Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/15/2021 in all areas

  1. What do you do ? Don’t be passive. Talking isn’t only up to her, right? You stop talking. You don’t have the same life goals so you end it before someone gets hurt or wastes their time .
    8 points
  2. So his daughter is an adult and wants to have a big family Christmas party with everyone at her place. This isn't about spending time with the ex, this is about his daughter who considers you part of the family inviting you as such. Yes, I think you are being selfish if you decline to attend because you are snubbing his daughter quite directly and creating drama about nothing. When you are in a relationship, there will be times where you have to suck it up and deal with their family. It's part of the package. This is one of those times where you need to suck it up. Snubbing his daughter's party can potentially lead to long term issues for you.
    7 points
  3. No. Trying to make the second date a Netflix and chill opportunity will make her think you're just a horndog. Do you like her or just want to get laid? Because suggesting this on date 2 is insulting to girls who get this crap all the time. Talk a walk. Skip your dorm room altogether.
    7 points
  4. Well, that would mean not only continuing to lie, but also continuing to be subjected to someone who is obviously fine with being physically abusive. I would end the relationship. Plenty of women out there who would either join in on the porn fun or wouldn't care if the OP wanted to watch.
    6 points
  5. Don't waste her or your time. This should be a deal breaker.
    6 points
  6. Just for reason number 1, you should end things. There will always be some people who are more attractive than your partner. But for people who are in love, this is a non-issue. Your reasons to keep the relationship are not relevant. You think you'll never again date a woman capable of being loyal, is a decent person, and will care about you? That's ridiculous. You don't value who she is because of her interests or lack of them. Let her go so each of you can find someone more compatible. And of course she will be upset but you will be doing her a favor, even if she doesn't realize it.
    6 points
  7. Your guardian angel made sure you saw this, but you ignored the warning and legally tied yourself to a dirtbag. Learn from this and know that a person's ethics are their ethics. Who cares if he said he would cut this girl off? Didn't his character, shown through his words, make you see him as ugly and blackhearted? Mistakes to forgive are minor things like forgetting once that it's your turn to do the laundry. Poor ethics are egregious and not something to let slide. I agree you should get an annulment. I'm sorry you've been betrayed like this.
    5 points
  8. When someone breaks your trust, especially by cheating, checking and verifying what they are doing is sensible. So no, you are not acting like a psychopath for checking up on what's going on with him. Your intuition was spot on. Where you went wrong is marrying this guy and if I were you, I'd be talking to a lawyer to see if you can get an annulment asap. Like today because time is ticking on that. Please do not use his daughter as an excuse to stick around. She has her parents and her life and will continue to live her life whether you are a part of that or not. As for why cheaters do what they do? Because it's thrilling. It's not about what the side chic offers, it's about the act of sneaking around and fooling you and her both. You are both useful dupes and he feels powerful using and manipulating you both.
    5 points
  9. So what you're saying, basically, is that you are going to continue to deceive him in order to see if he's deceitful? Doesn't sound like a recipe for anything more than strife from these seats. He lied to you, yes. Not cool, red flag, and so on. But I do think it's worth owning that the lie you extracted from him began with a lie (by omission) of your own. Hard to hold the moral high ground when you're "testing" someone's capacity for dishonesty by being dishonest, and now considering doubling down on that approach. In your shoes, right now, I'd step back and take a deep breath. If I had talked to you 3.5 months ago, would you have told me your ideal boyfriend is a dude who looks at and engages in internet thirst traps? Would you have told me that your ideal relationship is one in which you build connection and safety through deception, testing, and trap setting? If the answer to those questions is "Yes!" proceed; if it's something different, listen to that voice. As others have noted, it's trying to tell you something.
    5 points
  10. Thank you all again, today is the first day I haven't cried about the whole thing and that is in part due to your advice. All ties will be cut and I won't even have to deal with the house directly with him. As hard as it is to walk away he already has and I'm worth more than to be an option in a year, I need someone who is 100% enthusiastic about being with me and right now that is not him.
    5 points
  11. This relationship is dead in the water. You are dishonest, and she is abusive. It's never going to work.
    5 points
  12. Ok. Cut both your losses. It's 30 days of talking. She obviously brought that up early to rule people like you out who are just going to string her along or jerk her around.
    5 points
  13. I agree with your boyfriend. You treat him like he's your servant. Why can't you go buy your own ice-cream? You sound extremely selfish and very entitled. Do you work?
    5 points
  14. I don't think you need additional proof... I would be openly pissed and ready to throw his butt out. You've been married less than a month, he's deleted messages and lying right to your face, justifying bull crap by saying YOU would read into it. Screw that! he's a married man and obviously wants to date other people. I would not waste time. I would talk to an attorney about an annulment. He's obviously old enough to know what he is doing. He has an adult child. I would NOT be embarrassed and hide this from my family and friends. He is a horrible person and he playing you, gaslighting you, because why? he likes attention.... the nerve. playing the sad victim. As for his daughter, don't make excuses to harm yourself. His kid might be great. but your marriage is to this guy. don't muddy it up. You act in your best interests NOW. Tolerating him, playing along to be nice etc will only harm you more in the long run. Cheat on me 3 weeks in? oh and believe me lying to me to protect another woman, your little toilet friend, is betraying me. And I would go scorched earth on his butt so fast.
    4 points
  15. When I learned to stop worrying about what others thought of me and what I did or said my life got a lot better. I tried to tow the line and do all the typical things my mother thought I should do with my life even tho they didnt work for me. I stopped trying to be what others wanted me to be and worked on being what I wanted to be. Then I became a lot happier. I am not interested in trying to be better than anyone, keep up with the Jones's etc. I do what works for me! Learn to be yourself and dont dwell on what others want or expect you to do.
    4 points
  16. He doesn't want to change but you sure can change BFs.
    4 points
  17. Dump him. Develop some self esteem so that you are not having sex when you don’t want to, especially just to hang on to someone not right for you. Relationships are supposed to be among equals, you are treating him like you are his mother. Stop dating people who don’t conform to your standards. Stop trying to control whoever you are dating — look for someone you are actually compatible with. This is an immature, toxic relationship that is dragging you down.
    4 points
  18. I am very sorry. If I could count how many individuals come to the forums asking for help mentioning that their partner likes or follows explicit material online or engages in inappropriate behaviour, it would be plentiful. There is at least one person a week with this specific question, confused and in pain because of their partner's behaviour. Since you have mentioned that he has a pattern of doing this, it is who he is. He is a liar and someone who engages in this type of behaviour so it's up to you to either remove that from your life or accept it. He won't change. Don't send any more of your photos to him and not to another person either after you dump this guy. Be more protective of your privacy.
    4 points
  19. My thoughts are, you're not the cause of his behaviour, but you're contributing to it by sending him nudes of your own. I'm not sure if you're aware of the danger and consequences of where your nudes will land on the internet. Rather than invest anymore of your time, I'd walk away and take the lessons with me.
    4 points
  20. Personally, I think it's about understanding who you actually are and figuring out what makes you specifically happy. I've noticed a lot of people who say they are unhappy are very fixated on looking at other people's lives and what they have and then feeling down for not having those things. Essentially engaging in a competition without ever stopping to ask what it is they personally want. What do you love? What do you enjoy doing? What interests do you have? What do you want to have in terms of lifestyle? If you can't answer these questions easily or the answers are "I don't know or don't have any", then you need to start with that. Figure it out. Don't look at others and what they do, but figure out for yourself what it is YOU want and enjoy. Once you figure out what you actually want, then you can work out how to get it and the entire journey is what brings lasting satisfaction. Just keep in mind that it's not about what society wants, what your parents or partners want, what others have - it's about YOU.
    4 points
  21. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He looked you in the eye and lied. Even worse, when you brought up the topic, he instantly turned manipulative and essentially threatened you with break up by bringing up his ex and claiming that she was "controlling". He was essentially telling you to back off or else. Except that his ex wasn't controlling, she didn't appreciate being lied to or having a bf trolling other women and who knows how far he goes with that. No, what he is doing is not the same as porn. When you find out that someone you just started dating doesn't share the same values as you, it's time to dump them. This is why we date - to learn these kinds of things. Also, stop telling yourself how this is all so perfect because it's pretty far from it. Finally, for the love of....do not send nudes, especially to someone you barely know and stop deluding yourself with this idea that if only you do enough, give enough, act like a porn star enough, that will somehow ensure that a guy won't cheat on you. It doesn't work like that. Cheating is about character and lack of. A cheater will cheat no matter what you do. The only thing you do control is who you pick as a partner - don't pick liars and manipulators.
    4 points
  22. Yes. He knows he hurt you and blindsided you. I don't doubt he cares about you, but he's probably struggling to sleep at night knowing he pulled a fast one on you. Part of this is to make himself feel better about cutting and running.
    4 points
  23. This is always about a guy trying to avoid severe drama from the lady in the present. He feels like saying this will lessen the blow and let him exit without an emotional meltdown from his ex, allowing him to slither away in a more mellow fashion. Don't buy it. Though you're too close to the situation to realize it, one day you will be so happy he freed you to find someone who will be crazy about you.
    4 points
  24. Why 'must' this be an all-or-nothing issue? Aren't you dealing with two adults? I'd ask the couple how I can best help them to get off the ground in finding their own place. I'd maybe offer to shop for it with them, and if I could afford it, maybe pay first and last plus security deposit, then subsidize over time with a smaller and smaller percentage toward their rent. I'd give them a deadline to find something with my help and without creating issues in my home. However, if they aren't out by that date, or if they create a problem about this with my fiance', then the offer is off the table, and they can go fend for themselves--like adults. Plenty of people work and go to nursing school. They can take turns or find a night or weekend program. I'd offer all the support, financially and otherwise, that I can in the context of keeping my own relationship healthy and happy. This doesn't need to be a black and white issue. Either I'm capable of negotiating with my family and my partner, or I'm not. It's not about being 'wrong,' it's about being considerate without being a doormat--to anyone.
    4 points
  25. I don't understand. This is a woman you were planning to marry and who has been more involved with your kids than their own mother. Why wouldn't you include her in important decision making? When does she get a say in your lives together? Never? Do you not believe she has the best interests of your son in mind, remembering she is operating with limited information here? I can't imagine she will want to go backwards after 6 years, an engagement, and living together. It could be the end of your relationship if you don't work on some way to show her she is an equal partner in this relationship. As for how much you are worried this is your son's only chance at love... I don't necessarily agree with that. It's much more common than most people think. I understand it's your instincts to try and protect him and bubble wrap him, but I do think you are over reacting by thinking his only shot is if him and his current girlfriend live with you.
    4 points
  26. Frankly, this bridge is burned. He ruined any chance of a relationship with your parents or family in the way he treated you and there is no reasoning with an abuser. He blames you because you let him and because you're willing to listen to him or still be supportive to him as his girlfriend. There is nothing he can do to erase his own bad behaviour so he keeps piling more of it on, hoping to bully you into submission and bully your family members also. Where is the mother of his child and is she still in the picture? His anger comes from somewhere else, preceding your relationship, so don't believe for a second that it has anything to do with you. If you don't have the heart to think of yourself, think of your unborn children and your parents who have to put up with this person the longer you are with him. Are you so keen to be with someone who puts you down and affects your self-esteem?
    4 points
  27. Your parents are right not to encourage an abusive relationship. Read up on abusive relationships. He has every red flag there is from quick involvement to berating and wearing you down to isolating you. Do you work or go to school? Do you have close friends to spend time with? How isolated and depressed has this horrible creep made you feel? Since your parents are supportive, ask them to take you to a physician for an evaluation of the depression and anxiety. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Immediately end it and block and delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Get help to understand why you are staying trapped in this.
    4 points
  28. How he treats others is exactly how he will treat you eventually. Since you already feel unsafe and unhappy with his behavior, time to end things and walk away. This is why we date - to learn if this person is compatible with us or not. You are seeing that this guy is not compatible with you. Dating overall is a time for observation and not trying to fix, correct, or argue about who is right or wrong. When you observe a person you are dating display bad behavior, you have to ask yourself - is this something that I'm comfortable with. If the answer is no, then you simply dump them and look for someone else who is better suited, calmer, more respectful, etc. It doesn't matter what reasons someone gives you for their behavior, the only thing that matters is that how they are doesn't work for you.
    4 points
  29. This is how he is. You don't like it so find a better BF that is more suitable.
    4 points
  30. She wants kids you don't...deal breaker. Cut your losses and walk away.
    4 points
  31. You've already recognized a major difference in views/needs. If she's hesitating you be the one to end it.
    4 points
  32. At 14 weeks or so, it's getting to know you and see if we fit and want to continue time. Not deep psychotherapy time. You seem incompatible. More accurately, he seems like some svengali weirdo. He's already being invasive and controlling telling you how you "need" to be and what you "need" to do and "need" to talk about and "need" to confess. It's super creepy that he believes you have to tell him your inner thoughts. Mostly, think of it like Miranda rights. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
    4 points
  33. If the store is only a few metres away, why can't you walk to the store and get it yourself?
    4 points
  34. Stop cheating on your boyfriend. Two wrongs don't make a right. Break up with your boyfriend so you can be with the other guy. If you want to be your own person, then don't be with either guy. Make a wise, final decision.
    3 points
  35. @Rose Mosse I have realised it is not worth it all. I want to be appreciated and loved by someone. I am still hurting a lot after 5 weeks. I really hope I am feeling a lot better and mentally strong if he does reach out to me. @CoilyI have been seeing friends as much as I can but I still feel so lonely. I am unable to relax when I am by myself as I keep thinking about the mistakes I made even though he made plenty of mistakes too. I wish I complained less. I wish I valued myself more in the relationship. I wish things were different. I don't think i could have done anymore for him to love me, but I shouldnt have to do things for someone to love me and want to be with me, I want someone to love me for me.
    3 points
  36. Get dessert at a ice cream or cake or dessert place. Catch a movie (in a theater). Go for a stroll (outside) with coffee in to go cups. See a band (if you have that in town). If this woman is special, do special things together. I guarantee you, if you try to Netflix and Chill on your 2nd date, you become a dime a dozen. Save the Netflix and Chill for a cold, rainy day 10 dates from now.
    3 points
  37. 3 points
  38. OK ,if you are dating why are you dating somebody if you don’t like the way they look? You don’t date someone to change them. You find someone who meets your standards in the first place.
    3 points
  39. I am going to go against the grain on this one. Yes by all means say "Hey do you want to go to my room and cuddle" That is of course if you want her to look at you with disbelief in her eyes as she walks out the door. Things will happen when they happen so don't push so hard. I assume you haven't even kissed yet so slow your roll and let it happen naturally. Is there a place within walking distance to go for dessert after dinner? She is interested so don't screw this up by thinking with the wrong head. Lost
    3 points
  40. If it's not worth breaking up over, why would it be worth testing him over it? He's shown you he is capable of lying to your face and engaging in activity that isn't ok with you. This is not a good start to a budding relationship. I often believe where there is smoke there is fire. This only what you've dug up. Imagine the rest. I find his description of his suspicious, controlling ex very telling as well. My guess she didn't much care for his extra curricular activities as well. You imagining you are the toxic one is a way of twisting yourself into a pretzel. If you can stuff and deny how you feel, make this about some mysterious character flaw you have, you can fool yourself into staying. The only problem is the discomfort will bubble to surface eventually. I'd cut my losses now before I invest any more into this. What made you go looking to begin with? I dated someone for a short time, who I sensed little things, got clues I ignored. Until one date he pulled out his phone and there was a nude s&m photo he quickly hid. Next thing I knew I found myself on adult only websites I never new existed, to find him there almost around the clock. I think our intuition is often grossly underestimated. Something made you go looking for this. I think you need to pay attention to that.
    3 points
  41. The way I'm seeing it is that you , OP, broke the initial trust in the relationship and kept on doing it. She escalated it with the Apps and surveillance. Then she decided to top it off rather than leave, she would become physically abusive. This is textbook domestic violence, and if you don't get out now things will escalate. I think she chose porn as an easy way to get to this level of abuse as it's addictive and easy for her to justify her violence with others. You need to get out, maybe get some help for your porn habits.
    3 points
  42. Thanks everyone. I hope I will move forward soon, it’s very difficult.
    3 points
  43. I would take this as my indication that this isn't the right guy for me.
    3 points
  44. I am having a service come to my home. She will be in my arms. Thank you, everyone.
    3 points
  45. Thank you all honestly, this is what I needed to here - after so long and such a committed relationship his decision was selfish and disrespectful and me sitting around waiting for him to make his mind up is underselling myself. He should not be able to have me as his friend and support system because that is one sided and a completely immature request. I hope he grows up and realises what he's lost, but I've got to move on with my life.
    3 points
  46. You know this is not how you want your life to be. Dating an unstable guy that treats you poorly, makes your family worry for you and you can't be proud of, that plays an eye for eye instead of being an upstanding guy. Why don't you think you can do better than a guy that is punishing you for your parents' choice? Don't you think a guy that is serious about you and your happiness would go out of his way to fix this? Like calling your parents and asking them if he may come talk to them? To explain he regrets the past and will treat you better? Why are you even with this guy? These little pissing match battles are not the hallmarks of a happy healthy relationship. Find better. You can do better. You know that right? Find someone that respects you and your family. And is mature enough to make peace for your sake. That's love.
    3 points
  47. Get rid of this Bozo before he drags you down with him. Raise the bar, and realize your self worth.
    3 points
  48. Develop a weekly/monthly planner. Plan out your activities in advance. Since you have a full life of work, school, and dating, limit seeing a guy to twice a week. Fill in slots for timelines for work, studying, lunch with a friend, pampering alone-time. You have to work to keep a roof over your head. Education is important to provide career happiness and the financial lifestyle you desire. Those things can't be shoved aside for more-than-is-needed boyfriend time. I keep a calendar to keep track of everything. It'll be helpful for you to organize yourself in this way, and you will likely feel more in control when you see everything in writing and stick to the plan you've set for yourself.
    3 points
  49. That was my instant thought too. Glad you said it first, lol. Seriously, I'd be out the door so fast you wouldn't see me for dust. What a creep!! Who knows how many times he has done this to other little children over all the years. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.
    3 points
This leaderboard is set to New York/GMT-04:00
×
×
  • Create New...