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Showing content with the highest reputation since 04/29/2021 in all areas

  1. He doesn’t have to “ mature “ . You can be entirely mature and not want children. You made a mistake In not believing when he told you in the beginning he didn’t want kids. This is not something to compromise on. If you want kids you need to divorce.
    7 points
  2. Sorry to hear this. After a few dates, unfortunately he was crystal clear about how he feels. You need to believe him and accept that not every dating situation works out. He's not "the one", if he just wants to be friends.
    7 points
  3. OK first of all, break ups don't fix relationships. You split up because you weren't getting along and weren't able to effectively address the issues between you. What he or you did while you were single is not something you can hold over his head. He was right to seek to move on since you were broken up. Since you both got back together, it doesn't sound like you have taken any real time to actually address what really lead up to the first break up. Instead, you are now fixated on punishing him for what he did when he was single and before giving this another chance. Problem is that
    6 points
  4. Agree. Also given that you met him recently I’d focus on talking in person or by phone and not send political videos even if funny to you. You don’t know him well enough. I’d do this next time too. I think he’s a real gentleman telling you why he doesn’t want to date you anymore. I wouldn’t do the friendship thing in this situation. Please don’t assume whether he’s available or not. You barely know him and you’re not his mother or therapist. He simply is not that into you.
    6 points
  5. It wouldn’t even be a matter of her feeling like you chose your abusive a-hole husband, you are choosing and have chosen him. Your daughter is frightened and gone. Your husband is happy he got what he wants and you stuck by him. If you get rid of him now, you may be able to undo the damage to yours and your daughter’s bond. Keep that guy around for much longer then she may never forgive you, even if you do manage to leave him at some point down the road. As a mother myself, I can’t even conceive of the thought of my child in distress. Feeling afraid and alone. That would just break my hea
    5 points
  6. Just as you send any other thank you note.... Thank you for attending my baby shower and your lovely gift. I'm glad you could be with us.
    5 points
  7. He is only 34 and already has been married and divorced twice??? Nothing about this raises a massive red flag for you? You do realize that going off and immediately "falling in love" with the other woman is very consistent here right? Ditto for inability to keep a job and otherwise be stable. Please put down the hope crack pipe. This guy is a walking personality disorder and there are no cures for that. Normal people can change and improve, disordered people cannot and do not. They are born that way and they will die that way because you cannot rewire their brain. It's literally wired dif
    5 points
  8. Not a solid marriage, then. I wouldn't move in with one of your daughters. There can only be one queen bee in the hive. However, I would find a low cost rental in Florida for you to live in. There are people who rent out mother-in-law suites or air b n b's that would probably be cheaper than an apartment. For a vacation, I stayed in an air bnb that had an entryway from the person's garage and they lived upstairs. It was a cute little space with bed and bath. You could tell your husband he can visit whenever he's making deliveries in FL. You get to regularly see your family and go to the beach.
    5 points
  9. It takes two to make a couple, not just one person that is sure. He didn't ghost you and was upfront so take him at his word. Don't be his friend either, that will just hurt you in the long run. Will he regret his choice? Maybe but it is his to make who he dates. Keep looking and don't dwell on this guy. I am sure there have been guys that were really into you and you just weren't feeling it. That is why we date... Lost
    5 points
  10. He didn't change his mind "suddenly". He dated you to see if he would like a relationship with you. It didn't work out and he was kind enough to tell you. That's the process. Move on.
    5 points
  11. See what you need to do legally to evict him. Then follow the legal process. If he threatens suicide call 911. They will send professionals to get him the help he needs. Also be sure to seek and follow legal advice regarding custody and visitation. In fact, I recommend you file a temporary custody order in court giving you full physical and legal custody in case he decides to take off with the child (which as her father he can legally do!) Do that asap. You can do this. It's not fun and no one enjoys it, but you'll come out of it fine.
    4 points
  12. I have contacted a help line and got some resources.
    4 points
  13. You cannot allow this man to ruin your life or your children's lives. If you're that fearful, call the police to have them be present when he moves out. Or call a MALE family member or friend to be present. Abusers never act up in front of other men because they're cowards. And have your kids be with their father or at another family member's home so they don't have to witness anymore of this abuse. Then, counseling for yourself and your kids. Please see a therapist to explore why you're attracted to a man who frightens you and why you would even consider staying with him. And y
    4 points
  14. Wow Op. I think I need more info. like why is your hubs so angry? and why is it ok for him to not control his temper? He is the adult here, no? What are you doing in this? Has he always had a temper? I think at the end of the day it comes down to this... You chose this man. Your daughter did not. As the adult and the mother of a minor child your number one responsibility is to protect and care for the child you chose to have. Your husband is an adult. Why is he such a bully to a little girl? He needs to fix himself. You can't make him. But you should do better by your d
    4 points
  15. You're not wrong. Your boyfriend revealed his true colors to you. Now you know his real unsavory character. Unfortunately, "love doesn't pay the rent." Many times, whenever money or lack thereof is involved, relationships are tested and unfortunately, relationships go down the drain. I'm sorry. You're better off without him.
    4 points
  16. Blame shifting and gaslighting are standard fare for these types of people, as is presenting themselves as the victim. That's what makes their behavior so confusing and difficult to see through, especially so when you are an empathetic person. They are also very good at engaging and manipulating others around them to support their toxic behavior. This is why it's not recommended to go to any type of couples counseling with these types. They can fool therapists and manipulate them as a weapon against you. Rather than focusing on him, realize that one of the biggest tell tale signs that you
    4 points
  17. You were not clingy. This person just doesn't want what you want. You go your separate ways. That is what you do, the best course of action. Don't cajole, don't try to convince, don't hang around, don't abuse your body agreeing to sex on terms you are not comfortable with (casual rl) or dig yourself into a deeper hole being a doormat to someone else. If he doesn't want to be exclusive with you, you end communication and stop having sex with that person because you deserve so much more. Draw your boundaries and your lines. Sooner or later you will attract others who are much more si
    4 points
  18. Sorry this is happening. how long have you been dating? How old is he? Is it nonsense bickering or does he have any point? If he has this many "problems", let him pay the appropriate professional for that. Therapist, lawyer, proctologist, whatever. If he gets snotty, just terminate the conversation. Don't let people complain, emotion dump, be abusive, etc. then complain they're a victim. Talk to trusted friends and family.
    4 points
  19. Starting Thursday, hubby will be off 5 weeks and we'll have made it through this difficult studying phase! Thank God!!! Phew!!!!
    4 points
  20. What Lambert said. And, adding, "Is this the same cream you use yourself".
    4 points
  21. Work is work and most don’t care what your other obligations are . People’s parents are not work’s responsibility. They give you time off for death and that is about it. And you are either sick or you are not. The first three months is for employers to work out if you fit with the team. Not the time to bring issues .
    4 points
  22. No where in your post do you say you love your husband dearly or that you couldn't live without him. To hell with what everyone will think or thinks...IMO that's the depressive mind talking. That shouldn't determine your decision to live where you wish to live and be happy. Get a lawyer, sort out the dept, which he will have to take on anyways because he's the income earner, and just end it. Your daughters are not losing their father, he's still a phone call away. They are grown ass adults, they can get over it. Stop depending on him, and stand on your own two feet. Many women survive jus
    4 points
  23. How is she getting the money to pay the immigration attorney?
    4 points
  24. He has a gut feeling that you are not his life partner. You have to defer to his opinion, since it is the limiting factor.
    4 points
  25. Never mind him, OP. Listen to Wiseman's good advice. Hard-headed cold thinking is needed at this point. Concentrate on yourself, and your child.
    3 points
  26. Do not abandon your house. Let your mother care for the child as much as possible. Start by reviewing the legalities of getting him out. Then research getting a roommate/tenant to defray costs. Then getting childcare/a babysitting group, etc.. Never give in to abusive "I'm going to commit suicide if you leave" extortion. His mental heath is his problem, not yours. Focus on the logistics of exterminating him, childcare and defraying living costs. He will have to pay child support, once he leaves and you file for it. Consider supervised visitation only, considering he's ment
    3 points
  27. I disagree that if a partner waited one or two weeks without replying that you should act upbeat. That's acting like a doormat who will accept this unacceptable treatment. If a person can't properly communicate and iron out issues, going days using the silent treatment, they can't be a healthy partner. Basically they don't care, aren't as into you as you are into them, or have too many mental issues to be a good partner. If you have a pattern of choosing emotionally distant women, take a look at your own self worth. Maybe it needs boosting. I have a feeling your positive outlook until now
    3 points
  28. Op. It has been suggested already that you call a helpline. There is no need to wait. Here is a helpline: https://ncadv.org/resources They will provide you with information. And signpost you to a lawyer. Please do this now. And no one here is being "mean" to you. Just trying to encourage to take action NOW. Please phone those helplines. Or you can key in the words "women's aid" followed by the name of the State where you are located.
    3 points
  29. Because he's an abuser and abusers enjoy inflicting pain. Watching you cry, hearing you beg and declare your love for him no matter how poorly he treats you and no matter what ridiculous demands he makes...all of that is like a drug to men like him. Question is...what's in it for you?
    3 points
  30. I've known one person (a close one at that - actually a relative) who is extremely impulsive. The instant she is uncomfortable with certain subjects, it's either gaslighting tactics all over again or ghost and block immediately. At first, I was hurt, angry, bitter and resentful because this type of abrupt behavior lacks empathy, emotional maturity and emotional intelligence. (Google "emotional intelligence.") After I had some time to think for a while, I've since come to the conclusion that I don't need nor benefit from unacceptable and intolerable people in my life. In my case, we resume
    3 points
  31. Your best bet is to ask some women you trust what you could do to improve yourself and your interactions with the opposite sex. From head to toe, from voice quality to conversation, tell them to give it to you straight. Listen without interrupting or arguing back. Take notes. Then start working on the things one by one. Men who want to get women but aren't being successful should listen to women's thoughts and opinions about self-improvement. You seem willing to work hard but it seems you have just been exerting energy in the wrong direction. Try this approach and see what happens!
    3 points
  32. Don’t tell him you want anything. Just file for it and don’t put yourself in the position of giving him the opportunity to talk you out of or into anything. You already know you don’t have the strength to go up against him emotionally because he always talks you around. So this time just don’t even put yourself in that position. File. And while you’re at it get a restraining order/DVO that covers you and includes your children. I know we seem really harsh and judgmental, but sometimes being tough gives people the shock they need to take off their rose coloured glasses. You can leave him a
    3 points
  33. Jack, be kind to yourself. This man is doing everything humanly possible to sleep with you and not develop deeper feelings. He's not consistent, he wants to see others (doesn't want to be exclusive) and he only hangs out at your place. This is unfortunately everything NSA, no strings attached. He doesn't even have to clean up after you because he doesn't host. What you do: Start engaging with your friends and family. Seek out other support systems and networks. Start getting to know new people and find new experiences. This is hard to start because you'll feel like dragging y
    3 points
  34. Ya I keep thinking I need to do everything to save it ,but all he does is lie and even when I ask him do u want out of this marriage I don't want to fight for something that the other person doesn't even want ,and he said he wanted to save the marriage he was sorry and I was stupid enough to believe him . But I won't put up with this any longer.
    3 points
  35. Cool! So you can go out with your friends as you say you've been doing and keep an eye out for any lovely ladies you might see on your outings.
    3 points
  36. He does not satisfy you with oral (selfish), and he was cheating on you online. Why are you with this guy?
    3 points
  37. Excellent. Ok, give him proper notice and have him move out. He's draining you, playing you and basically just parking his butt there goofing off with his supposed "business". Talk with trusted friends and family. Research legal avenues to exterminate him from your home and your life. He will have to pay child support and you will be free to pursue a decent man.
    3 points
  38. Well, you are in his home, OP. So yes, I think you are asking for too much and have unreasonable expectations. If it's too noisy, either go home or find a quieter place.
    3 points
  39. How long have you been dating? How old is he? It's his place so he can do whatever he wants there. If you have homework, that's your responsibility, not his. If his noise, gaming, etc. was bothering you, can go home. He's also not your tutor. If you are having difficulties, check with your professors, college, etc. and see if there's tutoring available. Next time,go to a library, get a study group together, don't wait until the last minute to complete assignments, see if some advanced students offer tutoring, stay home if you need quiet,etc.
    3 points
  40. My MIL was a complete pain in the butt too. Take the high road and thank her politely.
    3 points
  41. No need to call yourself names. Try to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy. And try to get excited about having your own place! I'm in the process of moving into a place of my own after over 7 months of renting a room from family and I have a list of things I'm going to buy to fix the place up. And I'm vaccinated so I will be exploring the city and sightseeing. I'm excited! Plus...when you're ready (not immediately, of course!) you could meet the right man when you least expect it.
    3 points
  42. Thank you. Looking for a place is my next step and hopefully it will keep my mind off of him so I can focus on me. I really hope this covid situation gets better soon so I can start doing things for myself and meet new people. We'll see when I'm ready to start dating again and hopefully this time I'm not an idiot and I prioritize what I want out of a relationship instead of waiting.
    3 points
  43. Excellent post Cat. The best yet. Operate in the now" Rivoli, try not to overthink, and don't let anyone try to make you believe you are "less than".
    3 points
  44. Before feeling guilty, consider that your parents feign looking 'down' on you about money merely because they are scapegoating you for the fact that they are failures in this area themselves. What better way to deflect self-blame than to project it onto someone else's vulnerability, and of course they know you are vulnerable because they've CREATED that vulnerability in you. So try using every opportunity where you feel lousy about this to flip the table and take your power back. Recognize this as THEIR problem, and you get to decide the degree to which they get to pass it on to you.
    3 points
  45. You have no idea if he’s paying them, you have no idea what his rationale is, and perhaps his expectations for them are different for whatever reason. Your boss is not being unreasonable with you and you stomping your feet saying “but you let them do it!” makes you look very unprofessional, not to mention your teammates won’t like having been thrown under the bus by the new kid who’s been there for five minutes. If you want fair and you want to make the decisions, start working on a plan to be your own boss.
    3 points
  46. Thank you to every single one of you for your reply, I came on here because I wanted a no biased view, I told my sisters about this and they thought it was absolutely ridiculous too and were extremely shocked at how petty it was, but because I keep thinking of what happened over and over and see that still months down the line there’s still this horrible atmosphere,I needed to know from other people who don’t know me what they thought of the situation, and it’s true I’m not going mad, this is absolutely absurd. You are all right, I’m going to post whatever I want and not think abou
    3 points
  47. Agree. Throwing up at weddings is usually due to too much drinking or drugs, not some mysterious disease. It's also important to realize that people don't enter rehab for "mild" substance abuse issues as well as that this most likely won't be the last time. It sounds like your entire family is enabling and in serious denial about how severe her problems are. This pipedream about this guy seems more like a symptom of her dysfunction. This "we're going to run away together over the rainbow and marry" plan has a slim chance of being followed through.
    3 points
  48. I I was wondering more on the lines if he is using. I have known of a couple people (a friend's sister, others) who met someone in rehab or was attracted to someone because of shared dysfunction. The throwing up, nervousness COULD be a disability but it also could be drugs. If she was in rehab btw, does she have any sort of a sponsor or accountability partners? I know at least in AA they discourage new relationships for a time to focus on your sobriety. BTW, how is she paying for this immigration lawyer? There may be practical consequences (not having the money for the lawye
    3 points
  49. Someone isn't "the one" if they don't feel the same way. He isn't "emotionally unavailable", he just decided you two are not a match. That will happen sometimes while dating. There are lots and lots of single men. I'm sure at least a few of them are interesting and a good fit for you.
    3 points
  50. It's unlikely he's being serious with you and this is an fantasy that gets him going. Have you ever wondered why he got a vasectomy in the first place? Most likely to keep him out of trouble because he knows what turns him on. He also has a daddy complex with you and your kids which is odd and a bit incestuous given the age gap. You seem very naive. Please disregard especially if you don't want another child. This topic is only worth going over if it matters to you or if you want another child. Don't agree to something that seems strange/off/uncomfortable to you or totally wrong. I w
    3 points
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