thanks 🙂 The general sentiment here is that we shouldn't get into a mortgage together if we have differing views about the future, and I totally agree. This is why I made the post in the first place as I'm figuring out how to navigate this. I will talk to my GF on this and update here after our conversation. Many thanks.
    4 points
  42. Wow, after reading this thread it just reminds me again why I hate parties, hens, weddings etc etc. All the crap that goes with it and all the drama, no thanks, lol. I much prefer to order a pizza, sit in front of the fire and watch a comedy .... in my happy little semi reclusive world. 😄 Tiny, just tell them sorry, something has come up in the family and you are unable to help out.
    4 points
  43. As a medical student maybe understand the aspects of dementia? What it means for that person and the care givers ? My father-in-law just passed from Parkinson’s and dementia and my sister-in-law barely had time for a life caring for elderly parents.
    4 points
  44. If I felt the urge to close my door on someone after 2 minutes, I certainly wouldn't bother trying to rule him in OR out as dating material. I'd just be kind whenever our paths cross as neighbors, and I'd look into dating apps to screen profiles and set up quick meets over coffee with men who haven't already proven that I can't stand them beyond a couple minutes.
    4 points
  45. I would just say, you are called away on a work trip, and can't make it now. Sorry. HUGS and Kisses. Save your money...wait you were invited to the ceremony, but not the reception? EW. Usually it's the other way around to save space.
    4 points
  46. First, I thought all was okay with you NOT attending the actual wedding, as you two were not 'that close'? Second, how you saw the post reaction ( in words) but not voice, can really change how you see any response. I don't see this as someone flipping out on you.. More like a reaction (as in speaking up & saying don't'). IMO, you either can handle this 'help' you have agreed on, or speak up now and say NO. You could just let R know you can't afford these requests and are limited.. See IF she offers to cover the costs? (Are all of them pitching in somehow? )
    4 points
  47. This is your answer right there in your own words. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and devotion to a partner, even when things do go wrong (which inevitably happens in the life of a couple). From your statement above in bold font, it looks like you are one foot out the door and you will bolt as soon as the relationship deteriorated. The overall feeling, reading through your post, is that yours is a relationship of convenience, rather than one based on the conviction that your girlfriend is the one for you, the person that you trust to be in your corner, whatever life may throw at you. Looks like you leverage her financial power, but at the same time your primary concern remains your own protection for when " if anything was to go wrong in the relationship." Marriage is when one does know that hardship is in store at some moment in the future, and that the person one has chosen is the best person you want to face that hardship with. Two individuals whose sole concern is their own self-preservation when hardship does knock on the door: this is not marriage, even if you might have bought 10 houses together and shared bed for 20 years. I hope this clarifies
    4 points
  48. Too many red flags and it's still early! Please cut it off now or you will get too invested and regret it later. Also someone who tells you early on they are going to marry you without even fully knowing you, most likely love bombing you to get you attached. Now that he thinks you are attached - he is changing his tune just a tad. If you're almost 50, you gotta have a better sense when a man is talking out of his u know what.
    4 points
  49. 8pm too late? What is with you young people? I used to go out til 11 or 12, then start work at 8am. Have a nap before you go out.
    4 points
  50. So I just tried that earlier, and it was crazy, he kept trying to get up even after trying to get him not to. It's like he knows he shouldn't, but he really wants up there. And it's hard because whenever the kids are doing school work or playing or other things, I LOVE seeing him relax on the couch. He just looks so comfortable and cute. And yes he has a doggy bed area that is where he usually stays. He kind of rules the kitchen area (it's a big big house) and is calm in there. There aren't any doors as it's an open floor plan house so he can go back and forth. **Update as of now** he is calmly just hanging out in the kitchen. But when the kids move to the couch for something he wants up again with them (they're like his pack or something). Also it's complicated because we have an outside deck that is kind of like our outdoor living room, and he's up on that bench/couch, too if he can.
    4 points
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